How do you help your child when other kids are beating him up?

Audrey - posted on 11/01/2011 ( 16 moms have responded )

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How do you help your child when other children are beating him up?

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Claire - posted on 11/08/2011

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Hi, i had the same problem but with my daughter, bullies need to be dealt with in a firm way. I went in to the school and actually spoke to the kids involved and warned them that if it continued i would phone their parents, this seemed to have scared them off. This may be the wrong way but i have told my kids that if anyone bully's you and you tell them to stop and they continue to hit you, you make sure you smack them so hard that they never do it again- bully's are insecure and need to wake up and realise that hitting people will result in being hit back- they do not expect this from the one being hit and generally makes them more aware- may be the wrong way but its a wake up call.

America3437 - posted on 11/02/2011

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First thing is to address this with the parents of these children. Maybe they aren't aware of this issue. Then enroll your child in some sort of karate class so that he can understand that fighting back is ok if done the correct way. This will raise his self esteem also. My child was getting picked on and wouldn't fight back cause he didn't want to hurt anyone. I put him in karate and he now understands the difference between fighting and defence!

Kimberly - posted on 11/13/2011

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My son took Tae Kwon Do when he was very young and it taught him the best way to deal with a bully is to be able to defend yourself. Mostly blocking and stepping out of the way. If you are thinking of enrolling your child in martial arts make sure the main focus is self discipline and defence. Kung Fu might be something he would like. Less aggressive

Lynn - posted on 11/06/2011

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I totally agree with going to the school, but if it's not happening at school, they may not want to get involved. I would absolutely talk to the parents, and maybe invite the kids to your house so you can supervise what they're doing. I got my kids into karate about two years ago, and they're blue belts now. My son is ten and my daughter is seven. I want them to be able to stand up for themselves if they're ever bullied, and have the self confidence to resist peer pressure.
I think home schooling should only be considered as an absolute last resort. It's probably much harder to stay disciplined and give your child the good education they deserve, than you realize. I home schooled my step son and he graduated at 16 years old, but I have no intention of doing that with my own kids. (I pulled him out of school only because he was failing everything and it was the only way he could graduate.)

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Jen - posted on 11/14/2011

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my 12 year old has been bullied since he was in 5th grade.i found out about it last year when i read the bully's email to him telling him some nasty words. i wanted to confront him but my son asked me not to. he said the boy might get back at him if i'll do that. i said i won't do anything but he has to promise me that he will do something about it. although he said yes, being a mother, i didn't count on it...i tried to keep a close watch...everything was fine (at least as far as i knew), until earlier this year.

i have been wondering why my son often have absences, especially in the afternoon, i haven't seen him put any spare change in his piggy bank and he keeps asking for extra money. it went on for a month, so i confronted him. he admitted that the same boy, his classmate has been bullying him again. the bully has been taking his lunch money everyday. and if he doesn't give him money or buys him food, he would hurt him. and that he has been taking afternoon absences because he's afraid he'd be beaten up since he no longer has money to give the bully in the afternoon.

i got really mad, especially since i just recenty read the news about the gay teenager who committed suicide because he's been bullied by his schoolmates just because he's gay. the story was he posted his last post on facebook and twitter, he also said goodbye to lady gaga, thanking her for giving him strength to handle everything through the song "born this way". in return, after lady gaga saw the post, he dedicated the song when she perfomed it in one of her conncert.

this got me very emotional. i never thought that my son would be a victim...never have i imagined that this same stuff would affect my son too much that he would rather not go to school just to feel safe. then there's the talking-while-sleeping stuff...he has been sufferring that since the bullying. i was really concerned so i went to the principal's office and told the principal about the whole thing. thankfully, the school made immediate action. the next day after my report, the bullying has stopped. the school also talked to the boy's parents. it turned out the boy was only acting out because his father (a soldier) is deployed somewhere and some issues has been occuring within their family. i sympathized with the boy, and his mother, i said it was ok, but i asked the mom if she can commit on seeing to it that her son would stop with the bullying. she agreed.

everything is well now, although i asked my son not to have any kind of interaction with the boy (just a precaution). when my mom found out about the whole bullying, she got too emotional, then my dad found out, then my brothers. to make the story short, the all got mad and threatened to do something to the boy and his family. being a "prominent" family in our place (that's what people say about us), my family's pride got on the way. and it was not a good thing, it came to a point when they've already asked some people to look up on the boy's family's background...i did everything to stop them. i asked my dad to stop his people on doing anything. i explained to him that he would be doing the same thing that has been done to his grandson. thank god for good graces, my dad understood where i was coming from, and stopped everything that he was planning...

sometimes, it only took some conversation and understanding to come up with a solution for this problem. i realize that the boy also has been struggling with something. he just didn't any clue how to address the problems he's been having. and thought that being cruel is the best way to cover-up the sad stuff that he's been going through. let's admit it, we've been cruel towards something when we're going through something ourselves are we? we just have to reach out to those people (like the bullies) and try to help them out. listen to them. who knows, we might get into their senses (if we're lucky enough).

Katherine - posted on 11/14/2011

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Confront the parents. My daughter was having issues with a boy at school bothering her so i talked to the mom and told her this can not continue and it was stopped.

Richelle - posted on 11/13/2011

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Are they beating him up at school, or on their way to or from school? The school needs to be involved and possibly the police as well. My son was bullied terribly, to the point that we pulled him from the school. Get involved, get the school involved, and don't be afraid to get the superintendent and the police involved as well. Your child's mental health and well being depends on it. Good luck.

Rebecca - posted on 11/11/2011

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Depending on the age of the child teach them basic self defense moves so that if they are attacked first they can use and not get in as much trouble at school. They will see it as self defense.

Audrey - posted on 11/07/2011

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i like that idea of having the kids at my house to supervise it and if it doesn't stop i'll be talking to the parents for sure. i think the idea of karate is a good idea too. i cant homeschool him because i have a disability that affects my thinking and memory so i know he's better off in the school here. they seem to be serious about bullying and had it happened there i would be there every day until they fixed it. he hasn't been around the other boys again yet so until he does i have been trying to express to him that defending himself is completely ok! i never meant for him to allow someone to punch and kick him and not fight back i only wanted to prevent him from starting the fights. his father was an abusive alcoholic and i worried that he would become abusive to so i started telling him that fighting isn't the answer. i am now telling him defending urself is COMPLETELY ok! i hope he heeds this advise. thanks to you both :)

Lori - posted on 11/06/2011

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Please go to the school principal and be your child's advocate. I know it is tempting to go with the "old school" advice to let kids figure it out on their own, but many kids do not have the social skills or ability to navigate bullying or to really know what is appropriate and fair. A child might believe he or she is worthless if other kids tell him that and may think they deserve the bullying. But no kid should be bullied in school. It increases their sense of isolation and is associated with a higher suicide rate. Yes, it is THAT serious. I would not keep my child at a school where they were being bullied for EVEN ONE DAY. If the principal is not ACTIVELY working with you, either get a lawyer and show up at the district office and talk to the district superintendent or go to the school board. If you don't get progress, home school. There are so many free ways to home school and they have very good online programs. My kids go to school and I think going to school is great, but if you cannot afford to move him to a smaller religious or private school where physical abuse and bullying will not be tolerated, and if you can't get help from the school, then home schooling would be a good option. You cannot leave your son, at age 8, in the clutches of cruel kids at school who beat him up. It is absolutely intolerable and you should make it your first and primary priority. Even if you have to take a week off work and sit in the school office every single day, or in the district office with a GIANT SIGN that says "THIS SCHOOL ALLOWS BULLYING!!!!" Or even iof you need to hire a lawyer and scare the pants off the irresponsible administrators of your school. Otherwise, if you are in a position to home school, do that. Do anything that takes your child out of the hands of abusers, even if the abusers are PEERS, it is no less abusive and scary and damaging for him. I have an 8 year old son myself... It would break my heart for him to be bullied even one day, but to be beaten up? I wouldn't have it. Not even for one day. I would be in the grill of everyone involved and I would be camping at the school, switching schools, or home schooling. Please act, nobody else cares as much about your son as you do. Please protect him. He is very young. God Bless.

Audrey - posted on 11/03/2011

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thank you america. that's how he is. i told him about the hitting back if they are kicking him when he's down on the ground and he just wont its not in his nature. idk why, but i love him the way he is. some people are made to fight back and some people just cant. i never could either. the problem was i held it all inside and then i dont want him to just explode someday when he's had too much and cant take it anymore. i like the idea of the karate and to know that defending is different from fighting and that defending is ok. i hope it works. thanks again for understanding :)

Cynthia - posted on 11/02/2011

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i would talk to the parents of the boys. and i would try to encourage him to fight back. i know most moms say no fighting but i believe sometimes there is no better way. i also think these boys believe they are just playing. as sad as that is. tell your boy if they are play fighting it is ok to play fight back. maybe he should not be around these kids if it is bad enough to call beat up.

Audrey - posted on 11/02/2011

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i would except this isn't happening when they are at school. at school they are friendly to him and play with him, but once they are all out at someone's house, they start out whispering to each other and then they jump him. im so worried about why this is happening. he's a good boy and he just wont fight them back. :(

Audrey - posted on 11/01/2011

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I have an 8yr old son in 3rd grade. He is new to the area and he has made a friend, but his friend is joining in with their other friends and beating him up. He wont fight back because he doesn't like to fight. I have no idea how to advise him on this! Please ...help! :(

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