How will I tell my huband?Im pregnant again
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Rachael - posted on 03/12/2010
Please stop saying god doesn't send anything you can't handle. It isn't true. LOTS of people have children they can't handle or care for. Lots of people experience illnesses or accidents that destroy their lives because they can't cope with them. Whether or not the OP keeps this babe should be based on the reality of her life not some idea that getting pregnant makes having and raising a baby realistic and feasible. I used to work with neglected children. They were "given" to parents completely unequipped to handle the responsibilities of raising a child. Maybe the OP would loose her job or her home...maybe another baby would over-stress her marriage.
Maybe it would be a wonderful blessing and completely fulfill her life.
But just because something happens doesn't make it a message from above.
Donna - posted on 03/12/2010
I had to tell my husband I was pregnant with our 6th child 3 yrs after he had a vasectomy and he was worrking away, I understand how scared you feel, but the sooner you tell him the sooner he'll get over it and you can enjoy your pregnancy together. My 6th was a very big suprise for both of us, and also a very big joy, he was obviously meant to be, and if I'd gone with my husbands first reaction he would'nt be here so be possitive and sure about what you want and your husband will soon be there to support you through it. Good luck!
Rebecca - posted on 03/12/2010
i am wondering about your fears ... where are they coming from .... what is it you fear your husband will do? i mean he may not be happy, but presumably he won't leave you or abuse you? i think the best thing you can do is get real about your fear about your husband's response -- write down what your fears are and reason out if you have reason to fear or not -- realistically. if you do have a realistic reason to fear, think about how you could solve things if the VERY WORST happened, so that you feel more confident that you have a back up plan. then just tell him.
Steffanie - posted on 03/11/2010
When I had my kids young, I got alot of grief from my family. Why didn't I use birth control? Why was I so irresponsible? Didn't I realize that I have ruined my life as well as my kids? People can me down right mean and cruel. I did use birth control, my ex, had super sperm and if I would look at him I would be pregnant. Most of the time birth control methods work... But there not a 100 percent... It isn't your fault, and it takes two to make a baby. Be honest with him, let you know how much you love him, and that you know it will be hard but you will make it through. Don't let anyone make it harder on you. Find a support network, online, at church, in the community,,,, whatever. Tell the naysayers in your life that make you feel worse to go to Hades. You have enough to deal with than to have everyone down on you. I know it hard, and you feel alone, but many women have big families and have a shoe string budget. I had three kids on a shoe string budget and I made it through. You will. I hope that you have a supportive family, and I am sure everything will turn out okay. Just hang in there....
Stacy - posted on 03/10/2010
I just went threw some of these other post, and what it all does boil down to is it is your choice, you should involve your hubby in the decision, but again your choice. A baby is a gift to some, a curse to others. Some op for abortions and adoptions, other op to keep it. Again this is all your choice! It is you who will go threw what ever you decide, not none of these other people. Make sure that the decision you make is one you can live with for the rest of your life. Close your eyes, picture yourself and your family 8-9 months down the road. Ca you picture yourself with a knew baby in lyour arms, you in your hubby's arms, and the kids all trying to sneak a peek, or do you see it just as it is, you the hubby and the 4 wonderful children you have now? You asked for support, and I think some people may of been trying to put their belief on you. At the end of the day, all that matters is you and what you think is best not only for your family, but for you the most part. What decision can you live with? Good Luck!
Stacy - posted on 03/10/2010
I have 4 kids as well, and just getting by. I can't have any more by choice, but that was 4 years ago. I'd love to have another. I'm sure you and your husband are still madely in love, or you wouldn't be having another blessing added to your family. Reading this reminds me of 2 things. "LOVE CONCERS ALL"! "THE LORD WILL ONLY GIVE WHAT YOU CAN HANDLE"! Right now it may seem like a blessing and curse at the same time, but things will work out. I told my husband we were having our 4th child by giving him a card with my home test in it. The card said I love you because, and inside there it was. I was scared and nerves. Here we are 5 years later, and alot more love. Things don't always go as planned, but they all workout. the longer you wait to tell him, the harder it will be. I'm sure he will be happy!
Rebecca - posted on 03/10/2010
i think there is some good advice above and some not-so-good advice, but that's for you to decide. i just wanted to also mention that if you don't want any more children after this one, you can opt to be sterilised. i was sterilised after an accidental pregnancy (i kept my delightful daughter) because i had decided that i had enough kids. it was pain free and i haven't had any problems with it.
the other option is for your husband to have a vasectomy.
Jenn - posted on 03/10/2010
@Rachael. That is by far the best answer I've heard! :o)
There are so many things for this family to consider and what if religion is not their thing? Everyone saying it's God's gift and how could you take away, etc,etc. What if she's Agnostic, or Buddhist? What if she's fine with terminating? What if it's not financially feasible for her to keep it? What if the neighbors need a new baby? It's completely her choice.
My personal opinion is also expressed above, Kendra please talk to your husband before making any choices. It took more than you to get to this point, it should take more than you to reach a decision.
Laura - posted on 03/10/2010
Hello my name is Laura i am the mother of four both of my youngest children were unexpected and it was really hard to get my head around things at first. The last time i fell pregnant my husband and i were in the mindset we wouldn't be having anymore and it was a total shock and the same as you i felt judged by people. I have several friends who have gotten pregnant on the pill it is absolutey not your fault your body is obviously very fertile who was to know that you'd fall pregnant on the pill! I was totally honest with my husband and told him straight away i just told him (with lots of swear words in the sentence i might add) I think it was best that he saw how i felt. My husband and i both didn't want another baby so i decided to go to the doctor and see what my options were. I took all the information and decided to bide my time and really think hard and my husband finally said he wanted us to carry out the pregnancy. I was still confused but i really think you should both really consider eachothers feelings. We kind of feel that things happen for a reason and it has worked out for us you can cope if you decide to go through with this you have the capacity to love and care for all your children wether you doubt yourself or not don't be so hard on yourself. You will have hard times wether you have 1,2,3,4,5,or even more children i am from five myself and my mum did a good job and whats more rewarding than knowing that you have done this brought your children into the world. I have found also that my husband is a good supporter and sometimes you have to call on all the people around you to help never keep it to yourself when you are not coping the people around you that care for you are always there try to block out the people who are being negative they obviously haven't been through the things your experiencing i really hope you work things out good luck x
Michelle - posted on 03/09/2010
My advice to you is if God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it. There is a reason you got pregnant with this baby. I myself had an unexpected/unplanned pregnancy when I was 21, and he turned out to be the best thing that happened in my life. Before I was pregnant with my son, my dad and I were not close, we didn't get along we butted heads a lot. I only have one brother and I didn't spend much time with him or talk to him much either. But after I had my son, he truly brought my family back together. My dad and I put our differences aside and now I my son and his grandpa are BEST friends. My brother and I talk almost daily and see each other more often. So I truly believe my son was God's way of bringing my entire family back together. And before I had him I don't think I even realized what I was missing with my dad and brother.
So you never really know what kind of hidden blessing this baby will bring. And somehow things always seem to work out with the money issues too.
I wish you the best! And tell your husband soon - he will help you carry the load emotionally. Congratulation!
Rachael - posted on 03/09/2010
I'm going to say the unpopular thing now. Do YOU want to have this baby? Forget about your husband for the moment. Do You feel you can raise another child without loosing your mind (or your home or your job)? Do You feel that this baby is a blessing or a curse? After you answer those questions to yourself (and forgive yourself if the answer is NO) then decide what you want. Do you want to terminate this pregnancy? Consider an open adoption? Consider a closed adoption? Keep the baby and make room? These are all options. Thankfully, they are yours.
NOW think about hubby. How does he feel about parenthood? Is it just money that scares him? Is he involved and helpful with the kids you have? Do you feel unsafe telling him?
If you both enjoy parenthood and don't think you can end a pregnancy or give a baby away, then congratulations! You'll figure it out. If you think these are options for your family, then my heart is with you as you make this incredibly difficult decision.
If YOU want to keep this baby, then give him the pregnancy test. Tell him "I hope you like it, because I can't return it." And hope for the best.
Your husband loves you. He might be angry or scared, but he'll realize you're in this together.
PS--I wouldn't suggest ending a pregnancy without telling your husband. Even if that is ultimately what you decide, you should give him the opportunity to support you and grieve with you. And who knows, his surprise excitement about a new baby (rather than a potential financial issue) might surprise you.
Yanina - posted on 03/08/2010
instead of using the pill next time you should get an IUD thats what I have and i don't have to worry about getting pregnant. After you have this baby if you get this done you will never have to worry. I got pregnant with my oldest my missing just one pill. Then I used the patch and did not use it right . So the IUD its iinserted and no more worries . There is some cramping after you get it done but the next day no pain what so ever
Rebecca - posted on 03/08/2010
This child is a blessing. I am a mother of 5 (we only planned on 4). You probably already do the hand me down thing. Don't stress. You'll be fine. Do something fun to tell him. A scavenger hunt could be fun.
Remember it takes 2 to make a baby, so it can't be all your fault. :-]
Sabrina - posted on 03/05/2010
I am in your same situation. I have 5 children already of my own. We share three of them plus he adopted the other two. He has a 19 year old plus another daughter but hasn't seen her since she was 6 months old and she is at least 16 now. Our five including the two that he adopted are 13,11,6,3, and 2. The 11 year old is the only girl. I have really wanted to give him a girl of ours and we have only boys. I have not told him I was pregnant because I am afraid of how he will respond but deep down I think that he wants a girl but I know that things are financially unstable right now. I am not sure how to tell him. He has made comments for me to tell him when I got ready for another one and then there has been those comments saying that we were not going to have another one. I do not know how he will react. I just found out two hours ago.
Kylie - posted on 02/13/2010
be strong,dont let anyone make you feel guitly for your decissions in life.no matter what that decission is.many people make choices in their life that others dont agree with,but ultimately its your life.just tell your husband straight out.you will make the choice you need to make and never regret it what ever it turns out to be..blessings to you
Ateh - posted on 02/11/2010
You must be lucky... many woman out there wish to be a mom but never... I got pregnant for my 3rd child while my 2nd was only 9 months! It is not our fault... (we as a woman) We are the choosen one. God knows that you are capable of being a good mom, that's why He gives you another one! I guess your husband will be OK. I make prayer for you. Take care
Rose Claire - posted on 02/11/2010
its Gods gift!! and you dont have to do anything than to accept your baby.pls. dont think anything that can harm you and your baby.
tell your hubby about it, and its not your fault, youve done your part.but it really happend so, the baby was really meant for you.
your lucky to have kids...God loves you!
Tsidi - posted on 02/10/2010
To start with you can't terminate that is God's gift to you and your family. You've done your part and have been on a pill and you didn't skip which shows that you don't have to prevent but your husband should. He will have to go for vasectomy which will bring both of you peace from having more and more kids for obvious reasons.
I used other contraceptives and they would either make my menstruation go for long or make me nauseas until I read books from Mary-ann Shearer and she came up with the thought I gave you now and it works I don't have nay hormones added to my system and my hubby got done and we're happy. I know you would think your hubby won't do it I thought the same of minebut when I told him that I have been pregnant 3 times and had to go through painful labour etc the least he can do for us is vasectomy. It works and we're happy.
Tell him about he pregnancy you can't keep it forever by the way he might even notice anyway but waiting for you - God will never give you anything you can't handle He's giving you this baby and provision is onits way.
Kirsty - posted on 02/10/2010
I know exactly how you feel....Tell him ASAP.... I'm possibly pregnant and yep on the pill, although have stopped taking it until i know for sure..I was really scared to tell my hubby of the possibility, he now knows it's a possibility and is'nt really very happy about it... But we both know that things will all be ok in the end....
I won't know for sure for another couple of weeks yet... Saw the Dr and the urine test says neg but she wants me to wait another week and do another urine test then go from there... although i would like another baby my hubby doesn't mainly for financial reasons...
I'm hoping the tests end up proving negative because i know it will strain our relationship alot....But if i am all will be ok in the end....
Ebonique - posted on 02/10/2010
It looks like you have already received a lot of good advice on how to break it to your husband. However, since you keep getting pregnant with the same birth control I would suggest talking to your doctor about other birth control. After my last son my doctor told me about an iud that you could get that lasts for 5 yrs and another for 10 yrs. It's a simple insertion into your vagina that doesn't bother you with intercourse, etc and can be removed at any time before the last year it is effective. I wanted to make sure it was okay so I got the 5 yr one and it has been great. I got pregnant with my 2nd child on the pill and then tried the nuva ring and it didn't work and the 3 month shots were taken away because women were getting pregnant and I couldn't go back to the 1 mth shot because I would bleed all the time unless I took an estrogen pill.
Amy - posted on 02/10/2010
its not your fault. it takes two people to make a baby. so even if your taking the pill, the responsibility is on BOTH of you. If he wants to do his part he can get the snip, but even that isn't fool proof.
As for the finances, i'm sure you already have tons of baby and toddler stuff so there is no need to be materialistic and buy all kinds of new things. Breastmilk doesn't cost a thing :) and its always better to make your own baby food. Carving out time for things like this is tough but is always cheaper and better for you and your family in the long run.
Trust in your husband and relationship. He should be your best friend and give you unconditional support. The sooner you tell him the better. Don't be afraid.... guys always surprise us with their emotions he might do a complete turnaround on you.
My thoughts are with you.
Karen - posted on 02/10/2010
We both know you have to tell him. Sooner would be better. Go for a walk together,out for coffee,etc. When money is scarse, we get afraid! You both love your children very much,this of course makes alot of work for you, as a mom.You will get used to the idea by the time you have to tell other,and he will support you then.There ar lots of big families -whats one more ! Be strong it will work out.
Samantha - posted on 02/09/2010
Kendra first and foremost it is not your fault alone. It takes two to tango. And it is a proven fact that birthcontrol pills do not always work. I have 4 children, 3 of which I got pregnant with while on birthcontrol. By #4 I had given up because it was obviously meant to happen. My youngest daughter is a Depo Provera baby. The best thing for you is to be honest with your hubby and if he gets angry remind him that it is not just your fault. There is birthcontrol that he could have been using too.
April - posted on 02/09/2010
My husband is totally against having another, so when I found out I was pregnant in August I was afraid to tell him. I did tell him a few days after I found out. He was upset but warmed to the idea very quickly. Then I miscarried. We were both upset and I was very sad because he was adamant about not having another. I got pregnant again in November and didn't tell him, as that one ended in a miscarriage too. He found out about the miscarriage and was super furious because I hadn't told him. Tell your honey as soon as you can. He does have a few months to get used to it! Good luck!
Anna-Marie - posted on 02/08/2010
Your husband should be your best friend so the sooner you tell him the better. It will be scary at first but you will feel so much better sharing the load. You will survive! I know a cousin with 5 children & they are great, (when she had her 5th, the oldest was only 6!) it will be hard when their little but you may find the older children will step up and help.
About the pill. It is only a maximum 98% safe, which means 2% of the time a baby will be conceived. Also, a lot of women don't realise that anytime you have any alcohol or "minor" pills (like paracetomol or Ibruprofen) it lessens the effects of the pill for the next few days after (even if you never skip taking a pill) which makes conception more likely during those times. Luckily these days there are lots of different ways to permanently stop having children such as vasectomy or getting your tubes tied which you will be able to discuss with your husband after the birth of this child. I'm sure you will have lots of family and friends to help support you & don't be scared to ask for help! You will find lots of people around you waiting for the opportunity to help, so let them!
Angie - posted on 02/08/2010
You have been given a great gift - don't feel bad about that! Just tell your husband the truth, that God is giving you #5! Congratulations! If your husband is truly angry with you, remind him that there is only 1 fool proof way to not get pregnant - abstinence.
Danielle - posted on 02/08/2010
It sounds like your really scared to tell him. Do you think he will be mad at you? I completely understand your being nervous about having another. I also just found out that I am pregnant with my 5th. Our kids are 11, 10, 2, & 1. It was definitely a shock, but my husband was great about it. He actually said, " what's one more". lol. I know it's scary, but it is what it is. The best thing you can do now is be happy. Don't let anyone make you feel bad like it's a bad thing and it's all your fault. It takes two and obviously God had other plans. It will be ok. We just get by too. In fact my husband travels a lot for his job, so I'm at home most of the time by myself raising the kids. If people only had kids that they could afford, most people wouldn't have any. Trust in God and he won't let you down. Stay positive and be happy. That's what's good for everyone in your family. Good luck.
Jeannine - posted on 02/07/2010
I too was on the pill and handed my husband the positive test for father's day 4 years ago. Thankfully we've made it through, sometimes tighter than others, after he was born we decided it was best for our family to make a more permanent plan, but we decided that together- the whole getting pregnant is a together deal, Good luck!
Danielle - posted on 02/06/2010
You are really the only one that knows how to talk to your husband. Don't spring it on him, try talking about it while he's in a good mood, and aproach it showing him you're scared, so he had the opportunity to be the hero.
Ciara - posted on 02/06/2010
I was on the pill and I have a 4 year old now. That people dont understand. Our bodies have different hormone levels and some birthcontrols don't work or stop working. I would do something romantic or funny ( Depends on your relationship and if you do practical jokes ) to tell him. Make it where you think the mood is perfect and he's happy. An idea is, if you have a Annivarsy coming up or a birthday do the test as a present and on the outside write " I love you all over it " or " big Surprise, Watch out "