My 5 yr old is haveing trouble in kindergarden.

Rachel - posted on 12/24/2012

I have to say I'm pretty disgusted by the amount of posts with moms blaming the teacher or insisting that another professional somehow find the time to observe ONE child for misbehaviours which sound pretty average to me. Or the ones who suggest that the child is just not "challenged" enough. Stop excusing your children's shitty behaviour and explain the rules to them.

Dominique - posted on 11/21/2012

Hi my 5yr old son is out of control he dont listen at all and i dont no what to do he goes to School and play he dont want to do the work and the teacher has a problem with that so how can i change my son

Stephanie - posted on 01/30/2012

i had such problems where the teacher CLOSED ME OFF COMPLETELY AND WENT BEHIND MY BACK TO PUT HIM IN PROGRAMS, when all it would have taken would have been a serious intrest in my sons learning. We pulled him out because he started not sleeping and having accidents AT school. She harped on him all the time, and he would come home in tears. The last week he was there, she make a point to TELL HIM HIS COLORING WAS SLOPPY AND DRAW HUGE SAD FACES on his papers. Here's the thing he turned 5 at the end of June and had just started writing and DRAWING that spring.... He hated paper, and pencils and pens... he wanted big things to draw on and only would color with markers. I had him reading.... And feel he was sorely neglected with all her NEGATIVITY... Boys are so sensitive. She told my husband and I that she was an expert on these things and we should think about adhd--- (we had already had and his doctor had no indication he had a problem) I told them he just needed time. She sent him home one day because she just didnt feel like messing with him.... I decided then and there MY SON wasn't worth getting thrown under a bus, for her being an A CLASS BITCH. I did everything in my power to try to help her, help him, tried sending notes, she would be as vague as possible and then the principal wouldnt let me switch classes, and THIS MY DEAR WAS ONLY 2 MTHS INTO SCHOOL. The second week of school she called a social worker, WITH OUT DISCUSSING THIS WITH ME. This woman totally ignored any thing i said, i tried EVRYTHING... She just sat him aside and paid him no mind.

Hesti - posted on 09/23/2010

I was close to tears the whole day yesterday because of this issue, 5 yr old son, refusing to listen to his teacher, not wanting to participate in activities, aggressive towards classmates for the last couple of weeks and teacher had meeting with me yesterday... very upsetting! I had a talk with him, said he doesn't like school cause all they have to do is 'work work work' and why should he always listen to everyone and everyone else gets to do what they want, only he doesn't..! Suppose we all feel that way some time or other...? Did alot of explaining, asked his opinion, decided to give him some sort of control at home, i.e. time to really just 'be the boss' where I let him pick what we do and how we do it as I got the impression that he feels he's got no voice. Going to give it a week or 2 and see how things go from there.

Is there maybe someone who can recommend me a book on children this age or with a qualification/ experience who can comment? Maybe there is some cognitive or emotional developmental issue at this age that we don't know about and that can help us understand where they are and how we can make it easier for them (and us!)

Christina - posted on 09/22/2010

OMGosh!! my kid had the same problems last yr in kindergarden and i he also never had problems in pre school but now in first grade same thing bothering other kids cant keep his hands to himself and has trouble focusing ?? but when at home one on one he does much much better his kindergarden teacher mentioned to do test for add/adhd but i never did cause even if he has i wont medicate so if u find answer let me know too cause i feel helpless

Jennifer - posted on 11/02/2009

I would, If it were my child, ask to try a different teacher. I'm kinda having the same issues with my 4 year old, in his preschool class. Last year, no issues, this year, the teacher says he's in kids faces wanting their attention, and expecting their friendship...?? Sounded like you were describing my son in your post.

Michelle - posted on 11/02/2009

it's going to act different if he knows you are there watching. is he a young 5? if so he just may not be ready for the structure of school

Gina - posted on 11/02/2009

My son had a tough year in Kindergarden. He got in trouble often and notes were sent home at least twice a month. I couldn't figure out what the issue is I thought it was his teacher, I didn't thnk he reponded well to her but I also realized there were two other little boys who he liked to play with who were a big distraction for him. He is now in First grade and since there are two classes per grade she decided to separate my son from the other boys ..he is doing GREAT! So far no notes and he hasn't gotten in trouble yet. He is sitting right up front and focusing on his teacher! Maybe you can find out who he likes to play with and see if perhaps they are the reason for his change in behavior. I know its hard..I know exactly what u are feeling.

Stephanie - posted on 10/30/2009

Perhaps he is having trouble understanding what is being communicated to him in class and that is the cause of him acting out. Have you thought about having him tested for language processing? It can't hurt, and at least you will be able to rule it out if I am wrong. Kindergarten is usually the time when learning disabilities are discovered and young children do not always know how to communicate to their teacher that they just simply do not understand his/her directions or they get lost in all the back round noise of a crowded classroom.

Natasha - posted on 10/30/2009

I can understand with you. My son Brayden is having problems in 1st grade. Nothing I am the teachers are doing is seeming to help. He disrupts the whole class, mean n the playground and hides under his desk. wish i knew how to help him

Cristy - posted on 10/29/2009

sometimes it is the teacher not the student........teachers do not see everything that gos on and they only catch glimpses. For instance if the kids around your son are talking to him or pestering him and he is trying to ignor them or trys telling them to stop..well sometimes all the teacher sees and or hears is the last thing that happend and its not fear but the teacher figures she didnt see the otyher stuff happening so it must not be true .....anyways the teacher could be missing some things..not seeing the whole picture is what I am getting at. Have a meeting with the teacher and principal at the same time..like a group meeting...have your son come to and ask that u all get to share your sides without interuption and then afer that see what the differences are in what is said and figure it out from there.

Stacie - posted on 10/29/2009

I noticed that regarless of our differnt nationalites we have the same issue but different ideas and solutions no one better. I hope that as moms we use our best judgement for our kids in the best interest if our kids not our fears and ignorance. it takes a village to raise a child so when I went this stuff with my son I incorparated all the advice that I receiverd. This is what I like about circle of Moms I realized I was not alone with my issues. Hopefully I can help as well as learn from you moms god bless us all

Gisela - posted on 10/29/2009

OMG! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM TO READ THIS. I AM IN TEARS RIGHT NOW AS I WRITE THIS BECAUSE I AM YOU. WE ARE IN THE SAME PREDICAMENT. I NEED HELP AND I NEED TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE WHO IS HAVING THE SAME ISSUES. I FEEL DESPERATE AND I AM STRESSED. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

Kandice - posted on 10/29/2009

I had 2 boys that were on Kindergarten at the same time. One came home on red 4 out of 5 days a week. The other, no colors but lots of notes about acting out, not listening, following directions etc. The problem with my "red man" was simply the teacher. She wasn't terrible mind you, inexperienced more than anything. She felt that if my son didn't jump when she said jump he should move his card. Of course it just would become a downward spiral the rest of the day. I have to admit, he was a punk at home so I am sure there were times when the "reds" were justified. We didn't move him. We told him he had to do what he was told and just try to do well on his school work. First grade was a different story for him. He was never in any trouble. Now as for my other son... he was kind, helpful, "a joy", but he would just have these meltdowns and couldn't concentrate. He would come home and call himself names because he didn't understand his homework. I took him to the doctor on my own and had him tested, at 5 years old. He is ADHD. I am so glad I took him and faced up to the fact that he may not be what everyone else thought to be perfect, but he is my perfect. He has been on meds since kindergarten and he is now a happy confident child. He was able to finally concentrate on his work, all A's every year since and is now in the gifted program. He tells me that before his head was loud and there was too much going on around him and now he is clear and he can block the distractions out.
So really it could be the teacher, or it may be an underlying medical problem. I am not telling you to go put your kids on meds, I am saying it wouldn't hurt to find out. If it is ADHD or ADD there are so many different methods that help. Meds just happened to work for my son.

Carolyn - posted on 10/29/2009

if he is bored have him tested he may be able to go to first grade if things are to easy for him in kindergarden. if its to hard for him work more with him at home or if possable homeschool him.

Cori - posted on 10/29/2009

Does the school have para educators? My son is accompanied by a para to help him focus (he has special needs) and he is doing really well. Also, it may be helpful to speak with your school's special educators, even if your son doesn't have needs, they may be able to give a different view point, and it never hurts to have an extra pair of eyes!

Lisa - posted on 10/28/2009

What a great idea. The reward system may be the ticket, Thanks for sharing your story. It really does help to know you're not alone:-)

Heather - posted on 10/28/2009

we had the same issue. However, some kids respond really well to positive feedback. For every day without a "negative" note home or teacher email, our son gets to choose something out of a treasure box (little school supplies, stickers, etc.) daily after school. We also put stickers on a big calendar in his room for every good day he has. He chooses a big goal to work towards (this month it's a fish bowl), and pretty soon he's having good days every day. It helps to have a teacher that will work with you and communicate with you. Also focuses on his positive behavior. Finally, we had to also explain how K was different from Pre-K--you can't pick and choose what to do in K--you have to do everything the teacher says to be able to go to 1st grade. It's been working well so far. We also have been really involved in the school-sponsored activities (fall festival, projects, learning science labs, etc.) so that he sees that we as a family value his classroom and his teacher. Hope this helps!

Lisa - posted on 10/28/2009

Wow! I My 6year old is having the same problems since he was 5...Everyone keeps saying discipline is the key but Idk? Nothing seems to work and when I push him to try harder he lashes out at me and sometimes says I hate you:(

Stacie - posted on 10/28/2009

Are you kiddin me kids as young as two are diagnosed with ADHD Debora. When my son hit kindergarten he started acting out it was not until he was in first grade that the behaviors were more severe. by the second grade age seven he was diagnosed the ADHD .Melissa this may not be the case for your son but kepp and open mind check his father's backgroung and yours and for piece of mind no pressure have evaluated to rule out ADHD or nany othe disorder praise him for good behaviuor and punish him for bad behavior he is 5 so he should get 10m minutes time out things like that be consistant with discipline ok

Ilene - posted on 10/28/2009

Since changing teachers, my son is doing very well. He still has some focus issues particularly with comprehension, which we are working on with Sylvan Learning Centers, but changing teachers was the best thing we did for our son. He is happy to go to school now and is doing well. The former teacher and counselor were trying to push an IEP on us and my son doesn't need it...the teacher just decided she didn't want to deal with him anymore. So happy we are now in a class where the teacher wants to teach my child! It makes all the difference.

Debora - posted on 10/28/2009

I'm going through the same thing with my 5 yr old son! So I know how you feel! I come from a christian home and my parents have taught me that through prayer and believing that anything is possible. Every morning before I drop him off at school I say a prayer with him and I have noticed a change in his behavior. At his school their behavior is charted by colors, purple and green is good behavior, blue, yellow, orange and red is bad behaviors. He was bring home every color for the bad behavior, but for a week now he has been bringing home greens. He is so excited when he gets greens, because we reward and praise him for his hard work. Also I don't know if you like to read but there is a book called "Have a New Kid by Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman. It gives helpful tips. Hopefully this will help you out some. Oh and don't let anyone try to tell you "maybe you should have him checked out for ADHD/ADD because I did take my son to the doctor and he told me that there is no such thing as a 5yr old having that and that he would not put him on meds!! Just stay strong and never give up believing in your child. He will change!

Amber - posted on 10/28/2009

My son has also had the same problems in Kindergarten his teacher says that he has trouble focusing and sitting still in the afternoon, even though he is pretty good in the morning. He is in all day kindergarten and I asked the teacher, do they get to rest at all? She said no. They don't even have a short rest period! I think that he gets really tired. I don't know about ADHD, I have no problem looking into it, but he has always been very active. She said he is also chewing on a lot of things, I called the doctor about that. Has anyone else experienced the chewing problem?

Jamie - posted on 10/27/2009

First off - trust your instincts - you know your child better then anyone - my son did well in kindergarten but first grade was different. The teacher kept telling me he would not focus or pay attention - my son is not a genius but he is very bright - when I suggested to the teacher that perhaps Andy was bored - it was like I personally insulted her. She would not even entertain that suggestion. She then thought he has auditory processing issues and wanted to have him tested - I refused. We got through the year and now in second grade it is a world of difference. This teacher has absolutely no issues and she and I communicate very well. I agree with the comments that sometimes teachers and kids do hit it off right. I have also been doing research in the way boys learn - very different from girls and the way the school day is structured - boys have a hard time. boys learn best by moving and hand on - sitting still all day is hard for them. Boys and girls learn differently and schools are not addressing that

Beth - posted on 10/27/2009

Quoting Bobbie:

i would try talking to the principal or the school counselor, and see what they have to say.

I agree with Bobbie - get the principal or the school counselor involved - they can be a neutral third party observer and see if it is your child, the teacher or the two of them together.  Then they will help you come up with the best plan for you and your child.

Holly - posted on 10/27/2009

yeah sounds like the teacher, I would switch teachers and if you still have the problem...time for a talk. and work with him kids handle things differently we all know so ask him if some thing is bothering him.

Holly - posted on 10/27/2009

YES!! I hear you on that same kind of "junk" happened to my son and the teachers say oh we didnt see it and if the other child denies it then its my sons fault my child comes home cring because other kids make fun or hit him, and the teacher wont do any thing about it I really dont like bullying and my son is not allowed and he knows what it is and when some one is doing it to him we take it to exstremes because so many kids have been kicked out of school around here for it any way I cant stand when a teacher dont know whats going on in her own class room.

Holly - posted on 10/27/2009

I am having that problem with my son. he is in k-garden too, he is bord but they wont allow him to move up Ive asked them to give him more home work and they say they cant do that. they said they cant change things for one child. NOT ALL KIDS ARE THE SAME they need to relize this and work eith the parents!!

Holly - posted on 10/27/2009

is it the teacher I have a five year old boy also who is very smart and loves school until this year he has been going since he was three and just turned 6 actually last weekend so he isnt five i guess but any way this teacher of his has no time for kids i dont know why she is a teacher, she has an aide and the aide told my son he needs to be afraid of his teacher now he dont want to go to school. he wont eat breakfast at school because he gets in trouble if he eats to slow or if he dont finish his food they only give him 10 to 15 mins to eat I dont feel that is write Im not sure what is going on in your sons school but I do know its not always the child. have you talked to your son and if he really is doing this why? is some thing bothering him or is some on distracting him?

Melissa - posted on 10/27/2009

i think it might be the teacher, when my daughter was in K she had a hard time focusing and doing what she needed, the teacher never seemed to have the time for her. the following year no problems, but the teacher was differant and paid attention to all of her students.

Shelly - posted on 10/27/2009

I had the same type of problems with my son. He was wonderful in preschool. When he got to Kindergarten, we started having some problems. When I saw the class dynamics, I quickly had my answer. His class was 70% boys. My son only has sisters, all neighbor children are girls, and his preschool class only had 4 boys in it. He was doing everything that any boy did because he didn't know how to socialize with boys. I considered moving him to the other class that was only around 35% boys, but decided against it because I thought it better to learn his socialization skills at a younger rather than older age. We just worked with him on teaching what was okay and not okay. This year, he is in first grade. There were two teachers available, one very strict and one mothering. I opted for strict because of his stubborn attitude. He does well. The only problem is that he has been with this one little girl since preschool. She has always gone out of her way to get him in trouble. And it seems to be the rule of thumb to believe the first child and not the second. She will say that he pushed her down or said a bad word. He then gets angry for being wrongly punished and the day goes downhill from there. I have made the teacher aware of the situation and she keeps them as far apart as possible and has even caught the girl lying about my son. My advice is to talk openly to your son and his teacher. Get both points of view. Express your concerns to the teacher and ask her if she can think of any reason why your child is starting to have problems now. If nothing else works, switch classes. The only thing I don't like about switching teachers is that your child might start to expect it and not learn that they have to adapt to different situations. Good luck.

Kristin - posted on 10/26/2009

My son also started kindergarten this year. I was really worried that he wouldn't do well as his last 6 months or so at preschool I had lots of trouble with his behavior. Notes were being sent home, meeting with the director and teacher on a regular basis and nothing improved. Because I was so worried about him not doing well, I decided to talk to my pediatrician. We put my son on a very small dose of Stratera, which is a non-stimulant, and his behavior improved almost overnight. He has done extremely well and is bringing home an A+ on his folder daily. The one day that I forgot to give him his medicine, the teacher called me and told me how rough his day was and how he wasn't paying attention, following directions, etc. I know some people are totally against medication....I believe that we should do everything we can to help our child have a positive experience both socially and academically. Good LUCK!

Melissa - posted on 10/26/2009

I cant belive the teacher is telling you she dont remember! Ask her to write yuo a note on those days so she dosent forget! Thanks for your advise and good luck.

Trish - posted on 10/25/2009

Im having the same problem with my son now in kindergarten. This is his first year in school, since was a preschool teacher when i was pregnant with him i decided to keep him home and home school him until kindergarten. I explained this to his teacher she said it was fine because there were a few others in the class that was new to school. He was doing fine the first few weeks of school and has made tons of friends, now i have noticed almost EVERY thursday he gets a note sent home saying he wasn't listening. There are also times when there is no sticker ( his school gives stickers when they are good and no stickers when they are bad) but no reason or note letting me know what is going on. When i ask the teacher and the aid they said they cant remember. My son is not allowed to hit or push anyone. I told him that before he even started school and he sometimes comes and tells me that " Sarah" hit me, "Dean" pushed me against the wall and other things, he said he told the teacher but she asked the other kids and they denied it. My son wouldnt lie to me. So Im going to wait and see how it goes for another week or so until the first report card comes and see if I need to move him to another class.

Brandi - posted on 10/25/2009

I agree, he might be bored. If he does very well with his work, maybe he needs to be moved up a grade. My mother told me I did the same when I was younger and the teachers suggested I be moved up a grade because I wasn't being challenged, but I was very shy. My parents felt I would end up being socially "stunted". Whatever! They just ended up giving me extra books and work to keep me stimulated. It ended up working out.

Tonilya - posted on 10/25/2009

My son started having similar probs in kindergarden and the behaviors were only having in school. We've even switched schools. The problems subsided but this year the are slowly coming back. It's hard to accept that something else may be going on, but some times it is. It has been frustrating and I spent many mornings in the principals office in tears because the child they were describing was not the child I had at home. I eventually sought behavioral services(call your insurance company) and he has been diagnosed wih ADHD. Its an on going process but I had to put my own issues aside and focus on what was best for him. Denial does more harm than good. If all other suggestions do not work please look into getting him assessed. You're not alone

Bobbie - posted on 10/25/2009

i would try talking to the principal or the school counselor, and see what they have to say.

Carla - posted on 10/25/2009

Sounds like it may be the teacher...can you switch teachers?

Tonya - posted on 10/25/2009

Maybe you could ask another parent, that you trust, to observe the class one day to see what your son is doing, if anything. My 5 yr old is having trouble as well. He told me today, actually, that he doesn't like work. So, that may be part of it, if there is some really some trouble going on. I just continue to talk to my son. I try my best to be positive and let him know the rewards of being good and doing good in school.OH yeah, and Prayer---LOTS of prayer is always good. LOL Good Luck.

Kari - posted on 10/25/2009

I agree yes he may get bored sometimes...however I think the schools just try to look for something in our kids to complain about. I think every teacher expects these kids to be perfect little angels. They're kids sometimes they get bored and sometimes they'll act out. It's enevitable!

Cristina - posted on 10/25/2009

You might also try going to observe him again, but this time just watch from the window or stand outside the door and listen. You may get a better picture of what is really happening in the classroom this way. You get both his and his teachers true interactions. Consider talking to the principal about this as well, maybe s/he can do some observations as well.

Amanda - posted on 10/25/2009

my first suggestion is to sit your son down and have a mommy/son talk about school. See if while you are conversing if there is an underlying problem. bullying, teacher singling him out things like that. If that doesn't work or you have tried that, try discussing with the school administration to see if the teacher has these problems with other kids.

I am having this problem with my daughter right now and the school has done the screening for ADHD. I know it's not a pleasant thought to think but it might be something to look into. Talk to you Dr. and ask thier advise though. I hope i've helped.

Teffany - posted on 10/25/2009

I think they are putting to much stress on 5 year olds these days. Sometimes my son gets in trouble for not making a perfect letter and will make him pick a colored card. His teacher said he is smart and a well mannered child.I think he does pretty good for not attending preschool and very little daycare.

Kirsten - posted on 10/24/2009

Two possibilities spring to mind: the activities are not challenging enough or else they are too far away from his interests.

Could you check if he's finding it too easy or if he is just bored by it? If it is boredom, a change of theme or angle might solve the problem. If it is too easy, you can request something more challenging ....

Good luck.

Ilene - posted on 10/24/2009

Sometimes kids and teachers just do not mix well and they need a change. My son started Kindergarten in September. In the few weeks he was in his original class it was getting to where I didn't want to even talk to the teacher. Every time I did I kept hearing about "how badly my son was doing". "how he wasn't following instructions, wasn't behaving in class, he hit an aide in class" etc etc.

The principal knew I was upset one day when I had gone to observe class and talked to me. She went into the classroom on my behalf to see what she felt was the best answer. After the first day, she told me my son was doing fine in the class but wasn't thriving. In fact, that teacher was then telling me that my son had gotten very quiet in class. A few more days, and she finally said, "okay, lets try him in a different class". He ended up in the class I wanted him in to begin with. The new teacher is sweet, and she doesn't yell at my child. It's been so much better in the new class. In fact, the person who we ended up switching with was unhappy with the low-key method of my son's new teacher...so she got our space in the harsher teacher's class. Everyone is so much happier now and I can see that we're going to have a great eight months left of school.

Julie - posted on 10/23/2009

I have a feeling it's the teacher. I like the idea of having another teacher sit in or another student's parent. See how things go from there. Maybe the principal should sit in.

Melissa - posted on 10/23/2009

Thanks Everyone! The teacher has sat him by her and that still does not help acording to her and he gets upset that the other kids are talking and messing with him so I have stated to ask if they have to change there colors also and he says NO. I belive my son but dont know how much is true ya know. Its a long day of school and how well does he remember really by the time he gets home. What gets me is he is so shy when we are out in public we will see a freind from class who will say hi to him and he will hide behind me so why at school would he BOTHER outher kids?

Heidi - posted on 10/23/2009

Could you ask another teacher to sit and give you a report, he may not act the same if you are in the class. My next step wouild ask to change class maybe it is the teacher??? jsut a thought, have you talked to him about what does he say is going on?

Angie - posted on 10/23/2009

Maybe you should ask if the lead Kindergarden teacher can observe in the class and request feedback. It never hurts to have several view points with a situation like this. Do keep in mind that he is 5 and take things with a grain of salt unless harm is being done. Coming from a mother of two boys 13 and 6, I totally understand what you are going through and wish you the best of luck. I have heard it all and 99 % of the time when given time everyting works itself out on it's on.

Michele - posted on 10/23/2009

He may be bored when they are bored they tend not to focus on what going on. May need to be seated near the teacher to help him focus