I'm not sure on what to do anymore?

Mary - posted on 01/29/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I'm at a lost my son just turned 8 years old he's in the 2nd grade. At the begining of the school year he was being bullied and I informed the school and the teacher and they brushed it aside like it was going to past or work out on their own. I kept telling them that he is going to lash out. After a while that begin to happen he was hitting back, name calling back then things got out of control he started lashing out at home with his sister and brother and at school he started lashing out at other students and even his teacher. Everyday he comes home with a note from his teacher. He has so much anger in him, I dont know what to do to help him out, I've tried everything. What to do?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/29/2013

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You need to keep pursuing with the school. Start with the counselor, and involve both the principal and his teacher. Also, keep the superintendent's office in the loop.

If your son was being mistreated at school, and you reported it, but nothing was done, and behaviour is escalating as a result, you need to document each occurrence. Day, time, place (playground, bathroom, bus, etc) and described activity. Keep a journal. Each time that your son tells you, you call the school counselor, and principal, and document the contact.

If the school continues to ignore the red flag behaviour, please, please, escalate it to the superintendent. And keep after it. The schools will tend to brush off things that they don't "see" happening. They also tend to brush off things if the other student in question has what they see as a "logical" explanation: "Oh, no, I didn't push him, I accidentally tripped against him, and he fell, so I helped him up"

If you don't be the "squeaky wheel", it will continue to be ignored. Another valuable tool is for you to volunteer time in the classroom. I don't know of a teacher yet that won't welcome an extra pair of hands, whether it's kindergarten or 5th grade!

Ideally, you will talk with teh counselor, and they will call your son in. He will confirm what you have said, and the counselor should escalate it to the principal at that point. The principal should then call in the instigating party to get their side of the story. Now...here's where it skews. If the kid in question is a good liar, then they'll smooze their way thru the meeting with the principal. That's why the documentation is necessary! If the principal sees a reason to involve the other parents, then they will be called, and punishment according to school handbook should then commence.

If the above doesn't play out about like that, then you continue to contact both counselor and principal, and let them know that the district superintendent is also being included in all communication regarding this incident. Keep after them until you get justice for your son.

In the meantime, please also be interacting with your son, giving him the self confidence that he needs to handle situations without lashing out. This can happen in many ways. My kids were always very confident, and therefore never really a target...until this year, when my 15 yo had some problems. He told the counselor and the counselor did handle it quickly and efficiently. But, I did let both the principal and the superintendent know that if it wasn't handled efficiently, I would be more than happy to involve not only the school district, but also my family attorney. Thankfully, that wasn't necessary, as the same day my son turned it in, he finally had enough and took care of it. The kid hasn't bothered him since he put him in a full nelson hold and held it for a minute or two...and lo and behold, no more bully.

Jamie - posted on 01/29/2013

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Hi Mary, Is there a councilor at your son's school? Maybe try speaking with the councilor in addition to the teacher and principal to see if maybe there are other issues at play than just being bullied.

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Kristin - posted on 02/01/2013

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The other ladies have it, but I would add that he might need to see a mental health professional outside of school now. It's just a suggestion. He can work with someone who can help him communicate his anger without resorting to lashing out. He can talk about whatever he wants or needs to in those sessions without feeling any pressure to talk about the bullying as well.

Also, if you are not getting the school moving on the bullying, it might be time to remove your son from that school. If you do decide to move him, discuss the reasoning with the faculty and staff at both schools, his councilor, and your son. It is about his safety and the safety of everyone around him. He will be able to get together with his friends from his old school, he just won't see them every day now.

Good luck.

Mary - posted on 01/29/2013

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Thanks Jamie,
I'm going to try that, I was a little reluctant to talk to the counsler, I talked to his teacher and assistant principle numours times and they had set opinions about him and were calling him the bully and by past my concerns when I emailed or called them. My fingers are crossed.
Thanks

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