Is it ok for men to take there little 6 to 9 year old little girls to the mens bathroom?

Pam - posted on 05/27/2010 ( 33 moms have responded )

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I just think that moms shouldn't be just paranoid about our little boys going in the mens bathroom by themselfs but if your going to be paranoid about the boys then if you have girls then you should be the same way as with the ladies bathroom. Theres sexual predators everywhere that are men and women. Alot of people think that women can't be sexual predators but they are out there. We can't live our lives being paranoid about everything all the time. We need to teach our kids about strangers and how to protect themselfs a little bit if your out in public. We can't sit here and not let our kids go into the bathrooms by themselfs in public places. It just slows down there learning process of growing up and being independant. As long as your right there by the bathroom doors waiting for your child you shouldn't be so worried. The kids get in go potty and get out. If it takes a long time for the kid to come out more than 10 mins. Then I would just open the door slitely and say your kids name. If they respond saying that there ok or almost done then everything is ok.

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Rhonda - posted on 06/03/2010

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My little boy is 6 years old and I or my husband always go to the bathroom with him in public. Not his stall, but the bathroom. While I would love to live in a world where we have to let them go by themselves all together it just does not exist. We will do the same with our daughter too when she is finished training to go to the potty. My son has been taking Tae Kwon Doe since age 4 and he does have basic knowledge on how to protect himself, but he is still just a child. I dissagree about the learning process being slowed down. If I were going in his stall and still wiping him then, yes, I would say that his learing process is slowing down. But going in to make sure they are safe is not slowing anything down, it is just very good caution. After all you don't know standing outside the bathroom if your child is being held and told to make you think everything is okay until after any abuse has taken place. You can never take something like that back. Better to be safe than sorry, especially with our most precious gifts God has given us!

Sherri - posted on 06/02/2010

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You can't control someone breaking in your home. You can control a stranger hurting your child by not leaving them unattended.

Donna - posted on 06/02/2010

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I don't really go by age, I go more by the responsibility of the child and how safe I feel the location is.

I asked my ten year old daughter (last year when she was 9) how she would feel if she walked into a public ladies' room and one her 3rd grade boy classmates was in there or vice versa. Her reply was "I would be totally embarrassed!" I can only imagine how the boy would feel for his girl classmate to see that he still had to accompany his female relative.
Bathrooms that have lobbies are great, but it's not really different from them waiting outside the ladies' room in the first place. Just a false sense of security. Any bad woman could snatch a child from right outside your stall and be out of the store before you had you underwear pulled up. We've all seen kids throwing a tantrum and having to be carried from a store by a parent. How many of us have actually said, "Wait, prove to me that's your child!" just because they are screaming? I have to be a spoil-sport and remind people that if there is a closed door between you and your child, there is no absolute safety... that's why we need to teach them how to act on their own and to proactive in their own safety. Otherwise, we will just have children who are afraid to do anything.

Shelley - posted on 05/31/2010

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I have let my son go into the mens room at Staples alone. I first crack open the door, to make sure its empty. A father later came to use it, and I told. Him my son was in there. This understanding man so graciously waited until my son came out before he went in. I have also let my son go into a one-person mensroom alone, where he could lock the door. When there's little traffic, I have no problem with him going alone, under certain conditions. But, by and large, he will go with me into the ladies' room until the time's right.

Liz - posted on 05/27/2010

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I raised 3 kids 1boy and 2 girls, they have always used the bathroom of proper sex, since they were 5 yrs old. It helps them feel grown up and not like were treating them like a baby!! I now have 13 grandkids and daycare of 4 of them,They too go to the bathroom on their own!!You have to give them a chance to grow!!

Standing near the door and checking on them is a great way to give them independence and growth!! They need to feel trusted by their parents as well!
You teach them to scream and yell as loud as they can if someone is trying to hurt them! You would surely hear them standing near the door!!

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Apple - posted on 04/23/2014

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Yes it just as normal as mom taking boys in the women restroom or locker room. Father or older brothers can take daughter or sister into the male restroom.

Gary - posted on 09/17/2012

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I think it is ok, it dont matter what a Child does, if there is a pedo around, it dont matter what a Child does or wears "a pedo will always look at a Child no matter what.

Dawn - posted on 06/02/2010

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I love the family bathrooms!!! Maybe it is because we live in a small town and we feel safe here which we probably shouldn't, but I have let both my girls go to the bathroom by themselves since they were probably about 5. They are 9 & 7 now. Usually my 9 year goes with my 7 year old though. I have never thought about someone hurting them. It is just like not leaving your house because you are afraid someone is going to break in.

Tammy - posted on 06/02/2010

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Pam, I have a 6yr. old daughter, 13yr. old son and a 18yr. old son. Both of my boys didn't not start using the mens bathroom by themselves until probably around the age of 7 or 8 with me waiting right outside the door. At that point I discussed with them about the fact of not letting anyone touch them, etc. My daughter has not used the ladies room by herself but only a couple of times and this is when her daddy took her to the bathroom. He waited right outside the door for her as well. What really makes life a lot easier is when stores have "family" bathrooms. That way my husband or myself can take my daughter to the bathroom without weird looks headed our way.

Donna - posted on 06/02/2010

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When my daughter was about 4 - 5years old, my husband HAD to take my daughter into the men's room because he was by himself with her and HE had to go. It wasn't a big deal for my daughter because we're not a modest family at home and she has seen my husband pee at home. It WAS a big deal for the MEN in the bathroom. There are only stalls around the toilets, not around the urinals. Almost every man using a urinal zipped up and left as fast as possible when they realized a little girl was in there. If women's restrooms didn't have stall doors, we would probably have more women having a problem letting boys in there.

My husband started letting her go unattended into the ladies' rooms after that and tried to find a "non-stalking-looking" distance from the ladies' room so he could hear if our daughter needed him but didn't make him look creepy. We started letting our son go on his own at about 5 years old, too, because he let us know that he isn't a girl :) If I need to use the ladie's room, I do make him come in if my daughter isn't with me. She's ten and he's seven. I stopped making her come in with me when she was nine. They are good kids and stay together when they are supposed to and don't run around like undiscplined hellions while I'm in there.

I still worry... I'll never stop worrying... but I do have to let them learn that they CAN be self-sufficient, that I won't be insisting on being in control forever, just for now... :)

Rebekah - posted on 06/02/2010

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My little guy is almost 5 and depending on the location he can use the bathroom alone.
But it all depends one where we are and how I feel that day

Amanda - posted on 06/02/2010

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Does your shopping centre have a family room or nappy changing room, they usually have the smaller toilets in cubicles, are open to mothers and fathers, and if there are stalls for b'feeding they have curtains.
My children are all boys, and i have always taken them to the family room when they were younger - then when my eldest was around 10 he told me that he wanted to use the mens room, i let him, but on the condition that he was accompanied by his brother. I stood near the door and waited. To this day, i never let my children go to the toilet by themselves while we are out, they go in pairs or all 3 together, and wait for each other to finish before they leave the room. They are now 9, 11 and 13.
Stories of children being found dead in toilets, or molested scare the daylights out of me - why risk it - if you weigh up the risks, a dirty look or a hurt child - i would gladly take the dirty look and know my child was safe.

Sarah - posted on 06/01/2010

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I feel that 10 is the cut off age for children of opposite sexes to go in the restroom with their parents. 8 or 9 if that child is mature enough to go alone. And yes I will be still be standing at the door making sure everything is ok.

Carla - posted on 05/31/2010

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Most men, if they hear a little girl is coming in, accompanied by Daddy, would be considerate and zip up. I had to use a mens' bathroom one time at a Bob Seger concert. Bad bladder and long lines--I just got in line with the men. They were very considerate to me--I can't imagine they wouldn't be just more so with a little girl. Sorry, ladies, but my children/grandchildren will go with one of us until I feel they can go by themselves. Anyone who is offended by this, either man or woman, hasn't got a grasp on what's going on in the world today.

Alicia - posted on 05/31/2010

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In my hometown of Oceanside, CA, there was a boy who was murdered at a public restroom while his aunt was waiting right outside the door. She heard nothing. The kid who came out was later caught, but I can't help remembering that every time I take my 5 year old to the bathrooms. While it is important for kids to know how to react to inappropriate actions from people (not just strangers), no-one knows exactly how they would react to a situation until it actually happens to them. Did you know that kids are molested or touched inappropriately by other kids on school buses? Kids are flashed by men while walking in their neighborhoods. It's all around us, and there is no escaping it. I don't think dads should take girls into the mens room unless it is empty of other men/boys. Sometimes dads don't have a choice, and I understand that, so every attempt should be made to protect her from seeing anything or being subjected to lewd behavior. While we would like to believe that men don't behave inappropriately, take a look at some of those movies and shows on t.v., and tell me what you think of their crazy antics. Some may find it funny, but would you want your child behaving that way? (Some women, by the way, would fit into the same catagory.) Bottom line, do what you can to protect your child while allowing them their emotional growth in appropriate venues. When they are grown and out of your home, their choices are their own, but the worries for their safety and well-being are still ours. :o) (Mom of 5/6/18/23 year olds, one girl.)

Shelley - posted on 05/31/2010

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BTW, contrary to popular belief, men aren't waving their wares while at the urinals. Nor are they taking aim from across the room.

Sherri - posted on 05/31/2010

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Amanda so what would you do if your daughter was just 3yrs old and potty trained. Would you still make your husband send her into the womans room alone? What is the difference? There are stalls in a men's bathroom and beyond popular belief there are not urinals in every mens bathroom.

Shelley - posted on 05/31/2010

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Hi Amanda! When the dad announces girls are coming in, the men finish up so the girls don't see anything. I doesn't take men that long to go, or to finish up. The girls would see them washing their hands.

Amanda - posted on 05/31/2010

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No!!! I'm sorry but I just have a very bad feeling about that. True, I don't trust alot of men and there intentions. I've seen too much to convince me that I shouldn't. I know I would never do it, and neither would my husband. I don't want her that close to other men taking their pants down.

Shelley - posted on 05/30/2010

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Kelly got it right. There's just too much happening out there for me totake the chance on sending my 6 y.o. son into the mens room alone. He's just going to have to be embarassed in the ladies' room. I also agree with the dads who take their daughters to the men's room; make the announcement and everybody's aware that girls are coming in. I'll probably be ok with my son going to the bathroom solo when he's 9 or 10, but you'd better believe that I'll be right outside that door with a timer.

Jody - posted on 05/30/2010

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the mens rooms have urinals and the thought of a girl in the mens room possibly seeing that is disturbing to me . let them use ladies room and have a empolee check on them. where i work i check on em all the time.

Maureen - posted on 05/30/2010

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that is so true! you just haveo each teach them at an early stage about ther bodies and strangers! times are different now! even another child could do them harm!

Tasha - posted on 05/30/2010

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well, I'll probably get a lot of mess for this but I always let my 7 year old go to the restroom by himself, if we are in Walmart or another store. I stand by the door and wait for him and if he takes too long then I call for him. I don't make him go to the restroom with me. Now if my husband is with me, then I do make him take him.

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Maybe if everyone who was paranoid like us then there would be less cases of kids get molested, please dont feel sorry for our sons who are alive and well despite us

Sylvia - posted on 05/28/2010

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Well, my DH certainly doesn't take our 7-year-old into the men's room. (I actually find that even more inconsiderate than taking a little boy into the ladies', since guys are out there at the urinals letting it all hang out.) He may have done once or twice when she was *really* little, but he certainly hasn't done it recently, nor would I want him to. She's been going into the ladies' on her own for a couple of years now -- basically as soon as I thought I could trust her to remember to latch the stall door and wash her hands properly (and, well, reach the sink...), I let her go on her own if I didn't have to go as well. That was also about the time she started to develop the idea of privacy, including closing the washroom door at home (which we seldom do normally, unless we have guests) or getting dressed or undressed, come to think of it.

I never much liked taking her into the stall with me, unless there was an unusual amount of space, so even when she was younger than 5 she would usually go in her own stall or wait for me by the sinks. Nothing terrible ever happened, and the only thing I seriously worried about was that she would decide to experiment with the paper-towel dispenser or something :P (she never did that either, though).

I've had to step away from that other thread because I feel so sorry for these people's kids -- imagine the humiliation of an 11-year-old boy whose mum makes him come into the ladies' with her because someone might snatch him if he waits outside or molest him if he goes into the mens'! I don't understand how people can live with this kind of constant terror of infinitesimal risks -- but in case it's catching, I don't want to spend too much time around them :P

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Even at an open urinal, a little girl couldn't see anything unless she actually walked around and peeked at the front of the men, which would be rather difficult considering how close they have to stand to the wall.
The dad would simply walk between her and the urinal wall to the closest stall.
That said, I do think the ladies rooms are more suited to bringing children of opposite sex in. My husband had to use the ladies room once at his office due to repairs so they opened it up as a unisex one and he said he was really surprised. Apparently, most mens' rooms do not have a lobby. The only mirrors are above the sinks--directly across from (and thus reflecting) the urinals, there are no chairs or sofa, and the changing stations are not partitioned off.
When my son goes with me, he usually sits on the sofa, or if their is not one, he will stand at the changing station. There is usually a wall but no door blocking him from the stalls so other's are not uncomfortable. I don't know why they don't have those in mens' rooms....except that maybe they are mostly for breastfeeding?

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Only have sons but i think if i had a daughter then yes she should go with daddy into the mens until she is old enough to go in by herself, dad can always cover her eyes until they get into a stall.

Deidre - posted on 05/27/2010

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I think I would be a little creeped out if my husband took my 7-year-old daughter into the men's room--aren't there usually a few open urinals in there?! I don't think it's appropriate for school-age girls to see men standing there peeing. (And I'm sure she would be very embarrassed!) When my husband has the kids out in public without me, he posts himself at the door to the ladies' room while she goes in there, and calls her name every minute or two to see how she's doing. When I am out without my husband, my boys (who are 10 and 12) go into the restroom together, even if only one has to go--I started letting them do this when they were 5 and 7. I stand guard at the door and listen; when they were younger than they are now, I would loudly tell them, "I'm right here, boys--yell if you need me," so that anyone else that was in there would know I had my ear out for any problems. We also had discussions beforehand of appropriate public-restroom behavior (no talking to anyone else, no staring, etc.)
Really, if you are taking school-age children (especially over age 8 or so) of the opposite gender into public restrooms, doesn't that pretty much defeat the whole purpose of even having gender-specific restrooms?

Julie - posted on 05/27/2010

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My son is 5, almost 6, and I'm too scared to send him in the men's bathroom alone. I won't do it. For some reason, I feel a girl is safer in a women's room alone though. That may be wrong though. So I don't blame a Dad for being protective either. He needs to see that no one is using an open urinal I guess though! That would be embarrassing for everyone!!

[deleted account]

I don't have a girl, only a boy, and as I stated on the other thread, unless his father is with us or a family room is available, he will come into the ladies room with me. If I did have a girl, she most definitely would be going into the men's room with her father any time I am not with them or a family room is not available.

I do have a question in regards to your post: "If they respond saying that there ok or almost done then everything is ok."
What if they don't respond? It would be a little too late to do anything. Sure, you might know who killed or molested him/her, but that won't bring your child or their innocence back.

Sherri - posted on 05/27/2010

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Most definitely okay no girl under the age of 8 should be left alone to go the woman's room by herself. The same rules that I feel apply for boys apply to girls. There are also stalls in a men's room so why shouldn't a dad take his daughter in. I have seen it done a million times. Woman aren't the only over protective ones. I have seen a dad take his school age daughters to the men's room no problem in my book. They just announce girls coming in and go.

Christina - posted on 05/27/2010

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Pam, I'm so surprised you haven't gotten loads of hate mail for this considering how much I got for saying "maybe boys are capable of going to the men's room if mom is outside waiting" I was told I obviously don't love my son if I let him go to the men's room before the age of 10 or 11! I would have died of embarrassment if my father had made ME enter the men's room when I was a kid. Thankfully he never did. By the time I was in school I was using the ladies room by myself if I wasn't with my mother. My daughters are 7 and 5, and when they're out with their dad he has them go in the ladies' room while he waits outside. I have had several men ask me, when I come out of the ladies room, if I could check on their daughters for them because they're taking to long. I'm sure someday I'll have to do the same thing for my son. I don't have any problem with little boys using the ladies room with their moms, but there is an age when it becomes odd. I usually don't encounter that, but one time I went in with my girls and there was a boy in there that had to be at least 11 or 12. I ignored him, but my 5 year old started yelling at him and telling him that this room was only for girls and he was a boy! I felt bad for the poor kid.

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