How do I control my 15 year old daughter, she hates me and her life because i took her cell phone

[deleted account] ( 12 moms have responded )

My 15 year old daughter had friends over last weekend and they got drunk and didn't ask or talk to us about it. So we took her cell phone away for a week and told her no friends over for a month. Now she says she hates her life and wants to live somewhere else. Please help me!~!!!!!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Theresa - posted on 11/18/2009

74

20

7

You set the rules, outline the consequences, if she chooses to break them, she chooses the consequence. Sounds simple, but it's all in the consistent application.

BTW, my mom (mother of 11) told me once: If your kids don't hate you at some point, you aren't doing your job.

So take heart! She will be better for it in the long run. :)

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

12 Comments

View replies by

Arlene - posted on 11/22/2009

10

24

0

just hold in there. she will come around.they all do this, she is just trying to make yu feel guilty and yes! yu may feel it but don't yu have the right to do what is best for her and she needs to learn from the mistake and she needs to come to yu, not yu going to her.so, hold in there i believe if she has a heart and can get mad about this she will come to her sense and make the right choice. If she knows anyone with a good heart ,they will direct her in the right direction.AND as her parent, yu can speak to someone she looks up to,someone whom yu know has a good heart and want her to grow into a good kid and respect her parents and get them to talk to her. that sometime works. it did for us. also, yu could try couselling or trying to commuicate but keep in mind yu are the boss and yu deserve respect more then her.yu nerd it!

Nilse - posted on 11/22/2009

4

3

2

Yes , she is 15 and you are the mom, THE LAW, the boss, so forget about the phone, as a matter fact, you should take it away for more time, maybe you should consider that, but your problem is not the phone, the issue here is WHAT KIND OF "FRIENDS" SHE HAD, and what are doing, after all that is the big issue, some how you have to find out what is going on, keep an eye on her and her friends, activities, and If I was you, no sleepovers, no late nights, and be tough don bend the discipline or the rules, or something worse can happen, I prefer the hate of my kids, that the empty guilty feeling of loosing them, so HANG in there, harder and when she have a little quiet, nice moment, talk to her, and if she dont listen, dont worry, love her enought that the next time she brake the law, llet her pay the price, even if that means spend the night in jail, trust me , she is going to learn a life lesson,

Loretta - posted on 11/21/2009

2

14

0

First of all your the Mom, not your daughter. She should never at that age ask permission to get drunk. You and her could head for legal troubles. Another thing She won't hate her life for long. Just while she's in trouble w/ you and grounded. They get over it, It's like a teenager wanting there way. Just like toddlers do, the pitch fits, but as long as you stand firm, she will learn what she did was Very wrong. Try having a Mother daughter talk. Letting her know what she done wrong and why you grounded her. Then talk to her about the effects alcohol has on teens and adults. The dangers ( alcohol poison, driving and drinking, health problems. Then let her talk to you on why, she did it. Let her know you will have to earn her trust back. I think the groundment was easy and lite. You are a good Mom, It's just time right now not to be friends to be firm and be a Mom. I hope this helps you out. Please let me know how things go. I will pray for you.

Angie - posted on 11/21/2009

2,621

0

406

Good for you, Mom. Hang in there and be tough. The only other thing I might suggest is that you drug and alcohol test her for while after she is not longer grounded just to make sure she is making wise choices. She needs to understand that she needs to earn your trust back.....

Dianne - posted on 11/21/2009

2

6

0

I don't understand what the phone has to do with drinking and getting drunk. I think she needs more responsibility so she'll stay out of trouble. Does she need the phone? Maybe she should do some volunteer work at a shelter to see what a great life and a loving mom she really has. My son just lost his license, it'll cost him $50. to get it back. He has to find out how to raise $50. Im not handing it over. He's the one that lost it. Same as getting drunk. "why did she want to at a young age" maybe you should sit down and talk to her and ask her if anything is bothering her. Just a thought"

Ashley - posted on 11/19/2009

47

5

6

I was a runaway teenager who took drugs and drank and did all the things parents dread.... my message to you is that you are doing the right thing, you need to punish her, keep her accountable, which my parents did, BUT, and it is a BIG BUT, is that you HAVE TO balance things... you need to make a huge effort to bond with her, do things with her (even if she says she hates it) enjoy moments that have nothing to do with your role a disciplinarian... if she only sees you as the mom setting rules, enforcing rules, then I guarantee she will break those rules... Spent time with her, lots of it, make sure she sees you as not only the person she relates to when she is bad, but as someone she relates to in good times too.....

Darlene - posted on 11/19/2009

2

13

0

i know you're probably really upset but did u try speaking to her at her level..... sometimes being more like her friend helps alot i do this with my daughter and we have a very open relationship not to say she will tell me everything but at least i know alot...

Patricia - posted on 11/18/2009

234

47

48

Lori... for starters yes your 15 year old is still considered a minor by law... and alcohol is not the best way for youngsters to party or socialize with their friends...peer pressure is what you should rule out... as there is a leader in the pack that the youngsters follow... grounding may create more distance and your daughter is your main concern right now... have a talk with her irrespective of her outbursts which are expressed out of anger... do not allow her expressions to consume your role as a parent... feel whats right in the situation but with rational calm talk with her... do not show her that you are offended by the out bursts... just that you think and feel that she has much more to look forward to in life... and ask her the vital question..."what exactly does she want ...to drink ...or the phone... set rules that are not intimidating yet within virtue and morals..that speak to her and not at her...All the best...

Jodi - posted on 11/18/2009

26,460

36

3891

She's 15, of course she hates you.....she would have hated you no matter how you dealt with it, unless you just shrugged and said "whatever" :) I know its tough, but you are absolutely in the right.



My question, however, is how did she get drunk at your house with her friends? Were you not home, or did they sneak in the alcohol, or sneakily get into yours? I wouldn't only be taking her cell phone from her, but making sure you lock up the alcohol in the house, and also grounding her from any extra-curricular activities.

Leslie - posted on 11/18/2009

4

21

0

Hi Lori,
It sucks she is mad, but someday she will understand. Stick to your guns, I think you are doing what is right. :)

Leslie - posted on 11/18/2009

58

12

4

This simple means you are doing your job as a parent I can remember telling my mom the same thing. She always told me she loved me anyway and I was free to feel how ever I chose, but I was her child,her responsibility and would not leave home until i was 18. and I would follow her rules or stay grounded until my 18 birthday. What she did is illegal and you could have had her arrested, instead you love her enough to ground her. I hope you called the other parents as well.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms