Is this considered bullying or what??

[deleted account] ( 16 moms have responded )

We live in an apt complex and there is this little girl, I would say no older than 10 years old. Anyways, I also have a 10 year old little girl. This 10 year old girl who lives in the complex is always trying to start trouble with my daughter. She will make fun of her, tease her and even sometimes get physical with her. I have told her time and time again to please leave my daughter alone and she denies she has even done anything(even when I have seen it with my own eyes). I have even gone to the little girls mom and she doesnt seem to really care either. I just dont know where else to go with this. Does anyone else have any suggestions or ideas of what I can do next? Last summer, I did call the police and all they said was that they couldnt do much bcuz of her age. Im just so frustrated with this. Please help with suggestions!





**Edit** Thank you for all the responses so far, I would love to hear more. . I have tried teaching my daughter and have told her to ignore it and this other little girl will stop. Well, I guess I was wrong, it seems like ignoring her just makes her press harder.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Amber - posted on 02/18/2010

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I don't think moving is the answer just yet- otherwise- everytime your daughter feels down or gets in a fight with a friend, she's going to ask you to move.
Teach your children about confidence, self esteem and forgivness. Let your child know that as long as they are following the rules, being a good person and practising forgiveness, they have the tools to repair the emotional damage a bully will construct. They have to feel confident in themselves, and then the bully will have no effect on them. You can't stop a bully from opening their mouths but you can learn to accept they are unkind and what they say really does not matter, believe it or not, they don't have it in them to know better. Scowling at them will surely stop the behavior at the moment, but something deep inside of these kids causes them to act this way and unfortunately, no one can change that but their own parents or whoever it is that is demonstrating this behavior. They need someone to reach out to them and mentor them.. over a long period of time.

The same tactics we all use to stear clear of people we aren't so kindly befriending, we need to enstill in our children. Just explain to your child that you get to choose your friends, and you get to change your friends when you want. You can't always avoid the person , they might be in your class or always around but no one says you have to let yourself be bullied either.
NO, we do not condone fighting, but we don't teach our kids to be punching bags either. No way is it respectful for a child to talk to another child that way, so why ask your child to put up with it? Ya, you can get into big trouble now adays for fighting- even suspended- but i'd rather my child get suspended from school for punching a bully in the face than for bringing a weapon to school to defend the bully after they've worn her down far enough. These things escalate so quick if they arent dealt with at a level the child can handle, something way out of line could end up being the result. If pushing back is what your child can handle , then so be it. Even as babies, we learn this lesson.
Here is my experience with my 5 year old- ya- she;s 5 and kids are doing this!

I might not get a good response from this, and in no way is my daughter taught that fighting is ok, but she's in Tae Kwon Do for a reason. She won't hesistate to knock someone's block off if they decide to make her or her friends a target. She's the sweetest most gentle girl, but she got teased for weeks on end. On her school bus in the morning. This boy 2 years older than her( and not kidding, twice her size) would bug her and tease her, and embarass her. I knew something was up, but the school bus driver would do nothing. I asked that she moved my daughter to a new seat, but she never did. A few days later, I got a call from the bus driver that she punched a boy 2 years older than her and I asked " well, what did he do?, and is the same boy that's been bugging her?" and the driver said " he pushed her off her seat and she fell on the floor and hit her head" and i said " so what's the problem? she's defending herself I'd rather you call his parents and explain their child is a meanie, pushing some little girl off her seat" and the teacher told me strait out, that their policy is to inform all the parents. And I said " well, thanks for informing me. When my daughter gets home, I'll ask her what happend and if she felt there was any other way to handle it, but I asked you to move her and you didn't, maybe you need to watch your kids and deal with them sooner" And the teacher said " he's been bugging her for a few weeks and there is so little I can do about it, we've talked to his parents a few times"
So I said. " well, there ya have it.. she took it into her own hands and I won't punish her for that, I don't guess he'll be doing it any more will he now?"
A few days later, my daughter started coming home happy, and she stopped complaining about the bus. she still feels bad for hitting him, but he doesn't bug her anymore, and she hasn't had to hit anyone since.

Honestly, I don't know everything that happend, but she's not getting bullied anymore

Not saying you all have to rush out and enroll your kids in karate, but just teach them to be confident individiuals that stand up for themselves.

Lori - posted on 02/21/2010

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I was just thinking, perhaps when you see the bully picking on your daughter..... I would take a picture of her (in the "act"), just so you have it if you need it! Then you have proof of who is doing the bullying.

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16 Comments

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Tamara - posted on 02/23/2010

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If they go to the same school I would ask them to keep an eye on this and I would complain to the apartment complex manager. Keep complaining to the parents until they are bugged enough to do something about it. I know there has to be someone who will do something about this. You might have to make sure your daughter is never outside playing alone until the other girl gets out of this bullying stage. Take care and hopefully this changes soon.

Beverly - posted on 02/23/2010

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Girls will be " Caddy" like this from now on. The first thing to do is let your daughter know most girls do this because they are self concious themselves about something. I would first try to befriend the girl and find out what those concerns or weaknesses may be. Then if that doesn't work I have had to tell my kids not to start anything but to make sure they finished it. Usually if you stand up to them they will back down. My daughter has never had to get ugly with anyone she just stands up straight shoulders back and says excuse me I haven't done anything to you so back off. I think that lets them know if she had to take it further she would. It helps being athletic also. She never even at 4 years old in Pre k let anyone older do her wrong if nothing else she would go get the adult and say she's bothering me handle it.

Audie - posted on 02/22/2010

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it is really a part of growing that someone your child will encounter such an irritating and bully kid like that but the question is how physical does she gets? if you think this is really serious already warned the mom or the police that if something happen, something seriously physical, it will be for the account of her parents make a letter and ask them to sign that you warned them or get a psychologist ask them if it is alright or no., . in the meantime tell your daughter to face her & she should not show that shes scared..ask her to make friends with others so she can deal with that girl with her friends . ...i dont know maybe something is wrong with the girl because she should stopped already since you confronted her.

Barbilee - posted on 02/22/2010

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Yes, that is bullying. Bullying cannot be stopped by ignoring it. Children bully because they know no other way. They have most likely grown up with bullies and they are living what they know. Ask your daughter what she wants. Once you have that answer, you simply have 2 choices. 1. Keep your child away from this girl or 2. You can work with your daughter and this girl when they are together. You decide what is important to you.
If you decide to keep your daughter away from her, you will have to plan off site play dates, you will have to play with your daughter more etc.
OR you can work with the girls to build relationship that works. Set them up for success. Let them play only near you so that you can monitor. Make sure your daughter stands her ground, have her walk away when the other girl is being mean.

You are the mom, you can't control everything, but you can do you best to teach your child and even the neighbour.

Barbilee
Family Success Coach

Lori - posted on 02/21/2010

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Maybe, the school where she attends would care about her bully-ing behavior. Or maybe she is the same way at school, only towards different children.

My 8 year old son is being bullied, and it's not a good situation to be in!
Is it possible to try to find out what the problem is? (maybe, you already have!)
Sorry that I don't have more to say or offer.
Lori I'll be praying for you and your family. and even the young girl who is doing the bully-ing.

Mary - posted on 02/20/2010

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I am a mean woman I think...my daughter was being picked on by our neighbor. (neighbor is around 10, and Alyssa is 6) so I waited until I heard what he was saying..then came outside and said "Alyssa don't listen to him! Sooner or later he will realize he is a waste of space, and grow up!" He was nice after that. I think I hurt his feelings, but he deserved it! Sometimes I think you have to be overly mean to get your point across. And if the other parents are offended then they should learn how to control their kids in the first place...

Billie - posted on 02/19/2010

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Why do kids have to be so cruel? I have that fear with my daughter being bullied and hating school, when this is the time they need to learn. Everything that happens affects their emotion states and def temper. I would consider moving, and if it was a school thing, I would without a doubt change schools so my daughter could get the best education she can. A happy child flourishs... Always put your child first.

[deleted account]

Amber i started my son in karate and it did give him a lot of self confidence and he can handle himself in a fight now. Hes won trophies and medals. But it never stopped the bully he just changed his tactics and had all the other boys in the class to make my sons life a misery. In the end my son started to get violent from the pent up rage four years of bullying had given him. He dislocated one boys thumb, strangled another until he almost passed out thats when i decided enough was enough and moved him he hasnt been violent since. Hes calmed down and his new school are very happy with him. I would recommend karate but it cant cure bullying not all the time.

Shawn - posted on 02/18/2010

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It is bullying. I would go to the apt complex manager and let them know what is going on.

[deleted account]

yes its bullying and just bad parenting thats why she is like that.i see so many kids like this.some children don't care and will keep going the best thing is to keep them apart.the other child isn't going to be thought any different so its about teaching our kids to stay clear of other children and not to play with others that aren't kind like them.it works great with my child.i teach her all children are different and its your big job to pick friends like you that are kind and don't hit and tease others.i do no kids will be kids but some children sadly go way passed the line and its just very sad to see how there let carry on because of lack of good parenting&attention.

Hope everything works out.

My child was being bullied at school.she was being hit by another child.one morning i saw this child kicking the legs off a little boy there parents were gone to work and the kids were in the class line.i just gave the little girl a look and she stopped.i would be grateful if someone did that for my child if the saw another child kicking and boxing her& i wasnt there..the other parents just watched.

Also these kids are five and it comes down to the teachers overlooking the most part of the bullying.my child told the teacher that she was boxed and the teacher told her to get the girl and tell her she wanted her.of course the other child wasnt going to go to the teacher.So she wasnt corrected.

[deleted account]

My son went through four years of bullying we tried everything to stop it. I spoke to the school who didnt care i spoke to the boys mother who turned out to be a mental case so i knew where the boy got it from. I spoke to various other people education authority police etc. Nobody was willing to help. I told my son to fight back but that just made it worse the bully started mentally torturing him instead, the bully made sure no one in his class would play with my son and they all picked on him. The only way i could see to stop it was to take him out of school and put him in another one. My son after four years of this was showing great emotional stress he was getting violent and moody too. i wish i'd moved him years ago because hes doing great in his new school he back to being a happy smiling boy again. If your daughter is really suffering i would consider moving you cant win against certain bullies not in this day and age because some of them are just psychos.

Angelica - posted on 02/17/2010

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I went through the same thing with my son.... it came to the point where i wish i could wrap my hands around the bullies neck and say leave him alone!!! But of course that couldn't be done!! So i advised my son just to stay away.. that was until the bully decided to one day trip my son and hit him on top of being on the floor... I don't like to tell any of my children to fight... but being from Brooklyn, NY you sometimes have no choice... I don't condone it... After a while ur daughter is going to get tired of being picked on and will take flight in defending herself as my son did... It's only natural. But I totally feel your pain... No mother wants to hear that their child is being bullied... unfortunately ur daughter will realize that there are mean people in this world....and the only thing that we can do as mothers is prepare them for that and not make them one of those people..

Chelle - posted on 02/17/2010

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Hi Amber, I also have a 10 year old daughter who is being bullied . My daughter goes to a very small school with only 102 students, there is only about 5 girls in her class. There is this one girl who seems to think she rules the other girls in her class and for some reason they follow her... My daughter started coming home from school very down and when she got home from school she would go to her room and not come out, i tried everything to get her to tell me what was wrong. One day she got in the car after school one day crying and finally told me what had been happening... I went to her teacher and the principle to try and have this stoped and they said they would put some "stratagies into place" She seemed to get a better for a little while after this but only for a short time , so i went to see this girl mother. She was lovley and very shocked to hear what her daughter had been doing and said she would address it as soon as she came home from school. We would take the girls for days out together and watch to see how they interacted with each other. After a few months they became friends and now they seem to coexist but i am always watching to see if my daughters behavior changes again and i worry what might happen... I would suggest going back to this girls mother and trying to talk to her again if she does not want to help with the situation then you will know why her daughter is the way she is... I know this may sound a little drastic but have you considered moving? Bullying is a very serious matter with children, and it starts at a very young age. Has your daughters behavior changed since this has started happening? Please watch her and see if she becomes depressed it will happen very quickly... Just because this girl is only ten doesnt mean she cant be a bully and sometimes you have to look inside her home life to see why she is bullying.. Im sorry i cant help you with many suggestions but this is a serious matter, and once someone starts to bully statistics show they will always.. Good luck.. and God bless..

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