How to get rid of my daughter's disrespecful friend...

Amy - posted on 06/20/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My daughter (I'll call her Jane) is entering the 3rd grade. We moved here at the beginning of the last school year and one of the first girls that she got to know (I'll call her Sue) seemed okay to me at first. Sue invited Jane over to her house almost right away. I was happy she was already making new friends, so I said sure. I got her over there and the house was in pretty bad disrepair, there were animals everywhere, and it smelled, but I talked to both of the parents and they seemed nice, so I grudgingly left her there. I didn't really want her going back over there (they did invite her, but I made an excuse), so I thought I'd invite Sue over to our house. I will not go into detail, but suffice it to say that it took me 3 hours of cleaning after she went home to get my house back to normal (85% of the mess was made by Sue). Not only that, but she did not listen to me, she was disrespectful to me, our home, and our rules. She even told me that if her mom had made her eggs in the morning she would have put cheese on them because "that's the good way to make them." Anyway, I thought, well, that's the end of that and thought that I would just brush her mom off the next couple of times she contacted me and she would get the hint. Nooooo sir. She has called at least 35 times in the last few months. I don't answer anymore because I don't know what to say. When she does leave a message, she is inviting her child to spend the night at my house! I started off making excuses that we were busy, etc., but now I just don't answer the phone at all. My daughter does not like this girl since she is like me--kind of a type A personality--our house is clean, we follow rules, and we are polite. My daughter doesn't enjoy the company of the other girl. It makes her uncomfortable to have someone be so disrespectful of her toys, her family, and her house. I ran into them tonight at a school function and Jane's mother again stood by as her daughter invited herself over and threw a small fit because her mother said, maybe just a playdate and not a sleepover (so apparently the mother knows that things aren't going so swimmingly). What in the world should I do? I don't want to make her too mad as the kids go to the same school. Thanks for any help.

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Enna - posted on 06/20/2013

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The other girl probably has a hard time keeping friends, so that's probably why her mom is being so persistent. I think most parents would have given up after the first couple of times.
If it was me, I wouldn't even agree to public play dates. The little girl might be a brat right now, but she's going to be much worse in a few years if her parents don't do anything about it. Your daughter may see her at school, but if you can try to unobtrusively keep them apart away from school, then hopefully your daughter won't be friends with her. There's no telling what kind of trouble this little girl's going to be later, so I would think it would be better to nip it in the bud now.

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I would agree to a playdate in the park or another public, neutral venue where both you and the mother remain.
This way, you keep the peace, your house doesn't get trashed, and I think your daughter will be comfortable playing here because, as you said, she enjoyed the girl's company at school, but began to dislike her when she visited your home. It is also possible that the mom has no idea the child is being disrespectful, so this will let her see it, or that the child is not as disrespectful when mom is present, so you won't have to deal with it.

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Amy - posted on 06/20/2013

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I tend to agree with your Roxanne. I'm sorry that the other girl has no friends, but I am unwilling to sacrifice my daughter's happiness to appease Sue. My daughter doesn't enjoy the company of Sue and I won't force her on my daughter. You are right, doing something to help out the other little girl could turn to disaster later in life. I don't want to volunteer my daughter to be involved with a troubled little girl. :( Maybe I should just answer the calls and keep saying something like, I'm sorry, I don't think that will work with our schedule and just leave it at that so that I don't run out of specific excuses. Ugh...I feel like a child running from a bully. :(

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