i need advice on a problem with a step child?

Erna - posted on 09/11/2009

Hi , Natilie been there, what we did , my husband his dad and I got together and discuss the punishment and had to come to agreement and for them to see we that we agree together because he can easily use your hubby against you, then stick with it and counseling is good, he has really issues which you may not know why he is playing out all this..its something deeper and may be nothing to do with you but his parents, he could be hurt or angry believe me its hard, you have to be strong and show him love regardless, I know like right I know, but in time he will see, but if its too much, then your hubby needs to speak with his sons mom.YOu have to share it with him like it or not he has to hear you and let him wind down and then pray, believe it or not prayer does work, and if you go to church , not sure place him in a prayer list it does work have faith girly, it will work out ...luv ya and yes, be in agreement no matter what!! I hope i helped and my may be not the best advice other women have good advice also but thats what helped me. luv ya and be blessed your in my prayer.

Debora - posted on 09/11/2009

i will be prayingfor his father to learn to take charge of his son before he does something dad will have to live with sorryfully.since you should not have to handle him alone.

Jane - posted on 09/11/2009

i to have a step daughter when she comes to us she is horrilble to my kids when she first came things was great and butter would not melt but now she can be really evil i always used to get on at her all the time to make her stop and it made her worse the best thing is to let them get on with it and when the cops bring them home you say you deal him/her cause they dont listen to me and it works a few nights in a cell works wonders

Sara - posted on 09/11/2009

Been there.. I have a step daugther that is 20 and a step son that is 19 and I wont repeat the things they have said to me.. my husband was the same way for a long time then he realized he has to be the one to do what need to be done because he is their father.... I tried will all my heart to get through to my step kids and all i got was mean words and hatered.... and now they are parents... one day they will walk in our shoes...



About the getting inot trouble it took my step son going to juvy for two weeks and probation to start acting right (half way anyway)



my step daughter figured out that when she was 17 she could move out and we couldnt do anything about it.. but if she got into trouble we were still responsible for her... she left and had a baby...

Tara - posted on 09/10/2009

It can be very easy to start to dislike your step son but how long have you been with is father? Was the divorce a huge traumatic event for the family? I left my husband for a time and it affected everyone. I think this boy needs some boundaries set and know there will be consequences for his misbehaving but also I would reward the good behavior (just don't let him know that is what you are doing you dont want him being good just for the reward) I would also suggest counselling like two weeks ago. And when you also say about the move to a different country well he had to be uprooted once again. Remember at this age friends are a huge role in kids life. What is going in school or with his friends? And his father needs to be involved with his child if you have to I would set up a camera so his father can see what takes place. But I agree with the other posts kids may not say hey mom thanks for caring enough to punish me but one day they will know that you did everything out of love for them

Jessica - posted on 09/09/2009

It sounds like he has a lot of issues and maybe would benefit from counseling, maybe even family counseling would help. Your husband needs to step up though because it's not right to leave all the burden on you, he needs to set clear rules and help you enforce them.

Ronda - posted on 09/09/2009

Natalie,

I too, have been in your shoes, with a 13 yo step-son, and 11 yo step-daughter. The circumstances surrounding your situation tells me the boy has no respect for anyone. If he shows no respect for his own mother, what did you expect him to show you? In my experience, tough love straightened my situation out. Stay very strong, very very consistant, and dont bend the rules for him! Make sure you stay on top of him every chance you get (if you have to) in order to make sure he does this YOUR way, not his... Good Luck!