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Living with my sister and her daughter-how can I help or should I?

Harmony - posted on 07/20/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

2

0

So I am 30 years old with 4 children between the ages of 4 and 12. I am recently divorced and my sister and I decided to move in together. She has a 5 year old daughter. My kids are currently staying with their dad most of the time but visit me every weekend. This is my situation: My sisters daughter wakes up screaming and crying and nothing comforts her unless her mom lets her sleep with her. She always says its her legs that are bothering her. So my sister was giving her meds every night and wrapping her leg. Now her daughter expects this all of the time. I voiced my concern about how regularly her daughter was getting meds and that I believed this was just an attention seeking act. So my sister decided to let me try and take over with the night routine. Well that night her daughter woke up screaming and crying, I went in to comfort her by just talking and letting her know that we were right across the hall. She said her legs hurt. I told her if she sleeps they will feel better, just to test her. So she stops crying for a little bit but then about 5 minutes later she is screaming bloody murder and yelling for her mom. So I go in again as my sister requested to see what I could do. This time she is saying her ear hurts. And this continued 2 more times, each time she said something new was hurting. This is telling me that she is lying and is only wanting to get into bed with her mom. We also always keep a night light in there and our rooms are about 3 feet apart. So that same night after going in multiple times, and then deciding after that to just not react to her screaming she eventually fell asleep. But at 3 am she sneaks into bed with her mom and my sister just lets her....which basically wiped out all of the work I put in that night because her daughter got exactly what she wanted in the end. I really believe she is manipulating her mom. I see her daughter purposely acting out and upsetting her mom and then behind her moms back I see her smile. It seems to me she knows exactly what she is doing. I have tried talking to my sister about this, tried to help her, but I am not getting through to her. She still spoils her child and gives in way too quickly. Normally I would let her "live and learn" like we all do. But these fits between 12 and 3am are waking the whole house and I really think that is unfair. What should I do?

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Amy - posted on 07/20/2012

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33

Does your nieces mom not want to co-sleep? Has she specifically said that to you, or does she not care and it's bothering you that your niece co-sleeps? My son is 6 he starts every night in his bed, and 80% of the time ends up in ours. He doesn't wake us up because he knows that would make for a cranky mommy but he just climbs up with his blankies and pillow. It doesn't bother my husband and I because he goes right back to sleep and we all get the much needed sleep, it's not uncommon for parents to cosleep even beyond the toddler years but because it's one of those taboo subjects most people don't talk about it, but it's more common than you probably think.

If your sister doesn't want to co-sleep than that's one thing but if it doesn't bother her you should stay out of it. You should also stay out of it if she hasn't come to you and asked you to help with situation. I know you feel like it's your place because you're living with her but that's the risk you take when you live with someone else. Good luck.

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