How long should detention be for a six year old at school?

Tamara - posted on 05/09/2012

He's actually in there for eighty minutes and supposedly with a teacher but they go in and out if they are called and needed so I don't warrant that as adequate supervision for the whole time. Everyone I have spoken to who is a parent at the school have all agreed that this is far too long. I haven't yet spoken to the whole school principal about this as at the moment in the new term my son seems to be doing just fine.
I have been almost a parrot in repeating the same thing over and over and I think that it has finally sunk in to the point of something has been started in recognition that both my kids are being bullied at school in different ways and that we are not the only family being victimised here.

The school is implementing a friendly schools friendly families program as a whole school initiative and within my son's class, the teacher is doing the friendly kids friendly classrooms program. It centres on virtues and how to be positive to one another and to build self esteem.

So far, I have had no phone calls from the school saying they are punishing my child for retaliating but he is still having one on one sessions with the school psych about how to behave around other children. I told her straight that my child is not the trickiest in that class and that the whole class would benefit from this. She explained she wants my son to have a head start so that he can feel as if he can contribute some answers. Fair enough as long she has his best interests at heart.

I am letting it simmer for now and won't venture towards asking the teacher just in case she says something negative. This is what the communication book is for and for the past two weeks I have had no communication from her about how my son is going other than academic stuff. No news is good news so they say.

Vivienne - posted on 05/08/2012

Forty minutes is far too long and is he on his own during this time or with a teacher? As a good rule of thumb it should be one minute per year for the age of the child plus five mins so a 6 year old should be 11 mins. Also as this behaviour is out of character for him I would be down the school asking questions as to what provoked this behaviour....you know your own son best.

Tamara - posted on 04/19/2012

Easier said than done I'm afraid. She is only there 3 days a week and is in and out alot of the time catering to other schools also. I was actually going to try doing this myself of course informing the school because I want to know what is going on. Yet I think I have a pretty good idea.



From the conversations that we have been having, my son and I, I have gathered that there is teasing going on - the sort that my son would take offense to yet an adult would think trivial. The kids say glasses are stupid (my son wears glasses) and that trains and tracks are stupid (my son adores all things trains). They now may be saying it so that they can get the reaction because he has reacted and they know they have the power to get him to react now.



So coaching him at home about this in ways that are not aggressive and not reactive as before. I'm training him to use a sterner voice in a lower tone to get the message across and to keep his body still when saying things to them - he tend to rock from side to side with the movement of the words and not look at people when he is talking whilst doing that. The body language has to change for the message to get across.



I'm also coaching him in self control and reminding him that they aren't the boss of his emotions, he is, so he gets to choose the path knowing of course that if he attacks them verbally or physically the consequence will be negative teacher intervention and very likely a yellow card going to him.



Spontaneous role plays at home are helping him to think on his feet alot more although we have quite a way to go. Constant reminding that pushing/ kicking/ hitting hurts my son so it will hurt other kids too - they just won't show it but will cry about it to an adult afterwards.



There is one particular child he doesn't like and who teases so we are focussing on what to do in reaction to this child specifically. I have heard this boy's mother saying to the teacher that the child has already complained about kids teasing and giving him a hard time. I think they do it to each other so none of the boys are innocent.



I also believe that the teachers are confusing the occasional pushing and shoving in the playground with bullying. I believe that the kids in this class need intervention in friendship skills not just my son. I believe that if the psych takes the boys who have been known to be pushing each other around and does a friendship group with them, we may see some improvements.



I'm the kind who has seen this with my daughter and nothing was done to actually help her until last year (year 3) when some kids was sneaky in his attempts to bully IN CLASS! My son is a happy kid, gentle and polite. I really feel that the school have misunderstood the whole thing and have used my son as the scapegoat in the whole situation. To me this is unfair on him and on the other kids who are doing just that to him which he is getting into trouble for. They all need to be assisted in using better play strategies in order to get along in the playground.



We are focussing on the friends we have and building from there with the constant reminder that bullying behaviour is a complete turn off and if he wants to keep his friends he needs to change his tactics to that of a positive person who doesn't hurt others.



He has admitted to me that he has been physical with them so that is the lead I have taken. He shows empathy to animals so he needs to show people the same empathy.



There is alot of work to do but surely by the end of the year we should see a much more positive person in my son in an actual play situation at school. He doesn't exhibit this negative behaviour at home or when visiting so it must be the school environment where he feels the most threatened.



I'm not sure how much the school psych will step in but she has told me herself that what I am doing is excellent and reinforcing the positive play strategies they intend to use with him at school.

Faye - posted on 04/19/2012

I think I would have the school psychologist watch a recess (or two, maybe even three) to see what she sees. Since she is in agreement with you that he is not the aggresser then she can bring it up to the powers that be.

Tamara - posted on 04/18/2012

I absolutely agree 100%. I feel that this is what is happening to my son. One thing I can say though is that I have seen him action using great assertiveness.



Yesterday as we were getting ready to go visit this other school, my daughter was doing something that was annoying to him. He was sitting on the floor and turned to her saying "Please stop." She didn't and continued with another reply from Noah this time saying very firmly but not shouting "I said please stop!" At which a disgruntled sister replied with oh alright then I'll stop.



My next step is to call a list of schools in and around my area (I have twelve). I am going to pretend I'm relocating and I plan to ask them a list of questions regarding their management of behaviour and in particular if they have a yellow card type punishment, how long it is for. Then once I have gathered this information I am going to call our own school and ask them for their policies (which after 6 years of being at the school as a parent I still haven't gotten) on behaviour management so that I can compare and contrast the data. Then I plan to either personally sit down with the principal and state my grievances or write a letter to her (I haven't decided which yet).I can't call any schools until Monday as it is still holiday time for admin staff also.



The truth be told, my son's class is boy heavy with an age range of 5-7 years and multitude of issues problems and intelligence levels. An aid and fellow church member was surprised when she was told that my son was in trouble for aggressive behaviour. She actually named one child (who was on the list of aggressors towards my son) as someone to watch. This child is small, and quiet and you wouldn't think that he wouldn't be the type to hurt even a fly but watch out! He has already been caught fighting and whacked a kid in the face. Unfortunately, he is the principal's nephew and WON'T be the one who is in the firing line from the teachers.



I have been working with my son all holidays and just today have been role playing what to say when they start teasing. I'm coaching him to say things in a calm firm manner and in a way where he sounds bored with what they are trying to do. He's clued in. He knows that being physical will get him into trouble. We've talked about empathy and what it is and how to spot it and when to use it. We've talked about listening and respecting others (including adults). We are covering all the bases in a great attempt to turn over a new leaf and disgard the label he seems to have been given. The major thing we are working to resist is the attempted repetition from the group to get him into trouble because I can see that there is a pattern.



I'm also planning to work with him in terms of rating his day when he does return to school so that I can see where a pattern may lay there. I may even send a separate communication book to the teacher to fill out daily just so that I can chart his progress.



As a parent, I am concerned for the safety of my children. We have been through this before with our daughter but it was much worse and the same teacher did nothing about it. I am determined that this is the end of what could be another disasterous start to compulsory schooling.

Cyndi - posted on 04/17/2012

A good general rule of thumb for time-out year old is one minute per year some may need a little longer,some a little less. If another school is an option (and reality based) consider several options before doing anything rash.

My child child was accused of being a bully because she was large for her age. Time proved she was telling the truth about being bullied. She would tell the teacher who would not believe her. She told us,my daughter and, that with my child's size there was no way those "Cute little Angels would ever pick on someone her size....They would be too afraid of her retaliation" My daughter was a pacifist and about a week later she told again and another child did back her. The "Cute little Angels had a time-out(couple of minutes) and then the bullying got worse. They would hit,kick,pinch,,etc. whenever the adults were not looking of it:

Long and short of it: If you report a bully it may get worse. Defend yourself and you get labeled aggressive. Do nothing and you end up being labeled a coward/wimp.

Tamara - posted on 04/17/2012

I did consider that however, I don't live in a suburban area so it isn't as if I can get to each school within 15minutes from home. I live on a farm stuck in the middle of two towns, one has our current school and the other has this catholic school and another district high (which I would never consider in a million years).



I run the risk of moving my son and having to come back because it is just too hard.



My daughter may be happy this year but even she has said she is still bullied. She has gone through intensive psych therapy last year because they "claimed" she had no social skills when she was being harrassed by the nephew of the deputy principal. She is stronger now because of that but when she tells me these things I consider them as part of the equation.



We had her in week two of term one in year one being surrounded by all the kids in the adventure play area and picking at her and calling her names. We saw the change in behaviour at home because of that. We were the one's who told the school to do something or else we would educate the kids elswhere. They didn't even have a duty teacher in that area!



For all of this time I have had to try and get this school to wake up over the fact that the school admin and staff may "choose respect" but the kids are not. As a parent I have analysed what I do at home in terms of my behaviour and how it would influence them. I have scoured the internet for information on how to help my kids gain better self control at school and to become bully proof. I have done everything I can think of to try and help my kids yet when the school tells me they are helping they don't specify how they are doing it and I don't see the support coming from the teacher.



Just because my child was seen exhibiting bullying behaviour, doesn't mean he was the one instigating this. He has shown signs of being bullied and bullying but where is the research from the school in that?



I have thought about my daughter in this current situation and in the new school and there are pros and cons for both sides.



I have to do more thinking over this. I'm not done yet. She likes the look of the new school and she likes that they can sit near each other and play together at playtimes when at this current school they aren't allowed to associate with the younger siblings.



She has got a great teacher this year but what happens next year? I consider both my kids in this she isn't left out in any way. We won't move (if we end up doing so) until next semester anyway (July) in order to give her the chance to participate in the school play. I totally understand her fears - I moved four times in primary school and no one considered my feelings in this. I had to go with it. I know how that feels.



We have that as an option to just send one.

Amy - posted on 04/17/2012

Tamara you are never going to get away from the "tricky" kids. Personally if I were you I would only consider moving my son. It appears your daughter is happy in her current school even though you don't care for the way they are treating your son you haven't made any case to move your daughter.

Tamara - posted on 04/17/2012

We have just been to see this other school and have made a pro con list. It appears this new school wins out in many areas. The thing we will have to get over is not being able to do wood work but as my son says "We'll get over it." If we were to move then it would be next semester not term 2. This will give us a chance to get school production out of the way and make arrangements regarding piano lessons and bus routes etc.



We seem to be on a positive track, yet let's just see what tomorrow brings. I need some sleep to really get my head around this.



What would you do, send your kids to a school where there were tricky kids and lots of teasing and bullying or send your kids to a school with not alot of teasing/ bullying yet still with tricky kids in your kids' classrooms?

Tamara - posted on 04/16/2012

I have done this on a weekly basis for the final two periods of the day one day a week. This is for his favourite subject woodwork.

He stands away from the boys who he's told me tease him in the playground. He listens well to the teacher - although the aid roared at him whilst outside because he supposedly wasn't listening (I asked her why she did this and got that answer). He pays attention the majority of the time (keeping in mind he is only 6 years old and expecting a child to pay attention all of the time is somewhat unrealistic at this age)



The last time I went to help I had one child from each of the far end tables tell me that no one likes my son. They didn't specify the reasons and I made it clear to them that I would rather positive talk in class about what we are doing in class instead of tattling on our classmates for no reason.



I have also been in the main classroom where I have seen that my child is stuck up the back with only two other children (the children he doesn't like) while the majority of the class are situated on the larger front table. I have observed that he works well with those children even though he reports to me at home that they are mean to him in the playground.



I was a witness to a child's misunderstanding of my son's behaviour whilst helping during a mat session. The main class teacher was out doing individual test work and we had a relief teacher (who was supposed to be on leave) filling in. My son had used proper practises of raising his hand to ask a question, had a brief conversation with the teacher about the answer and then thoughtfully had his chin resting in the crook of his right hand where he moved his hand down in front of him and inadvertaently brushed the back of the child sitting in front. The child's reaction was to give a hurt look, move away and say "He hit me!". Fortunately both the teacher and I saw this and together responded with "It was accidental (child). He didn't do that on purpose."



From my view, my child has been acting very appropriately in class. That day he wanted me to stay and watch him in the playground and was really disappointed when I said I couldn't as I had to go home and do jobs. I expressed my worry to the teacher that he may be experiencing some separation anxiety due to me starting part time work within the previous weeks.



I think that teachers each have individual views of each child and some just don't look at things objectively enough. It is proven by the reports written about the incidences my child supposedly caused.



Today we are going to view the new school we are looking at relocating our children to. I want to find out what they have that could provide my kids with a better school experience than the current one does.



We are now in week 2 of our Easter break and so far we have had no back chat, no defiance, no lack of listening, no teasing, no aggression from our son. I have reviewed my 123 magic parenting practises and where I've fallen off the log, have resumed putting it right. I have downloaded and bought several books on bullying and social skills and am slowly making my way through them. I am working to cover all bases on what my son may lack according to the school so that if and when he is relocated we can reduce any repeat of claims.



It is clear to me that I am being seen by the school as a pedantic parent when simply it comes down to all I want for them is to have a happy school experience. This means for me to feel as though the school is supporting my children in correcting what ever behaviour they exhibit with lucrative and practical aswell as age appropriate measures.



My gut says go. My son is already talking about "his new school" so it appears to me that his gut is saying go also and just because my daughter is having a great teacher this year, doesn't mean it will continue through to next year and beyond. I simply can't let my child stay at a school where her sibling is being harrassed for the next three years. She deserves to have a chance of seeing how it would be if both she and her brother were happy in a safe and caring school environment.



Simply denying that a child in the class has bullying issues is not fair. The deputy during our last conversation stated that there were no "green cards" to say that duty teachers need to be aware that my child could be bullied. Just because they haven't noticed doesn't mean it isn't happening.



Supervision is key. Kids bully when they are unsupervised and by not wanting to see both views is allowing the children to see that the teacher cannot be trusted to believe them. Where is the relationship building in that? There is certainly a missing link somewhere.

Bobbie - posted on 04/16/2012

Go to school and sit in his classes for as long as it takes. This way you can see how he interacts with other students. You will see if he is bossy or aggressive with other kids. Or they are with him.

Tamara - posted on 04/09/2012

The school we currently attend is a public one. I have spoken to the deputy principal and the district office rep but not to the whole school principal. I am in the process of compiling a list of grievances that will ultimately end up as a letter to the principal.



The school I am looking to transfer both children to is a private one and Christian based. My son is ok with moving on but my daughter isn't and I am now looking at how it would affect everything should I keep her at this current school until the end of term and shift my son straight away.



I have gotten to the point where I am exhausted with talking and seeming as though no one will listen.



The deputy claims that they are assisting my child yet will not elaborate on what exactly they are doing.



As a parent, I am reviewing all strategies that I used for discipline at home. I am asking other family members what they see when Noah is in a confrontational situation. My 17 year old nephew says that my daughter teases him and he always says "Please stop" first several times before using physical force.



I believe that my son is genuinely unhappy at this school so the only way to have him change his attitude towards school is to shift him to a more secure environment.



Such a difficult situation to be in and hard to know the right thing to do. I just have to go with my gut.

America3437 - posted on 04/09/2012

Sounds to me like the school should be watching these children on the playground to begin with. When my children were in elementary school I had to drop something off for my older son and as I walked across the school grounds i spotted 2 of mine standing on the wall.I immediatly found the teacher and asked why my kids were in trouble( they disrupted class time by talking) They had been given several warnings so the teacher held most of kids in time out. They were 9&10 and only spent 5 min on the wall. I think 40 min for a six yr old is obsurd! Hell even now as high schoolers detention only lasts lunch!WTF

Laura - posted on 04/09/2012

In regards to your question of how many chances you give the school ... I would say that would depend on how inconvenient it would be to relocate him. If moving him to a new school would be a pain, check out the chain of command in your area. If it is a private school, I would just mention withdrawing your child (loss of revenue!) and see how that is received. If it is a public school, check into the legal issues and who is the authority over that particular school. In the US, the school would answer to a district and it would be simple to check the district policy. Perhaps your school has a similar chain of command. Developmentally that is entirely too long a time-out for such a young child. There must be some sort of grievance policy. You are your son's best advocate! Best of luck as you fight for his rights. ;-)

Tamara - posted on 04/09/2012

The crazy thing about all this is the deputy has admitted to me that the duty teacher doesn't seem to get there before it happens. I feel the school needs to look carefully at how they are manning and where they are manning the play areas because if my child is bullying anyone, he has said so himself, that he is fighting back in retaliation.



Now I am fully aware that this is inappropriate but by not having adequate supervision and by relying on an untrained staff member who needs to track a specific child all the time, they are letting my child down (not to mention the others) be neglecting their legal obligation to keep the children safe.



Should they have adequate playground supervision, then my child would not be in this situation of having signs of bullying and constantly not wanting to go to school because he thinks he will get into trouble.



Timeout when the behaviour is really bad yes. Rubbish duty for not listening to the teacher yes. But time limits need to be in place. It is as simple as that.



There is also such a thing as time out alternatives. Natural consequences have far more effect on teaching a child self discipline than tucking a child away in a room in the admin block for 80 minutes of the day. Psychologists recommend instant discipline not three days later.



How many chances do you give a school to shape up before you ship out?

Laura - posted on 04/08/2012

I am an educator and a mother of 7, 10, and 12 year old children. I think it's way too long for him. He could easily do a reflection sheet and be back outside running off extra energy while there is still recess time left.

Tamara - posted on 04/04/2012

The issue is apparently when playing games during recess, lunch and phys ed is when he acts out apparently. I agree that putting him aside is not doing any good. I have just gotten off the phone from the primary principal where I said very clearly that I have a huge issue with the length of time they are placed in isolation. Apparently they are with a teacher - for forty minutes and go through a reflection sheet where they have to draw a picture of what happened. This is aside from the forty minutes of thinking time and that in itself takes a period of forty minutes. I told her that when my son gets upset he takes himself away to his room where he stays, probably gets distracted with toys and then comes out ten minutes later, says sorry and we talk about what happened after ward.

She made a note of what I've said and told me that the whole school principal would have to make the final decision on any changes.

My son is very aware and switched on about what he does wrong even at home. It is during recess and lunch where he needs the most guidance to switch this behaviour and by isolating him, he isn't learning how to switch his behaviour.

They may have an extra aid out there tracking another child however, while the events are so fresh in everyone's minds, someone needs to be there as a hands on coach for my boy to show him the correct way to do things.

I am also considering getting him referred to the physiotherapist again because he is showing signs on not keeping up with the other kids on the oval. This could be a contributing factor to some frustrations.

Shelly - posted on 04/03/2012

That school needs to seriously reconsider its disciplinary procedures. Making a young child sit that long is extremely counterproductive. Children that age need lots of physical activity, and if your son is having to sit still for all of recess and lunch, he's going to be behaving worse than ever in class. And boys seem to be particularly affected by that.



I know this is different from your situation, but when my son was younger, there would be some days that he would absolutely drive me nuts - not really misbehaving, but being really annoying. It took me some time to realize that this happened on days that we were home all day and hadn't been out. I came to understand that if he didn't get a certain amount of physical activity he just went nuts. Taking a child's recess and lunch time away is a guaranteed recipe for a misbehaving child.

Tamara - posted on 04/03/2012

We have the school psych on board and I spoke with her regarding the time length and she in a round about way agreed that it was too long for a small child and that a year ten student would be able to handle it. My son is not in year ten he is in year one.



I want the school psych to come into the classroom and conduct social skills workshops with them so that all the children can benefit. It is no fun being told by the class that no one likes my son. It upsets me and it upsets them. Yet I feel the teacher has not listened to my case in full and is adamant that he is aggressive. The reports that have been written about each incident have been writting very subjectively. I clarified one such report with the duty teacher and she verbally contradicted the report she wrote about my son.



If my child was aggressive then I would see it. He grunts in frustration when he doesn't get his own way. Maybe this is mistaken for aggression. He is tall and very likely is mistaken for a child much older than his age. We have a class of students aged from 5 -7 and the difference in development is huge. 7 year olds like rules and will tell you when you aren't following the rules. They are the one's who will tend to dob someone in. My 6 year old still likes to win, hates losing and isn't very good just yet a losing gracefully. He does hold grudges that may be behind the reason why he was seen hitting a child in the classroom. He doesn't do it without a reason. It would have been because the child had done or said something to him.



I feel that the attitude towards my child displayed from the teachers isn't showing the children in general how to be accountable for their own actions. They are showing them how to point the finger and blame others and not look at their own actions to see what might have started it.



The school behaviour management policy is not displayed on their website so I cannot know what it is they actually do when managing behaviour. I rang the department yesterday and they said that parents do have the chance to negotiate with the school on managing the behaviour of their child. There has been no conversation coming from the school to indicate they want my input in how to manage my child's behaviour.



I'm reading every book I can get my hands on in order to get the information I am after so that I can help me child cope at school. I believe I am thorough in disciplining my children. They know what no means they have consequences for inappropriate behaviour at home and they are old enough now where they are abiding by the rules. I believe that I am consistent in those rules and consequences laid out.



My son has gone from an "Ok mummy, I can do that" kind of kid to a "I can't mummy. I just can't do it" kind of kid. His level of optimism has been shot!



This is a small country school where there is only one class for my child to be in. No one would be able to move to another class until they moved up a grade. I am looking at ways to control this in the manner of alternative arrangements for my children.I have been associated with this school as a parent for six years now and have become more and more dispondent with their methods as each year has passed. The bullying has to stop. I don't tolerate it and I make sure my children know that it is not tolerated.

Alice - posted on 04/03/2012

Yes, that is too long. My friend who is an elementry teacher said the rule is one minute in time out for each year in age of the young child.. Forty minutes is out of line with the 10 minutes as a rule at other schools as you mentioned. I would talk to the teacher first and tell her about his normal behavior at home and that he is calm and nonaggressive. Ask her to explain in detail what is happening? Does this differ from your child's preception? Agree with you that you help your child learn acceptable options of behavior in responce to whatever is happening to him. Discuss this and ask what the teacher recommends so that you try to have a team effort to resolve this issue. I would state that 40 minutes seems too harsh for a six year old. The issue should not be punishment so much as learning how to resolve the problem. Learning a new behavior. The teacher needs to protect him from whatever he is subjected too that causes his misbehavior........ like being bullied.

If that is not resolved then go the next step and discuss it with the principal.

Also, most schools have a psychologist paid by the school. Maybe they can make an observation and recommendation.

A Mom was so upset because her son kept getting into trouble she got a phycologist to observe the class and see what was happening.This happened at my grandsons school and the phycologist determined that the teacher was not in control of the class. She was not consistant.

They determined that one boy was very aggressive and several boys were influenced by him. They moved the problem child and the other boys calmed down and no more problems.

Good luck. I would hang in there and never be sorry for sticking up fir your child.

Tamara - posted on 04/02/2012

Apparently, he got another yellow card today. We are three days away from the holidays and I think we will be starting early. I can't stand the idea of my son being placed in detention the day after the incident occurred. It just isn't fair.

Bonnie - posted on 04/01/2012

Honestly, I have never heard of a child that young having detention....time outs for one minute times their age or sitting in the quiet corner for a few minutes fine, but never detention.

Tamara - posted on 03/31/2012

Thank you Gabrielle, When the deputy principal explained the amount of time I almost fell off my chair! We are at a District High School meaning it is kindergarten to year 12. Forty minutes would be ample for someone in high school but not someone just beginning their compulsory education.



I checked the school's website and they don't have any policies displayed and neither does the state education department website.



He has shouted at a particular teacher but even a parent would shout at her with the way that she responds and retells what has happened. He has been on the receiving end of her discipline techniques before and just because she happens to be a teacher at this school for decades, she seems to think that she knows my child when it is obvious that she doesn't. Noah has had to tame his tongue because I have said that he needs to show respect to his teachers even if he doesn't like them. I asked a duty teacher (the music teacher) what happened to make him get a yellow card and was he shouting at her as reported. She explained that he wasn't shouting at her as such just trying to explain to the other boys. Yet I was read the report she wrote about the incident and it was a total blame on Noah's part.



Frankly, I am disgusted and am looking at ways to bully proof my child before relocating them both to another school. Being in a rural area though there isn't alot to choose from so the point of fear is there for me as to what is the right decision. All I know is that currently I am experiencing such disappointment with the school that I feel that any school other than this one would be a better choice to have my kids educated.



Noah is under the care of the school psychologist and she agrees with me that he was acting back in retaliation to what the other kids were doing. She doesn't believe that it was a total instigation on his part and that what he has been observing from other kids in the playground, he's been trying that out with out the same result as what was observed. The school pysch is going to see him weekly and work with him but honestly I think this will only prove to be a refresher in alot of instances with him but he will be able to ultimately put in order what works where and why. He has the strategies he just gets confused as to when to use them.



The trouble is that kids change the rules all the time and this is where he would understandably get confused. But to have him placed in timeout or detention for forty minutes at a time is just bordering on child abuse in my book. I'm child care trained and I know the ins and outs of discipline in order to have a child under the age of five know the difference between acceptable behaviour and unacceptable behaviour. I have used these strategies with my own children and have received comments from others saying how well behaved they are.



The school says they are supporting my son in the playground with encouraging him to do the right thing and giving him strategies to use. However, I am yet to hear from Noah himself what the teachers are saying he should do instead of being so called aggressive. As far as I am concerned, confining a small boy in a solitary room for that amount of time during recess is not support.



I am going to ask the pysch her views on time limits concerning small students in detention because I would be interested to know what she thinks the school does. I'd also like to know if she views the time as being adequate which as a person who teaches the Triple P positive parenting program, I can safely say that she may be shocked.



As a parent I should have some right as to the discipline methods used at school but I don't. I just get nasty phone calls asking me what I am going to do about it. The deputy asked me what I would want her to do should Noah get another yellow card. I just told her bluntly that he will not be getting another yellow card ever. Teachers seem to think that this will happen again. If it does my child will no longer be attending that school.

Gabrielle - posted on 03/30/2012

That is very irresponsible and unnecessary treatment of a 6-year old. If they feel he is a bully, he needs to be sent to the school counselor. The counselor should call you about the incident and speak with you and your child, confidentially. It is very possible your child is being bullied, but he gets in trouble because by the time a teacher sees anything it's when he's defending himself the best way a 6-year old knows. 40 minutes is appalling! Schools have bullying policies in place now. I admit I do need to read into them and inform myself of the new policies, but they should definitely include immediate counseling for aggressor and victim, not immediate punishment. Their callous treatment of your son will only create a seed of retaliation against any school employee, because he will disrespect them for what a 6-year old (they are very sensitive around that age) can understand from such a situation. As far as he sees it, he doesn't have a voice and no one cares what he thinks or how he feels. That will cause anyone to feel some anger and frustration. Ten minutes is a reasonable time. Another suggestion is that they get one minute for each year of their age. So, his would be 6 minutes. It's unfortunate that children and the struggles they have are so easily overlooked by the people hired to teach and care for them, because adults know everything, and children know nothing, so it doesn't matter what a child thinks or how they feel because their only job is to do whatever an adult tells them to do. It's scary thinking that a child would do anything and everything every adult tells them to do.