My 8 year old daughter forgot her homework and wants me to bring it to her:(

Tina - posted on 03/08/2009

Thanks everyone for your input! Amy I really like your idea of a work and picture chart. I am going to make one for each of our daughters. I kinda tweaked it for our family. I took a half sheet of poster board (a yellow one for morning and a blue one for night time) and made boxes which say what needs to be done (homework in backpack, bed made, clothes in hamper, etc.) then I took half of an index card and made a corrolating picture. When the job is done the child sticks it on the posterboard box with a piece of tape or eventually I will get velcro. Now I can see at a glance what still needs to be done and the kids can too! Plus it is building the routine that they need to have as a habit.

Catherine - posted on 03/05/2009

Don't take it to her. I have had a similiar problem with my middle daugher, 7, I tell her, she loves doing her homework and does a good job, to put her homework in her back pack every night she doesn't do it. This morning she calls me and tells me to bring her math assignment to her because she forgot to put it in her back pack last night. She told me to hurry up so she wouldn't have indoor recess. I said no, I had my youngest home sick and no car. I was not walking roughly a mile with a sick kid so she could advoid indoor recess. When she got home she made sure that the assignment was put in her bag. She really loves recess and was not missing it tomorrow. Lesson learned. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Kristina - posted on 03/05/2009

One thing I have done to help with our morning rush out the door, is to create a monthly calendar on the computer for each child.  On this calendar I put in the regular things for school, ie, library days, and regular homework.  I print this and post it on the fridge, as anything new comes up that has to be remembered for school we just pencil it in.  Every night (or most nights) we check the calendar and pack our back packs accordingly!  This has saved me a lot of grief, and I think is teaching my daughters independant organization.

Cheers

Jennifer - posted on 03/04/2009

If this was the first time I'd say take it but since this is a recurring problem I would email her teacher and let her/him know that she forgot her report and she will bring it tomorrow. I have the same problem with my 10 yr old son and he's actually gone hungry because he's forgotten his lunch and failed work because it was late. He is slowly getting the point but mainly because I told him that he would get the same teacher next year if he failed! I'd make sure of it!
Keep the teacher in the loop and let her/him know that you are giving your daughter lessons in consequences and will not be bringing her work up to school.

Stacey - posted on 03/04/2009

I wouldn't take it to her. My son had this problem, not turning things in, not giving me reading charts to be signed etc...I simply sent a note to the teacher (along with a voice mail letting him know the note was in the backpack) and explained that I would not be reminding him as it was his responsibility. The teacher made sure to say this back to my son when he would forget. "How sad that you didn't bring your work in today." and he would reward the kids that did with stickers, smiley faces on the board etc...Perhaps you could ask your daughters teacher to help you reinforce the positive behavior you want.

Amy - posted on 03/04/2009

My 8 y/o is in third grade and I think you did the right thing. Mine is the oldest and she doesn't have too much problem with forgetting things, except her glasses. She has worn them since just after she turned 5 and 3 years later we are still trying to get her to remember to put them on in the morning. The only thing that did the trick. I made a word and picture list of all the things she has to do in the morning and hung it by her door in her room. ON it are 6 things-glasses, make bed, get dressed & put PJs away, brush hair & teeth, and turn off light in bedroom. It has made  a world of difference.

Bethany - posted on 03/04/2009

Quoting Tina:

That's the frustruating thing! We will have a talk about what we can do (like putting all homework in the backpack and putting it by the door) but she goes right back to her old behavior. Worse, she thinks I am mean because I wont bail her out. That's why I think it's better if she gets the consequences from real life (like getting a serious talking to from her teacher about how it is her responsibility to come prepaired) so that it makes an impact and maybe eventually she will change it. I am thinking about making a checklist for her for each evening and each morning?

I'd email the teacher and let him or her know WHY you're not bringing the students "forgotten" homework to her. . . The teacher has many students and I'm sure your daughter isn't the only one who doesn't bring stuff in on time, etc. However, if the teacher knows you want her to have "responsibility"  taught through this as a "natural consequence" then the teacher needs to know that.

Also, what grade is your daughter in? My 8 yo is on third, and if her homework is late, she gets points taken away. However, I still feel she's learing how to best do homework and get organized. So I make her get her homework packet out Monday's when she first gets it and do it then. If there's a lot she can finish it on Tuesday. It's due by Friday, but I am constantly reminding her that she won't have time to do ti Wednesday or Thursday due to other activities she has. Also, I have her put them in her folder in her backpack when it's done. I also remind her to take her lunch, and her library books, etc. When she forgot her library books 3 weeks in a row and I was available to do so, I took them to the school for her ~ but she didn't ask. I had "forgotten" to remind her those weeks as well.

This is not a middle child thing, my daughter is the oldest and I AM a middle child. I was always the one allowed to carry the house key, etc as a kid because I was "responsible".  I do procrastinate on many things and I think that's just in some people's nature.

I think if your daughter is in second grade, it's still a BIG thing to remember everything all the time. Make sure you're giving her a chance to learn to be responsible.

Jessica - posted on 03/04/2009

My son has the same problem, our school district has a thing online that they recently started that lists all there homework assignments so they have less of an excuse to not do them and it keeps the parents aware of what is happening in the classroom maybe you can suggest the idea to your daughters school I think it is done thru scholastic. Our school also has a site you can visit to check on grades so there are no surprises come report card time it iscalled classroll.com, as for not bringing her home work into her you are doing the right thing even though it is hard to let are children fail but they have to learn responsability!

Jada - posted on 03/04/2009

I agree fully. My soon to be 8 year old daughter has become very lazy since the birth of my youngest. She just wants everything handed to her and handled for her. I've started teaching her that there are consequences for her inactions so she's starting to get a lot better about her own personal responsibilities.

Katherine - posted on 03/04/2009

The checklist is a great idea. I might steal that one from you! lol  Even though you've talked about getting her backpack ready, you'll still have to remind her to do it the night before and probably insist that she do it immediately when you remind her.  My son tries to say I'll do it later, but I make him do it when I ask him cause he will forget it later.

Tina - posted on 03/03/2009

That's the frustruating thing! We will have a talk about what we can do (like putting all homework in the backpack and putting it by the door) but she goes right back to her old behavior. Worse, she thinks I am mean because I wont bail her out. That's why I think it's better if she gets the consequences from real life (like getting a serious talking to from her teacher about how it is her responsibility to come prepaired) so that it makes an impact and maybe eventually she will change it. I am thinking about making a checklist for her for each evening and each morning?

Katherine - posted on 03/03/2009

This must be a middle child syndrome.  My son is the same.  He forgot to take his skates, twice, and I refused to bring them to him at school. I told him that there are consequences to his lack of responsibility.  I reminded him the night before to pack his skates and helmet but hwe didn't listen.  When he forgets to bring homework home from school, I send him back to get it (we are within walking distance of the school). 

It is extremely frustrating as a parent to deal with a child like this, especially if you are an organized person.  I would suggest a long discussion at a time when both of you are calm about her lack responsibility and develop a system that both of you can agree to that will keep her organized.  Explain to her that you can not be responsible for keeping her organized.  She is old enough to take some responsibility for her own stuff.  Explain that when you remind her about chores, homework etc. that she should stop what she's doing and do what you sak her to do.

I think you did the right thing about the report.  She won't learn to keep it together if you are constantly rescuing her.