Is it normal for a 5 year old to scream over what to wear?

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Kristen - posted on 04/29/2009

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My 6 year old daughter has been like this 4 about 2 years now. She knows what she likes to wear and it has to be a dress. Since it was winter we had to do some compromising. On certain days of the week she could wear a dress and then the other days I got to pick. It worked very well for me. I had to let her feel like she got to have a choice in the matter too.She is very stubborn and there were days I literally had to dress her like an infant. She would straighten her legs out stiff and I had to slide the pant legs on. It was a nightmare, but letting her have days that were her days made a big difference and we dont have those fights anymore.

Linda - posted on 04/28/2009

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My daughters both have their ideas on what looks good (3 & 5). My oldest is a diva and is slowly....slowly coming into her own fashion sense. She will only wear skirts or dresses but doesn't like tights. So if she wants to wear a skirt or dress in the winter, then instead of tights she has started to wear pants under them. It doesn't always look good but not worth fighting over. My youngest will only wear pants and tacky tshirts (she likes to dress like a boy) but there are so many other stresses in life that trying to get her to wear something other than her spider man shoes seems ridiculous. Big deal.

As long as they are appropriately dressed for the weather.

Everything is a phase as long as they still know that even though they have choices Mom and Dad are still in charge, it's all good.

Angela - posted on 04/26/2009

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The super nanny would say to give her 'choices'. Lay out three outfits and she can pick which one to wear. Don't let her dictate her wardrobe to you. You are the mum, she has to know that you are the boss. Sorry if I'm repeating other, I didn't read all of the posts :) Hope I've helped. (Super Nanny is a show on tv in Australia about a British nanny who fixes families)

Sherena - posted on 04/25/2009

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My 5 year does it and it drives me crazy. I have some what nipped it in the bud but every once in a while she will try. They are like little fashion divas! They know what they want...or at least they think they do. Kids today seem more knowing and too grown! I thinkg my little one thinks she is grown - just trapped in a small body. Nip it in the bud now!

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Shawn - posted on 04/27/2009

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My daughter did that for almost 2 years.....it did not matter if I picked the clothes out or gave her choices, or let her pick the clothing out. It does stop and the best solution I had was to give her a "countdown" as to when we had to leave and she knew my expectations were that she had to be dressed and done crying by the time we had to leave. Most of the time it worked...good luck!

Leah - posted on 04/26/2009

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Choose your battles. Mismatched shoes and socks aren't so bad. If they want to wear a bathing suit in the snow then you should intervene.

Tara - posted on 04/26/2009

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ya the fight for imdependance is a tough one what i did was pick out 2 outfits and have them choose from those outfits giving them some control while still maintaining mine...good luck

Amanda - posted on 04/25/2009

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i hope so my 8 yr old & 4 yr old both do it they each have their own style and it drives my 13yr old nuts bc i let them dress how they want it is good for them to be able to express themselves and shows great signs of independence at least that is my opinion

Sherena - posted on 04/25/2009

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I agree that the screaming is not normal and should not be tolerated. I am working to nip my daughter's reaction to clothing.

Christine - posted on 04/25/2009

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A child wanting to dress his or herself is normal. The screaming isn't. At that stage a 5 year old should be able to express themselves verbally. For example, " I do not want to wear that because...(insert reason)." I have a 6 year old and a 9 year old. Both of them are little divas. But they know not to scream or throw tantrums. It doesn't help the situation. Since they were 2, I have always told them to use their words. Now, I am not saying my kids are angels because they can cause a bit of mischief. But screaming is not necessary OR acceptable in my house. You make the rules, not them.

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Yes it is Try to have your child to pick out what to wear. And if it doesnt match try to put in constructive critism of the outfit, then try to suggest an alternive shirt or pants... And every once in a while let them get away with mis-matching. Im guessing that your Child is in school cause of his/her age... He or She may just want to be able to go to school and say that they dressed themselves

Christine - posted on 04/25/2009

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I don't think it is normal. If my child screamed at me, there would be a consequence. I'm not here to be their friend at this point. I am there to teach them what is right and wrong during each phase in their young lives. Having a kid scream at you is empowering them and allowing them to think," Hey, if I scream, I can get what I want." Forget that! Now, I do allow my kids to choose their clothing, but the day they begin screaming at me, there will be consequences.

[deleted account]

To be hosnest, I have let my kids choose what to wear since they were about 2 if they wanted. I decided long ago this wasn't worth fighting over. They have every day clothes and church clothes. They can pick from anything in there (on the right day) as i know what they have so there is nothing inappropriate. It is one area they can express themselves without them realizing there are limits as you have purchaced the clothes. That being said I have had a day or 2 that I have taken them out in PJs as they refuse to change at all. Agian, not a big deal as far as I am concerned. In fact, they hated it and it didn't happen again.

Joni - posted on 04/25/2009

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I totally have empathy for you... have a four year old that does the same thing.. I hope this phase will be gone when she is five (this November) but I wouldn't be surprised if it isn't. The worst part of our day is getting ready...not just in the morning either, anytime that we get dressed for any reason I never know what I am in for. She is very particular about what she wears (how it feels, or looks!) I am fortunate enough that I am able to buy her new things when I want so I have a lot of choices and I even have her pick things out when we are shopping in hopes that she will wear it. But even doing that, including giving her choices.. she still freaks out when she puts things on!! This problem is with clothes and shoes!!



It is really hard for me to know if it is simply a control issue with her or if things really do not feel right when she puts them on. Whatever it is, it is a HUGE problem. I have found that compromising works most of the time.. I have to threaten that she will not be able to do something, or go somewhere, etc. that will usually get her to get the clothes on! Today she did not want to put her tights on for dance class, (she wears the same tights every time and has been in dance for over a year!) We told her if she didn't put them on she would not be able to go with her dad today to an event that she loves to go to! She changed her mind real fast.



I do think that they grow out of it... my 15 year old son had a similiar problem with any shoes that had laces. He had to have the laces tucked in a certain way or he would freak out. He grew out of it. Good luck to you!! J.

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