My 9 year old boy told his teacher he wants to kill himself!

Sandra - posted on 02/04/2009 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I received an email from my son's teacher stating that Josh told her he wants to kill himself. I call him and he says that 2 of the girls in his class told him today that he has no personality, he is not funny and no one cares about him. My baby broke down and cried. He told me it was important to him to be like by his classmates and I guess he doesn't feel that he is. How do I handle this? How do I make him understand that his classmates are just that! Classmates! and he shouldn't give a damm what they think. Half them little buggas can't even pass their spelling and math test, which is what they should be focusing on.

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Doctor Definately....I am a High School Special Education Teacher that has been trained in suicide prevention.   All threats taken seriously.    Counselors can help but they are not going to solve the problem.  They are gatekeepers so to speak.      Show compasion and do not alarm him but...have a  appointment (counsulation) with pediatrician privately ASAP and get a referral and emergency appointment with a pediatric psychiatrist.       Pediatric psychiatrist are medical doctors who work only with children. They will know what to do  and have more resources available ,    Counselor or psychologist would have been good prior to suicide threat.   This is serious especially from a 9yr old.    

Sandra - posted on 02/09/2009

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Thank you all for your great advice.  I have learned from his teacher that he is pretty popular with the boys but not with the girls for whatever reason. He is a pretty well rounded kid who takes karate, swimming and chess, and has made some friends within those activities. His dad and I have spoken to him, he says he said that out of anger and has no intentions of hurting himself, but to be on the safe side, he is going to see the counselor.  It is so difficult as a parent because all you want to do is protect your child from hurt, but one can't always do that. We have also taught him strategies to deal with the situation better next time, hopefully they will work. Best of luck to you all who are in similar situations. You are in my thoughts.

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I agree with the last comment.  Self worth doing things that you love and enjoying that common interest with others with similar interest.   What does he like to play, read, watch, sing?   Where is his favorite place to play? Does he like to take things apart, fix things, etc.  These are his happy places.  What is he talented at?   If he finds other who enjoy similar activities it can boost his self confidence and with that boost he can develop the ability to not care as much about the opinions of those have different interest from him.    

Marjorie "Lee" - posted on 02/08/2009

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My son basically said the same thing last year..."I do not deserve to live." It broke my heart.  The school said we need to have a suicide evaluation done.  We spoke with a doctor. He clarified with our son. He asked him if he really wanted to be dead and needed help or was he real sad, hurt, etc. about what another child said.  He said he was upset.



It stinks how mean kids can be. Girls can be very mean at this age.  The doctor suggested my son take a step back and look at the situation as if it were happening to someone else. Are the girls being mean to the person they spoke to?  What would you think if you heard it said to someone else?



Let your son's teacher know that you feel he is being bullied. The teacher will usually address it by talking with the entire class about treating others kindly. Be sure to CC all email messages to the principle.  He/She needs to be aware of what is going on.



Doesn't it stink that we can not fix all of our children's problems! My son is now dealing with popularity charts made by mean girls. He was told he didn't even make it on the chart.  I reminded him that if he gets a good education and job the girls will flock to him. Women love successful men. Time changes everything.

Gayle - posted on 02/06/2009

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You wrote, "he says that 2 of the girls in his class told him today that he has no personality, he is not funny and no one cares about him"

So your young man has issues with these 2 girls, and what they say seems pretty important? What do the other boys think about your son? Does he say? I think the counseling might help identify the real problem here. In the meantime, who's your son's best friend or group? I mean boys. If he has a group, it might be great to have them over after school to build the relationship with them... Good luck! I really feel for you Sandra

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Brittney - posted on 12/30/2011

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I tell my 10 year old daughter every day that the people who make fun of you are just trying to make them selves better ...And Nothing in life is worth hurting your self over. I was the teen girl who cut and did very bad things because I just wanted a friend in school and instead i got bullied. My only advice is contact a therapist and make it very clear your child is loved and these people would not matter in 5 even 10 years ...

Brittney - posted on 12/30/2011

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I tell my 10 year old daughter every day that the people who make fun of you are just trying to make them selves better ...And Nothing in life is worth hurting your self over. I was the teen girl who cut and did very bad things because I just wanted a friend in school and instead i got bullied. My only advice is contact a therapist and make it very clear your child is loved and these people would not matter in 5 even 10 years ...

Juanita - posted on 12/28/2011

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My son is 11 and was bullied at school for years. He also said these things. The school finally started taking the bulling issue seriously, and seperated him from those other kids by changing his schedule around. After only a month, he stopped saying things like that and is a much happier individual. Bullying is a serious problem, and most of the time, if we don't stand up for our kids, no one else will. I wish you luck, and hope that your son comes out on top of this.

Gwendoline - posted on 12/28/2011

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Dear Sandra,
This means that your boy has a very sensitive soul. My 8 year old son is very sensitive too and gets very depressed because of what his classmates think of him. Eventhough I can't say he is "cured" yet, I know for sure he is secure in the hands of God. Even more than in the hands of a counselor. I'm not saying you shouldn't get counseling, but counseling alone will not help. The One who made him, is best qualified to enable him to function and grow as he ought to. So pray, pray and pray. Trust God for the well being of your son and of yours too. Because it's we as parents that can have the biggest impact on our kids - for better or for worse. And never cease encouraging, empowering, up lifting your son. My key sentence that I use is borrowed from a tv commercial on real life women tv: " how can they not like you! You are smart, you are funny, you are good looking! If they don't it's because that have bad taste baby!!! There are plenty people out there that will recognice your qualities and love you for who you are!!" So Sandra, pray and talk, talk and pray!!!

Debra - posted on 12/27/2011

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Get him to a psychologist pronto. They can determine if this is a cry for help or the real deal. He may. Be depressed but please take this seriously. A 9 year-old does not really understand consequences and may try something for attention but really end his life.

Michele - posted on 06/20/2011

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dont rush off to school counselor ask your son first what he want you to do. Sometime the child or children just need you to hear and listen to them. If you run to counselors and psychiatrists or psychologists, they may think that there is something wrong with them. So be very mindful of pushing them to a so called specialist for help when all they needed was you and you to listen.

take care and good luck
from oneelle (Enrolled Nurse)
Also studies Transgender and diverse behaviours/ personalities in children

Natasha - posted on 04/09/2011

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Oh yes...I did speak the the social worker at the school about this situation and checking up on things inside the classroom with other children.

Natasha - posted on 04/09/2011

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Hi my advice is from experience that the classmates are just classmates. They are just that. The most important things is that is loved by his family members and we are the ones that know best about him. Those children are just bullies. I know my son is in the same situation :D no worries just make sure that he is the best little person that you know. You like him for who he is. Spend as much time with him and praise his accomplishments.

Suicide is just awful way out. Your son is asking for help and he doesnt know where to turn to. He thinks that his classmate (friends) are everything in his whole world.

I told my son and other children. Your friends are the ones that care about you and make you feel good about yourselves. If someone hurts you inside your heart. They are not your friends. Just walk away from them.

Lori - posted on 02/08/2009

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I would get your son involved in some kind of activities that interest him - so he can find kids that have the same interest as him. It might be worth a try - our school has several after school things that are free as money is always a problem.

Angie - posted on 02/08/2009

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Please get him help! I have been clinically depressed and suicidal since I was sick - I was diagnosed at 32. It's scary to live with this so the sooner he gets help, the better.

Jackie - posted on 02/07/2009

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my son is 10 he was bein picked on by a couple of lads in his class on a daily basis, it had been goin on for wat 2 yrs, an he'd say that to me. Hearin that from him ripped my heart out! the teachers wern't helpful at all so i sent my son to a differant school! best thing i'v ever done an we haven't looked bac! my son is so much happier! gud luck xx

Tania - posted on 02/06/2009

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I would recommend taking him to see his family doctor as well as the school's counsellor.  It may be more than self-esteem problems.  Could it be depression?  I know it sounds strange b/c he is so young but it's worth looking into.

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I would definately have him see the school counselor.  He/She can give you advise from there.  At my daughter's school they have a self-esteem group that the counselor can get them into which helps with self-esteem issues.  It also has the added benefit of introducing the child to other children who share some of their insecurities and can be good buddies and allies against some of the bullying.  It's also important to constantly be positive around your son and remind him often how special he is and point out his strengths.

Michelle - posted on 02/04/2009

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I think that the counseling would be good for him, if it's wanted and also maybe get him involved in some other things to take his mind off of the negative stuff.  Kids can be so cruel and I know you must have wanted to break down with him.  I get upset when my kids are upset and I hate it when I can't make it better for them.  I'd just stay as involved as I could in the situation and keep reassuring him that the only reason people are like that is b/c they want to take the focus off of their own personal flaws.

Sandra - posted on 02/04/2009

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Quoting Jennifer:



I would have him see the school counselor.  They are there for kids in situations like this and kids usually listen better to the counselors than their parents.  Poor guy.  Good luck!






Thank you Jennifer, I have asked the teacher to make sure he sees the counselor tomorrow. Hopefully that helps. :)

Jennifer - posted on 02/04/2009

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I would have him see the school counselor.  They are there for kids in situations like this and kids usually listen better to the counselors than their parents.  Poor guy.  Good luck!

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