I want to leave my husband & children

Amber - posted on 01/01/2013

Omg... Of coarse that makes you a bad person!!!! If you don't love your husband, move on! but for god sakes, don't give up on your children! Have you ever thought that the problem could be you? Your children probably don't listen to you because they see your lack of interest on them. You chose to have them, so you are responsible for raising them. I quite frankly am appalled and discussed in you! Grow the F... Up!!!! My kids are the same age as yours, and I can't imagine giving up on them! You need to find God, and love your family for who they are and stop being selfish. What kind of parents will your children become without a loving, caring mother? So so sad.

Connie - posted on 12/31/2012

You attacked my opinions personally by typing in my name. I just stated an opinion which I also am entitled too. I am not saying if it is right or wrong or trying to persuade anyone to my way of thinking just stating my opinion. If you don't like it that is fine, you don't have to.
The exclamations and capitols are a response to your attack on me! I still think it is better if she is resenting her family to get out instead of hurting them. I believe what I believe and you can believe whatever you please.

Lakota - posted on 12/31/2012

"Seems like you are the one being selfish in trying to make everyone think your way." How am I doing that, Connie? I am just voicing my opinion just like you are. Except, I'm not using this: !!!!!!!!!!! or writing in CAPS.

So, you think her abandoning her kids and leaving them with a man who shows no interest in caring for the kids is ok? If so, that is so sad and disgusting. Maybe, instead of this woman just thinking about herself, she could leave and take the kids. I hope she did.

Now, get over yourself and try to be respectful of other people who don't agree with you.

Connie - posted on 12/31/2012

Men are involved in that decision too! Those kids are just as much a part of him as they are her. Everyone needs to do what is best for the family as a whole and sometimes the mother leaving might be the best thing, instead of her ending up drowning or stabbing the whole bunch!!! Seems like you are the one being selfish in trying to make everyone think your way. If you mean by choice....abortion.....than how is your way any better? AND I SAID LIVE APART FROM THE FAMILY!!! As suggested earlier, let the husband have them during the week and she could have them on the weekends. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion here and it sounds like you are just wanting to drum up an arguement.

Lakota - posted on 12/31/2012

Yes, it does make you a bad mother if you leave your kids PERIOD.

Connie Willson said "Men do it everday! No you are not bad, you also need to take care of you."
So because some men do it every day, it's ok if she does it? When a woman decides to have children (and it is a choice) it is not ok for her to then think it's ok to leave them. Tracey's post is an old one and I hope she decided to stop being selfish.

Connie - posted on 12/31/2012

Men do it everday! No you are not bad, you also need to take care of you. Why should women stay where they are not wanted and appreciated. Men leave for selfish reasons everday, usually for another woman. Why would it be bad to live apart from your family, you would still be there for them, just not there for them to treat like dirt.

Maggie - posted on 12/28/2012

I am reading this in 2012. The year is coming to a close and I am thinking of all the things I regret and hope to improve on next year. The one thing that I've struggled with the most this year was the desire to leave my family. I hurt me to admit that the thought was even entering my mind. I love my kids. Like every mom they have moments that they drive me crazy. I don't blame them for the unhappiness that my mistakes in life have brought me. I have no control over the man that decided he didn't want to be a family anymore, leaving us. I could have tried harder to overcome the difficulties that him doing this, would cause in my life. But that very human thought--self preservation-- did enter my mind. Have I done it, No! Does accepting that I feel this way make me bad--NO! SHAME ON ALL OF YOU FOR BASHING THIS WOMAN! SHE CAME HERE FOR HELP. Did you think you could be the people that encourage her to stay by trying kinder words.
Tracey Your not a bad person. You would be a bad person if you stayed and treated you kids badly because of this deep resentment that is growing in you. I will say that it is our responsibilty to groom the type of people our children will be. We have to be strong enough to say "Hey, I'm not managing my house properly. I can do better." You can do it! Think about what you want your family to be like and help them to become that. Like someone suggested make them involved in the house chores. You can't change the man but you can shape your own life. YOUR NOT A BAD PERSON FOR WANTING YOUR KIDS TO BE HAPPY! Just don't think that you missing from the equation is going to make it better. It will only make you and them more sad. Love your family and find time for you before you regret your decision. It's 2 years later and I wonder what you decided. I hope that it all worked out for you. I find myself where you were then. Wanting a difference in my life and having ugly thoughts about how to change it.

IF YOU READ THIS AND NEVER HAD THIS THOUGHT BE HAPPY THAT YOU ARE SO BLESSED. HOWEVER, THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD THAT STRUGGLE WITH BEING A MOM AND HOW DARE YOU MAKE US FEEL LIKE CRAP BECAUSE WE NEED ENCOURAGEMENT TO CARRY ON.

Denise - posted on 12/28/2012

In my opinion , you need help. A counsellor? I think it is selfish to walk out on your kids , you brought them into the world . This will stay with them their whole life . Get some help so you can cope. Kids need their mom.

Cecilia - posted on 12/27/2012

you think you're the only unappreciated mother in the world? that's funny to me. You are responsible for not having kids who help around the house. sorry but it's true. you raised them didn't you?

My kids, 15,13,12,2 know that every Saturday they are responsible for house cleaning. (yes i make my two yr old clean... she has to get her toys and put them into bins- with help of course) they help me do the things i didn't get around to, and well giving me a day off. All the teens are responsible for doing their own laundry. If they don't do it, they will have to walk around in dirty clothes... not my problem. (although this has never happened that i recall) I'm sure you can persuade them to help you some how... Say if you do these chores i'll make you your favorite dinner, or i'll make a cake for everyone and if you don't help you don't get any.

With that said, if you're unhappy in your marriage feel free to do as you wish. Don't leave your kids. Shoot even if you leave the father and work it out where he keeps them during the week and you have weekends..

Amanda - posted on 12/22/2012

Yes! it does make you a bad person. it is not an option. you cant leave them. it's your responsibility to give them a happy childhood which i'm sure they deserve. so please think about it. your children need you as a mother. and you have to be strong for them.

Adriana - posted on 12/22/2012

Yes,it does make you a bad person.your children needs mom who will take care of the and you are responsible of their happy childhood which would be impossible without mom on their side.

Patricia - posted on 12/14/2012

Don't ever leave your children behind. I have three adopted sons that have been part of my life for almost 7 years now. I don't know if they will ever get over the abandonment they feel from the birthmoms. Get help for your emotional stuff and family counciling for you and the kids. As for the husband, he won't change unless he feels there is a reason to change. Take care of yourself and your kids first. The husband can take care of himself.

Lungile - posted on 12/13/2012

I would agree take a break but then you really need to sit down and have a talk with you family. Include a mediator who is family to sit with you and them to discuss this as it seems serious. It may be that they dont sense that you are stressed they just need to be sat down and told the extremety of the situation. Im sure they love you will do all they can to help out around the house its just that its so much easier to relax when someone else is doing everything for you so you should also not be an enabler. If the kids refuse to clean their rooms then leave it that way dnt do it for them. If they dont wash dishes then leave it like that and see what they do. Good luck

Lisa - posted on 12/12/2012

Tracy..I hope wherever you are today that you and your children and family are happy...God Bless you and keep you....

Amy - posted on 12/12/2012

Do you have any close girlfriends? Because if there is one thing in life that gets more and more true, it's that women truly NEED the friendship and company of other women. If you can't do that, you might try this ...This might sound odd... if there is a catholic convent near you, try finding out if you can go there for a retreat for a few weeks. On a personal level I am about as far from being a Catholic as one person can be and still be human,but when I was in deep need I took a retreat and found it extremely helpful. Since you are surrounded by Nuns your husband is less likely to think there is something to be jealous of, and maybe be more inclined to understand that you really, really need some time by yourself. Also, the nuns may be away from the world, but they still understand it, better than most do. They can help you face some hard truths, both about your relationship and youself. And help you figure out what to do about those truths.

Shonda - posted on 12/12/2012

I say if your really not happy with your husband, you've been with him long enough don't waste anymore time and leave. As far as your children go NEVER leave them w/o a mom. That can cause emotional stress on them in the long run. It can also have bad effects on them in their school , such as their grades dropping, emotionally/socially detached from others. Tell the kids your planning to leave their dad and that your going to get a house so that they can be with both of you at your own houses. Hope everything works out. God bless you and your family :) !!

Rusthum - posted on 12/12/2012

ask them to come if they want! freedom you should have!

don't do what you don't like! if you find your suffering not worth, then leave!

kids will go with you if they really want!

Miss J - posted on 12/10/2012

Just take a vacation. If you still feel the same way take your daughter, let the dad take care of the boy but still keep in contact with your son

John - posted on 11/27/2012

You situation is understood to be frustrating, but if you see love as simply an emotion, then our relationships will fail often. Love is the commitment and persuit of the betterment of another's being. So your emotions are a little jaded...we have all been there. The fact is, you made a commitment to your husband and to your children. To abandon them simply because your emotions are out of sorts will irreparably damage you, your husband and your children (who are your own flesh and blood). Seek professional help with your emotion and propensity to run when things get hard. Also, both you and your husband should seek psychological and/or spiritual assistance because you have an obligation to do everything you can to keep those innocent children from being emotionally scarred and damaged. Woman up! And take care of business!

Laura - posted on 11/21/2012

Yes I am sorry to say it does make you a bad mother.

Marie Sandra - posted on 11/20/2012

Hello Tracey I am happy that you are still home for the sake of your children. Remember things are not always easy. We all have our purpose in life. I am going to be firm and flat out say do not leane your children. They are your rock before you know they might be the one light of your fulfillment. I am a children advocate in the name of God. Sometime we have to loose ourselves to help others in need at this moment your children need you. Take that awaiting surgery is a sign that God is forcing you to stay where you are needed. You cut out to be a mother you have come so far. By the fact you sat down to post this meaning you do not really want to leave.You are a lovely woman who is taking care of her family and felling overwhelmed and under appreciated like most of us. Hang on God Bless.

Veronika - posted on 11/03/2012

You are not bad mum,you are tired of marriage,of everdays activities,I don't know if you are at home all day or have got a job,but what you nedd is time of yourselfes,holidays,tripc an comunicate with your husband,you can leave your family,but you cannot leave your live.I apologise for my English,Iam not native speaker,but I am mum like you and I know this feelings.DO,what ju can,but be wise.



Veronika

Georgina - posted on 10/25/2012

I wanted to say that it seems to me that a lot of the problm isn't the kids, it's you and the hubby. Kinda difficult to really love someone that reminds you of your hubby. You have to remember though, that the kids are partly you. Look for yourself in them. It might be difficult to see, because they may look like daddy, but its there. And even if you don't love your husband, you can still respect him, and he you. After I had my first child, my husband was overwhelmed. He didn't help simply because he didn't know how to. His mother was the type of mother that did everything for him. I sat him down, and I gently explained to him that being a mother was hard work. I wasn't getting sleep. I didn't feel well. I was recovering from a c-section, so I was in a lot of pain. I showed him how to change a diaper and how to feed the baby. He started helping because he loved me. Simple as that. Later on when I was getting more sleep, I still needed a break from time to time. He took care of the baby and I went to a movie. If your husband is willing to help, then that respect will be regained, and maybe even turn into love over time. Many women make the mistake of nagging saying you don't do this, or you don't do that. Instead of you, say I don't feel well, or whatever it may be that you need to get across. AS for kids... they just take time and consistency. Many times I don't feel like having to deal with them, but if you let them get away with something one day, then they'll do it the next. In other words, You tell pick up the toys. They'll be happy to let it go for weeks, if you don't talk to them every single day. And sometimes during one session, I'd have to tell them to pick up their toys multiple times. That's just the way kids are. It's hard now, but it does get easier. At least that is what I tell myself every day. Instead of focusing on negative self talk, tell yourself positive things. And for goodness sakes, laugh. My daughter smeared poop all over the wall. Instead of crying, I laughed. She laughed. Then I got her finger paints.

Sharon - posted on 07/22/2012

Ah hun your kids would never get over the feeling of being abandon,and it could take years to get the relationship back,if your not happy with your husband by all means leave,but PLEASE dont leave your children,hope all goes well for you.x

Molly - posted on 06/23/2012

Does he know how you feel? Maybe some family counseling is in order? Walking away from your husband and children will not be as easy as it sounds. Anything worth having is going to require some work. Even if you feel you were not cut out tom be a Mum, the fact remains that you ARE in fact a Mum. You leaving will not change that. Best of luck to you.

Elendemhinlin - posted on 06/22/2012

i dont think the best thing to do now is to pack out of ur matrimonial home living ur kids behind'why not iron out any issue u think you are having with your spouse if not for anything but for the sake of the children.they need u.u have to be there for them to shape them spiritually,morally and physically.dont let them pass through the truma of broken home or seperated parent.pray to God there is nothing too difficult for HIM.if possible go for counselling.My God will heal your heart.all the best.

Jennifer - posted on 06/15/2012

So, this was originally posted a year and a half ago... What happened? Did you stay or leave? How are things now?

Lori - posted on 06/12/2012

Hey Tracey, I've also been married for 14 years and have two children, a son who is 13 & a daughter who is 8 as well so I can relate to you. I think it's totally normal to go through rough patches in a marriage and there has been times when I didn't love my husband as much as I should have when we weren't getting along the best. But, I guess I would just stop and think about everything we HAD gone through and how we felt about each other when we first met...it really helped me to focus on what I actually loved about the guy and not put so much enphasis on his faults or what drove me nuts about him...lol! My hubby is also not the domestic type so forget about him helping me with the housework but he does do the grocery shopping and bbq's alot of dinners in the summer time so I give him credit for what he DOES do. And kids that age are not easy to handle especially...because of the age difference...I should know! But, like every stage in their development...these days will also pass and they will move on to better behaviours and mature into more understanding individuals. I would say think long and hard before you decide to end the marriage and leave your kids. Fourteen years is a long history and you guys have been through alot as a family. Unless there is infidelity or abuse...most things can be worked out with counselling etc. All the best! Lori.

Kristen - posted on 06/09/2012

Do it!! I did and I'm miserable but my life sucked before too. My husband and son are better off without me. I wanted to commit suicide but I couldn't because we filed for bankruptcy and any insurance my husband would get would have to be turned over to the courts so I just left. I packed a bag one day, left my cell phone on the counter and started driving. When I got tired, I found a wayside rest and went to sleep. Because I had a good night sleep, I decided to stay in that town for the rest of my life. That was 3 years ago.

Patty - posted on 05/27/2012

maybe you did too much for your child,aailor. there is nothing i hate worse than a parent blaming their child for being spoiled when it,s the parents fault for not having the backbone to disipline and to say no to the child. you may not like what i say to you,but you need to look at yourself and realize that YOU messed up. not your daughter.

Aailor25 - posted on 05/27/2012

I feel all you frustration and pain. Being a mother and wife IS the most thankless job! Start taking weekend trips away. Nobody can call you a bad mother for taking breaks. My daughter threw me under the bus for years, I DID EVERYTHING FOR HER! She finally this year ( she's almost 18) she is now apologizing for being a brat. Just hold on!!!! grand babies make up for being put through jerk of kids. LoL ignore your your husband, cheat on, divorce him....but never leave your kids for good! I wish the best for! Xoxox

Kelly - posted on 04/27/2012

no, but telling the world about him on the internet wont work in your favour from the childrens point of view

Elizabethe - posted on 04/13/2012

The opposite of a 'Tiger Mother': leaving your children behind

By Lylah M. Alphonse, Senior Editor, Yahoo! Shine | Parenting – Fri, Mar 4, 2011 2:25 AM EST



On being a part-time mother

When Rahna Reiko Rizzuto's marriage crumbled, she did what many fathers do - she left the family home, took an apartment down the street, and saw her young sons three times a week. But when she began to talk about her decision publicly, she became the focus of intense criticism and vitriol



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Comments (226)

Rahna Reiko Rizzuto

guardian.co.uk, Monday 19 March 2012 07.02 EDT

Article history



Here is a couple of articles about a mother who decided to be a part time mom. Hope this helps.

I would what some of these other parents are saying tell your husband you are taking a vacation and really decide if that is what you really want to do. It might be that you need to leave him and not the kids. Have a good night and no judgement from me here, a woman has to do what woman has to do.

Patty - posted on 04/13/2012

don,t take this as me judging because i,m really not. you made a committment to your husband and you,ve brought children into the world. look, my husband and son can drive me crazy too so i understand how you feel. but you need to step out of yourself and think of your family and stop being selfish with the 'me me me' unless your husband is a cheater or an abuser, you need to step up and be the wife and mother you promised to be. maybe take a weekend with some other female friends . ONCE in a while. there,s nothing wrong with taking a day to yourself.

G - posted on 04/11/2012

Thanks again for all the put downs Laura, you have been inspirational and very helpful. I am so glad I joined Circle of Moms, you are just what I was hoping to find in a moment of crisis.

Laura - posted on 04/11/2012

uuummm ok....whatever you have to say to make yourself feel better...you are really a piece of work.

Laura - posted on 04/11/2012

Actually G I have been with my husband for over twenty years and have two children...My husband and I were smart enough to enjoy each other for 10 years before we started our family. And you are right I have NO understanding for someone that had a FOURTH child after they caught their husband cheating during the THIRD pregnancy. And lets be honest someone who would even think about leaving their children really has no room to be sassy to someone that calls you on it...of course your response does shed some light on why your husband moved on.

Ellie Richardson - posted on 04/11/2012

You sound like me and the things I say to myself in private at my weakest moments. Is it at all possible that u need some time to get away for a bit to just get you thoughts together?I dont know u but if its that bad then Maybe take a vacation away from it all an see how u feel from there. Dont make a decision on impulse because thats when the biggest mistakes are made.

Melinda - posted on 04/10/2012

I don't think it does...and sit down a week prior before the leave and forewarn the kids of your plans...then they will not think it is because of them...because it is not...it is because of their surroundings. They think their behavior is ok because Dad does it. Tell him you will return when he and the children desire to live and behave like a loving family could/should be in a "team setting". Mom is not a throw rug...EVER! IF they choose not to change, well, I guess you won both your battles....I'm guessing , right now, they have been swayed to go wildly...with Dad

I had a friend who did this same thing...Dad came around within six months and kids NEVER questioned here from that point on.

Michelle - posted on 04/09/2012

No one on this website or anywhere else can judge you or your decisions. But until those children are grown, you have a responsibility. Just the fact that you haven't left yet, tells me you don't really want to. The fact that you are on here asking advice, tells me you don't want to. Honey, take a look around you. What else is there for you, if you become the person that packed your bags and abandoned your children. You can NEVER, EVER take a decision like that back....

Me - posted on 03/29/2012

g...why would you punish your children because you married a selfish ass? Its not fair to take your anger & frustration out on them, by abandoning them. Its not easy when you have no help from them. But if you have family near by or can move to be near them, then that's what you should do. Or ask your friend who suggested you abandoned your kids to watch them for a few hrs so you can get some me time & take the opportunity to re-energize. Make him pay for the chuck e cheese trips......he made this choice. Its not ok for a man to walk away....it just seems like it because society expects a man to be an ass. Society knows & expects women to be strong, the nurturer's & care takers.......we don't flake out on our responsibilities. And when one does......its a shock.

Cynthia - posted on 03/27/2012

Wow! iI guess im not the only one, well what do we do? i cant stand my husband i dont love him he doesnt get it, i get so angry with him and when my son is crying he doesnt help me i do everything else i feel like i dont care...i want to leave to and put him in my shoes for a week while i go get drunk nd high with my friends like he does see how he manages to keep things together around here! i feel sometimes i shouldnt have been a mother either i dont have patience even before i had my son. am i a bad person? idk i think if i did things that made me happy and leave him i would be a better person and mother. your kids are old enough that you can sit and explain it to them how you feel, idk buddy im in the same boat sorry i know i was no help but hey i hear ya! :) i dont think your a bad person i think you need a break...and maybe after you will have a clear head and think things through or move on.

Dusty - posted on 12/26/2011

Do you think talking to your husband about this would help? You may still love him & not realize it because of his actions. Try taking a date night once or twice a month, or just having time together after the kids go to sleep at night. Maybe doing what you did before having kids once in awhile will help to rekindle the love. As for just leaving him & the children behind, I think it's a bad idea. It could be very damaging to the children. I don't think that you are a bad person. Sometimes we all just need a little time to ourselves. Just because you think you weren't cut out to be a mom doesn't mean your children think the same. What would they do without you in their everyday lives? I really urge you to start marriage counseling, family counseling, or even just individual counseling to work through some of your emotions. I hope this all works out for not only you, but your husband & children also. Good luck.

Shannintipton - posted on 12/25/2011

What did you decide Tracey

Bonnie - posted on 12/21/2011

Personally, I don't think escaping it all for good is the answer. You should try to work at it first. A short trip away for a break is one thing. Also, your kids are YOUR kids. They need you. You have to take that into consideration.

Me - posted on 12/20/2011

I couldn't imagine not having my kids in my life even though they act like their dad at times. The kids pick up on bad behavior faster then they pick up on the good. My first response or thought is.....yeah you are a bad person for wanting to dump your kids just because you don't love your spouse. BUT!!!! I don't think its actually that easy of an answer. I think you should actually remove the spouse from the equation & get a chance to reconnect with your kids first before you decide to dump all the responsibility on to someone else.
after all its not the kids' fault....this will affect your daughter far more then your son......but you abandoning them, will affect them both greatly. Good luck

Ewkshy - posted on 12/18/2011

Oh yeah that's a good idea, sit down with one of the children and talk to them about how you are too selfish to be their mother anymore. So basically you want to abandon the one thing in this world that absolutely relies on you to become a relatively happy and functional adult and instead of ripping the band aid off quick, make it as painful as possible for the child. Definately do NOT make that mistake. This has less to do with whether the parent is the mother or father but truthfully any parent who is selfish enough to leave kids behind wondering why they weren't good enough for that parent can be summed up as scum. You say you don't love your husband because he doesn't help out with the housework WOW he sounds like such a terrible person he must really deserve to be left with the responsibility of raising two kids that you also decided to have on his own. If you think he is selfish you should stop kidding yourself and figure out what kind of person you really are, who is the one that deserves to be abandoned

Michelle - posted on 10/22/2011

I know how you feel...and I always look how easy a man can leave and no one is blunt to them...but we are different, Mothers from the womb...take the bs....no, don't...go away for awhile to get a piece of mind..and as Women we should stick together (which we don't)! Do what makes you happy and put yourself first...your not abandoning your kids...sheesh..its your life...I wish you so much luck, with a lifetime of happiness love.

Jen - posted on 03/24/2011

i think you should talk it over with the rest of your family without causing any fights 1st consult your husband then consult the oldist kid to the youngest kid and hope for the best :)

Jessica - posted on 01/02/2011

wow well no matter what you should not leave your children, you are there mother and you need to disipline them it may hurt you more than it hurts them but you are tring to raise two mature adults. As for your husband sometimes divorse happens does that make you a bad person no but if the children are going to stay with him you need to be in there lives also and not just once a month or when you want to, you are a mother and chose to be a mother and cannot change that now. If your husband will not listen to your needs mentally or physically by all means do not stay with a person like that there are plenty of fish in the sea. But i lost my mother to cancer at 15 and it was the hardest thing ever she may not of chose to leave us but i can just imangine the pain on a child if there mother chose to leave them. I would advise family thearpy because obviously some things have happened to make you feel this way and there is alwways a positive to every negative you just gotta believe and want to make a change. I wish you the best of luck in this time of need and hope everything works out.