How do I let my sons know that there is no Santa?

Linette - posted on 01/19/2010

I tell my boys (7 and 10) that Santa only brings presents to kids who believe...and that Santa is part of the magic of Christmas. I have a feeling my 10 year old knows the truth, but it is part of the fun of the season and it allows them to keep some of their innocence.

Glory - posted on 01/18/2010

When I found out there was no Santa...The last thinkf on my mind was my parents lying....

Julia - posted on 01/08/2010

Just have him help you do the Santa thing for the younger ones. He'll keep the secret because he will be the one playing the part of Santa.

Sondra - posted on 01/07/2010

i don't believe that just because kids do not believe in santa that their chirstmas spirit is lost. to begin with, santa is very commercial and although my kids believed up until this year, we have always taught them the true meaning of christmas, and even have a birthday party for jesus complete with ice cream and cake. their christmas spirit, i believe is alive and well.

Francine - posted on 01/06/2010

What exactly is this spirit of Christmas that has everybody lying to their children knowing that they are going to realize one day that you lied?

Francine - posted on 01/06/2010

I can't relate either. None of my 4 children ever believed in Santa because I didn't push it at home. When my oldest were little, we started a tradition of going to the store and them buying things for each other. This year, theolder ones were still asking me when we were going to do the shopping and they are 19, 16, 12 and now 4.

Glory - posted on 01/04/2010

no way...I have five children, from 21 years old down to 7 years old...my third child is 11 year old little girl...last year was the first time questioning...My children still have the Christmas spirit and I really don't want to loose that...My daughter brought her husband last year to spend Christmas with us, he is the youngest out of three..they lost their Christmas spirit years ago, they don't even put up a tree...He was amaized at how excited the kids where when Santa came...My little ones came last year questioning me, telling me that their friends said there is no Santa..I told my kids, that maybe those are the children that where not too good or the children that lost their spirit, and that's why their parents have to go out and buy them their gifts..I also told them that because those kids don't believe in Santa, and there is no Christmas Spirit in their homes, they want to ruin it for the others...I make them write a list and I tell them not to tell me what they wrote..I just pay close attention to them around Christmas time , and is abvious what they want....I make sure I am always home when they are home, so they don't see any shopping done...I guess what I am trying to say is, do what you can to convince your little one on the spirit of Christmas, he is too young to stop believing....Is really sad that they loose the excitement of Christmas day...I remember how I felt as a little girl waiting for Santa to come,is such a great feeling..if you tell the nine year old, he will ruin it for the little ones...I believe that a child's innocense is a wonderful thing...and I as a parent would like to protect that as long as I can...I hear on TV how some parents want to tell the children that Santa does not exist, beacuse they don't want Santa to get credit for the expensive presents they buy their children...my 11 year old daughter had her doubts, but my 10 year old son deffinetaly believes so does my 7 year son...

Stacie - posted on 01/04/2010

Sorry I am getting in on this so late it has been a crazy couple o weeks. My son had the same problem this year BUT we noticed he wasn't happy so we sat down and he said some of the kids at school said Santa wasn't real but he believed he was. The kids started making fun of him so he "LIED" and said he didn't believe so the wheels started moving in his head!! When we told him the truth he thanked us (he is still thanking me) He said he was glad to know because he didn't like to lie to his friends. He also had a BLAST playing Santa for his 2 younger brothers. We now have a little secret between us! :)

Lori - posted on 01/03/2010

My parents never told me that Santa wasn't real. I think it was my decision when I was old enough wether to believe or not. I have a 7 year old daughter, she has come to me and said that some kids at her school say that there isn't a Santa. She is getting the infuence from older kids. I just tell her the same thing my parents told me, "it is fun to believe." Good luck with your choice.

Sondra - posted on 01/03/2010

well, my original idea for my kids was to eventually phase out santa by telling them that santa got them the present they wanted the most, and mom and dad bought the rest, but my hubby had other plans. one day, we just broke the news to them, and they took it well. my nine year old son already suspected it, and my seven year old daughter said that her friends at school told her. so it went fairly well, and they weren't disappointed in the least.

Chanda - posted on 01/02/2010

Quoting Crystal:

How do I let my sons know that there is no Santa?

My 9 year old is talking about how he thinks that my husband and I are really the ones buying gifts and not Santa. I know around this age he should be questioning it, but I am unsure how to actually have the conversation with him that he's right. He also has a 7 year old brother who doesn't question it much, and a 3 year old brother. I don't want him to tell them if they still believe. Any suggestions on how to start the conversation as well as insuring he doesn't tell his brothers if they still believe?

I had this conversation with my daughter when she was 8 and her brothers were 6 and 4. I first told her how smart she was for figuring out who was buying her gifts by herself, but I then asked her how she felt when she believed there was a Santa, and explained that it is very important to let her brothers find out the same way that she found out. I explained that she was a big girl, and her brothers were not as mature as she was, and that telling them there was no Santa would hurt them. I think that letting you son know that he's a big boy and explaining that his brothers still need to believe in Santa well keep him from telling them that there is no such a person. At least that's what worked for my children.

Monica - posted on 01/02/2010

I would love to have that book. If you can find it let us know.

Christine - posted on 01/02/2010

First, I remember the year that I didn't believe...and we went to midnight mass, and when I got back, Santa delivered presents to my house already...the house was locked. And...I know my mom couldn't afford all of those gifts....LOL



Second, there is a book that talks about the meaning of Christmas. I can't remember the title of it...but it talks about how there was a Saint Nicholas, but that he could not go everywhere in one night, so he had the children that are now adults help him....meaning--there is a santa claus, because YOU can keep his spirit alive. LOVE IT. IF I can find the title I will post it here!

Monica - posted on 01/01/2010

I wouldn't tell him anything just let him think that and play along with him. He will found out himself.

Heather - posted on 12/31/2009

My son started asking about whether or not Santa was real when he was 5 because a Jewish classmate told him Santa wasn't real. I told him that some people believe that Santa is real and other don't and that Santa only visits those who believe in Jesus Christ. He's questioned the existance of Santa every year since and I added to it the lessons of St. Nicholas and how some people pretend to be Santa or Santa's helpers because it makes others happy. These last two years I've focused on how St. Nicholas was all about helping others in need, the spirit of giving, and generosity. I connected these with the character traits they learn in school, boy scouts (good deed daily), and his sunday school which has been focusing on good deeds and being thankful. I also make sure that I add that everytime we give someone something we are also acting just like Santa and that there is a little Santa in everyone. Now he's 9 and his sister is 5. Does he know that I'm Santa? Probably...I think next time he asks I might tell him, but by then he'll be 10 and I will treat it like a right of passage and enlist his help. Do what you feel is right for your child. There is a lot of great ideas to help you through it. Merry Christmas!

Beth - posted on 12/31/2009

Don't tell him. They'll come to it in their own time. Confirming it will take away the magic. If he comes to you and is really confident that there is absolutely no Santa what my parent's did with me is to bring me in on the fun of playing Santa. Last year my 10 year old (at the time 9) came to me and told me straight out that he knows I am Santa. So I had him help me with filling stockings and putting the presents under the tree. This way he is a part of the magic and wouldn't tell his younger brothers. This year (at age 10) he didn't help me because he said he kind of believes in Santa still (forgetting last year's helping). So I let him have his magical childhood moment.

Life is harsh enough. If we can hold on to some magic then we should.

Hilary - posted on 12/30/2009

PFFT! Santa is real!!!! I have all 5 of my kids (13, 10, 8 and twin 5 yr olds) that there is a santa! Who cares what your husband thinks they should know about santa!!!! When they are all grown... santa still comes and brings presents.... Tell him to stop Bah Humbuging! LOL! Let the kid believe as long as possible! Its one of the small joys of being a kid!!!! Dont take it away from him!

Kim - posted on 12/30/2009

I remember a friend telling me when I was only in the second grade and I was devestated, but I didn't tell my parents. The next year when I decided that I should tell them, they gently confirmed by suspicions by telling me that I could beleive whatever i wanted, but little girls who didn't believe wouldn't get any presents. I never really knew until I snooped for presents and found it.

Danielle - posted on 12/29/2009

Quoting JESSICA:

I finally sat down with my son this year who turned 9 and told him,because he wanted the TRUTH. I told him that Yes Santa Claus is real and He lived in the Northern Pole Region and He brought toys to kids, but he passed away a very long time ago and yes his gifts do come from us now as we honor his tradition. I told him that I need him to be my special helper from now on and he could help me by not telling his younger sister and to play along until she is old enough. I told him it will be fun to pretend for her. I really think it helped my son take the news better by telling him Yes Santa exists and he was a real person. Also he asked me about flying reindeer and I told him it was a story created by people who saw reindeer jump really high and it made them appear as if they were flying and that's why their are flying reindeer pulling santa's sleigh.

Jessica,

I LOVE IT! This is totally what I am going to use when the time comes!

Mine are 6, 8, and almost 11. Funny thing is the youngest is questioning it rather than the older two. Well not so much questioning it as he thinks Santa only brought him a couple things and the rest came from mom and dad. Where this came from I will never know unless the little sneak found my stash one day.

Sue - posted on 12/29/2009

I went through the same thing. My son is now 11 but for the last couple of years I prepared him by telling him that Santa does check with Mum and Dad prior to Xmas to ensure that the presents being asked for are ok and as soon as a child no longer believes in Santa then the Santa presents stopped. This of course gave me a breather till this year when he did ask if I bought the presents. I told him that yes we did but the important thing at Xmas is to believe in the idea of Santa even if he isn't really alive like he is made out to be, and once again only if you believe in the idea of Santa can you receive Santa presents. I told him that he can't ruin the idea for any other child and he told me that looking forward to Santa bringing presents is something that always made him happy so he wouldn't let his younger sister (5) or cousins (7 & 4) know anything. Hope that helps.

Amy - posted on 12/29/2009

Eventually they get the big picture. Its kind of hard not to when its coming at them from all kinds of media. My son is 5 and believes in Santa but also knows that Mommy and Daddy help Santa out because he is such a busy guy on one day of the year.
I have a girlfriend with 2 boys (10 and 7) and this year the older one told her that he didn't believe but wouldn't spoil it for his brother. She told him "Once you stop believing then you stop receiving" he got the point and didn't spoil it for his younger brother and bought into the whole idea instead of being defiant.

I believe that letting my child know its OK to believe in outside forces keeps them filled with hope and imagination. He thought it was cool that he was being like Santa this year when we bought toys and jammies for less fortunate children this year

Michele - posted on 12/29/2009

I have a 7 and 5 year old, both boys, the older one has been questioning the Santa thing for over a year. It is hard to deal with, he likes to ask his little brother if he really thinks reindeer can fly and how Santa can make it around the world in one night. I love to allow my boys to have a childhood and fun to go with it. I made the decision before they were ever born to have all their Christmas presents except one be from mom and dad and each other. I decided that when they started questioning the whole thing, I would honest with them and let them know it fun tradition to have and this way they got another present. We are not rich but I make sure to donate gifts also to needy children in the area. When we donate these I tell we are being Santa's helpers and they are Santa too. Whenever the older one questions it without his brother around, I explain that Santa is a spirit of giving in generous people's heart and this make us and many others Santa, there is too much work for one person to do by him or herself. This seems to satisfy him and we never really have to go into details. I am hoping to keep the fun going for them for longer before it ends.

Christine - posted on 12/29/2009

I would not tell him anything, He does not have to believe but the others should as long as they want.

MaryEllen - posted on 12/29/2009

I think it's best to let them decide on thier own when to stop believing . I have an 11 year old who says she doesn't believe anymore and a 10 year old how still does. I think they figure it out when they need to there is no magic age but if he really doesn't he also has to understand that others do so keep it to himself.

Carley - posted on 12/28/2009

We've made a personal choice not to lie to our children, so that does include traditional customs. We've told our children right from the beggining that there is no such thing as Santa Clause, Tooth fairy and The Easter Bunny.
We've also made sure they know not to be disrespectful to others who do follow these customs, and not to correct them.
Our children do not miss out on special presents or treats, we just give them to them when we want. Not because we have to.
We reward them for good conduct, and give them special suprises when they least expect it. We are still judged all the time and told we are mean for not telling a "little white lie" such as Santa Clause.
I wouldn't do something illegal or stupid just because everyone else is, and I don't feel bad that I've chosen this path.
My parents constantly lied to me, and I was devestated when I found out the truth. (I've never trusted them from all the lies they told, my siblings have all been affected in conceice and confidence because of lies.)
When your 3 years old and had your privates touched by "Santa Clause" which is quite a common occurance, who is to blame? The sicko in the costume, or the person who told them this person is "good" sit on their lap?!
I'm sorry if my opinion is too harsh, I'm not meaning to offend... I would like people people to understand how I feel also.
Make sure they hear the truth from you, not someone else.. Because always they may loose respect and trust in you... You know your children.
I hope my opinion could be helpful, not hurtful ;)
Have a great day ;)

Helizna - posted on 12/28/2009

What? Santa isn't real?

Rebecca - posted on 12/28/2009

Personally I will never "admit" it. I still think Santa is real and it is one of my fondest memories. While some parents may think leaving out cookies which will be eaten by morning and shaking jingle bells loudly around the time my son is due to wake up is deceptive, I believe it is a gift only I can give my children. My cousin handled it by declaring that anyone who says they don't believe in Santa will get coal in their stocking since it hurts Santa's feelings. Why should he even bother getting them something if they are going to be mean to him?

Cecilia - posted on 12/27/2009

Without the belief of Santa there would be no christmas spirit, as in the story of St. Nicholas bringing gifts and spreading happiness to all. I know how hard it is, with all the imposter santas, as my 11 yr. old calls them. But he has 2 younger brothers and I remind him how unharmful and important it is to keep santas spirit alive. After all that is how we have always celebrated x-mas and I wouldn't want them to celebrate any other way.As your child gets older the point is to teach him how to bring happiness to younger children whose inocent minds allow them to believe in such magical things and show them the fun in the spirit of SANTA

Katrina - posted on 12/27/2009

nobody told me, i worked it out for myself, if i had confronted my parents they would have told me i was being silly so i could keep the dream alive. it is part of childhood having fantasies like snta, tooth fairy and the easter bunny, let him be a child for as long as possible i say. as angie says, keep their innocence for as long as possible, even when they do know they can still pretend they dont know like i did hen i was young, makes it more fun. xxx

Jennifer - posted on 12/26/2009

ok here is what I do when my daughter questioned Santa I told her the real story of Saint Nick and not to tell her younger brother and she agreed and then she stoped questioned it

AMEY - posted on 12/26/2009

P.S. - you can also friend Santa on Facebook! http://www.facebook.com/home#/pages/Sant...

AMEY - posted on 12/26/2009

I have only read a few of the other posts but for my house... ABSOLUTLY there is a Santa! My kids are 11 & 8. The 11 yr-old, I think she knows that the guy in the red suit doesn't really fly around the world every year - BUT there is still a Santa. Its fun to keep the story around at this time of year. You should NOT tell your child that Santa isn't real at this time. If you feel strongly about it, wait until next summer and then bring up the issue. But do NOT say that Santa isn't real because anyone can be Santa. The Salvation Army plays Santa every year for thousands of children, neighbors, church members, and anyone who donates at Christmas or "adopts" a family are also Santa, or in my house, they are Santa's "HELPERS".
The point is for your children to have a happy Christmas and telling a child that there is no Santa is a great way to ruin ANY childs Christmas... You could let your child watch the t.v. show "Yes Virginia, there is a Santa" for more inspirations. I hope this helps you. Merry Christmas!

Amanda - posted on 12/26/2009

I have a cousin who looks like santa he is on my list of friends and my girls thinks they are talking to santa. so i go from their.

Michelle - posted on 12/25/2009

My son was questioning if Santa was real! I sent him to the internet to check on Santa's progress on the Normad as he travelled the world. He asked me to join him and he said, "I think that my friend is wrong about Santa, He is REAL" . What a releif I was not looking forward to the possiblity that Santa's magic was gone. Maybe next year I may not be so lucky... I will then have to tell him the truth.

Petra - posted on 12/25/2009

Our kids , 7 and 5 still believe in Santa and wouldn't tell them anything else.
I too believe that Santa and Christmas is a magic time for kids and if they once will find out there there might not be a Santa at all , I still would not tell them the "truth" .
Our close friends have one son ...he is now 21 Years old....but they told him from day 1 that there is no Santa and that all the gifts come from mum , dada and the family ....today he admits , that he would have loved to believe in Santa as a kid and that it kinda ruined his Christmas every time after he went back to school and all his friends told him what they got from Santa

Lisa - posted on 12/24/2009

Quoting Kalah:

I had the same issue with my 5 yr old son. I took him aside and told him that "there WAS a person named Saint Nick who took toys to the under privileged children on Christmas. But that was a long time ago and we are not under privileged. Your daddy goes to work every day so we can buy you things that you want and Christmas is about giving. And to give to you, your sister and brother is what makes us happy." But i also told him it was a secret and to not tell anybody tell we told him it was ok.

The only problem with this take on "Santa" is if eventually life circumstances force you to be one of the underprivileged and you don't have money for Christmas presents.

I was laid off in January of this year, I am a single parent and my 8 yr. old daughter (I have 4 kids total) has been questioning for  a while. She has two grown siblings that obviously know and play along for her and her 2 yr. old sister. Her father and I had many disagreements about giving her the talk because I know she knows the truth but just doesn't want to admit it. I believe she is manipulating the situation and milking it because she had a $2000 Santa list, for the first time EVER!

He doesn't want to ruin her childhood and innocence by "telling" her the truth but both of us are broke (he's living on disability).

We didn't tell her this year because he was responsible for playing Santa this year, but who knows what next year will bring....

Love - posted on 12/23/2009

it is a tough thing I think when you go along with the fairytale. My son is 6 and I have always told him that there is no Santa, no Easter bunny and no toothfairy. Not to crush him, or to take away the mystique of chilhood. But to arm him always with the truth. In this instance I would probably say you are very clever. Speak with him and let him tell you why he doesnt think that there is a Santa. And at the end of it you can say, you know what you make good points. Do you think there is a Santa, If he says no, then agree with him, okay then there is no Santa. Do you think that your brothers believe in Santa do you think it's okay if they still believe it, or no? Usually older kids dont care. They like to feel that they are smarter and thats enough, they dont have to blow the secret. But if he's a spoiler would it be the worst thing for the younger kids to know the truth and not have to deal with the issue again?

Julie - posted on 12/23/2009

Santa lives in our hearts...even though we don't see him, we know he's there...In my deepest heart of hearts, I think even I still believe and I'm 31 yrs old!! LOL NEVER would I put Jesus and Santa in the same category of importance, but we believe in our home that, just like Jesus, whom we can't see, Santa is there! I know people say we "lie" to our kids, telling them about Santa, but I think the mystery and innocence of it all makes it not a lie. Eventually, if he says, "Mom, I know there's not a Santa.", my belief is that you should just acccept that, tell him it's okay, but to not dampen the excitement of his siblings with the news! I wouldn't start the conversation, just wait for him to bring it up. Good luck to you...I know this is hard!

Amber - posted on 12/23/2009

Funny, my 11 year old son just recently said to me "mom, I know that you're really Santa", and I said oh yeah, hmm, that's kinda sad" he said "why" so I said "Well, once you don't believe in Santa anymore, he starts bringing you socks and underwear."
He knows there is no Santa, but this ensures that he doesn't tell his 3 younger siblings who are 8, 6 and 5. That and it's fun, so fun in fact, that I get a present from Santa every year, just once, nothing fancy, but it's NOT socks and underwear!

Davina - posted on 12/23/2009

My 10 year old is questioning too but I don't remember being told the truth and it didn't do me any harm!!! They will work it out in their own time and we should enjoy it while it lasts :)

Kryss - posted on 12/23/2009

Speaking as a parent who has a 10 yr old and still believes in santa... i will say we focus more on th true meaning...he is more focused on th birth of christ more so than santa but he will say he still believes....well when the time comes i think honesty is the key...there once upon a time was a st. Nicholas.....and start there....its wht i would do, my family has always focused on the birth of christ so it really was never a issue ..even for my sisters kids and my neice and nephew took it pretty easy....

Faye - posted on 12/23/2009

Quoting Steph:

When I was a kid my mom just still laughed and said there was a Santa, and i figured it out on my own and never told the others/ It was just a given. My daughter is asking me about Santa and she is 7. I tell her there IS a Santa, and that I dont' have the money to buy the extra stuff he brings. I will keep saying there is a Santa until she moves out of the house.

Thank you Steph,

My mom was the same way. She *still* says "If you don't believe in Santa, all you'll get for Christmas is underwear!" ... and I'm 36 years old!  :-)

Santa is fun. It's part of the "Christmas magic". As a Catholic family, we always keep Jesus at the center of the Christmas holiday, but there is room for Santa too. Incidentally, my daughter started Catholic school this year and the class celebrated the feast of St. Nicholas eariler this month by putting their shoes in the hall during their rest period. He came and left everyone some chocolate coins, a pencil and an orange. She was thrilled!

Don't stop believing... ever...

Valerie - posted on 12/22/2009

My mom always told us that if we dont believe in santa, he wont bring you any gifts! To this day my mom asks me if I still believe in santa and I say YES!! (31 years old and mother to 3 children) lol !!!!!!

ROBERTA - posted on 12/22/2009

tell him the story about JESUS and explain to him what christmas is really about I had to tell my children and the took it well

Jennifer - posted on 12/22/2009

I would stick to saying that if you don't believe you don't get gifts!

JESSICA - posted on 12/22/2009

I finally sat down with my son this year who turned 9 and told him,because he wanted the TRUTH. I told him that Yes Santa Claus is real and He lived in the Northern Pole Region and He brought toys to kids, but he passed away a very long time ago and yes his gifts do come from us now as we honor his tradition. I told him that I need him to be my special helper from now on and he could help me by not telling his younger sister and to play along until she is old enough. I told him it will be fun to pretend for her. I really think it helped my son take the news better by telling him Yes Santa exists and he was a real person. Also he asked me about flying reindeer and I told him it was a story created by people who saw reindeer jump really high and it made them appear as if they were flying and that's why their are flying reindeer pulling santa's sleigh.

Jessica - posted on 12/22/2009

In this matter, Wikipedia and any major book retailer are your friends. You can sit down with your DS and explain to him the history of Santa Claus (or St, Nicholas) and why some adults carry on his traditions for the younger children. Then you can also look at the different cultural variations of Santa and also discuss the different global customs. Hopefully then your child will learn that its not so much that Santa isnt real, but more that Santa had such a profound impact on so many people when he was alive that really the signature and the stockings are a symbolic rememberance to a man who gave so much to those who needed it the most.
I raised my DS to understand that there really isnt a man with elf friends who flies around one night of the year, but that the spirit of Santa Claus is in all of us. DH and I also emphasize on the good natured giving of the season and that the end of the year is perfect to give thanks, praise and appreciation to those we love.

Claire - posted on 12/22/2009

the other week my sis school teacher told the whole class santa was a myth she is 10 years old and she was kinda thinkin there was no santa but the teacher confermed this she was ok about it but some of the children in her class was really upset by this that they cryed i think it was terrible for a teacher to do this its up to the parents if and when they tell ther childern i think

Steph - posted on 12/22/2009

When I was a kid my mom just still laughed and said there was a Santa, and i figured it out on my own and never told the others/ It was just a given. My daughter is asking me about Santa and she is 7. I tell her there IS a Santa, and that I dont' have the money to buy the extra stuff he brings. I will keep saying there is a Santa until she moves out of the house.

Julie - posted on 12/21/2009

Quoting Denise:

Honesty is honesty and should start day one, not when they are 9 years old

Yes denise honesty is important but so is allowing our children to be children and enjoy themselves thoroughly!!! I only hope that you allowed your children to believe in santa and enjoy themselves!