how to teach manners to my 7yr old

Simpu - posted on 03/08/2012 ( 23 moms have responded )

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i need help with my almost 7yr old son , he never listen to us for anything , if we tell him to do things faster in the morning so he wont be late to school he screams , for everything he crys ,never want to do things on his own , we have to keep telling him to finish his work , for every word he back answer ,this affect my 2yr old daughter, pls help , i have no choice left to deal with him

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Louise - posted on 03/08/2012

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It is all in the planning I am afraid. If you are rushed for time in the morning then plan ahead the night before. Make packed lunches and place in the fridge. Have your son take a bath at night so he only needs a face wipe and teeth cleaned in the mornings. Let him choose his clothes the night before and get them out ready. If he is being deliberatley slow then he will have to miss breakfast. He will soon learn to fall into line or he will be hungry!



As for his school work bring into force that homework has to be done before tv or playing everynight and not in the morning. Stick to this rigidly as homework is going to be a big part of his life for a long time.

Elizabeth - posted on 03/08/2012

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To get rid of the whinning and crying ...don't respond and do NOT give in to his demands. Tell him to go to his room until he can speak nicely in a way that you can understand him. If he talks to you while whinning say you cannot understand him because he is crying and whinning and demonstarte how it sounds by whinning to him just once.



then show him how it would sound without whinning.

Elizabeth - posted on 03/08/2012

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Well, I don't know the entire story really because I don't know your child or your parenting style.



However, I do know this...children learn by example more than anything. When you treat your children in a respectful way ..most times they will immitate this behaviour.



(For example...if you use bad words when you are speaking with your child ..they will learn to use them as well)



Perhaps it is time for you to start a chart of some kind..put pictures of each of the things you expect him to do everyday. and then he has to check them off as he does them..or you check them off as they are done.



Is he having jealousy issues over your 2yr old as well?



Is there a lot of screaming from you and your husband in the house because you are frustrated with your behaviour?



If so, try taking the opposite approach whisper. It may not work..but it may just shock him that there isn't any screaming and will take the noise level down in your home.

Kristin - posted on 04/08/2012

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Im having pretty much the same problem with my son who is also 7 and i have a near 3yr old daughter as well so i know exactly where you are coming from my suggestion is bring in a chart with a few things on it like a chore chart mine consists of doing homework nightly, getting dressed each morning by a certain time, making bed, afternoons hanging school clothes up, ect and at the end the end of each every week he gets to order his lunch and $2 if has each one done by the end of the week but at the bottom of his weekly chart he has another chart with things not to do eg not to answer back when asked to do something, not to yell at anyone ect and if any of these bottom ones are marked 4 times each week he doesnt get his lunch order or money and after he gets 4 lunch orders in a row he is allowed to buy something which he wants to the value of $20 & also have a chat to his teacher to find out how he is doing at school because a friend of mine have same problem with her 10yr but he was getting bullied at school which he was taking his anger out at home

Laura - posted on 04/03/2012

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Planning for tomorrow the evening before may be the key to calmer mornings for you all. And not just for him....get your own stuff ready the night before. The picture chart is a good one.



He may feel overwhelmed and 'rushed' in general and may need some undivided attention. Telling him to "finish his work" may sound like Greek to him...but if you sit down with him for awhile while he does the work may help him focus better.



Also, maybe y'all just talk to much. As goofy as that sounds, less words, more action may help him more than anything. Small rewards for competion of tasks may help as well.



Become polite in your home....please, thank you, would you, may I, etc....when the kids hear it from you they will copy it from you. I taught my son 'gentlemanly' manners as a very young child...he held doors for people, took his hat off in the house, etc. He'd meet his grandmother at the bottom of our front stairs and offer his arm on one side while she used the stair rail on the other to make it easier for her.

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Claudette - posted on 04/12/2012

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Incorporate a routine and stick to it...making a chart of some kind will give him a visual of what he needs to do.



Do NOT respond to any whining or crying. Inform him you are not listening to that. You'll talk to him when he can talk like the big boy he is.

Laura - posted on 04/09/2012

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I am so sorry you are dealing with this but the facts are by seven manners should be second nature.

Kerry - posted on 04/05/2012

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im sorry to hear you are having problems with your son i am going through the same with my 7 year old daughter i think its a bit of jeolusley in my daughters case as i have a 4 year old son who behaves fantastic and never does anything wrong to be told off for. i spoke to my daughters teachers and ect and was told the answering back thing is confidence that they have found in them selfs.my daughter screams stomps throws tandrums and to be honest as much as i love her she just aint nice to be around if you get any advice id be gratfull for some advice lol x

Bree - posted on 04/02/2012

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Children need to have a healthy fear of their parents! My son is not terrified of me by any means, but he knows not to push me. I'll rip every toy out of his room, or his television, or his video games and computer. I've got no problem doing it, and he knows this. We also have a lot of fun together, and above all I don't talk down to him. I've always explained things to him. Not because I have to explain myself to him, but so that he understands why certain things are important.



I know every child is different, the same approach certainly does not work for every child. I'd start by taking away things that he really enjoys for bad behavior, and small rewards for displaying correct behavior. I don't care what anyone says, bribery works! Do not give into crying and screaming, I know that is easier said than done, but when you give in you are just showing him that's how to get his way. I know you can't ignore him when you're trying to get him to school, but there are plenty of situations when you can. I would not even acknowledge that kind of behavior. Don't give him any attention until he calms down and can speak to you properly. Try to get him to talk about it. If you can get him to explain his reasons for these reactions he's going to be able to grasp your reasons for disapproving of them.

Sandra - posted on 03/21/2012

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i see you mentioned your son watches tv my 4yr old suffered with ear infections as a baby i took im to a hearing specialist as i was worried about his behaviour i hadnt realised he had problems with his ears before that i was worried about his aggression issues the specialist was an 80yr old nun and she asked if he watched much tv i said yes so she said to cut down to 1hr a day it was hard for the first day or so but i stuck it out and believe me the difference in his behaviour was unbelievable we have a trampoline that was used all summer it gets their frustrations out and their brain stimulated and he played with his toys all day something he hadent done much of before try it and see if u notice a change...

Sandra - posted on 03/21/2012

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i have an 8yr old daughter and we go through phases of this behaviour too she such hard work no motivation especially in the mornings i would make a reward chart and give her time limit to get ready if she did she got a star if she got a star every day she was rewarded at the weekend maybe a trip to the cinema or mcdonnalds i found it very good its an old trick from nanny 911 children love beig praised and rewarded also sounds like your son is attention seeking maybe put out by the latest addition to your family i have a 4yr old son and my daughter was very put out by him it is a phase and you just have to go with it good luck...

Simpu - posted on 03/19/2012

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Thanks to all with ur help I could plan a lot, I will slowly start to make my son in a fixed routine so he will learn to be on time ,I always reward him for doing stuff but I guess I have to be more friendly with him so he will listen to me.

Debz - posted on 03/19/2012

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Hey... Sounds very stressful! So take a moment and try look at it from another angle.



1, if he is not going fast enough in the morning maybe he needs more time ( no one enjoys being rushed) so wake him earlier.



2, try a star system with realistic rewards like movie points or walk in the park etc. do not reward with food.



3 I used to give my kids pocket money ( not much) but money. I would take the star chart which included homework and small chores they had to do like picking up toys. Each time they ticked a box saying they had done what was needed they got some pennies, each time I had to remind them more than once they got fewer pennies. Each time they did not do what was required they had pennies taken away.



4 do not enter into a slanging match verbally if they answer back do not reply, it never ends well.



Hope this helps... Good luck.. Remember no kid comes with a manual! X

Jessy - posted on 03/12/2012

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Having a consistent routine will help. Do the same things in the same order every night and morning, Wake him up earlier in the morning if he needs more time. If he has a tv in his bedroom, think about removing it. When my kids take too long, I tell them im not afraid of sending them to school in their pajamas, which they are not comfortable with.



When it comes to manners, just be a good role model and use gentle reminders. Make sure he uses his manners or he doesnt get what he wants.





I hope it gets better.

Jenna - posted on 03/12/2012

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We have a morning routine chart that I made when my oldest first started school. At that time, he was five and I had a 4-year-old, 2-year-old and 1-year-old. We just implemented the "morning routine" for everyone. Get up, make bed, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, make lunch. I don't actually have them check anything off or do stickers or anything, they just follow the chart, and then when they're done, any time that's left in the morning before they have to leave for school is spent playing. Now my oldest is nine and in 3rd grade and they all follow it really well and we almost always have 20-30 minutes leftover for playtime, which is the big reward. They love having time to play and relax in the morning before they leave for school.



And I agree with Elizabeth--I don't know the full story, his temperament, your temperament, your parenting style, etc., but kids learn by watching you, so if you are always polite and firm and kind, that's what he'll learn too. and whispering can be a very effective disciplining tool.

Ellen - posted on 03/11/2012

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That is a life process always make sure both adults eats with proper manners. Also in everyday life they will learn by seeing and always reminding. Also remember When hes a teen watch out for his room lol it get worst but by seeing how things are he will be takeing what do in life. When hes little teach cleaning his room once a week. try not to do it all the time make him do this like on a saturday is clean ur own room. Good Luck!

Fauziah - posted on 03/09/2012

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try ignoring him when he plays up and let him know that you are not going to listen until he calms down.

Also try using praises with him for the good that he does.

Hope things improve.

Amina - posted on 03/09/2012

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Well, I think you need to think of different way of communicating with him. Do you get closer to him and ask him nicely? Do you order him around? do you warn him. obviously your way is not working. How about you sit with him to do his homework and promised him 15 minutes on the computer if he listen. If he talk back you make poster on the wall and you made him check it. if he does not get 10 check marks he get to have play date with his friends and so on. You have to be creative and don't nag him. I wish you good luck!

Simpu - posted on 03/08/2012

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their is no issue with homework or dress, he does his homework at nnight nhe has uniform , he takes time in getting ready , we have to do every thing to him , he takes time in brushing teeth , eating breakfast , the issue is he never eat inn school to ,so iam bit worried to send him hungry in the morning

Simpu - posted on 03/08/2012

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we try to talk with him and when we explain him he has to behave n do stuff he has to do he agrees with us at that time but later when he has to do he never , his biggest issue is he never listen, likes watching tv , if we turn it of he crys

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