HOW DO YOU RESPONDE TO(I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE)FROM YOUR CHILD?
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Monika - posted on 08/19/2010
I will probably get "Booood" for this one, but here it goes anyway: It is not OK for your child to say "I don't love you!" because it is hurtful. She needs to know that it is what it is, a hurtful thing to say. As a parent, you have to help her label her feelings and emotions. You can do this by saying something like: "You seem very upset, frustrated, angry etc." Tell her its ok to feel all these feelings that sometimes you also feel them. Once you adressed the way your child feels, you need to adress the fact that regardless of how she feels it is not ok to be hurtful, insulting or leshing out by biteing, hiting, kicking. Give her other options to act on her anger, like once she labels it its ok to talk a bout it (respectfully), blow out "candles", deep breathing, punching a pillow or whatever you can think about. Just please don't tell her "Its OK honey, I love you anyway..." It teaches her that she has to take no responsibilities for her actions. For more parenting advice check out "Barbara Coloroso" books or even her DVD on "Parenting Matters". She is entrataining and has some very sound avise about parenting. Oh yeah, and she is an expert !
Kristie - posted on 05/24/2012
my kids 97 and almost 5 tells me sometimes that they dont love me no more. SO I tell them fine I don't love you either, how does that feel. That makes them say they are sorry. They need to learn that what they say can hurt and is not nice at all. I may not like how they act but I can never not love them
Lorena - posted on 08/20/2010
First of all, don't take it personally!!! Children often say things they might think they feel at that moment only to change their mind 10 seconds later. When she says that to you, look at her with no expression...say "I'm sorry you feel that way honey, I know you are upset for (fill in the blank)...you don't have to like me all the time, I love you" and just walk away.
Brandi - posted on 08/17/2010
This is a typical 4-6 year old behavior. It falls under the lines of "I'll be your friend if you........" The first time I heart it , broke my heart. But all I simply said was "Well baby I am sorry to hear that. It hurts mama's feelings when you don't love her, but you know what? I still love you ". After a couple times of hearing that he now repeats stuff like that when a kid at school says "I am not your friend" he turns around and says "well that's okay ..... I am still your friend" LOL
Ashlea - posted on 07/02/2014
My 5 year old has said she didn't love me couple times now and it hurt everytime she said it. But this last time she said that her dad told her she shouldn't love me anymore. When she told me that, it killed me even more. I looked at her and started to tear up and said "I will always love you, with all my heart, forever and always, no matter what!" It kills me that her dad can't be supportive with her loving both of us. But I always tell her no matter what she does and how old she gets I will always love her. I know it will take time before she relizes what's going on but she should always know that we both love her and how bad it hurts to hear those words "I don't love you". I've tried coming back and saying that I don't love you either but it killed me to see her face when I said that. Always try positive reinforcement :) unfortunately, yes, it may take time but they will understand and stop saying because they know deep down they don't mean it.
Erika - posted on 05/27/2012
I say That's OK I love you enough for both of us and always will. now do you want to talk about what's wrong or do you just want a cuddle? then again they are 4 and 6 I will probably just tell them I love them enough for the both of us and give them 10mins or so to calm down when they are olde. little one made me laugh last night as he came to tell me that he does always love me even when he is angry and says he does not love me. I told him that there is nothing he can do or say which will make me stop loving him.
Phyllis - posted on 05/19/2012
I cried. I told her that if she didn't like my personality, she was not alone...alot of people don't like my quirkiness. I told her that myquirkiness is not her fault...I can be moody and a downer. ..that I am glad I got her a Big Sister from Big Sisters of America who had a really nice personality. She hugged me and told me she still loved me but it hurt really bad. I have manic depression
That alone is very scary to anyone, especially my kids
Krystal - posted on 08/22/2010
My girls have told me this a dozen times and usually more than once a day when I make them mad. I tell them that I love them anyway and no matter what they do or say I will always be their mother and I will always love them to the ends of the earth and back. This usually ends up with them crying and saying they are sorry and they didn't mean it but I have found by doing this it diffuses their anger and makes them stop and think about what they have said to me.
Danielle - posted on 08/22/2010
smile , grab them and squeeze and say really i love you!!! or you could go the other route and say i know thats not true and it hurts my feelings that yousay that..and then act sad...they will come around i guarantee it.
Candace - posted on 08/21/2010
When mine say something like that, I tell them that it's ok because I will always love them no matter what. They don't mean it...they're just saying it to try to push your buttons and get a reaction, so don't take it to heart:)
Amanda - posted on 08/20/2010
I agree with the other mothers. I have heard "I hate you" "I don't love you", "I wish you weren’t my mom" all these things do hurt. Especially when it is coming from the mouth of a sweet innocent child you brought into this world (or have taken in). I just tell my kids when they say that "I am sorry you feel that way, but I will all ways love you no matter what. No matter how mad you get at me or how many mean words you say. You are my pride and joy and I am proud of you. You will always be my little precious angel." Nine times out of ten my kids always turn around and say I love you with a big smile on their face.
I have always found it useful to start pointing out the good things that they possess. For instance, my kids are and can be very caring. So I make sure I point that out to them when they are angry. It always cheers them up faster.
Stephanie - posted on 08/20/2010
heh, I've had this happen to me quite a few times when my girls do not get their way!
"oh, but sweetie, hate is not a nice word, and if I were to (not like you), I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have all the things you need or ask for. You're upset, I can hear it in your voice, tell me what is really wrong"
Theresa - posted on 08/19/2010
Just tell them that i love them anyway. Sometimes this makes them madder but they always know that I love them, and they dont love me because i told them NO over something. Generally it doesnt last long and they come tell me in about 20 min that they do love me.
Tanya - posted on 08/19/2010
my daughter is 7 and the min she dont get her own way all ya hear out i hate you mum i wish i was never born stuff like that at fgirst i was very upset wi what she wa sayin but when i started hearin it on a good few occasions i knew that she knew it hurt me so now i respond by sayin yeh you might hate me but i love you, you are my princess and i am so glad you was born she then relised i wasnt gettin mad wiv what she wa sayin t me and its very rare it comes out of her mouth now, it must be hard for her sometimes as she was my only child for 6 years then i had her brother who is now 1 and very very hard work he was quite a poorly baby and has needed a lot of attention been a single mum its quite hard findin that quality time she needs but when we do hae it she loves it then its all hugs and i luv you mum and that is lovely xx
April - posted on 08/19/2010
Just say..."Oh. Well I love you." and let it go. I've heard it so many times it's redundant at this point. And, that is what my counselor suggested and it seems to work great. It leaves the child with very little to retaliate with.
Amanda - posted on 08/19/2010
I say, "well, that's fine. I love you anyway." I've even heard the dreaded "I hate you" and "you're mean." I always say, "That's alright. I love you though" and "Keep doing what you're doing and you'll see what mean really is"
Katie - posted on 08/19/2010
When my kids tell me they dont love me I just kinda ignore that because alot of times ppl say things they dont realy mean. I let them know that I still love them. (usualy they will end up saying "I only love you a lil bit") shortly after.
Robyn - posted on 08/19/2010
I think most Mums will here something like this in their lifetime, but I just say, "Well that makes me sad, but I really love you" and then move right along paying no more attention to the insult. Give it a try, it might work. Good Luck
Dont kids love to test. This is the time to stand strong with the love of yourself and your child and tell her that you love her despite her behaviours. You may not like the way they behave, but it does not stop a mothers love for her child! You can also let her know that these comments hurt your feelings, hence she will understand that parents can also feel "sad" from others comments. Good Luck! Not many parents raise children without those exact words being spoken to them, and I have coached many parents and children who feel guilt from telling their parents they hate them......Best to let it go.
Jennifer - posted on 08/18/2010
Like the other moms said. It is just a way of them expressing that they are upset with you. My 6 year old has told me on occasion that he dont love me or he hates me. I always make sure that I tell him, Im sorry that you are mad at me, but no matter what I will still always love you. He now realizes its hurtful and cries to me minutes later saying that he is sorry and that he loves me. He doesnt say it much anymore, but when he doesnt get his way, he nicely tells me that he is mad at me! And I tell him that its alright and I give him some time alone until he calms down. He always comes and talks to me when hes ready to say hes sorry. He is slowly phasing that anger issue out and the same should happen with your child. Just be strong, and know in time it will pass.
Nyssa - posted on 08/18/2010
Oh, gosh, is tha worse then them saying they hate you? One of mine started saying that at 2yrs old. Made me want to cry, but I know he was only saying it in anger. Only thing you can do is tell them you love them and will always love them.
Beth - posted on 08/18/2010
My response is always along the lines of I understand if that is how you are feeling. Know that it is okay and I still love you. We all have our moments of not liking one another and you've created an environment where your child knows it is safe to share their feelings so accept them, continue to encourage them to talk with you, but reassure that you still love them.
Melanie - posted on 08/17/2010
You leave them alone for a while, and later , aftr she cooled down, go back with some kind of peace offering, sit down and tell her that she is still the centre of your world, and that it hurts you when she says things like that. Give her a huge big bear hug and tell her that you'll keep loving her even if she doesnt feel the same. ( they normally never mean it and its only some kind of frustration that they channal towards you, because you are the closest person to her)
Shauna - posted on 08/17/2010
My 7 yr old son told me that I didn't love him . . . and my response was similar to all the other moms. You just tell them that you love them and give them a hug & a kiss. 10 minutes later they forget they are upset and you're back to being the best mom ever. :-)
Misty - posted on 08/17/2010
Honestly? I shrug it off and tell my son, "That's fine. Saying things like that won't get me to change my mind about (whatever it was that prompted this outburst) and being rude like that to an adult will just get your little behind in more of a sling, young man."
Kids want a reaction, even a negative one, and boy howdy do they love to push limits and buttons.
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