my child is not bothered about me

Amber - posted on 07/15/2012

I also have a very stubborn 5 yr old. Actually we have 3 in our house, I watch my sister's two children too. I can tell you what I have done to make order happen for me. All 3 of the children are very strong willed children and my nephew is hard of hearing so that adds to some of the issues. What I have done is something I used to laugh at but when I tried it, my house became much more orderly. I make the children stand "at ease" yes just like in the military. "At ease" is facing the wall with their feet shoulder width apart and their hands crossed behind their backs. I know this sounds severe, but I do adhere to the time out rules, meaning 1 min for every yr they are old, with some adjustments for level of punishment. For running in the house, it is a 2 min "at ease" if they are back-talking or hitting it is 3-5 min "at ease" each child was taught the first day and on the first day no one was at ease more than 2 min. Now all I have to do is say on the wall and they literally assume the position. But I also have noticed that in the beginning I was putting them at ease 2-3 times a day, now it is maybe once a week and there have been times where they will go up to 2 full weeks without it. It does work, but you have to be consistent. Also I make them only face the wall, no swaying, looking around etc. they are in a time out and I will stand with them if I have to. I stood with them each time for the first 2 days. I started this in January of this year and in the last 6 months I have noticed a major difference in how they behave and they also know I mean business.

Good luck

Jill - posted on 07/15/2012

I don't really understand most of your post, so I'm just guessing at what you're trying to convey. I'm assuming your daughter is not special needs, since you didn't mention it.

When I wanted my kid to stop using a bottle (he was 2) I got rid of all the bottles in the house. Get rid of her bottles entirely so they are not an option.

You know kids her age don't have to drink milk, right? If she won't drink milk in a cup, give her water.

How does a 5 year old ditch school? If she didn't attend, where did she go after you took her to school? Do you mean you took her and she threw a tantrum so you gave in and brought her home?

It sounds like you've been treating her like a baby for far too long, while at the same time expecting her to have a higher level of reason than typical for a 5 year old. I don't know what to tell you about that, other than it requires a big shift in parenting in your home. It sounds like she's the boss and knows it.

Roxanna - posted on 07/14/2012

Let's forget parenting skills. YOU are the adult. Throw out the bottles, period. Get counseling because she may be having some issues about something that is bothering her. You should also take some counseling yourself to relearn how to mange her.
I have a 17 year old who started to refuse to bathe when she was 14 years old. My daughter at the time outwieghed me by 60 pounds and is much stronger than I physically although she was barely 5 feet tall and I am 10 inches taller than her. We went to counseling and after weeks of therapy we found the problem. As she was grossly overwieght, and I mean so incredibly large that her breasts were a EE! It turned out she was so disgusted by herself, she refused to touch her body. Other mental health issues came up. Between medication and twice a week therapy, AND redoing how I cooked, it took only a few weeks to for the battles to cease and I could hug my daughter without holding my breath or gagging. My daughter is now 5'6 and has lost close to 100 pounds! She bathes twice a day and even wears make up, loves how her body looks and enjoys shopping for clothes!
Good luck!

Mayuri - posted on 07/14/2012

thanx pamela,many elders always objected when i was giving her the bottle when she turned 3 but i refused coz i was frightened that she may leave milk if i will nt give her the bottle and also that time i was very busy running after her during every mealtime so i thought let me relax myself giving her the bottle of milk atleast during morning and night

Mayuri - posted on 07/14/2012

thanx kimberely for ur good advise,i agree wid u,secondly that day she went to school in chaufferdriven car and nt by school transport so she refused to stay at school and turned back,and we live in a very small town of india where we dont hav the facility for parent councelling so i hav joined circle of moms so i may get support and understanding what i think and what i do for my child is whether right or wrong.

Stephanie - posted on 07/14/2012

thats not very fair pamala shes asking for help not told about her parenting skills! at the end of the day motherhood didnt come with an instruction book , who said their was an age limit for a bottle???? my boys hated the bottle but some kids take a bottle as a comfort , i think dummys are the worst though lol

Pamela - posted on 07/13/2012

Why is a 5 year old child still drinking from a bottle? Sheeeesh! What has happened to sane parenting? Did someone throw it out of the window while I wasn't looking? LOL!!!

Kimberly - posted on 07/13/2012

I was a a little confused by something. How did she leave school and come home on her own? Was no one at the school supervising the children or is it not a requirement at your child's school that the teachers actually supervise the children? You have gotten some great advice about how to handle your child but you also need to speak to someone at the school. They should never have let her leave. You and your child's teacher need to work together.
I agree with those who say not to use the silent treatment and to talk to your child. Also throw all baby bottles in the trash. This should have been done when your child turned a year old. It is bad for a child's teeth to use a bottle as they get older. Like others have said you need to make sure she knows you are in charge. If she won't drink from a glass then tell her that is her choice but that is the only way from now one that beverages will be provided for her and stick to it. Trust me. When she is thirsty she'll drink from the glass.
Make sure along with there being consequences for negative behaviors that you aknowledge positive behaviors as well. When she goes to school without a fight tell her you are proud of her for cooperating and getting ready for school, for example.
If you need help look to see if your town as a local Family Resource and Referral Agency. They can help with parenting advice and usually will offer parenting classes or workshops or can refer you to someone who offers them.
Good Luck

Cherissa - posted on 07/12/2012

Who is the boss here? She is 5 years old! Take away the bottle, march her butt to school and don't allow her to behave like a spoiled little princess. You are doing her NO favors by treating her the way you have been. And not talking to her? Are you for real? How the heck is she supposed to learn if you don't tell her what she did wrong, why it is wrong and what you expect from her in the future. I advise you to take some parenting classes.

Tracie - posted on 07/12/2012

You are being a pushover. You need to step up and assert your parental authority. Age 5 is way too young to be making life decisions for yourself.

You are the mom. You make the rules. No discussion, no negotiation. What you say goes, period. If you tell your daughter to go to school and she comes back, you physically take her there yourself. No yelling, no hitting, but let her know that there is no other option. She is going to school and no amount of pouting, crying, etc. will change that.

I am a huge fan of natural consequences. Let your daughter know what is expected of her and that if she gives you a hard time or does not comply, there will be a swift and appropriate consequence. Every single time. Consistency is your best friend!!

She will put up a big fight at first. Her behavior will get worse before it gets better. She will test your new resolve, but you are the adult and you are responsible for making sure she gets/does what she needs. DO NOT BACK DOWN - EVER. So make sure that you are giving realistic consequences that you KNOW you can follow through with. (don't say, "no TV for a month," unless you're truly willing to take it away for that long)

Your daughter needs to learn as soon as possible who is in charge at your house. And the person in charge needs to be you, not her.

Best of luck to you!!

Bobbie - posted on 07/12/2012

I do not agree with giving your kid the silent treatment. Personally I think the silent treatment is very childish and you are teaching her to behave that way. She is 5, you need to make her go to school, tell the teachers not to let her leave. As for the bottle throw it out and give her nothing but cups. You need to sit her down explain in simple terms she needs to listen, no big long explanation cause she won't listen to it all. Be the boss.

Stephanie - posted on 07/12/2012

no prob hope it helps a little

Dove - posted on 07/12/2012

She's 5. If she doesn't go to school you take her butt there and deliver her to the teacher yourself.

Mayuri - posted on 07/12/2012

thanx stephanie for ur reply,i was really feeling lost yesterday i will try and talk to her

Stephanie - posted on 07/11/2012

i would advise you speak to her and tell her what she is doing is huting you and if she keeps missing school she will never learn. more to the fact tell her you make the rules and she will drink from a glass and she cannot leave school whenever she wants . but dont not speak to her as it makes it easyer for kids to do bad as they are not getting told otherwise
good luck hope this helps