MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Barbilee - posted on 08/07/2010
Truly Tara, it's because you let her. And when you let her once, she will do it again and again. You need to practice parenting the child you want. It is simple, Just say “We don't talk like that in this family, are you part of this family?” The answer will be yes - (in the rare case a child says no - then ask him who's family he thinks he is a part of – and offer to drive them there! LOL!) Then you repeat it, “We don't talk like that in this family”. Then redirect the situation. There is NO PUNISHMENT, there is only fact. “This family is respectful. This family is kind. This family honors everyone”. If you let the behaviour go once (DO NOT HIT HER), the child will decide when and where to use that behaviour again. Kids are brilliant. They remember everything! They will remember if the "punishment" was worth the action.
Tara, children want and need boundaries. We all do. I get "letting them grow and self express" but disrespect will NEVER get them ahead in this world. If you let them know that they can do stuff like that to figures of authority, what are you teaching her when she enters the real world? You are the parent. Parent. It's simple. Know what you want and train for it. You will have to remind her daily, sometimes even 10 times a day. Catch her being good, tell her when she responds to you in an appropriate manner. Right about now, most parents say something like "OMG she is a teenager she should know better" and then I say...why don't you go take a drive...and notice how many speed limit signs there are...and ask yourself "why do they put so many up...OMG shouldn't we know the speed limit by now?". It's the same but different. The "powers that be" on the road want to keep us safe. The constantly remind us what to do to be safe. Please don't expect your daughter to be any different. She needs constant reminders. Teach her to be the person you want.
Family Success Coach
Mary Ellen - posted on 08/07/2010
I have 3 teenage daughters and trust me, it is a phase. what I hear is "I don't want to need you anymore". They don't like you right now and are beginning to pull away. she does not want to give your words any credibility. Try to remember what it was like for you at this age. I ignore the tone of voice, the body language as well. I do not take it personally Tara. I know they love me and they know I love them. There is a line of disrespect I will never allow them to cross. when this happens I do get angry but rarely yell at them. I am "in their face" and remind them who is the adult and in charge whether they like it or not because I love them. End of conversation and walk away. do not let your broken heart, anger, etc. fuel the behavior.
Sarah - posted on 08/04/2010
I agree no child should be hit across the face, this is saying that it is ok for adults to do and I think it is wrong for them to see. I would be horrified if someone slapped me round the face and would NEVER do that to a child of mine. They have had the occasional smack on the bottom but there are better and more effective ways of disaplining children other than violence, and that is what it is.
Blossom - posted on 02/09/2011
I have and 13 year old, who is to damn smart for her own good. She is very mouthy. their is nothing wrong with smacking your kids if they step out of line. So the best you can do is give cosaquences for her actions. Let her know it is not ok for her to disrespect you. It comes from parents is bs kids are their own person they know how to make the right choice.
Flo - posted on 08/12/2010
Amen Deborah I agree with you.. Not because I am from somewhere else but because it is what God says to do.. It is not helping anything if we let kids be nasty and disrespectful to us or others. So good for you for stating what I was thinking.
Barbara - posted on 08/12/2010
That was spooky my husband was just telling off my 12 year old for speaking back at him as i was reading your comments we always seam to come unstuck over how to deal with him but your comment about road signs really hit home and makes sense so we are going to try that way and hope it works will keep you posted.
IT'S A PUBERTY THING!!! I THINK ITS A PHASE AND ALL TEENAGERS GO THROUGH IT. BACK IN THE DAY US PARENTS WOULD NEVER DISRESPECT OUR PARENTS BECAUSE WE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN OUR A**ES WOOPED BUT TODAY, BECAUSE SCHOOLS AND THE GENERAL SOCIETY SAY WE CAN'T DISCIPLINE OUR KIDS THINK THEY CAN DO WHAT THEY WANT AND WE NEED TO SHOW THEM THAT THEY CAN'T AND KEEP THE GOVERNMENT OUT OF RAISING OUR "FAMILIES".
WHEN MY KIDS RAISE THEIR VOICES, I LOWER MY VOICE SO THEY NEED TO SHUT UP TO LISTEN TO ME. IT WORKS AND THEY'VE LEARNED TO CONTROL THEIR ATTITUDES.
I'M NOT ONE FOR SPANKING OR CRUCIAL PUNISHMENT...I JUST TAKE THINGS AWAY....CELL PHONE, VIDEO GAMES, ETC.
Shandy - posted on 08/12/2010
i have tried this with my daughter now she is only 7 but so far it works she has a very senative heart and so if i simply do not talk to her when she is like that it breaks her heart but when she ready to talk nice we will sit down to gether and talk about what she was feeling at the time and why she talked to me the way she and since we have been doing it that way she has been talking to with more respect all the time now
I totally agree w/ Julie F. take something away and hold them accountable for"THEIR"actions!!! I have 2 mouthy teens and I have spanked and taking something away works out better for EVERYONE!!! plus like I said its holding them accountable for their actions NOT degrading them or having a "whos stronger match".......
Julie - posted on 08/06/2010
teenagers are a breed unto thier own but as adults we must guide them and be patient with them. First and formost we must live by example. If you want your child to do right you must be doing right yourself. Sometimes they can make you feel like pulling your hair out but they have to have guidelines and when they are crossed they need to be held accountable when they cross them. i.e. if your child is mouthy to you then hold her/him accountable like if they had something planned guest what not any more. until they know how to respond to you and any other authority figure.
Jodi - posted on 08/05/2010
I have the same problem with my older girls. One is going to be 13 and the other is 11. My take on it is that they might not be doing it on purpose but with all those hormones that they have making a fuss it just comes out wrong. Now I have punished them for back talking and so on but sometimes when we are just talking they might reply like that and I just let them know that I do not appreciate how they just spoke. This helps them realize what they did wrong.
Deanna - posted on 08/03/2010
I have 3 kids..ages 13,12,10 and it gets pretty mouthy at times since i have to kids in puberty at once always at each other and it drives me insane when does that get better...and the 13 yr old of course thinks he knows it all I'm never right as he quotes times have changed and they teach more in schools than they use to...lol...but at his age it doesnt matter how much u tell him its not right he argues till the bitter end or until he pushes it to far and yes my kids get them old fashioned ass whippings...spare the rod spoil the child.
Jennifer - posted on 08/03/2010
I went through something like that. My oldest one day told me to shut the fuck up. He was 12 at the time and let me tell you I gave him an old fashion butt wiping. You know the kind they gave back when there where no child ware fare offices. And to this day and he is now 16 has never raised his voice to me or has talked back to me since.. Yes it hurt me to have to do that but I had to show him that I was not going to take that in any way.. And I have to say that his 2 younger brothers seen what I had done to him and they have never spoke to me in that way. So I feel that on that day I was able to teach 3 kids at once..
And i would do it again if any of them was to pull that on me again.. But I don't think that is going to happen..
Jennifer - posted on 08/03/2010
Oh Girl, I tell you what I am about to go on strike!! And let my husband take over.. I have a 12 year old that thinks he knows it all and can do every thing better then me. Oh and to ask him nicely to do anything is like asking the president to fix the health care problem... Not going to happen with out a lot of back talking etc etc... When does it get easier?
Tiffany - posted on 08/03/2010
I take care of my home too!
And my daughter, the oldest, has autism. She still has accidents occaionally due to that! I'm not going to put her in a diaper. That's just crippling to her already delicate self-esteem!
Bedtime-Unless you live in Alaska, the sun is still up for some time at 7. It's not good for a child's physical being to go to bed when the sun is still high in the sky. My kids go to bed with the sun- the way God designed the world and us to work!
Child Abuse- I am an ex-law enforcement officer! I'm telling you, you might think it's innocent, but it's not! In most states, hitting a minor anywhere above the shoulders is DANGEROUS and AGAINST THE LAW! It's unfortunate I can hardly spank my children in public now, but even in my most private moments, I'd NEVER hit my child anywhere near his or her head, no matter what had been done! It falls into the category of "excessive corporal punishment!'
Kristin - posted on 08/02/2010
No I am not running a prison. I just take care of my home.
I got 3 child, 2 girls 9 and 15 years old, and a boy age 12.
Reply to Your comment. I don’t abuse my child, a smack is not abuse its only a warning. I think the most people understand that… my children does.
Diaper on a child who still have pee-pee accidents! What is the problem?
Bedtime! Its only my 9 yo who have to get in bed at 7pm. The boys bedtime are 8pm and the oldest girl can stay up until 9pm. This work out fine by me.
Tiffany - posted on 08/02/2010
You'd have to read the treads to understand my problem with her comments. My children are in bed by 8:30 during the school year and 10 during the summer. I do have a special needs child. She takes great patience and energy to deal with sometimes. And most of all, I think children learn behavior from the adults around them. If I take a step back and compose myself before disciplining them, my children learn to take a step back and calm themselves before mouthing off in anger as well. I know they will try things learned from peers, but consistancy is key! I know I have become a better parent by having to deal with my daughter. She doesn't respond well to normal discipline and her behavior has to be handled carefully. I have tried traditional discipline with my other 2 and found that they also respond better to the type discipline given to my daughter. You can't change unruly behavior over night. There is a process to change.
In my state, if you hit a minor anywhere above the shoulders, it is considered child abuse. You can be charged, arrested, and incarcerated for it. Even if it's just once!
I don't have mentally challenged children and I admit that I couldn't take care of one for the rest of my life either. I am firmly looking forward to my retirement when the kids are out of the house. As for the bedtime thing....guess what I have 4 girls and ALL of them are in bed by 8pm every night. My younger ones are in bed no later than 7:30 but then I get to stay home with them all day and raise them so I that makes a big difference. If I worked all day and was just getting my kids and home about 6 or 7 at night then yes I would allow them to stay up late.
As for the smacking the mouth thing. hmm.....yes I did do that once with my teenager when she mouthed off in anger and told me to stop being such a bitch. Popped her right in the mouth and ever since then she knows exactly how she is to talk to people around her. NO ONE has had a problem with her since then and her teachers love her new attitude at school. She has become eager to help, and eager to learn. I put up with years of mouth from her before we got to that point and since then she is 100% better.
Join Circle of Moms
Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.Join Circle of Moms