How do I get my 6 yr old to listen,not be conniving to his siblings and not have 2 yr old tantrums?

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Toni - posted on 07/23/2009

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Getting a 6 year old to listen is fairly simple, gently take their pretty little face in your hands and make them look at you, reminding them often "look at me, right here, in my eyes" and tell them whatever it is you want them to hear. He will not remember long and the process will have to be repeated many times, but it does teach them to focus on the person talking to them and pays off in time.(this process works with children suffering from Asbergers Syndrome too. As far as the tantrums, put him somewhere you can't hear him and let him go at it, if he is not getting any attention for it the behavior will stop in a few days. The conniving to his siblings, it's gonna happen, at best you can remind him that it is unacceptable behavior and do a time out,or some other consistant punishment for the behavior. The punishment should always be a logical consiquence of the behavior and strong enough for them to remember. for example if people (adults) were only slapped on the hand for assualt, many would run around beating people up every time they got mad. The harsher punishment of high fines and jail time makes most of us think twice before punching someone, the same thing works with children. A whole day with 0 privilages, tv, games, toys, desert, family time, books (except educational ones), should put a damper on the unwanted behavior. And unless you find out you made an error and punished wrongly, never go back on it. Hope this helps.

Lisa - posted on 07/23/2009

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I have to agree that consistency is all you can do. They need to know what the consequence is for doing the wrong thing. Each offense can have a different consequence but the consequences for those offenses can't change. I tell my kids that they KNOW what happens when they do what they do so the only person they have to be mad at is themselves. Most times they get mad at us for handing out the discipline. It will take time........ longer than us parents would like...... but eventually you will see the fruits of your labor. We are still working on all 3 of our kids and they are 11, 10 and 7. Good luck!

Letha - posted on 07/23/2009

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Kim, I had the same problem with my 6 yr old. My advice is consistancy. From the looks of it you seem to have your hands full, I have 3 children all boys ages 7, 4, and 2. What I did with my 6 yr old: Find out what he really enjoys, mine likes the xbox, computer time and staying up late. Each time i mean each time they don't listen or act out towards siblings, i take away his favorite pass time, only for the day. if he acts out from you taking that away, then put it in terms that he will understand. For example, my oldest loves playing Mario Kart Racing, but hates his seatbelt. I had to stop my vehicle one day b/c he got out of his seatbelt and was standing up while the car was in motion. Oh i was so mad, but i had to hide that. I turned around and asked him what happens to mario when he gets run over by a car on the game. he said he gets squashed like a pancake and then pops back alive. I told him well, when you unbuckle your seatbelt and stand up, you might fall out of the car and get ran over like mario only you won't come back to life, you will be dead and squashed like a pancake and mommy and daddy or your brothers will never see you again and we all will be sad. it's harsh but its true. I have had him pinch his younger brother, so i let the lil brother pinch him back just so he knows how it feels. Time out works wonders, and if you put them in time out while they can hear the others playing and having a good time then it hits home for them b/c they want to play too but can't b/c they are in time out. It took me a month to get my oldest to behave, listen and stop lying. I always punished him even for the minor things, which let him know that I wasn't going to put up with that kind of behavior and I was the parent and no matter what I was in charge. Tantrums, those are always fun the worst thing to do is give them attention, walk away seriously, just walk away continue with house work like he's speaking a foreign language and you just don't understand him, my 4yr old loves to tattle, he'll come to me with some story or what have you, i simply say i'm sorry but i don't understand tattling you have to speak to me in a way i can understand you, i do it everytime, and unless someone is really hurt, or bleeding, or is holding knife then it's tattling to me, and i explain that to them for the most part they work out their problems b/c they know that i am not going to deal with it. after every punishment, i explain to them in their own way of learning, that what they did was bad what will happen if it continues, like my 7yr old would push my 4 yr old, i told him that gabe(4yr) could have fell and broke his head open and would die, so malachi (7yr) would understand the cause and effect of the situation. I know this is really long but everyone needs help and examples. malachi's most dreaded punishment, is being sent to his room on his bed with no toys or anything for the rest of the night, i usually save the long punishments for the severe behavior, like leaving the yard to play with a neighbor without asking permission, or hitting his brothers and actually hurting them, xbox forfieture, time out, things like that are saved for lying, tantrums minor stuff. I hope it has helped you and good luck just remember to stay consistant put your foot down and let them know that you are not going to put up with it, always follow up with love and an explaination and keep it at their level with kid terms and things they can relate to remember they aren't adults but it's the only way to train up a child, and the most important thing is that you and your hubby work as a team if thats not there it won't work b/c they know they can go to daddy to get their way or to mommy to get their way, and it's important that you tell the kids that daddy is always right and is special and you should love him and the same for your hubby about you. The key trick is to teach them respect for you and him first, then for themselves and then for each other. Good luck.

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