how do you help your child deal with kids being mean in school?
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Kim - posted on 04/08/2011
For those that have a child being bullied or doing the bullying...Keep in mind: Most children copy their parents,siblings or other relatives. Watch the parents and children in your child(ren's) class activities, like "Open House night" (at my son's school thats when you buy the school t-shirts, pay homeroom party fee's, etc). Just watch them, usually you can see where the children get their personalities. If not, they could have a older sibling that is bullying them, they are the younger/weaker and can't stop whats going on in the home, so they take control at school. At my son's school can be very political so to speak. If your family is wealthy or the parent is extremely active on the PTA board or in PTA, etc...they tend to be favored openly. His school tries to have a no tolerance on Bullying but they don't see or hear every little thing that goes on. I make sure to ask my son everyday "How was your day" or "How was school today" Even tho we are parents we ultimately are their best choice to confide in. Kids can be cruel even when they really don't realize how they effect others. If we don't protect our children from abuse in the home we aren't being the parents we should be. Same with while they are in school, thats important to point out to your school faculty if for any reason they don't step up and try to help you out when you go to them about any bullying issues!
If you have a child that is the Bullier, have more one on one time, get your child to open up to you about things in their lives that are bother-some to them. It will give them a deeper connection with you and they will start expressing their fears, likes and dislikes more then before, even those that you think tell you everything now will show you they don't. Their self esteem will blossom. Don't force it to the point they shut down on you, just let it be you and them going to the store for one reason or the other, or to help you make cookies, go for a walk...just anything that will give you time to talk and not just hide in their rooms closing themselves away from you and the family. Watch their body language around other family members, how it is when they walk into the school and out. Trying to pretend we have a perfect family doesn't make it that way. Be the best Mom, Dad, you can be! Wishing everyone the best in life!
Carrie - posted on 04/18/2010
thanks for your advice. he has been exposed to bullies since he was three and first started daycare. i understand sometimes it is a development thing when they are small, but its hard to help him understand. he has always been treated like a young adult, talked to that way, and respected that way. he, in turn, treats me the same way. so i will try some of your advice and see if it helps. Thanks.
Mindy - posted on 04/18/2010
Talk with your child teacher and principle. Tell your child to stand up to the bully, and to tell them to leave her alone, find something else to do.
If your child is the bully, and you cannot stop him or her, then they need professional help. It is a known fact that bullies are very insecure, and most children are not born that way. It is not healthy for a child to want to hurt another childs feelings for no reason
Stephanie - posted on 04/17/2010
i tell my girls not to play with people who are mean to them. That they don't need to put up with people like that, but that they still have to be nice and polite and friendly. I tell them to talk to a teacher/yard person if it's really bad.
They have a friend who is nice to one twin and mean to the other one. That makes me sad and angry, because both my girls are good friends and fun to be around. We talked about it, and I told her sister to stand up for her and not play with people who are mean to your family. She told me, the girl isn't mean all the time. but I still don't think that's right or a sign of a good friend. Both girls have been avoiding her and playing with other friends. I'm glad, but I hope the girl figures out that her bad behavior is losing her friends.
i think i just rambled. oops.
Mere - posted on 04/17/2010
My daughter has been at school for 8 months now. She had a taste of bullying/mean kids when she first started school. I gave her the option of dealing with it and giving her that chance of trying to solve it on her own and she still came back home complaining about it. By then the bully was getting away with too much and was certainly proud of it. So what my partner and i did was we went straight to the principal of the school and told her what our problem was and who the bully was and she dealt with it from there. Since then, my daughter aint a target anymore which is good. When the bullying was happening my daughter didn't want to go to school, she lacked in confidence and didn't want to learn. And now, she doesn't want to miss a day.
So, maybe you should talk to your childs teacher or even better go straight to the principal and let them deal with it. My partner and i even thought of going to the parents of this child and letting them aware of whats happening. Its good for the parents to know. If my daughter was a bully at school i would like to know too then i can face the problem and deal with ways of making our childrens school abit more friendier....I hope this helped.
Zatonda - posted on 04/17/2010
I had a major bully probem, I reverse the roles and did what the school wouldn't and took charge and went to my child class to see what the problems was and sat there in class with my child, I knew I could not do this every day so i found the child that was the major problem ,ask the school to set up a meeting with me and the parents, I let the parents know if their child continues picking on my child I would go out my way to see that everyone parent in that school will be notified to keep their child away from that child, after the fear of their child being the out cast I no longer have a problem
Ros - posted on 04/16/2010
My son is called "crybaby" by his school mates and he does tend to respond to frustration and pain with tears. We are still trying to help him deal with it by getting him to think of ways to deal with the taunting (eg turning away, putting up an invisible shield) but nothing has worked fully. Helping your child's self-esteem and keeping talking is probably the thing that has worked best for us. Good luck.
Jessica - posted on 04/16/2010
i would like to know also. im on the other end, my kid is the bully. he is well loved, goes to bed on time, is not spoiled, and has chores. he is just like any other child i know, but he feels it necessary to hurt peoples feelings. he has always had problems with low self esteem we try to raise it by sports and encouragement but it doesnt last long. please tell your child the "bullies" are no better than they are and to stand up for there self! dont let someone control you and hurt your feelings. im sorry your child is going through this, i really wish i could find away to stop children from being bullies including my own. :(