How much to tell a 9 year old about puberty, sex, boys & girls, etc....

Julie - posted on 06/06/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 9 1/2 years old. She has just started asking questions about her body (she has friends developing already). We have always been very open about the correct names of body parts,etc. Just wondering how much do you tell her? I know to only answer what she is asking (don't overwhelm her), but I also know she has some friends from school that have already had the talk with their parents, so I'm not sure if she is getting info from them and just not asking us or ????? I don't want her to get wrong info and I want her to feel comfortable talking to me, but I also don't want to give her info that she is not ready for. We have purchased the American Girl books about your body, friendships, feelings, etc. to help, but any other ideas/info would be appreciated! Thanks!

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Alana - posted on 04/14/2012

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I'm with Samantha. Ask what she and friends have talked about and go from there. My daughter is 8 and has never asked about such. Parents should monitor friends(make sure they aren't too fast), movies, t.v., language and conversations in your home. Telling a little girl that young everything about sex is absolutely wrong! It takes away their innocence, why should they have any thought of sex? They should be busy riding bikes, playing, having fun. If parents are very involved with their children they will know the friends, influences etc. keep it sweet! Only little once! :)

Veta - posted on 09/05/2012

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im a mother of a nine year old daughter who did some exploring on herself lastnight i ask what she was doing she said that she does not what imean by that i don't allow that when that happens im asking other mothers what should i done

Cassie - posted on 06/09/2010

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in stages...just the basics at first like whats going to happen her and why its happening-when she gets a little older tell her more or just ask her-a good time to kinda do the actual sex talk would be middle school age (sadly) the kids are doing it in 6th grade. i wouldn't go in way detail the basic once again and really sit down when she starts dating-if you're open she'll be open diff keep the lines of communication open

Samantha - posted on 04/10/2012

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I would ask her what she already knows from friends and such and take it from there. That way if she has been given wrong info this will be your chance to correct it for her. :-)

Michelle - posted on 07/22/2011

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My kid is now 14, but started asking about sex, where babies came from and everything 8 years ago. When she was 6, we were watching "Look Who's Talking", and you know, in the opening scenes they show fertilization. Thats when the questions started. "Mom, what's that?" (SD gets up, says, "Im outta here!" and hides in the bedroom.) "That's sperm." "What's sperm?" "What daddies give to make a baby." "Mom, what's that?" "That's the mommy's egg. That and the daddy's sperm make a baby." "Where does this happen?" "In the mommy's womb." "What's a womb?" "It's a little room up over the mommy's private." "Oh." End of story. Till "Look Who's Talking Too." "Mommy, if that's the daddys sperm, and that's the mommy's egg, and both make a baby in the mommy's womb...I have just one question (as if). How does the daddy's sperm get in the mommy's womb?" (ZIP! There goes stepdad out the door.) I sigh, and say, "The daddy puts it there." "Oh. How?" "They have sex." "Oh, okay." And that was it until she was 8. Then, "Mom, I know you said that the mom and dad have sex to make a baby. What is sex, exactly?" And I told her what it was. (Not putting it on this forum in case little eyes are reading.) As soon as it was out of my mouth, she raised her hand and said, "Okay, stop. I don't think I'm ready to hear any more." We finally had "the talk" when she was 11. We had all the American Girl books, like you do, and we took those down to the Strand in Galveston near where we live and had lunch at an outdoor restaurant and had a long talk about it. I was very determined to be as open and honest with her about all aspects of her body and sexuality, because my mom was of the mindset, "Married people do it. That's it." If I heard about any other act other than missionary, and I asked her about it...I got, "Nice girls don't do that, so you don't need to know what that is." Thank God I had a best friend who was willing to explain them to me..or I would have been a sitting duck for the first sweet talker that came along.
Just keep an open mind, and don't let your own squeamishness get in the way. I've had one such moment..."Mom, what's an O----m?" THAT one was NO fun to explain..and in the end, I told her, "Your reward for a job well done!"

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[deleted account]

Just answer any questions like your doing and try to hold off for a couple more years. I just had the talk with my 12 yr daughter and 14 yr son

Anisa - posted on 09/23/2011

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my son is 8 and he started asking when he was 7, I try and answer him truthfully, I think its important that they have the right info so they can make the correct decision out in the big wide world, rather they find out the truth from you than get the wrong info elsewhere

[deleted account]

I feel like when the time comes to have that talk with them you need to be direct and maybe take her to a park somewhere where it is just mom and daughter and ask her do you have any questions about ? you know whatever see what she says then always remind her if you need to talk etc I am always here don't feel uncomfortable we should talk about anything you want'' and i feel like if I come off in a sincere manner my daughter personally opens up to me all I tell her is if you ever wanna talk come to me you ever have any questions feel free to ask.Hopefully her openess with me will last well into her teenage years lol Good Luck

Shannon - posted on 06/08/2010

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Considering many girls her age are using tampons and some are having sex...I'd say teaching the mechanics of sex would be appropriate. Many girls her age have pubic hair, masturbate, and are attracted to boys even if it's innocent attraction. These are just the facts folks! You want your child to have CORRECT information from you...not bad information from friends.

Angelica - posted on 06/07/2010

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at 9 years old my mom pulled out "the book". it's a huge medical book, she explained, very much in technical terms, what the womans reproductive system was about and how it all worked. i learned that i would get a perioud and that if i did the wrong things with boys i could have a baby, something that was not ok until i was old enough to live on my own and support it. I also learned that these were special moments spent with someone you really love and not just this weeks boy friend. i did not learn what sex was exactly, but was informed that if anyone ever wanted me to do anything with those areas of my body, or if i chose to myself, it was ok to come talk to mom about it and she would never be mad at me for it. honestly i had asked what it was all for and why were my private spots so private, she gave me everything i asked for in a loving tone, i knew without a shaddow of a doubt if i needed her she was there. thats what i will do for my little girl when she starts asking. i got my 1st perioud a year later, and though i knew it was coming it scared the hell out of me but i yelled for mom and there she was. hope this helps.

Jehan - posted on 06/06/2010

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I'm not really sure myself, because I have two young (under 6) boys. But I do believe that you should talk to your 9 year old about sex before her friends give her false information. I only say that, because my mother refused to talk about any of that with me. I learned everything from my friends and their older sisters way before they taught anything in school. Most of it was inaccurate (I found that out much later). I remember friends saying things like you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex. Was that ever wrong! I don't think you need to jump into lurid details, just make sure that your daughter knows that she can come to you for information and you will make her feel comfortable. Good Luck. I wish I could help you out more

Angelica - posted on 06/07/2010

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at 9 years old my mom pulled out "the book". it's a huge medical book, she explained, very much in technical terms, what the womans reproductive system was about and how it all worked. i learned that i would get a perioud and that if i did the wrong things with boys i could have a baby, something that was not ok until i was old enough to live on my own and support it. I also learned that these were special moments spent with someone you really love and not just this weeks boy friend. i did not learn what sex was exactly, but was informed that if anyone ever wanted me to do anything with those areas of my body, or if i chose to myself, it was ok to come talk to mom about it and she would never be mad at me for it. honestly i had asked what it was all for and why were my private spots so private, she gave me everything i asked for in a loving tone, i knew without a shaddow of a doubt if i needed her she was there. thats what i will do for my little girl when she starts asking. i got my 1st perioud a year later, and though i knew it was coming it scared the hell out of me but i yelled for mom and there she was. hope this helps.

Jehan - posted on 06/06/2010

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I'm not really sure myself, because I have two young (under 6) boys. But I do believe that you should talk to your 9 year old about sex before her friends give her false information. I only say that, because my mother refused to talk about any of that with me. I learned everything from my friends and their older sisters way before they taught anything in school. Most of it was inaccurate (I found that out much later). I remember friends saying things like you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex. Was that ever wrong! I don't think you need to jump into lurid details, just make sure that your daughter knows that she can come to you for information and you will make her feel comfortable. Good Luck. I wish I could help you out more

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