How does one instill confidence in our children?

Claudette - posted on 02/21/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My oldest is in 4th grade and is absolutely brilliant...diligent, works hard, studious, etc. But somehow she doesn't 'believe' it?

I encourage her constantly but she just seems unsure of herself...any thoughts??

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Dove - posted on 02/21/2013

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Too much encouragement can, sometimes, actually have the opposite impact from what we would like it have on them. Acknowledging her efforts and achievements is a good thing, but put the focus on the fact that she is working to her potential without overdoing how brilliant you think she is.

A simple 'Good job. I know you did your best (when you know she did).' is sufficient. Confidence in herself should come in time. Preteen (what she is or will become soon) is such an awkward time for kids. Just let her develop at her own pace. Keep an eye on her self confidence (as lack of self confidence can be a sign of depression and other issues), of course, but don't put TOO much emphasis in it... at least not to her. Let her know that you are proud of her and that she should be proud of how hard she works... and leave it at that.

Those are just the things that popped into my head. I could be way off base. ;)

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Jennifer - posted on 03/02/2013

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I don't know if you found a solution yet, but I thought I could give one more idea. In school they always have classes for children who find it more difficult with thier school work. These classes have diffirent names in every school, ours is Access. Ask the front office if you could speak to that teacher about your child. Teachers who work with these students our very open minded so tell them what problem your having and if your daughter could volenteer with helping those students with school work, hopefully someone her age. If this works out, maybe she'll see what struggling really is to these students. It also teaches to help others and who knows maybe she'll enjoy helping her fellow students. Good luck.

Barb The Bearded - posted on 02/22/2013

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well if u want to make a kid get confidence ! make sure you keep him around bullies and bleach ! the bullies will ruin his life and the bleach will end it, so therefore you need to build your kids willpower, eventually build up his confidence and then destroy the clorox

Shawnn - posted on 02/21/2013

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Nope, Dove's not off base. ;-) "tween" is a hard age, and I don't think anyone "believes" in themselves at that age...I certainly didn't, but came out of it just fine!

Like Dove said, don't overdo. But do be supportive, and continue to reinforce her good qualities.

Lakota - posted on 02/21/2013

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They are going to be unsure about themselves at that age any way - peer pressure to fit in with others, be popular, pretty, etc. She is aware that she awesome. :) Just keep supporting her and loving her.

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