How soon is TOO soon to date??

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 11/06/2010 ( 33 moms have responded )

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Many kids get crushes as early as 1st grade….
And some don’t see the opposite sex in that way until they are teens but for the ones that do….

How early will you LET your son or daughter date…

And what would you truly do if they came home at 9 or 10 saying they liked a boy or a girl who they wanted to date??

Or maybe you will cross that bridge when you get their?

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Lisa - posted on 11/25/2010

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My daughter is 13 and in the 8th grade. She has a "boyfriend" that she texts, talks on the phone and we have met him. He seems like a nice boy and we have also met his parents. She has been able to go to the movies several times but not just with him. They've gone with 2 or 3 other friends.

Liv - posted on 03/24/2014

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My daughter is ten and is dating and her boyfriend has already kissed her on the cheek so I think 14 is too old to not have dated anyone yet and 7 is too young I think 8-13 is the ages kids should start dating

Klara - posted on 11/19/2010

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I honestly think hanging out in groups is the best until the hit high school. My almost 11 yo's teacher had this conversation with the class a week or two ago and was teasing them they needed to wait until they had a license, cuz it just isn't cool having your parents drive you to a date's house or on a date. I think too much time a lone too early is asking for problems you don't need. Just encourage hanging out with groups and having fun if possible. However, I know a classmate of my daughter's that has a different boyfriend she's "dating," every other week. It seems to be a self esteem thing for her, like she has to have a boyfriend to be okay. I think its better to learn to like yourself and have fun with friends. Plenty of time to act like an adult/teen later. Our daughter isn't gonna date until high school. At least not without permission and/or consequences.

Ann - posted on 10/15/2012

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My daughter will not one on one date until she has a driver's license. rule number one be able to get home. My Dad on most occassions required that I drive on the date. Made sense that way I could always call it quits if I needed to and come home. Not the traditional way to date but hey, there were a couple of times I was grateful I could leave.. Her father and I differ, it is a Daddy thing I think, group dates with parents in attendance or like my Mom did sit outside and wait at the movies (found that out when I tried to sneek out) at 11 or so depending on her maturity and who the others are at that time.

Jakki - posted on 11/21/2010

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If my 9 or 10 year old daughter liked a particular boy, we would invite him over for a "play" not for a "date"! We might go to the pool or for a bike ride, or stay home and play chess or whatever, but it certainly wouldn't be called a "date".

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Zebulon - posted on 09/01/2012

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Yea this guys right we dont just have to get love from mums dads and other familys you can get a date on someone you have a crush on :) :)

Christiana - posted on 11/20/2010

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One of my boys came home last year and told me that a girl in his class asked him to marry her. I told him no way in this world. He laughed and told me not now when I grow up. But this year there are three other girls that like him. At one of our school fundraisers one of the mothers told me her daughter is madly in love with him. I figure when he gets older I am going have lots of fun. I'll probably do what my sister tells her kids no dating till 16 years then only in groups till 17 years.

Maricelis - posted on 11/20/2010

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I think that it all depends on your child. Each child is diff, develops differently. And honestly up to a certain age or point a child doesn't even know what "dating" or a bf/gf really is or means and I don think they should be taking it on if they don't. I have 3 boys and I wnt be letting any one of them date until I see that they know, understand and have the maturity level to do so responsibly, be it group dating or not. Becuz let's be real just becuz they are on a "group" date doesn't mean nothing inaapropriate isn't happening.

Sarah - posted on 11/20/2010

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Funny Story! When I was in 6th grade I came home and told my mom I was "going out" (just a term we used to let all our friends know we were boyfriend/ girlfriend, tho we never did anything together) with this certain boy. She said definitely didn't approve and said "where do you think you're going?" I said "nowhere". And she says, "That's right!" I was allowed to date at 16 and that will be the rule for my kids too. They don't need to deal with any of those pressures any sooner than that. However, if they come home from school saying someone is their boyfriend/girlfriend, I'm not going to freak out. It probably just means they like that person and have succeeded in making it mutually acceptable. It's all part of growing up and learning about relationships. There are many aspects of life that children mimic before they experience in order to learn and develop, like playing house.

Becky - posted on 11/20/2010

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Last year, my little girl at 8 came home talking about having a little "boyfriend" at school. I thought it was cute, but we had a discussion about what was ok for GF/BF to do with each other at that age. We talked about the things she sees on TV with Bf's and GF's and that the people on TV were much older than her, so the kissing & hugging she sees was ok for them, but not for my daughter because at 8-9 that is not an appropriate way to behave. Ok behavior would be holding hands, playing at on or the others house outside of school, etc, and group activities like dances at the school or b-day parties.

Lashanda - posted on 11/19/2010

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My child hasn't reached the dating stage yet but he is in kindergarten and he has a different girlfriend every week, let him tell it. I don't make a big deal about it, he is just in kindergarten and his teacher has not told me about any inappropriate behavior towards the little girls in his class. I haven't experienced that yet, but I think every parent should have conversations about the opposite sex with their kids as early as kindergarten, but make sure that it is age appropriate and try to make your child feel comfortable to come talk to you about those type of things. My mom did not allow me to date until I was 16. I could talk to boys on the phone at age 13. It never was a problem with that and I was not sexual active in high school.

Lynn - posted on 11/19/2010

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Mindy, Personally I think you should stand your ground,even more so if your step daughters mother agrees with you.16 year old boys have a far higher expectation from dating than a 13 year old girl is ready for.
This is not something I would budge on,if you,as parents agreed no dating,that means no dating,not an exception by your husband because he likes the kid. Will he like him so much if he puts pressure on her for things she is not legally,morally,emotionally or physically ready for?
If she has already kept him a secret from you,that would tell me there is something to hide,or could be if things continued.
Kids only get one chance to enjoy childhood,they do not need to be dating until they are at least 16. I know someone whose daughter was 'only friends' with a 19 year old at 14 and had a baby at 15. We,as parents need to stick by rules we have set and ensure our children are allowed to be children for as long as possible.
I'd be asking,what does a 16 year old boy need to be doing hanging around an impressionable 13 year old?

Neeshan - posted on 11/18/2010

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i think 11...middle school. just told my 9 year old he's too young to date...and especially a 12 year old girl!

Amalea - posted on 11/18/2010

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Kids having little crushes is very different from dating. Last year my son had his little girlfriend, they were in the first grade, and they just seen each other at school, or at birthday parties. As for kids actually dating, When kids are maybe 12-13, they can go on tagalong dates, where a parent takes them to the movies and stays with them, I dont see that as a bad thing. But as far as relationship dating, Id have to say 16 before they start going without direct adult supervision. Thats just how I feel about it.

Alisha - posted on 11/18/2010

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(I wouldn't ask your child if they want to date, let them bring it up to you because some children won't even think about it at all until high school). I didn't like boys much until I was 15, and even then I was too shy to talk to them. Obviously there will be an age where they may not talk to you about a lot of things, then I would have safe friendships conversation.

Alisha - posted on 11/18/2010

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I won't let my daughter date until she's 18, there is no need for children to date! They have no idea what to look for in a potential partner, they need to be children, they often have unhealthy relationships (ex: spending too much time/energy on a boyfriend/girlfriend and forgetting themselves and their friends), they can get heartbroken becuase those relationships don't last long, and they are not looking to get married so I don't see a need for it. I think that having healthy friendships with boys and girls is totally fine as long as they are well supervised and know what the rules are. Just my opinion, and if my 9 or 10 year old came home wanting to date I would tell them you are a kid and kids should not date. Tell your child they can have friends over like a bonfire or something but there's no need for one on one dating that young.

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My 13 year old daughter is a little boy crazy (well more than a little). I walk a thin tightrope balancing between being like a friend and communicating on her level about boys, friends and such as well as being mom and setting boundaries on these issues. I think the friend approach helps because if I can relate to her and validate her feelings about boys, she opens up and tells me more. At the same time I educate her, tell my experiences, mistakes and let her know my expectations. So far it has worked out, even though it is SCARY as heck!!! As far as the actual dating, I'll allow her to go on a group date now if she asked. As far as going alone, I think 16 is a good age. The communication between parent and child and the child's maturity level is really more important than the actual age... Dating is a good way to practice for future relationships though, and as hard as it is, we do eventually want our babies to grow up and leave the nest and get married. ;-)

Sherri - posted on 11/18/2010

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My kids will not be allowed to date until 16.

We are passed the age of 9 & 10 w/my two oldest and I would have laughed. Since they are never without adult supervision I wouldn't have worried about it in the least.

Amy - posted on 11/17/2010

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I think it depends on the situation. My mom was not allowed to date until 16, thus she passed the same rule on to me. Unbeknownst to her, I was dating a couple of years earlier. I would not allow what an adult would view as a date until high school, but I would allow them to go to school functions and group gatherings in junior high. In the end, it would depend on the situation and the kid in question. If I felt my daughter (who's 11) was ready for a date in her opinion, I might let her go. It depends on the situation.

Kristi - posted on 11/17/2010

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I do have a 9 year old and a 13 year old- they are both WAY TOO YOUNG to date! I told them until they are looking for their future spouse, dating is useless! I started 'dating' when I was 14...and it was kind of young. I was mature, but really, kids that age are too young to get married and they should not be having sex...can't raise a child of their own! So, really...what's the point? I would say 16 is a good age to start dating maybe...if they are really mature, maybe a little younger....but it's the parents' call...i know puberty hits early - my 13 year old going through it now - but he has enough to focus on with school work, church, Taekwondo, etc that he hasn't asked any girls out...when/if he starts really liking someone special, then we will teach him how to treat a girl on a date and be respectful, etc....also, when my 9 year old comes home and said so and so asked her out, etc...I tell her it's ok to tell them, 'no thank you, but I like you as a friend.' Then I reiterate she is not allowed to have a boyfriend....then I make fun of her and say that maybe I should start planning the wedding and then she laughs and doesn't mention it again because she knows it's silly.

Mindy - posted on 11/17/2010

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My 13 year old step-daughter has had "boyfriends" on and off over the years. The only time she's seen them outside of school was at her birthday parties, so it's not like they were actually "dating". She will not be allowed to get in a car and drive off with a boy until she is 16. She knows that is our rule. And so far, she has not asked to go anywhere with a boy so I'm not sure how we'll handle that situation. I remember being dropped off at the movies and picked up by my parents when I was 14 and 15, so that may be something we discuss if the issue arrives. She did briefly have a 16 year old boyfriend about a month ago (right before she turned 13) that she did not tell us about. She told her mother while she was visiting her one weekend and thankfully her mom called her dad because she knew we didn't know about him and she didn't approve of the relationship at all. The boy is 16 and in the 8th grade!!!!! He broke up with her a week later, but they are still friends and he's coming to our house this weekend for her birthday party. I'm not happy about it but my husband wants to meet him. I'd prefer not to encourage the friendship, but he seems to think it's ok. So again, she's not allowed to "date" until she's 16.

Jenn - posted on 11/17/2010

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My son is 11 and has already came home and wanted to know if he could date this girl from school i told him that it was ok for them to like each other and asked him what he knew about dating..turns out he didnt know anything he just thought that it was hanging out and being good friends ..anything more than that and i wouldnt have allowed it..i told him that once he turns 16 he could start to go out but not before then. Thats when i started and i feel that i had a strong enough head on my shoulders to be able to date and my parents had trust. My mom told me that as long as i was honest with them that it was ok but i still had a set of rules i had to follow.Hope this helps .

Maria - posted on 11/16/2010

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There is a difference between infatuation and first love, although oftentimes we tread a fine line. My husband and I are not prude, but we don't believe in early dating... at least, seriously. Although we always talk to our boys, and hopefully, ingrained in their minds, that until they're done with high school, dating is not allowed, and they'll have more time for exclusivity when they get some stability in life, meaning they have a stable job when they're finished with higher education.

Kristen - posted on 11/16/2010

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My 3rd child has had a "boyfriend" since she was 3. She is now 7 and it is still the same boy. They met at church, but we now attend different churches so we rarely see that family. When they do see each other, it is not unusual to see them walking around holding hands. She frequently says other boys are cute, but that one is her boyfriend. Meanwhile, 13 yr old son and 10 yr old daughter have no interest in dating yet. Though that interest may be coming soon, I do not forsee solo dating until at least 16, maybe later.

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My 2nd daughter came home from kindergarten and told me she had a boyfriend. couple of weeks maybe a month right? nope. She kept that same "boyfriend" for 2 years. lol No they didn't "date" but the hung out whenever they could at school and were just really great friends. She is now homeschooled and they miss each other but have agreed to move on for now. However, they still invite each other over to their birthday parties and such for playdates so to speak. As for my older 14 yr old that is a different story. Her father and I are no longer together so we see things totally different. When she is with me she doesn't date and if she wants to do something with a boy we have to know him first, know what is going to go one, where, for how long, who is supervising and no it won't happen otherwise. Her father on the other hand lets her run around and do pretty much whatever she wants as long as she is home by 9om and in bed by 11pm. go figure.
hope this helps.
good luck.

Wendy - posted on 11/16/2010

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I tell my girls who are 7 and 8 that it ok for them to have a boyfriend now but not when your 16..lol I gues we will talk about when they get a little bit older but I am sure we will insist on group dating from 15 to 17 at least

Lynn - posted on 11/15/2010

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That's so hard. My son is one of the youngest 6th graders in his class and some of his friends already have girlfriends! I think 11 -12 is still too young for that stuff. Guess I am glad he isn't at that stage yet. I'd say maybe 9th grade might be okay, but, am not really sure.

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Not sure how I would approach this though my 4 year old says Diego ( from the TV is her boyfriend ) and my oldest is in between that boys r yucky and boys r cute stage. I have told them they couldn't date until they were 20 but I know that won't happen. I guess it would depend on how mature my girls r when they get older and approach me with it. My 9 year old tells me when she thinks a boy is cute but she won't say it in front of her dad. So I have faith that she will come talk to me when she is ready to date.

Wendy - posted on 11/12/2010

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I have 6 children ages 11-25, 4 boys and 3 girls. I have allowed all of the older 5 to group date in the last year of middle school, moving into dating as they were each ready in high school. This has seemed to work great, in fact 2 of the oldest are married to ones that they started dating at 16 or 17. I will continue my same policies with the last 2, who are in 6th and 8th grade. In the end of second semester the 8th grader who will be almost 14 will be allowed to group date.

Cheryl - posted on 11/12/2010

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Put your foot down. They can do the liking at school from afar or as a friend. I don't allow dating until at least 16yrs. old. The temptation and situations make for trouble, and at 16 only in a group until 18yrs. You wont be sorry.

J. Nichole - posted on 11/09/2010

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I have 5 children ages 6-25 four girls, my son is 6. I think it depends on the maturity of the child, I allowed my daughter who is now 16 to date at age 15 a young boy aged 17 only after i met him a few times in our home and after i met his parents in their home,

Angie - posted on 11/08/2010

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I had a "boyfriend" in kindergarten and my parents didn't make a big deal of it. "Dating" is a different story. Even if it is just a new name for a play date, I think it begins a pattern of young dating. If you condone your child "dating" at 9 or 10, when will real dating begin? The age for dating is different for every family. In our home, God, family and school come before anything else - in that order. Our son was allowed to hang out with a group of friends, including girls, at 15 and was allowed to have a real date at 16. It gave him time to mature and to decide what his boundaries are for dating. He is almost 18 and has been dating his first girlfriend for about a month. He set down some solid boundaries for her on their first date: no drinking, no drugs, no sex. That might change but he started the relationship on solid footing.

Sherayna - posted on 11/07/2010

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Lots of kids say that they want to "date", in fact some even have "girlfriends or boyfriends!" In all reality, the best way to handle it is to be completely noncommittal about it, unless it is obvious to you that something may be starting to brew that could be potentially harmful to your child.

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