My 8 yr old daughter is crying because she has no friends.

Jenny - posted on 02/01/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )




My daughter is in 3rd grade, been in the same school since K. She has always had friends and playmates and loved school. Half way through 2nd grade her best friend started hanging out with another child who teases my daughter, and will never let her play with them. She will seem fine one day and then is just in tears the next because no one likes her anymore. I have tried to encourage her to go find some new friends to play with at recess. But she is so shy. Her best friend (who only plays with her outside of school), does not join in the teasing at school, but also will not defend her or do anything to help her. I have also talked to her friend, told her that it's fine for them to have different friends, but it's not ok to let her other kids pick on my daughter. It breaks my heart to see my little girl so unhappy, please, any advise to help her? It is also very hard to see these two girls growing apart. they have been together since they were 6 months old, anything i can do to help my daughters friend see how badly she is hurting her?


Di - posted on 02/03/2012




My daughter had terrible trouble at Primary school- getting picked on and then excluded by the other children (not just girls) having so called best friends being too scared to stand up to the bullies with her only 'crime' being non-conforming, clever and well behaved! She has come through it all so strong in herself, so confident that she feels no need to conform with her peers and couldn't care less what any one thinks of her. She is smart, independent, responsible and kind and I am so very proud of her. What helped her were a small group of friends outside school. They attended church, youth group, netball and sleepovers together (though not the same school)

Try getting your daughter involved in activities outside school which she will enjoy and have some success at. Unfortunately there is really nothing we can do to stop these bullies- all we can do is support our own children and help them improve their confidence. Your daughter's friend may well be back- this other girl doesn't sound like a 'keeper'.

Heather - posted on 02/03/2012




My son went through the same thing. He too had lots of friends at first -- then about the middle of first grade he started being picked on. By the middle of third grade (when we found out) he had NO friends left. No one would be friends with him on the playground, for fear they would be picked on too.

The school he attended had a pervasive culture that allowed bullying. We pulled him from school, and he is being treated for PTSD (which is, thankfully, starting to abate). We are teaching him at home for the time being, and like the others mentioned, are involving him in lots of other outside activities.

Football helped the most. :)

Kelly is right; you need to get the teachers & administration involved. Help them understand the situation, see it with new eyes. These other children are called "bystanders" and probably don't know what to do when others are being picked on.

I hope you can get your daughter some help! Blessings to you & her.

Cindy - posted on 02/05/2012




i did not have issues til later when i was in 6th grade a lifetime friend started harassing me saying i was cheating on test, so i had 2 take the test over which i past AGAIN, she owuld stack my locker & just stupid things!! after the issue with the test she was in the classroom with 5 other friends saying stuff about me while i was across the hall cleaning out my locker & i got tired of it & i walked in & smacked her across the face & said i was tired of her crap!! she did not do anything & they others with her just sat there & didn't say a word!! she did not tell on me but in our next class which was art she came up 2 me & apologized & said look what u did 2 my cheek, there was a knot on it & i told her i wasn't apologizing 2 her coz she she had nooooo reason 4 messing with me!! she never messed with me again after that, as a matter of fact she hardly talked 2 me at all after that!! the reason she did it was coz she was jealous of my friendships with the same ppl that she was friends with plus the boys we went 2 school with liked me & NOT her !! i'm not saying 2 have ur daughter hit the girl tho i'm just letting u know what i had 2 do 2 stop it!! if i were u i'd go 2 the principal & superintendant 2 get it stopped!! i never told my mom what the girl was doing but i raised 2 handle it myself if possible which i was!! i did tell her after i did what i did & she was ok with it!! i would assume that this girl is just jealous of ur daughter & the friends relationship!! i hope things get better 4 ur daughter!!

Randi - posted on 02/04/2012




Get your daughter in some kind of after school activity that her best friend is not in. Someone will reach out to her and she can have different friends then, friends that care at school and away. Also you should reassure you're daughter that there is nothing wrong with being herself. And maybe you should say something to the teacher. They should not be allowing the children to tease your daughter so much and since they are the ones in charge at school THEY need to do something to put a stop to the singling out

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I would speak to the teacher and administration about the teasing. That is a form of bullying and should not be tolerated. The girl who is teasing should get a warning, if she has not been spoken to already, then temporarily suspended if it continues. If it continues after the suspension, the girl can be expelled and sent to another school.

A boy picked on my son two days in a row earlier this year. I had him suspended for 3 days. When he came back, he targeted one of my son's friends and my son stood up for the friend, resulting in a physical attack (my son is a red belt in taekwondo, he took the boy down without hitting him). The boy was then expelled.

I also agree with those who said to get her involved in extracurricular things. Not too many, but she does need a wider net of friends than this one girl. Also, it will give her practice talking to new people.

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Donna - posted on 02/04/2012




She probably sees it but doesn't want to stand up to the other girl. This happened to my daughter in 2nd grade also, although wasn't being made fun of, just left out. You can speak to the teacher and see what she sees at school. The next year I requested my child not be in class with either of these girls which seemed to help because she had other friends and would only see these two at recess. Unfortunately, many little girls are like this and your daughter will need to learn to deal with them over the years. If it is outright bullying, I would go to the teacher and principal.

Sherri - posted on 02/03/2012




It doesn't sound the like this other girl is hurting her. She isn't picking on your daughter and maybe she just isn't strong enough to stand up to the kids who are.

Jakki - posted on 02/02/2012




Aaaark Jenny I know exactly how you feel - my son has just finished grade 3 and had a terrible time socially and also used to cry about lack of friends. There was also a slightly similar situation with a best friend.

OK so here is my ideas - it might be time that your daughter move on from that best friend who is not a good friend to her at school. Tell her that she doesn't have to put up with it. She doesn't deserve it.

Are there any other kids she likes in her class with whom you could try to encourage a friendship? eg invite them over for a play at the weekend, and make sure they have a really nice time. And keep doing this - once might not be enough.

Also I liked Jackie's point about getting your daughter to have outside interests because it will help boost her if she can get excited about something other than school. Is she involved in a team/group thing, be it sport or music or drama? This can really help making friends outside of school, and build her confidence.

Jackie - posted on 02/01/2012




My daughters have been going to their school since preschool as well. My oldest children were teased around 2nd grade until they reached 4th. They go to private school, and it is very small. They love school now, and can't get enough of it. Give her time, and engage her in extra- cirricular activities. Once she finds a talent or hobby, she'll find people with the same interests. This should help. Best of Luck =)

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