How can you protect your child

Krissy - posted on 02/12/2011

if you are talking about a situation where sister(or sis in law) is there too but not disciplining, then it's time for a talk with sis... just be clear, but non-threatening... matter of fact. if that doesn't work, then every time they come over, don't let the kids play unsupervised... have them play right there in the living room with you and don't let the niece in the bedrooms...

Krissy - posted on 02/12/2011

oh, and if she wears something inappropriate to your home, just go get your husbands oversized T-Shirt and let her know she can either go change, wear the T-shirt, or go home. Let her know you love her, but children in your home need to dress like children.

Krissy - posted on 02/12/2011

you can so discipline her in your home... (maybe not spankings)... but I'd make it clear to her that she will obey the rules, submit to your discipline, or she can go home.

I think EVERYTIME she acts up, you discipline... make her sit at the table and WRITE an apology to the person she hurt. If she wont do it, then call mom to pick her up and let her know you are having behavior issues.

Michelle - posted on 02/11/2011

I am so very glad your son is ok...my goodness, it could have been soo much worse. Your niece sounds like mine. I had no bones about letting my niece know that while she is in my home, she will obey ALL the rules in our home. And just like my children, there will be consequences if she cannot obey those rules. She adjusted pretty quickly once she realized I meant business. I would discipline her when it was necessary. She learned real quick that what works with her own mother, will not work with me. She has improved considerably. She still tries pulling stuff every once in a while, but I stand my ground, and she usually readjusts her behaviour. I wish you all the best.

Shana - posted on 02/10/2011

I agree with the my house my rules!!



My niece is only 2 but bashed my 3year old son one day so hard he was scared of her. I made it clear to my husband (its his sister) that I dont care what happens at the other cousins (or in her own home) house it wont happen here. Thankfully he agreed and has made it clear to his sister that his niece (yes even at 2) is expected to follow some order in our house. We also made it clear to my hubbys mother that we would not tolerate that behaviour at our house (we knew that the message would be passed along loud and clear then) - especially since my sister in law and her hubby wouldnt tolerate it from my kids!! (



ooops I should make it clear the day my son was bashed by his cousin, mys siter-in-law WAS present and used excuses like "Oh her other cousins are so rough she doesnt know how to play gentle" or "her father rough-houses her a lot"....my 3year old is the youngest of 4 boys so he can certainly play rough with the best of them too...but clearly my neice went beyond what even he could tolerate...I knew that if I said something to my sister-in-law she would turn it into world war 3 (how dare I pick on her child) that is why I asked my hubby to do it!!



If your sibling is the parent - make it clear to them it needs to stop or else she stops being welcome!! YOUR CHILD SHOULD COME FIRST

Crystal - posted on 02/10/2011

Sorry but I would have to go with the not allowed as some of the others have said. She is obviously the one in charge at her home.



You could start with sitting down and talking to her but it should begin with "Your behavior in my home and towards my family is completely out of line and unacceptable (cite examples). If you cannot behave like a decent human being towards me and my children, you are not to come here again." She's old enough to understand that.



My theory is if you leave your kids at my house, they follow my rules. If not, don't bring them here, either way is fine by me. This is not going to be an easy step and there really is no nice way of saying it to their parents, but I highly doubt you are the first and only one who has had a problem with her behavior. Your silence about it probably just supports their ignorance of it (or refusal to do anything about it).



If you talk to your niece first and it doesn't change, do not hassle with negotiation or bluffing (she's called everyone of them I'm sure anyway), follow through. Then go to the parents and put it out there "your daughter is abusive, dishonest and controlling and I do not want my children subjected to it anymore." She sounds like the female version of The Good Son.

Teresa - posted on 02/10/2011

Your house, your rules. If she can't handle that then she doesn't need to be there.

Sylvia - posted on 02/10/2011

What do you mean, "legally [you] can't" discipline her? It's your house -- you make the rules. I don't see why, if you are the adult in charge, you can't hold her to the same standards of behaviour to which you hold your own kids. Are you saying that if one of your kids had a friend over who was behaving in an unacceptable way, you would feel you were legally prohibited from saying, for example, "we don't allow hitting in this family. If you aren't able to play with [name] without fighting, then it's time to go home"? Or to mediate between your child and a playmate if things got out of hand? Or to tell a visiting child that, say, sliding down the basement stairs on a blanket is against your house rules? (I'm not making that example up, btw -- when I was little, it was a favourite game for my-best-friend-next-door and me, until the time her mom caught us at it.)

If she can't behave appropriately when around your kids, then she shouldn't be around your kids. Why is she at your house exactly? Do you watch her while your sister works, or she just comes over on her own to hang out, or ... ? This makes a difference -- if there's someone else at her house, just send her home! but obviously that's not possible if you've taken responsibility for watching her at certain times.

I would also say, though, that a nine-year-old who lies, steals, and has meltdowns probably has some underlying issues (food allergies? unhappy at home? struggling at school? being bullied at school or in the neighbourhood? health issues? not enough sleep?) that someone needs to look into.

Jessie - posted on 02/08/2011

I have a across the board rule
MY HOUSE MY RULES
and if that isn't ok with the parent then they have the option of not bringing their child over.
It's your job to protect your children
Have you tried having a conversation with your sister?
I know these can be tricky........

Nadia - posted on 02/08/2011

I agree wit the other moms... your house, your rules. If she doesn't like it, she's 9, she doesn't have to come over! She is most definately old enough to undersand consequences and actions and such. Also, I'm not if you've done this but perhaps sit down with her parents and exlain to them your worries. Don't make it seem like they are bad parents (ie she keeps throwing tantrums you need to disipline her!!!) just let them know that there have ben some safety issues (hurting your son by "accident") and you wast wanted them to be aware of how their daughter is acting when she is not at home. hopefully they care enough to repect your concerns... but if not, your house, your rules. if she chooses to disobey, she will get the appropriate punishment.

Erin - posted on 02/07/2011

I am sorry for your situation! This would indeed be very difficult. I agree with everything Stephanie said--GREAT advice and ideas there! When we have other children over, I too lay out the rules. Sometimes I get the "Oh well that's not the way MY mom does it etc etc." but I just say sorry honey this is how it goes at our house so that's the way we're gonna do it! I used to watch my friend's three kids pretty often and apparently she makes separate meals for everyone so they're all satisfied. Well I don't lol. They were upset that I wasn't going to cook 18 different things and I just told them if you're hungry then eat, if not, it's a long time til the next meal! It didn't take them long to stop whining about it and just start eating it instead ha ha. Your house, your rules love. Good luck!

Stephanie - posted on 02/07/2011

She is 9 and completely old enough to take responsibility for her own actions.
Your house your rules. Talk to her. Tell her calmly. I understand that you were upset about him being in his sisters room but this isn't the way we behave in our house. Would you like it if someone had done that to you?
Post the rules. Not just for her but "all the kids." On it post the consequence for these rules. Time out 1min per year for everyone. make sure you include everyone or she will believe she is exclude.
This will lead to a few different scenarios. 1. She'll think she's "too old" for time out and behave. 2. She'll decide that she doesn't want to come over. or 3. She'll misbehave be put in time out then return to option 1-2.
Also offer structured activities. Crafts like friendship bracelets, jewelry kits, plant their own flowers, nitting, painting nails are a big hit with kids this age. It will help distract her and at least put you at ease for a little bit. Plus it will be fun for her and encourage her to stay away from option 2. Just make sure there is limitation to this. For instance they really don't need 50 colors of thread for friendship bracelets. 2 or 3 is fine. Let them and they will use everything you have which will leave nothing for next time.
Hope this helps. If it doesn't and you place your situation on a scale. Your children's health and safety will always be on top even if, in the end, that means she can't come over.

Bonnie - posted on 02/07/2011

Other than not allowing her at your house, if you do allow her to come over, just keep her within eyesight so that way you know she is not getting into trouble or hurting anyone.