How can I prepare 4 year old son for new baby

Candy - posted on 09/06/2009

my duaghter is six and has definately been the center piece in our lives, she has asked for a sibling for the last two years now, and now that little brother is on the way it is bitter sweet to her, she talks about him excitedly on her own terms, but gets annoyed when people ask her how excited she is. We have made a point to involve her in shopping and decision making, but we also have made shopping trips that were all about her w/o making mention of him or stepping into a baby isle, that way she knows that the rest of her life is not revolving around him. Our biggest problem is she is having a lot of anxiety right now, with just starting first grade, her favorite uncle left for college and baby bro is around the corner she is having tantrums, i work in mental health so i have spoken with friends and concluded that she doesn't know how to express the emotions and feelings that we think may be fear of not know her place and what the true effects and outcome will be so i have begun trying to ease into conversations about when my little sibs were born and the effects it had on me, but the true answers wont come to her so she can understand until he is here. she is the honorary guest of honor at my shower next weekend, i have a gift of a big sister shirt for her to wear and we are going to get pedicures together. We also have decided and made known to the family that Samara is the first visitor to the hospital and when she gets her fill the rest of fam and friends will be allowed to visit.

Sammantha - posted on 09/05/2009

This is my specialty being a mom of 6! It's the best to make your current child a huge part of the baby coming. Let them pick things out for the new baby, let them help set up the baby's new room, talk about the baby a lot to the child & be certain to let them know this is "their" baby and it's their job to help you take good care of the new addition. Get them familiar with their name and always include them in everything once the baby gets here. This way they don't feel left out. You can even get a babydoll and let them practice changing diapers and pretend feeding the baby. It's lots of fun to see how they react and learn. Good luck!

Joy - posted on 09/05/2009

buy him a doll and get him to do things with it when you are with the bub.all ways make special time for him even if it's only in short spurts when bub is sleeping.getting him to help when you bath can be great .hope this helps.

Elizabeth - posted on 09/05/2009

Thanks again, I sure appreciate everyone's help!

Nicky - posted on 08/22/2009

hi my son was 4 when i fell for his sister,staight away i involved him took him out to buy clothes for the baby,took him to scans so he could see on the screen,when we found out that it was a girl he cried cos he was happy he was going to have a sister,he even asked if he could name her Georgia, we did yes but her name is Cerys Georgia,when she was born and i brought her home straight away we got him involved in feeding her,changeing her nappies and so on, Now his a doteing big brother,even tho sometimes she gets on his nerves,like siblings do lol,my son is 6 now and my horror of a daughter is 1,I also let him come to see the midwife with me to listen to the heartbeat and even she got him invovled my holding the machine wot listens to the heartbeat he thought that was pretty cool. when his sister was born she she was a very clever,cos she brought him a presant !!!

plus i let him have a week off from school so he didnt feel like he was being shoved aside,He went back to school a very proud brother.

Lori - posted on 08/18/2009

I agree with what everyone else has said, just keep him as involved as possible. My son was 4.5 when my daughter was born. We had him help with everything from picking out her crib set to giving us suggestions for her name. We took him to a couple dr appts where he could listen to the heartbeat or see the ultrasound. He was at daycare when she was born, but as soon as my husband could, he went to pick him up and brought him directly to the hospital to meet his sister.



At the same time though, we made sure to give him a lot of continued one on one time after she was born, so that he wouldn't feel left out or pushed to the side by the baby.



Jealousy is bound to happen, but just try to remember that it's natural and as long as he's not physically hurting the baby or you, just try to reassure him that what he's feeling is okay.

Alisha - posted on 08/18/2009

I let my daughter be involved in all the visits to the doctor and kept telling her this is your brother and she was cool with the whole thing

Stefanie - posted on 08/17/2009

I also was in the same boat. My son turned 5 two months before I had my youngest. The more involved and important he feels in the process the better things will be. Now my kids are 7 and 2 and my two year old beats up his big brother. It is so funny, but they get along great my oldest loves being a big brother and showing his little brother how to do things and helping to teach him his numbers and ABCs

Nikki - posted on 08/16/2009

ok sounds silly but get a baby doll that does baby things i had a hard time with my second there were 4 years and a day btwn them we didn't really get the older ready for what a baby would do or what i ment to her. there is 3 and a half years btwn my son and the youngest and we knew better we got him a doll that cried and made noises and that would drink a bottle and go to sleep when the bottle was done and he was much more accepting of the baby and helping out was something he was happy to do. my husband didn't like the idea of our son carring around a doll but we found a bot doll and he droped it as soon as there was a real baby in the house. getting him involved will help alot too so he doesn't feel left out.

Samantha - posted on 08/16/2009

get him involved! take him to your doctor visits and let him hear the heart beat and help organise the nursery , read childrens books to him and when baby is kicking let him feel your tummy. help him make big brother decisions on what he could teach baby.

Clare - posted on 08/16/2009

When my son james was 4 i was expecting harry it was a very inportant time for james as he had just started school then i had harry,we bought james a special present from his new brother and made him feel very part of the whole thing,I found giving james jobs made him feel very important and close to his baby brother just little thing's like (please could you get harry a nappie) or helping with feeds when harry went on to bottles.I realy loved this time with my 2 they never argued and you cuddle up with both of them and still have space on your lap for a good book.,james 9 now and harry 4 ENJOY them best of luck.x

Jodi - posted on 08/15/2009

get him envolved with different things like getting the diaper, feeding him, playing with him or here's an example if the baby is crying tell your son your baby is crying go make him feel better. i know it might seem like a little thing to grownups but it means so much to a child.

Elizabeth - posted on 08/15/2009

Thanks everyone for your feedback. All great ideas that I will try to incorporate!
I sure appreciate your help,
Liz

Deena - posted on 08/15/2009

I agree with those that mentioned getting the older child involved in the new baby as much as possible and that can go into the planning of things too. Also, when the new baby arrives, it's nice to give the older child a wrapped gift. My brother and his wife did this when I had my youngest (now 14), and I really think it made my oldest (almost 25) feel good. I never had any problems between the two of them, they were always each other's buddy. No fighting or anything, so I think keeping the oldest one involved is important.

Rebecca Lynn - posted on 08/15/2009

We had our second back in Jan and our Son turned 4 in Feb. What we did was just kept him involved in everything we could. If the baby was kicking he got to feel, if a box of clothing arrived he got to take items from the box and hand to me to fold and put away, he helped me arrange teddies in the crib while we waited for her arrival, helped decorate her room everything. Since she's arrive he's helped me feed her, change her, bath her...anything and everything he was willing to help or do he was allowed.

Catrina - posted on 08/15/2009

I've been through this three times. Only difference is the age. When I was pregnant with my second baby, I didn't know what to do or that I should have even tried to prepare my daughter for the new baby, but after having him I realized that she wanted nothing to do with him at first. After that I learned. When I was pregnant with my third child, I tried showing my belly to the other kids and telling my oldest she was gonna be a big sister and my son that he was gonna be a big brother. I think they were too young to understand though. But by the time I was pregnant with my fourth child, my oldest was almost 4 years old. I told her that I was going to have another baby and that she could help mommy with him. I found that doing something fun with the older child(ren), is a good way to show them that they are not going to be replaced, and that they are still loved. I also agree with Kim, that letting your older child help in getting ready for the baby is a big help to that as well. I think that children will always at first have feelings of being replaced or they may seem like they don't want any part of the new baby, but as long as you are making sure that he knows that he's still just as important to you after the baby being born, then everything will turn out fine. I wish you the best and congrats!! :)

Kim - posted on 08/15/2009

I was in the same boat. Also had a four year old with one on the way. I got my oldest involved as much as possible with getting things ready for the baby to arrive. Stressed how important it was that he was going to be a big brother, helping me get diapers and help with bath time, it really got him excited about the baby coming. And when he did come my son was a HUGE help. I let him pick out outfits for the baby that he liked, shoes ect and asked him what he thought the theme for his room should be. He couldn't wait for the baby to get here. Good luck it will be fine!