how do you get an 8 year old to stop talking back?

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Karen - posted on 02/11/2010

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I have an 8 year old boy,he is the same.I have stopped sending him to the stairs,and made him clean his room or clean out the dishwasher,or make tea for me,so then I can tell him how well he has done after it.it sames to be working at the moment.I give him lots of hugs and tell him I love him and I talk to him like a friend,that mines the world to me.I have two girls as well.It's a funny age for a kid,there not a child or and adult there just mixed up and need their mum to hug them and tell them that we all go throught this.good luck,I hope my words help you.

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I have a zero tolerance policy at my house for sassing me and giving me an attitude (and, trust me, I'm actually a really easy-going fun mom, but there are just some things that if you let 'em go, they will get outta hand like weeds, so back talk is one of those things at our house). What works for my daughter is losing priveleges. Like she lost the opportunity to go to a friend's birthday party. I felt bad about it, absolutely, but she was warned and she made the choice to break the rules. She cried & cried, but we talked about it and she knows it was a consquence of her actions. I've really drilled home the message for several years that GOOD behavior gets rewarded but bad behavior has CONSEQUENCES. I always lay it out very clearly so she knows what will happen... and I try my very best to be consistent (because that was something that didn't happen in my home growing up and the consistent thing, in my perspective, was very very important). Be firm, be fair, be consistent.

Tamara - posted on 02/18/2010

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We were having the same thing happen with our son who was six and now is seven. I started using a bowl of beans. When you see good behavior you add beans to a bowl and make sure you let them know why you are adding the beans. When the bowl is full you take them somewhere special to reward them that way they are rewarded for good behaviors. It was amazing how important it became for our son to treat people with kindness:-)

Nicolaza - posted on 02/18/2010

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Ashley, I too was going through this last year. My son turned 9 and he seems to be doing better. Praises and talking to him was the best way I saw an improvement. I keep telling him how proud I am when he behaves like a mature, well manered boy. I have also given him some responsibilities ie taking out the trash, helping me match socks, etc, when he is done, I always make sure to tell him how his help made a difference. It seems to be helping. He even says yes ma'am. So have patience. It will pass.

Elizabeth - posted on 02/18/2010

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Yup, I agree with Karen, thats what I have had to do for my 8 yr old more attention I guess! Good luck, they keep us on our feet eh?!

Michelle - posted on 02/18/2010

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This is a tough one. I'm dealing with it at home also. My daughter was always so polite until she started public schools and started hanging out with some girls with terrible manners and mouths. Makes me crazy. If she talks back with a new issue, then I eplain why it is rude and what she could have said instead. If it's a reoccurring issue, she loses ALL electronic for the day (computer, DS, TV, Movies, Wii, etc). If she gets in trouble again that day, we take the next day also...and so on. That really works for her cause she hates it. Explain ways she could have expressed her thoughts more constructive is important, but oh so tedious. I do it daily, and repeat myself all the time. It's work. Stick with it, be consistent. As parents we got to get control of this issue before the teenage years. Good luck!

~Chelle

Cheri - posted on 02/14/2010

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I have a 5 year old and she does the same thing. I pop her in the mouth and tell her not to talk back its not nice. And then I put her in the timeout chair for 5 mins and shes good after that. But everybody displines differently.

Allison - posted on 02/13/2010

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Depends on what he is talking back about. Is he just being sassy and trying to get a rise out of you? Then why? Maybe he is trying to exert his own independence and have some power in making decisions. Treat him with the same respect you want him to treat you with. Remember kids need t know what is going on to make them feel safe, so try to include them in some of your decision making and planning. As for sassiness, I think the best resource out there is a book called 1-2-3- Magic. It is awesome and REALLY WORKS. If you don't have time to read it, it is also in video format. Most local libraries carry both.

Jessica - posted on 02/13/2010

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I thought about making my son do chores but as I have 4 kids and I'm now a single mum I needed to make chores a part of our daily routine and not about punishment, and besides, my kids love their little jobs! (Lucky me!!)
I do a few things. Sometimes I speak back to him the way he spoke to me and then ask him how he likes it. Sometimes I give him a telling off and sometimes I tell him how much he hurt my feelings, oh and sometimes it's a mixture of the three!
It seems to be working for me, so far.....!

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