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I have a really bad relationship with my 8 year old son and don't know how to improve it

Joanna - posted on 09/16/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My son is only 8 but has zero respect for me, answers back all the time, for example when my husband switched off the computer on 3rd time of asking, so we could have dinner together, my son refused to come to the table. When I went to get him, he said not until you've apologised. This is typical daily behaviour, and I find myself drawn into arguments with him because he doesn't respect our decisions. I actually broke down in front of him and cried tonight. I've recently given up my job so I could be a bigger part of my children's lives, and his only concern seems to be that I can't afford to pay for him to do stuff. He would rather I wasn't here, and he could afford to do what he wants. His bad attitude started before our changes in circumstances, but has got worse. I restrict his screen time, hide the Wii if necessary, but he just sees that as unfair punishment. He doesn't throw tantrums, he goes quiet and argues calmly with me, but basically thinks my house rules are unfair, and spends every day battling with me. I have been worried about his mental health- he seems too mopey for such a young boy, only turned 8 a week ago. Should I get medical advice, family counselling, or any other advice welcome.

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Hedyeh - posted on 11/22/2012

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Ya it has happened to me kind of

Jakki - posted on 09/27/2012

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Yes I totally agree - sounds like this would be a good time to get some professional help. It must be very tough.



I have a 10 year old boy and I have to say that our relationship has improved over the past year or two, so don't give up. I have ruthlessly stuck to my guns with my boy (despite exhaustion) - I just think we have a small window of time while we can still enforce discipline before it is too late... you still have time now but you must act fast or it will just get worse.



Lastly - I don't know if this is relevant for your boy, but I realised that things were bad at home when my son was having a hard time at school. When he got into a different class at school he calmed down and was a different person to life with...

Tina - posted on 09/26/2012

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I work with a psychiatrist who deals with adolescents and children. We see kids and parents in your situation ALL THE TIME. You do have to find an outsider to mediate. Once kids put their feet in the sand it's much easier hearing what's best from someone other than Mom or Dad. Yelling gets everyone no where. Breaking down let's your son know that HE can break you. We have kids who are diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. They become angry, violent and often times as they get older, start to hurt themselves. All kids want everything they see. Boundaries are important and need to be inforced. Find someone, whether it's a professional or family member, that can sit with you both and come up with resonable solutions and consequenses. Fear not, Super Mom, you can get through this. Then one day, when you get over this hump, your son will say Thank You Mom !!!

Ariana - posted on 09/26/2012

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Family counselling would be a good idea. He may not necessarily have anything seriously wrong with him but has realized how to play you and is ignoring your authority. A councellor will definitely help sort things out.



It's hard to change a behavior if there are lots of problems. I would start with one at a time.



As for arguing and talking back it's as easy and shutting him down. If he's said what he's had to say and keeps harping on you about how unfair things are just say this discussion is over. That's it. If he continues talking ignore him, walk away, or repeat This discussion is over. If he's whining at you simply say I don't want to hear it, this discussion is over. I know that sounds odd but the best way to shut an argument out is by simply replying the same thing over and over. You are allowing him much more power then he should have. You are the boss.



I know this is going to sound a bit harsh but please do not cry or break down in front of your child again. You are supposed to be the one in control and losing control in front of him like that will not give him security that you are in control. You need to be in charge. Don't allow some little almost 8 year old to think he somehow has any right to talk back or argue with you. He's not in charge Mom, YOU are in charge.



If he doesn't like your rules and wants to argue tell him, These are the rules, I don't want to hear any more about this. This discussion is over. If he talks to you about it, just say this discussion is over and walk away. If he's being rude to you tell him to go to his room until he can speak respectfully to you. It takes two people to argue, when you stop he'll be stuck arguing with himself.



Good luck to you and I would also see a family counsellor to help sort things out.

Dalia Hussein - posted on 09/26/2012

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Hi joanna i am dalia i am a mum like u i have an 9 y old son and 3 y old daughter i also have a bad relation with my son too. My son has a rage problem when he gets angry he destroy things and he may hit me. I'm realy worried and i dont know what to do

Michelle - posted on 09/16/2012

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I would definitely talk to your doctor about this as 8 year olds are argumentative but not about absolutely everything.

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