My 7-year-old is stuck on stupid....

Cherish - posted on 09/21/2012

Well, I know this post is older, but thanks to all of you ladies for making me laugh and feel relieved that I am not the only one with what I thought was a ditzy little 8 year old girl. For the past couple of years, I found myself getting more and more annoyed with her, but then feeling guilty because although we spend time together, I was never sure how much was "quality time". She always comes up with great ideas and shows that she understands rules and why they are important, but when she doesn't follow them, we get the whole "I don't know" or blank stare routine. We have felt for some time that she thinks it is cool to be stupid and worried she would share this with her younger sister. She was diagnosed with ADHD last year but I am starting to believe she is is just a normal girl who needs more attention and maybe parents that can just the back the hell off a little bit. Your thoughts?

Julie - posted on 03/02/2011

you said sarah that your daughter is almost 9 then expect the changes to start round about this time. some girls are early (my daughter was 8 when she started he rperiod) some girls can be mid to late teens. i would put your daughter down to just attitude because she is getting her own personality and tempting the boundaries. regardless of what a child is going through boundaries are there for a reason and must be enforced with consequences. my daughter was a little madam from the age of 18 months till she was 6 years old then she was ok untill her hormones kicked in properly at 13 then she was a terrible teenager. my son was lovely till he hit his teens and he turned into a slobby mouthy swine of a boy. they are now 20 and 22 and lovely human beings but i must admit that it is a miracle they made it to this age ha ha kids grow up and some are better than others but basicaly the human genes reek havoc with our kids and understanding patience and consequences will keep them on the right path. its not easy being amum but i think it is the only job worth undertaking and the most rewarding when it goes right. boys in their teens get the alpha male thing when they have another amn in the house regardless of if its their natural father or not. my husband has had to pull my son down a few rungs of his ladder in his time because my son was a know it all. its not all bad like us all they have their moments and when its a good moment its great

Sarah - posted on 03/02/2011

i found reward charts works 2 a certain degree, Does anybody no when girls bodies start changing

Julie - posted on 03/02/2011

the thing with girls is they are more stubborn than boys. boys are not stupid they soon realise that if they are getting punished for something then it would be best to either not do it or be crafty enough to not get caught. girls are gobby sulky stubborn little madames that give you a damn good run for your money. if your chil;d gives you mouth or attitude then banish them to their room for a while or take away a privalege like sarah taking away the tv. if you still get attitude then ground them. if they cant be good they dont go out simple. we used to live in a 3 storey house when my kids were younger and each floor had its own circuit breaker. i sent my kids to their rooms as a punishment but then realised they had tv's cd players games consoles etc and my daughter loved reading so i turned the electric to that floor off. easier than removing things. they soon got bored.

Sarah - posted on 03/02/2011

My daughter all attitude and mouthy i just thought it was girls till i saw this my son tried copying his sister he soon stopped once he lost his tv as well,so he,s learnt but not my daughter or less her body,s changeing?

Julie - posted on 03/02/2011

7 year olds are silly sometimes. they are starting to develop a verbal sense of humour and more of their own personality and they do tend to ramble about some really silly things. both my son and daughter used to drive me insane listening to their silly random things but they were kids and they were communicating and some of the things they tell us they think is interesting. to et angry is not going to accomplish anything but you could try getting into the conversation and asking what he means or what he thinks of what he has said and try getting him to think more about what he is saying. as for your BF being outraged at the lack of common sense he needs to remember this is a child we are talking about and if someone shows me a child with any kind of common sense at this age then i will admit they are a genius. kids are kids and talk crap they think its good even if we dont. all kids need to be reminded of things. gentle nudges in the right direction and encouragement when they have done the task you wanted especialy table manners and personal hygeine.

Sarah - posted on 03/02/2011

im still trying to work that one out with my daughter and she nearly 9 let me know when you,ve worked it out

Kristen - posted on 03/01/2011

Weird and obnoxious......the two words I use to describe my daughter behavior, since she started 1st grade, its been rrrrrrrr like does EVERY picture need a silly face, everytime she talks its like she got this urge of sugar and cant speak properly......im glad im not alone!! I just ask her to "chill out" and if she cant, I make her sit and regroup herself and think about the behavior we want from her. I know its a phase, I just want it to speed up, BUT not have her grow up :)

Kate - posted on 03/01/2011

Thank God you guys have made me feel so much better.. I was seriously starting to worry that something was 'mentally' wrong with him... I even started reading about ADD and stuff because I just kept thinking that this is not the way he used to be... but knowing that other kids are behaving the same way makes me feel so much better!!! I think I will just try to be consistent and patient and hope for the best!!!!

Wendy - posted on 02/28/2011

When I read this it made me laugh and feel relieved.My daughter is 7 and she seems to have turned into a total slob. Chewing with her moth wide open and dropping food all over the table and floor(shes messier than her 3 yr. old brother! lol) she throws clothes on the floor and leaves a trail of mess everywhere she goes.She says very inappropriate things and asks dumb questions.I love her very much so I was also getting very irritated with her.What happened to my sweet little girl?She's says very smarty pants comments. So after reading your post I felt relived like I said and I am thinking that maybe its a phase that 7 year olds go through. I know how you feel though its like she walks around in lala land and her hair will be all messed up and she doesnt care if there is food all over her face. She was never like this before and was good at picking up after herself, SO lets just hope and pray it is a phase.I just wanted you to know that you're not the only one out there feeling that way about their 7 year old.

Deanna - posted on 02/28/2011

It is a phase. My 7 yr old did it for a while. Just be patient. it will wear off.

Jyotsna - posted on 02/28/2011

Maintain the consistency part for sometime and see ur flower blooming.

Kate - posted on 02/27/2011

that is excellent advice I will try that, I have tried it all in the past but never to that extent, or for everything at once and I have a tendency to stop after a short period if I see no results. I think your right maybe it is just for reaction purposes and perhaps if I show that it is not an acceptable way to act, speak or behave then it may stop... I guess I have just been so frustrated that I have not been looking at it with a clear mind and I am just letting it anger me instead of teaching proper behavior myself....

Thank you :)

Jyotsna - posted on 02/27/2011

Doing such things is very normal. I think u need to get involved with him or talk to him about it. And also make the process a little play kind of a thing i.e. making him happy about all the things he does. Like brushing alongwith him and making it fun.Maybe he is needing a support to bring out his energy even for things like brushing or eating. making them happiness is the key.

Rebecca - posted on 02/27/2011

wow that was a really good repost because i am kinda having the same problem but my lil girl is mouthy too and she is almost 7

Dina - posted on 02/27/2011

Maybe he is just trying to "push the envelope" so to speak, see what he can get away with and how much attention you will give for it? He also might be developing a very carefree/laidback attitude but he is going about it to the extremes.

My son went through this "I dont know" phase at 5, everything you asked him was "i don't know" or "I don't remember" it drove me nuts, so I told him that those were unacceptable answers and if I ask him what he did at school (or any other question) he at least has to tell me one answer. And I also told him no video games, computer games, or toys till he does, if he can't "remember" what he did that day he can colour or build a puzzle something to stimulate his brain in that way. Now every day when he is home from school we have a quick chat then he can be off on his way :)

Maybe some small rule changes will help?
Like if you eat like an animal (fast and mouth open) then you dont get any desert/treats after dinner because animals in the wild don't get them.

Have his chores laid out for him, set the table and clean the table every night...and if he does a good job reward him weekly, maybe a weekly allowance if possible? But also every time he slack you would need to deduct from that reward.

As for the way he talks...does he think he is trying to be funny? or trying to maybe be sarcastic? I dunno maybe he is just trying out a different personality and seeing how people respond....if you know he can answer in a better or more approriate manner then tell him the instant he says something that what he said isn't a approriate, and ask him to answer again. Might need to use a reward system here too, like after he has a proper conversation then he can play whatever it is he loves, but if he is going to give mind numbing answers then he doesn't get that chance?

Kate - posted on 02/27/2011

I think that attention maybe a factor, but the BF and I have been together for a long time and this has just begun in the last 8 mos? year maybe? It is just so overwhelming it is like he is clueless... there is a total lack of even the most basic common sense, it's like he lives in lala land sometimes

Dina - posted on 02/26/2011

Not sure if this might be a link? But did your sons attitude change when your started dating your BF or bringing your BF around more? Could all just be a cry for attention, the less he claims to know the more you talk to him and give him attention right?

Kate - posted on 02/25/2011

Clearly I don't refer to him in this way to his face, it is just the only words I can use to express the level of frustration I am feeling over the situation at the moment... No I am very careful with the way I treat him and speak to him as is my BF, we do praise him constantly and we make sure we keep his self-esteem him.... Its not that he eats slowly... he shovels food into his mouth and chews like a slob with his mouth open... he never used to do these things and that is where the problem lies...its not even the reminder things that bothers us most it is the lack of basic commonsense when it comes to anything....

Vicky - posted on 02/24/2011

if you refer to him as stupidm ditzy etc and your partner gets angry at him for it then your only going to lower his self esteem. focus on when he does something good and make sure you praise him for it if your more positive towards him then he will be more positive about himself. All children eat slowly and need reminding to brush their teeth and tidy up after themselves.