How do you know if your on the right track raising your kids? ex:not too strict, not too easy going

Yazmin - posted on 06/26/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I wish there was something to indicate if your doing a good job (or bad) raising your kids. Here you are making everyday decisions in the best possible way because it's going to affect your kids life forever but, we are humans and we make mistakes. What I have realized is the older they get the harder it is to make those decisions

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Deirdre - posted on 08/01/2009

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When you hear them advising their friends and it is something that you told them. I have 14 year old and 8 year old girls, and my oldest is a good one with that. I sometimes over hear her talking to her friends and she would say" My mom said" and it would always be something positive. I have even heard my 8 year old correct my oldest sometimes.

Monica - posted on 06/29/2009

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I think what tells me the most that I'm doing a good job is that, inspite of the fact that my son gets mad at my husband and I for enforcing rules and consequences, he still hugs us and tells us he loves us on a regular basis. He is only 7, but that really makes me feel like I'm doing something right.

Marcelle - posted on 06/28/2009

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I couldn't agree more with Sara that it is our job to give them tools to handle life. Equally important is to try get / keep them in the right environment. I don't mean this cotton-wooling thing some people do, but making sure they do meet peers, they're going to school where they have an even chance. As much as we can do, there is also their peers and teachers, which makes the tools of life more important.

Good luck, we're all just feeling our way. To me the best feedback is seeing them interacting with a friend of mine the other day they hadn't seen for a while, and seeing them carrying on a relatively sane, understandable, interesting conversation for a period. So much so, the friend said they couldn't see what I had been moaning about earlier, lol.

Sara - posted on 06/27/2009

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One additional note. The fact that you worry enough to ask says a great deal about the type of mother you are. And there are times when no matter what you do, how hard you try, how many approaches you take, they will simply do what they are going to do. I work in law enforcement and I see many things. My job and parenting are very similar. It is our job as parents to provide our kids with as many tools as possible for success. However, it is up the child to learn to open that toolbox and use what they have been given. As they grow we need to try to give them the opportunities to use these tools on their own so that they have the chance to learn how and when to use them as adults. Just a thought.

Sara - posted on 06/27/2009

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I could not agree more. It is stressful and I am sure that for most of us our greatest fear is failing our kids. I will try to keep my advice here simple. Words to live by....Firm Fair and Consistent.

Ruth - posted on 06/26/2009

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Yeah, it's tricky. Like Melissa said, if other mothers are willing to let your child stay over at their house, then that's a good indicator as to whether they're a good kid or not. I suppose other indicators could be, can you take him out and he behaves? Does he get on with other kids and is friends with them? Can he control himself in a difficult/excitable situation? Does he do as you tell him? Well, usually!!!



Unfortunately for us mothers, there's no guide or scale to compare our kids to. I really believe that being fair, firm, controlled and relaxed is the way to go. Kids learn from US and if you can say that you are a person who is kind with good intentions, then our children should follow suit.



My step-son's aunt took my biological son out for the first time the other day and when she brought him back she said, "you've got a smashing (local slang for good/great etc.) little lad there". I thought to myself, "I must be doing an OK job!".



All kids have their moments but as long as the parents are loving and fair, I think the child will never go wrong.

Betty - posted on 06/26/2009

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You are so right! I have an 8 year old son and I am an older mom which I think makes me kind of relaxed on a lot of things that I see other moms getting mad at their kids about. My son is an A and B student, is a joy so I am told to have in class and never gets into trouble at school. What I am finding is you just have to go with HOW YOU FEEL. WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. You will get a lot of other parents saying don't do this, don't do that, do this, do that-but what it boils down to is WHAT YOU FEEL AS A PARENT AN WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOUR CHILD. Hope this helps. I too strugle with this one as my son gets older.

Melissa - posted on 06/26/2009

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One thing that has been great feedback for me is to have my son, he is the only one old enough, stay the night at a friends house. I tell the parent before hand that I would really like some honest feedback on how he behaves as the childs true colors show when the parent is not around. He has stayed the night at 2 different friends house's and I have gotten positive feedback from both parents, one negative comment (he is hyper) but the rest were good.

For the most part, however, there is no way of knowing if you are doing a good job. Sometimes I will talk to my kids and ask them if they think I am mean. They say I yell a lot, but I am not really mean. I know I am not too easy going because I have had others tell me I am too strict with my kids (all kids even the 1 yr old have a chore, we do 2-3 hours of study even during the summer etc...) they tell me I don't allow my kids to be kids. My kids tell me they understand why they have to help out, they just wish they didn't have to do it everyday, so I give them the weekend off. They loooove our summer home learning sessions, they brag to their friends about it. Of course Alex hates it when it involves writing, but you can't win it all.

You just have to try your best, and hope for the best. Talk to your kids, you might be surprised by what they say. Talk about "what if's"....ask what should I do if you skip school? what should I do if you broke a dish? what if you broke it on purpose? find out their idea of discipline.

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