Kids love Grandma more than me

Natasha - posted on 06/20/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I love that I have someone that takes great care of my kids but my mom lets the kids stay up way past midnight, I make them sleep around sunset. She doesn't make them eat well balanced meals, I do. She buys them everything and takes them to fun places all the time, I can't afford to do alot. My kids constantly ask me when can we go to grandma's, and i do mean nonstop. This hurts my feelings because I love my kids and try to make them happy and do what I can but they still prefer to be with her. Then I feel like I have to compete and do what she does. I don't know how to handle this.

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Rachel - posted on 06/28/2012

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Yeah, you seem bummed. I definitely dont try to compete with my mom, and I think she is at least as bad as yours, if not worse. Turn OFF the t.v and give your kids YOU. Then just laugh off the rest.

Jolene - posted on 06/20/2012

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How much of your own attention are you spending on them? Grandma maybe fun and she can be easy for the kids to get along with, but if Grandma, is spending more time then you are with them. Then focus on managing time. Ease up on being strick, but not to much, after all you don't want your children walking all over you. Also, talk to your mother, about spoiling, maybe she making up for the neglect of not giving you everything you couldn't have has a child. Just be strong, and just don't give in so easily.

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Pamela - posted on 06/25/2012

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Sit down with your Mother, when the children are not present, and have a heart-to-heart talk. Tell her honestly that you feel that you must compete with her and that you disagree with the habits she is promoting in your children. Explain to her what your rules are and ask her to conform to the way you wish to form certain habits in your children...like the bedtime rule.

Explain to her that your feelings are hurt and that you do not want any resentment to build between the two of you, nor do you choose to compete with her for your children's love, but that is what you feel is happening.

Frankly, when it comes to the bedtime, I would choose a time, not the sunset, because the sunset changes with the seasons. In the winter the sun is down by 6pm. In the summer it's generally between 7 to 8 pm if you do not live where there is daylight savings time. Later if you live where thre is daylight savings time.

Seems to me that a set bedtime of 7:30 or 8 pm is better than "sunset".

Have the talk as soon as possible. The highest and best to all of you!

Kristin - posted on 06/21/2012

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I dont think your kids love grandma more than they love you. Going to grandmas house is a treat and exciting for them. My mom spoils my kids as well and I have had to have strict talks with her not to feed the kids sugar or junk food at all, and I had to tell her to stop buying them things as it makes them spoiled and less appreciative. It wasnt wasy but my mom is starting to listen to my rules when it comes to my kids. As for her doing fun things with them, well then step up your game a little and do things with your kids. I work full time and I tyake my kids to the park or swimming or sports every night. You dont need money to take your kids to the park or for walks or bike rides and trust me that is the things that make childhood memorable. I also think getting out would do you some good as well and help you get out of your depressed mode and your pity party. My spouse works out of town and I dont let that stop me for parenting my children and doing things with them. And maybe look into a day camp 2 days a week for your kids and maybe you should start going to the gym to help you feel better. Yes, I am very active and I believe exercise is the answer to a lot of things lol. I go to the gym five days a week for an hour before going to work, and it makes the days so much better. My kids spend the majority of the day outside and on weekends they help me clean the house we will bake something or we will play board games whatever. They are only allowed to watch tv for half an hour right before bed. Even when I am cooking supper they have the option help or play outside.(Plus i do majority of my cooking after they are in bed as I make meals the night before and throw it in a crock pot in the morning). Anyways hope this helps good luck

Jill - posted on 06/21/2012

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When I read your original post, I thought grandma was caring for them on a regular basis and possibly undermining your authority. Now I see that seeing grandma occasionally sounds like a big fun treat - that is how it should be.

After your follow up post, I have a picture of depression for you and boredom for your kids. This has very little to do with your mother at all. There is something that has been stopping you from relating to your kids. I'm an introvert too, but when you have kids you have to get out of your own comfort zone for their sake.

Go to the park, pool, beach (what ever you have in your area)
Check the library for summer programs
It might be too late this year, but check out summer camps
Look on your city/town visitor's website for things to do
Scope out surrounding areas for weekend or day trip activities
Arrange playdates with other kids
(Take some time for you to see your friends as well)
Play board/card games
Draw outside with chalk
Make tv watching something you do together on bad weather days, not everyday

If you can't bring yourself to do any of this on your own, please seek help for depression.

Jolene - posted on 06/21/2012

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how old are you kids? And why do you watch at lot of tv? Its summer out, go enjoy the sun, the water... Interact doesn't required a lot of talking, you can bond many ways, with out so much as a word. Them seeing your love, is whats important. Make dinner together, Invent a game together, You seem depressed, and tv is seem like an escape...

Natasha - posted on 06/20/2012

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My kids are with me all the time day after day, dad works so he's not home much. All of the parenting falls on me. During the school year the kids see grandma one weekend a month, sometimes 2. Now that it's summer, she wants them more often but I don't want them gone long. She's very outgoing and I'm introverted, she's a big talker, I'm very quiet. I don't always know what to do with my kids especially now that schools out and we don't have a routine of homework, dinner, reading, and bedtime. We play a little and watch tv a lot.

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