I need help getting my five year old to stay sleeping in his bed at night!

Rebecca - posted on 07/16/2012

We have the same issue with my 5 yr old grand daughter. She has slept with me most her life, we all live together. her mom has been single for almost 3 yrs. The youngest of her two children is 3. He just recently started wanting to sleep with me also every now and again. But mostly he wants his Mom. My daughter feels it best if they learn to stay with her. She got a beautiful day bed she felt would be good for the 5 yr old, They all share a room, but at bedtime, my grand daughter acts out so to be in it. She won't sleep in her bed. She is afraid of the dark and her mom sleeps in the dark. She will scream until she can't breath or her Mom tells her to leave the room out of frustration. We are talking 30 minutes or longer of this behavior. She feels if she had her own place this would not be happening. We have attempted to break her before, but it is very hard and I am only one side. I do not mind if she sleeps with me, but what would happen if I am not here anymore. This has been hard.

April - posted on 01/26/2012

I have a similar problem with my 4 yr old as well. It got worse when her dad started working the night shift over a year ago. She will go to sleep in her bed no problem but sometime after I go to bed she ends up in my bed with me. I had tried to get her to go to her own bed but most of the time it ended up in her throwing a temper tantrum. When my son was born 7 months ago I had to stop trying to get her to go to her own room as it would wake him up with her fighting it and she doesnt understand why he gets to sleep in my room and not her. I have not moved him out of my room yet as they will have to share a room and he tends to wake alot during the night. I am hoping that once I feel i can move him to her room with her that she will stay in her own bed.

Dannielle - posted on 03/19/2011

Dear Amy... there's hope. My 5 year old decided just like that, that she wanted to sleep in her own bed. It's been a week now, and still going strong. So I guess there is truth to the what I said last time... that they will sleep in their own bed when they are ready, I am sucha proud mom... couldn't be happier with the outcome. And the best part of it is, Caitlin my little princess made the choice herself, and didn't need anything but praise.

Peggy - posted on 03/09/2011

MY SON SLEPT IN OUR BED SINCE HE WAS A BABY ALSO. NO PROBLEM. HE JUST TURNED 7 AND HE'S IN HIS OWN BED HIS CHOICE. GUESS IT WAS TIME. THEY GROW UP SOO FAST DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. ENJOY THE CUDDLING... I MISS IT...

Samantha - posted on 03/09/2011

i had the same trouble and for those of you that keep saying this sould not have happed cercamas may of played a big part she may have lived in a one bed flat ect but back to the problem i had these trouble with my eldest after we finally got moved out of my mums house so i put up an air bed in my room and at the end of each week i slowly stared to move it and did this over time once i got him to sleep on that in his room i then moved on to moving him in to his bed but left the air bed there in case once he finally sleep in his bed for a few months i took the air bed out

Jennie - posted on 03/08/2011

I JUST got over this problem with my just turned 6 yr old! lol. I bought him a JR. Loft bed.. It isn't very tall but like MAGIC, he just doesn't want to bother climbing down the ladder, JUST to climb back up it! so maybe try a new bed? special bedding, the whole 9 yards, worked for me! I have gone a month and only 1 time has he come into my room, and that was after he had a nightmare!

Debra - posted on 03/07/2011

Consistancy is the hardest part of parenting.. I recently went thru the same with my 8 yr old I'm 52 and a single mom. I identified the problem he saud he was scared .. I make him check under his bed and his closet and assure him Im 10 feet away. Then he gets a reward at the end of each week if he sleeps in his room all week.

Debra - posted on 03/07/2011

How old is he?

Laurie - posted on 03/07/2011

try putting him too bed and lying with him for a bit.

Jennifer - posted on 03/07/2011

The sleep fairy is a good idea! My son loves getting money to spend. I may have to try that one. :) Thanks!

Paloma - posted on 03/07/2011

I had the same"problem" with my kids before, I am living alone with them, but my fiance is moving here this year and is coming more often to seek for a job before he leaves the one he has back home, they sleep with me and when he comes we take extra tie in to sorting things in their room making it perfect to stay asleep all night, with a night vision lamp beside the bed in case of late night bathroom visits and making him feel as a big boy if he can stay in his bed assuring that YOU are there for him in case ofEMERGENCY only, but you are so tired that you also need to sleep. talking to him, making him feel less left out of mummys bed (life) ,they are little, they understand when you scoop to their level( even talking to them face to face) and explain things openly making them part of the process,it worked out for me. also inventing another fairy that brings quarters if he stays sleeping all night because she gets scared alone on his bed at night, but if he stays he can make it brighter and happier.and spending the money earned on something he wants.

Jennifer - posted on 03/07/2011

My son is 6 and still sleeps in our bed. I usually end up on the couch. We have tried getting him back in his own bed several times. Started again last night. He does ok if somebody lays with him till he falls asleep. Usually by morning he's in our bed. "Super Nanny" says the best thing is to keep doing what you are and the restless nights will soon disappear. I would say your struggle is having him in a new place. I guess too much change at once. First a new home then having to break the sleep habit at the same time. Probably just a little scary. Hang in there, I'm sure Nanny's method works. Keep it up and you may get sleep sometime soon. :)

Pamela - posted on 03/04/2011

there is a few ways i know off one is consistent return to bed it is hard and can take a long time but he will get it . two is my way insted of leaving him in his bed you get in to his bed with him, do it for a couple of weeks then start to move away like sit next to bed, across room eventually he will stop waking to find you.
it worked for me my son is now 17 and sleeps in his own bed since 4 years old

Latanya - posted on 03/03/2011

I'm going to have to try that. My son will stay in his bed in his room after we put him in there until maybe 3am and then come in our room. I was talking with my mom and she said when he does that, instead of letting him sleep with us, we should just put him back in his bed and sit on his bed until he falls asleep. To break him from returning to our room when he wakes up in the middle of the night. I'll have to use my mom's advice along with the dollar idea.

Amy - posted on 03/02/2011

Well first Ana congrats! So ur little man ended up with some money in his pocket and will have a new brother or sister, very nice! good luck to you and thank you for taking you time to help me!

Ana - posted on 03/02/2011

Hi Amy, I had this problem only 3 months ago with my 5 year old he has been sleeping with us since he was a baby and we are expecting our 3rd child march 5th so when January came around I told him it was time for him to be big boy and sleep in his bed it was hard at first i had to lie down with and he would wake up several times through out the night. Then one day Grandpa told him if he stayed in his bed all night he would give him a dollar for every day he does it and it worked! We did it for a month and now he's fine he puts himself to sleep I let him watch a movie until he falls a sleep and we leave the bathroom light on for him so it's less scary. My cousin also suggested hanging out in the room together like playing, reading watching t.v. so he gets familiar with his room and learn not to be scared. I don't know if it works I didn't get try it, but any kind of a reward system should help. Be strong and it will work out eventually

Amy - posted on 03/02/2011

Thank you Dannielle, Lisa and Latonya this is all good advise i really like the ticket idea. My 13 yr old slept with me until he was 7 i didn't mind and still don't. it would be nice to not have his knees in my back or foot in my bum but where ever he is comfy i guess! It will take time i know it will take time. He lays down in his bed fine, i sit at the foot of his bed until he falls asleep but he just wont stay there i lose lots of sleep, but that's what a mom does!

Latanya - posted on 03/02/2011

I have the same problem with my son. He likes to sleep with us. He is 4 by the way. What we have done let him go to sleep in our bed and then when he goes to sleep put him in his bed the only problem is we cannot get him in the habbit of going to his room and laying in his bed without us being in there with him.

Lisa - posted on 03/02/2011

I have two daughters 15 & 13. I was in a bad marriage and my husband was never home. My first daughter slept with me all the time, even taking some naps just laying on me as I held her. I think she was 2 or 3 when she got her own little junior bed. Use the rewards system for staying in bed. There are a big roll of tickets you can find at craft stores, etc. When he saves up say 20 tickets you and him can do something special together. It will give him something to look forward to and in the meantime keep encouraging him. You sound like a good mom. They're only little once, he'll eventually outgrow this :)

Dannielle - posted on 03/02/2011

Amy, do what works for you and your son. My 5 year old daughter sleeps with my husband and I, and we are both happy with it. When she is ready, she will go to her own bed. She is a very happy child for it, and after talking to 3 seperate professionals, they all told me to do what I felt worked for us as a family and as parents. I can say is as a mother, we learn through trial and error, and you need to find the best solution for your situation, and some type of reward system that works for your son. My daughters biggest fear is being alone at night, and she suffers from night terrors (yes she has a night light, and her room is next to ours) so if your son has a similar fear, you may want to consider having him share a room with his brother, or alternatively get him a pet (puppy or cat) who he can snuggle with at night, and inadvertently he will be learning to be on his own, and learn to focus on looking after his pet, and not allowing his pet to be alone - by sleeping with his pet, and developing a long friendship. This is just something we are busy considering, and for us - it looks as though it will work for our daughter. No mom is perfect so don't be too hard on yourself. You will find something that will work for you and your family.

Amy - posted on 03/01/2011

I want to say thank you to all of you ladys for your help, it is good to know that there is a place you can for help! I have gotten some every good advise and i will have sleepless night im sure but Andrea is right he will get it and start sleeping threw the night! Thank You very much to all of you

Fiona - posted on 03/01/2011

@Dina - no offence taken

I do however feel that my bedroom is my space - the children are allowed in in the morning and the 5 year old can let herself out of her bedroom using the stairgate if she has a problem.

I no longer use a baby monitor - I haven't for at least 12 months. I live in a small terraced property where the children sleep 20ft away. I choose not to shut the bedroom door (which we had done before) because my eldest has a fear of the dark - developed after a particular nightmare. I am not prepared to forced this issue with her. I could put the stairgate at the top of the stairs but that would not prevent her from going into the bathroom unaccompanied. My bannisters were also put on the landing before we moved in and frankly I would be concerned that she could fall through the gaps ( I could change them but she will be past that risk soon) I choose not to put my dog the other side of the stairgate if it were on the stairs because it would mean that the dog would be downstairs and he sleeps upstairs. He has done this since we rescued him - he has separation issues which my children do not. My children do not have separation issues because despite a stairgate between us and not being allowed to come into our bedroom day and night they both know that we are there for them no matter what.



*edited to add - the 5 year old has a stairgate on because she shares a bedroom with the 18 month old. They share because we live next to a pub and to put the children in the other bedroom would mean they were directly above where they are allowed to smoke. We cannot take that room because a double bed would not fit in it.*

Tina - posted on 03/01/2011

Continue with what your doing.....When he gets up take him straight to bed and yes there will be sleepless nights but the long term reward is worth it! And do not lay with him.

Shaila - posted on 02/28/2011

My daughter Faith slept with us until she was 3, she went to bed with me and got up with me. When she started sleeping in her own bed, she would come out crying so I would just pick her up and pt her in bed without saying anything. After about a week she finally stoped. Another thing when you first start out is sit in the room with him. Everynight sit further away from him. Its hard, Faith would lay in her bed and scream. I felt so bad I sat in my room and cryed just listening to her. But it was worth it in the end.

Andrea - posted on 02/28/2011

I have five children and all have slept with us the first two years. We then have a good bedtime routine and faithfully stick to it. Pjs, brush teeth, book, pray, bed, I sit in a chair in the room for a little while and even snuggle in bed for a few minutes. Over time he'll get it but give yourself a couple good weeks and just bring him back to bed every time he gets up. Consistency is the key - find what works for your family and stick with it he will sleep through the night eventually I promise!

Sujanthi - posted on 02/28/2011

Amy, I have a 5 and a 4yr old boys my self. they just started to sleep on their own room last month. They were excited at first to have their own room. I let them pick their beding, paint color(i gave them 2 to pick from) and where to put their beds and the dresser.

Try to get yours involed in doing the bed the way he would like. I do keep a chart of them sleeping in their own room; if they get up they get 30mins cartoon time taken our from the next day. This trick has helped me to get them to stay in bed and not in my room for few weeks now. Good luck with yours :-)

Jacqui - posted on 02/28/2011

I agree with Becky. 5yrs is a good age to make a fuss when he wakes up in his own room - 'wow what a big boy you are growing up to be, I am so proud of you' The reward system could be taking him to see a movie or similar. My son is 7, has been sleeping in his own room since he was 15mths and still comes down (after a wee) to say hello, a quick kiss and cuddle before going back to bed. It's his way of making sure I am there. This increased after we split up but knowing that i am always to be found gives him comfort. That is all your son is doing. He is used to always finding you next to him, so this is strange. He will get used to it and feel like a big boy as he does. By leting him know that he can come to you for whatever the reason, will give him security not to want to.
Enjoy your freedom!!!
A little word of advice though, when you put him to bed, kiss on the cheek, tuck him in and then out the door you go, no laying with him till he sleeps as he is not learning anything and you are not teaching him that now is the time to be a little independent. let go - just a little xx

Becky - posted on 02/27/2011

I agree with a rewards system. But I have to say, you're making it harder on yourself, and him, by laying down with him every time he wakes up. Of course it will take some time to undo.....habits always do. When he comes into your room, take him back to his bed, kiss him and tell him it's time to go back to sleep. Then go back to bed. He is old enough to put himself to sleep. Its actually very important, and very good for him, to be able to soothe himself in that respect. It doesn't mean you don't love him, or you're being mean. Him sleeping in his own bed at this age, and you being able to sleep, is best for everyone in many aspects. Just remember to be consistent, firm, and loving. It probably wont take as long as you think to create a new habit of bedtime routine, sleeping in his own bed, then getting praised when he wakes up still in his own bed. Good luck!

Dina - posted on 02/27/2011

@ Fiona
No offense but I still think its wrong to lock your children in their room. But thats just my personal opinion.
And I was talking about a 5 year old child here not an 18 month old, at 18 months I still had a baby monitor in my sons room so I would get to him before he got to the door. Once my son could open his bedroom door on his own then we removed the baby monitors because he is more then welcome to come to me any time day or night. There was always freedom of communication whether through a monitor or him coming to me.

If you are concerned about stairs then shouldn't the baby gate be placed at the top of the stairs?
And can't a dog simply be placed on the other side of the baby gate?

Closing bedroom doors also keeps the dog out and it practices good fire hazard safety, and opening a door is easier then opening a baby gate.

Fiona - posted on 02/27/2011

@Dina
Well I have to say I "lock" my 18month old into their bedroom with a stair gate - it stops her falling down the stairs, going into the bathroom and coming into our bedroom in the middle of the night. It also keeps the dog out of her bedroom @ night. My 4 year old daughter sleeps in the same and has been taught to open the gate so she can get out and go to the bathroom.

Amy - posted on 02/27/2011

Thank you very much Dina, that is what i do, i bring him back to bed and lay with him until he falls back to sleep, so when he comes back to me 2 hours later he knows in going to cuddle with him... I know its hard for him he went from sleeping with me to sleeping in his own bed in a new house and in a new state. we just moved in with my fiance, so he had alot of new things thrown at him at once. So im expecting it to take time...

Dina - posted on 02/26/2011

Regardless of age you should never attempt to lock your child in there room (aka baby gates, alarm systerms to scare them into staying in bed)....the issue you should address is why is he waking up so frequently?
Does he have to pee? (then no drinking for a couple hours before bed)
Is he hungry? (have a filling snake before bed)
Is he scared of the dark (a night light)
Is he cold? (double up on blankets)
Does the slightest sound wake him up? (try having some white noise in the room like a fan or something going so its a constant noise he hears).

My son often wakes up thirsty because he breaths through his mouth, so he has a water bottle by his bed, I just have to make sure its full. He also hates if his room is too warm at night so I make sure his PJ's and quilts are approrite for the weather.

If you just started to make him sleep in his own bed, at 5 years old its hard to break habits and you should expect him to come wake you up to be with you because that is what he is use to. However when you take him back to his room tuck him in don't cuddle him, offer him a teddy instead because if you cuddle him in his bed he will expect you to be there every time he wakes up too.

Amy - posted on 02/26/2011

That is a very good idea Fiona, i will have to try that! Thank you, i will let u know how it turns out.

Fiona - posted on 02/25/2011

NO - its my fault for not reading the title - sorry. Have you thought about a reward system? Every night he stays in his own bed he receives points towards a treat, if he gets up and comes to you for no valid reason (ie not sick etc) then in the morning he has to choose one of his toys to give to you and he can earn it back if he stays in bed the next night...just a thought
xxx

Amy - posted on 02/24/2011

Thank you for the advise but i failed to mention that he is 5, and will climb right over that baby gate...

Tracey - posted on 02/24/2011

U should of never let that happen to let ur son sleep w/ u as a baby My daughter only sleeps w/ me is when shes sick.. she has her own bed and bed rails on it ... so she wont fall out have u tried and alarm on the top of the door so he wont sneek out of his room at nite... or have u tryed a baby gate to block his room off at nite execpt for the bathroom... so he cant get to ur room?

Fiona - posted on 02/24/2011

Have you thought about putting a stairgate on his room?