Kids, Kids, Kids. But what about us?

Karyn - posted on 04/15/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My husband and I have been avoiding each other for about 2 weeks now. We have kept conversations simple, only talking about schedules and kids. It seems that every time we get together lately we end up arguing about the simplest things, jobs, money, kids, etc. We have decided to have a date Friday night and try to go back to our normal communication.

We have 4 kids and no extra money for a sitter. So, we have decided to have the "date" at home after the kids go to bed. Our problem is that we want to have fun together. Every time we hang out at home we both end up indecisive on what to do and then just sit and watch T.V.

Please help! Our marriage is greatly in need of a good time together, if we can just get past this funk.

Any suggestions on how we can make something different happen and actually have fun together at home?

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Marcelle - posted on 04/19/2009

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Yes, it does get hard. We spend at least an hour a night in the same room, doing what we want. Normally everything does get discussed, without fighting. Unfortunately hubby is too tired from working real hard to have the energy to go out at the moment, so I just try ensure there is space in the weekend for him to do his favourite things, watch British premiere league and listen to music loud.



We went through the indecisive thing too, now we alternate who gets to choose exactly what we do, and the other doesn't complain, just glad to be together. Over time, it has come to be a lovely time for the both of us, even if it is not regular.



About being even exchanges, just ask the friend to be really honest and what would be a fair exchange. They can only say they're not happy to do it, and that is ok, right?



Good luck, it is important ~~~~

Debbie - posted on 04/19/2009

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My husband and I do the same. Sat night. We play darts, cards, dance, listen to music, light a fire and just enjoy each other. We actually don't talk about our "problems" or issues. We get back to why we love/like each other and then set a time to talk about everything else.

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we have date night candle the works, we cook the meal together chatting etc as we go. i have 3 lovely kids but don't always have the money to go out either. but we have fun talking and taking silly photos of us both while at the table , we also play on the play station together as a two player where i can whoop his butt.

umm watch a dvd together. Can't you once a month ask yours or his parents to baby sit and go out bowling etc something fun.

hope this helps a little

Misty - posted on 04/16/2009

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Dont let the kids stall   that is one thing that ive found that can make it hard to do the date night at home> The kids just know and are afraid they are going to miss something

Ann - posted on 04/16/2009

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Quoting Karyn:

Kids, Kids, Kids. But what about us?

My husband and I have been avoiding each other for about 2 weeks now. We have kept conversations simple, only talking about schedules and kids. It seems that every time we get together lately we end up arguing about the simplest things, jobs, money, kids, etc. We have decided to have a date Friday night and try to go back to our normal communication.

We have 4 kids and no extra money for a sitter. So, we have decided to have the "date" at home after the kids go to bed. Our problem is that we want to have fun together. Every time we hang out at home we both end up indecisive on what to do and then just sit and watch T.V.

Please help! Our marriage is greatly in need of a good time together, if we can just get past this funk.

Any suggestions on how we can make something different happen and actually have fun together at home?


Hi with have 2 boys, 12 and 8,



 you need to get the kids in to bed as soon as you can,plan want you like doing togerther have a meal,get a dvd out and watch that play a game or just try and have a sexy night in.When we have a bit of money we go to a gig to see a band,what did you two do togerther before the kids,try and think about that do you have family hear you we dont you just have to try both of you its not just one sided good luck you do need time as a couple we know we have been married 21 years  

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Misti - posted on 04/18/2009

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Also, you could see if any of your friends or coworkers has a teenager who might be willing to set something up with you, even if it's not the "going" rate for babysitting. A lot of teens don't get regular babysitting jobs, so offer to hire just that one person one night a week for, say, the next year, as long as they'll do a good job, and see if they'll take a reduction in pay just to get the steady money. Also, even though you have four kids, your friends might still be willing to babysit. Have you asked any of them, or are you letting the number overwhelm you? A couple of hours with six kids (if they're at the friend's house) or four isn't a lot, especially if your friends know that it's to help your marriage. I'd do it for a friend, and hopefully you have friends who will, too.

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we have 4 kids too, but it is nessasary to find ways to have time to yourselves. For us all the kids are in bed by 8pm and we have the evenings. ALso one night a week the 3 oldest all go to the same group and then we go on a "only one child with us" date. The youngest is 3, so it's not too bad. It's only for an hour, but it is good. Even if sometimes it is just grocery shopping together.
You could also arrange the exchange for when some/all your kids are already in bed so that it would be easier for your friends.
Hope you find some time together. It is so important.

Karyn - posted on 04/16/2009

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An exchange would be a great idea but 4 kids is a lot. My friends have 2 kids at the most, so it doesn't sound very fair/even for us to exchange. What do you think? 

Karyn - posted on 04/16/2009

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Thanks, we are a blended family and it's much harder for me to find a sitter for 4 kids than it was when we were dating and I only had to worry about 2 kids. 21 years! Congrats, you look too young and beautiful to have been married so long!

Karyn - posted on 04/16/2009

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Thanks, we are a blended family and it's much harder for me to find a sitter for 4 kids than it was when we were dating and I only had to worry about 2 kids. 21 years! Congrats, you look too young and beautiful to have been married so long!

Karyn - posted on 04/16/2009

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Thanks for the hat grab and the special snack ideas. He does like cheese so I will definitely make a platter. I really appreciate your help Nicola and Angie!

Nicola - posted on 04/16/2009

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What about putting ideas on paper yours and his and then pulling an idea out of a hat to do thinking up the ideas will make the date more ecsiting as well as you will be thinking about it while you make up the ideas. anticipation can be fun the ideas could even be just topics for conversation or a particular movie to watch together or something crazy you havent tried before in bed.

Angie - posted on 04/16/2009

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When our children were younger, dh and I had a date night at home every week. I'd cut up some apples and cheese - sometimes I'd bake something special - and we'd sit on our bed and just talk. Sometimes, depending on what was happening in our home, our conversations were just about the kids and not our relationship. Now that we can leave our children home, we still usually have date night at home just chatting until the wee hours of the morning.

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