How would you handle a 7 year old talking about sex?

Emilie - posted on 11/20/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My kids go to their father's house every other weekend. This past week my son started talking to me about sex. He just turned 7 years old. I was very shocked, I told him to "be quite you don't know what you are talking about." He told me " Yes I do, sex is when you suck pee pee's and rub them together." I called his father and talked to him about it. My son is still talking about sex very openly, and I don't know what to do and what to tell him. I am not ready for him to know about sex and he has a 3 year old little sister that dosen't need to hear about it either. I don't know what he has seen or heard when he is at his father's house, but it worries me, and I don't know what to do.

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Gina - posted on 11/20/2009

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7 years old is old enough to start talking about sex. Even if you aren't ready, the situation is such that you have to say something. Better from you than whatever he's getting at his dad's. I'd start by explaining that sex is a special loving thing that mom's and dad's do (or 2 grown-ups that love each other very much). Because it is so special it isn't something we talk with just anyone about or all the time. I'd explain that it is how babies are made and give a very brief overview of the mechanics of it and that it is also a way for mom's and dad's to show they love each other. My son and I had "the talk" when he was 7 because he was asking a lot of questions, from why he looks more like his dad but grew in my belly, to why married people sleep in the same bed, to why movies show people laying on each other, etc. He was satisfied with a pretty brief explanation. I told him he could always ask me questions. After that I didn't hear much inappropriate sex talk from him. Since then we have talked about it on quite a few occasions. He's almost 10 so more of his questions have been about things either he has seen on TV or that a friend at school has heard. It's a great way for me to talk about our values vs. what he sees a lot of other people doing. It has also naturally led to discussions about puberty and what he can expect. I think kids see so much these days that we have to start having the talks a lot earlier so they don't get confused or a complex. Simple, factual and values based discussions end up being pretty easy to have once you start.

Angie - posted on 11/20/2009

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Wow, I agree with Gina that there are some questions that 7 year olds will ask about sex but to be so graphic at such a young age and to be speaking about some aberant sexual behavior is odd. I'd be very curious about what his father exposed him to. My daughters are 9 and 11 and don't know the actual mechanics of sex - it's just not neccesary yet. Make sure he knows that sexual conversations are meant to be had in private and not in the presence of his little sister.

Amy - posted on 11/29/2009

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I had the sex talk with my daughter a year ago (she's now 10). I explained the basics using plain language like penis and vagina. I told her that sex is something that you only do with someone you love, not just someone who's there. I also explained how puberty will change her, since she is comming up on that age. At the same time, explaining the possible consequences of sex. I tried to make sure that she knows that no matter what the question is, come to me or my husband, or even a grandparent or an adult she trusts. I told her to not ask such questions of her friends because they don't know either and will probably make something up.



Yes, there is an age that I think is too young to have the sex talk. But, once the genie is out of the bottle, there's no putting it back. You might as well rationally discuss it with him in plain language and make sure that if he has any questions or concerns, that you or his father are there to answer them without passing judgement.

HEATHER - posted on 11/24/2009

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OMG girl!!! Do NOT ecnore this or let it go!!!! I work in an emergency room and we see children that have been sexually abused and we have seen cases that the children just simply saw something they shouldn't have. Obviously your son saw something or heard something from someone. You need to reusure him that you are not mad, and he will not be punished, but you need to find out where it came from and who he heard it from. Tell him that it is just between you and him. "Your own secret". You would not believe the info the kids will tell you when you tell them that they can talk to you and you won't tell!!! Trust me I've delt with to many children to lie to you!!



My husband is a detective and deals with these issues too. He agrees. Sit down, just you and him and talk. Reusure him that he is in NO TROUBLE, but mommy just wants to know where you heard it from, or ask him to tell you everything he knows about sex. The more you know what he knows, the better you can help him. And yes, good touch/bad touch should come up in your conversation.



As for dad, if he is too chicken to talk to the parents of the other children, then please ask him for their number. You need to address this with them, because their children got it from somewhere too!!!



Good luck and if there is anything my husband and I can help you with please let us know!!!! - Heather & Scott

Claire - posted on 11/23/2009

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my sons only five and he often asks where he came from.... being so young i just told him daddy loved me and gave me a special tablet,which turned into a tadpole and then he was in my belly and he got bigger and bigger so the doctor took him out for me lol

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Donald - posted on 01/19/2014

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never been on this site before, but had to write something as I've recently (today) saw that my step son (to be) has actively been searching for "naked" on google search bar with his iPhone.
first of all, i think he shouldn't have an iPhone 4s as he is a very young 7 year old.

His mother is extremely mothering and treats him like a baby. all the time. ie. carrying up stairs when he's feeling tired. anyway....

i showed my fiancé his phone and she was shocked. but hasn't spoke to him.. all she says is i will talk to him next weekend.

i find this very strange, and due to his age i feel like i need to do something, as the pictures weren't bikini pics or topless.. I'm talking hard core.

so obviously i wanted to find out some information on what to do next.

we have parental control but he still got these pics up.

if anyone could try help me out with this matter. that would help massively.

i feel i can't do anything as the mother doesn't seem to be doing anything about it all been it just happening today.

thanks.

Emilie - posted on 11/26/2009

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My ex husband finally talked to the other boys parents, they said they know that their son knows that stuff, they hear it on the school bus from the older kids. I told him to tell her to talk to the shool, she said that she did talk to the bus driver and her son has been moved to the front of the bus, but it still goes on the older kids still talk trash, I guess the bus driver can't do anything or dosen't want to.

Emilie - posted on 11/24/2009

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I did talk to my son a little bit, he said at first that his dad told him, then he said it was a little boy that lives across the street, then he said it was his fathers brother in law. So I am not really sure who it was. I told his father to talk to the little boys parents, and he is too scared.

Shelly - posted on 11/24/2009

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Quoting Kristin:

. Finally, I am a firm believer that with every sex talk must come the good touch, bad touch talk. We don't want to think about that but it is so necessary that children are armed with the power to know what is right and what is wrong and who to turn to when things are not right. "



 



Thanks Kristen for mentioning Good touch Bad touch.  I forgot about that.  We had to have that discussion with our son after we found out a member of our family was a sex addict.  Check your local library for books.  I found a great one that was right on my sons level.  Also, mention that they can break any rule they want if someone is trying to hurt them.





 

Kristin - posted on 11/24/2009

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I have recently come out of a horrible situation that involved something that happened while my 8 yr. old daughter was at her dad's for the weekend so I know how scared you may feel. First off, the mom that said you need to seek professional help for your boy needs to open her eyes. Nowadays kids are talking about sex at a much younger age. Just take a look around at all of these tween girls developing so much younger than we did. I don't think that you should jump to conclusions and assume that this sex talk is something he is picking up at dad's house. It could be coming from friends or perhaps he walked in on something he shouldn't have. I'm sure we all have that gross memory of walking in on our parents doing the deed. It sounds like it is time to sit down with your boy and have a very basic talk with minimal details. If you are unsure of what to say I would recommend talking to the school counselor and getting some pointers. When I was dealing with my situation I found the school counselor very helpful and full of knowledge on how to deal with it all. You should also find out where your boy is getting this information from and have a talk with the dad without pointing fingers or accusing each other of bad parenting. That only hurts the child in the long run. When a child is exposed to sexual behavior and doesn't quite understand it all it can become an awful situation, I know from personal experience. Talk to your son and set him straight! You don't want him to try and figure out all this sex stuff on his own. Finally, I am a firm believer that with every sex talk must come the good touch, bad touch talk. We don't want to think about that but it is so necessary that children are armed with the power to know what is right and what is wrong and who to turn to when things are not right. Good luck!

[deleted account]

Act naturally. If you push him away or tell him he can't talk about it, then he might not confide in you later, when it is most needed.

Shelly - posted on 11/22/2009

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I would definatly get DHS or somebody to look into your ex. Those are way to graphic for his age. And if its not addressed the reprocussions could be bad. If has been exsposed to this that is a form of sexual abuse and it could cause him to act out. I don't want to scare you but take this very seriously. And if he goes to school you could always have the school couselor talk to him to see if she saw any reason for concern. There is help out there. In the meantime I would definatly talk to him in the simplist terms about sex. Hope that helps.

Karen - posted on 11/22/2009

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Dont tell him to be quiet because you need to know what he knows and is experiencing. What he described is not normal sex...he makes no mention or a vagina. I would be more than worried and concerned. I would seek professional council on this matter ASAP

Robbie - posted on 11/21/2009

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It seems that it is definatly time for you to have some sort of talk with you son. I have an 8 year old daughter and I was not ready for the talk either but she was. I found out cause she was playing with her barbies and they were having sex. I asked where she learned about sex and she told me a friend told her about it. I of course talked with the friends parents and then I did have to sit down with my daughter and explain to her about sex. We also let her know that we do not play sex and that sex is special between two grownups and she does not need to talk about it with others. If she has questions she comes to myself or her daddy. I went to google and typed in how to talk to children about sex. I got a lot of information and a few of the sites have it broken down into age groups and give ideas on what to say. It really helped me. I can't remember the site that was best but I visited may of them. I suggest using the information on the sites because it helps to know what children are thinking of at that age and will help to keep you from having to go into more graphic detail than is needed at his age. I did however look at the information for the next age group and I did give a little of that information because of what she had already been told.

I do agree that you should talk to him because it is better for the information to come from you. I know it is difficult but when I sat down with my daughter I had her tell me everything she knew about sex. That way I had a starting point and could give her corrected information. Cause her friend shared things that were not correct. That way I knew what she was told and I could make sure she is not confused when we talked.

Lisa - posted on 11/20/2009

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I also agree with the many other post that say that your son is ready to talk about sex. The only thing I would do that has not been mentioned yet is for you to talk to a lawyer. If your young son is being exposed to explicit sex(in words, pictures...etc.) his visitation with his father may need to be supervised. God only knows what else he is being exposd to. I don't know your ex, but I had a similar experience with my ex and (after he refused to participate in supervised visits)the judge actually revokd his visitation rights altogether. My daughter is 7 and misses her Dad but also knows that the judge made that decision in her best interest. She also gets to speak on the phone with him everyday. The outcome has been wonderful...she is a different kid.....all for the best

Sylvia - posted on 11/20/2009

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Well, you may not be ready to talk about it, but he obviously is, and better he should get good basic information from his parents than, well, most of the other options out there. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong going on (although it's probably a good idea to try and figure out what he's been hearing/seeing, and from whom) or that there's anything wrong with him.

I remember when I first learned about the mechanics of sex being really baffled, like, why on earth would anyone want to do that? My mom, who learned "how the baby gets in there" at age three (her parents were medical types and believed in being very accurate LOL), apparently gave her mom a look of deep scepticism and said, "Well, I know it must be true because you always tell me the truth. But it sounds like an awfully silly way to me." It just seems so weird when you're a kid, because until you hit puberty and start feeling those feelings, the idea of kissing someone for fun, let alone any of that other stuff, is just not at all appealing.

It's interesting that you find this shocking, because I've been thinking for a while how weird it is that my daughter, who is also 7, has never asked me where babies come from. (Of course, she's heard a gazillion times the whole story about how she was conceived -- she's an IVF baby -- so maybe she reckons all babies are made that way?)

[deleted account]

i dont know how to answer this but i will say that my 8yr old stepson caught me and his dad in relations. i heard a noise and thought it was the puppy (we were on sofa, sorry) and after about 10 mins my fella looked up and seen his son watching us! there was the action and (cringe) the talk. but his son said he knew what we were doin as he seen his mum n her fella doin it (she didnt know)!! i think it is just curiosity of babes!!!

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