How to deal with an extremely stubborn 7 year old

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

How do you deal with your stubborn child. My son is 7 and ever since he was about 18 months old he has always had this stubborn streak. I like that he is stubborn to a point. I am hoping that when he gets older his stubborness will keep him from getting into situations he shouldn't because he can sure stand his ground when he wants to. The problem is that it is effecting his learning. I feel he is an extremely smart child (i know i'm a little prejudiced) but when he doesn't want to do something he shuts down and there is no way to get through to him. If you push him when he gets that way it just gets worse. I don't want to break that spirit but I don't know how to get him to understand that sometimes it's ok but other times it's not. Any ideas on how i can get him to get past this so that when the school year begins he won't have this same issue considering he will be having the same teacher again this year as we are repeating the second grade.

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[deleted account]

You might try implementing a reward system. Tell him if he is willing to work on homework withut complaining and fighting it for an entire week he can get a reward. Something that would be important to him like going to the pool, going out to eat or for ice cream, etc... If you are on a tight budget, make it something like a video from the library and popcorn or 30 minutes of your time where you and he do what he wants like a board game.

Jennifer - posted on 06/24/2010

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Has he been evaluated for learning disabilities or placed on the Autistic spectrum? My 5 year old is similar to that and has responded very well to the interventions he's had... It could be his way of dealing with situations that frustrate or overwhelm him, to shut down completely. If he's repeating a grade, the school must realize there is some sort of problem- get them to dig deeper and find out what is going on. On the other hand, why is he going to have the same teacher again when he didn't progress with that person last year? And I'd give him as much choice as you can with very basic ground rules that remain constant. Kids respond to that. If he's being stubborn on a point that really isn't a huge deal ( such as wearing certain clothes) then just don't make a big deal out of it. On other issues ( such as safety issues) make it clear that it is not up for debate. NO yelling required, just state that this is the way it is ... and though it is INCREDIBLY hard to do at times, try and stay calm and not make it into a huge battle. That just feeds the cycle. Good luck! Jenn

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[deleted account]

Thanks jen. I appreciate your response. He is having to repeat with the same teacher due to the fact there is only one second grade in his school so we have no choice in that fact. I try to remember the old rule of pick your battles and we usually do pretty good but his stubborness comes out when we ask him to do something and he doesn't want to do it. Such as school work that he hasn't seen before or doesn't seem to understand. I am working with him here at home this summer so hopefully we won't have the same issues this next year but when it is something he doesn't understand he puts up a fight and then its hard to get him to come back so that he can learn it. I don't think he has any learning disabilities but i am thinking we are going to ask for an IEP when school begins just to make sure.

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