my daughter is 11 will be 12 next week she wants to wear makeup please help me out

Kimberly - posted on 03/11/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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she is putting it on at school and taking it off by the time she gets home i hate the fact she is sneaking and around about it

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Eileen - posted on 03/17/2010

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Is this really a battle worth fighting? She is at an age where she is going to start wanting to gain much more independance and acceptance into certain peer groups. Instead of fighting with her about it, take this oppertunity to guide her and help her understand your values. nude or neutral colors on an 11 year old look fine and are age appropriate. Even choosing a clear gloss with a blush that blends in with her natural color...... By fighting with her about this you could open up an oppertunity for her to learn to be resentful of your authority. A lot of her peers are wearing makeup and she feels that by not joining in that she will be left behind. It's a tough age for her and she needs your understanding and guidance. By working with her and using this as a chance for her to learn from you and learn to trust your judgement you can set the mood for her to continue to trust your judgement above that of her peers as she goes through her teenage years. Shopping for her special makeup and supplies and spending a day learning from you is a wonderful way for you to bond with her. You want to make sure she includes you in her decisions and looks up to you as she grows older. Butting heads over something like makeup this early on just doesn't set the pace for that kind of bond. I only can speak from my experiences. My mother (a VERY good mother who loves me and has always been there for me) was very strict. We clashed all through my teen years and I rebelled something terrible. I hate that I didn't get to have a close relationship with her during that time because I really needed her but I never felt that I could go to her because she was too strict and wouldn't listen to what I needed to talk about. I am getting really close to 40 and I have a good relationship with my mother now. I still mourn the lost time when I was a teen. With my own daughter I decided to try things differently. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to know that she wants to talk to me and asks for my advise. I'm not crazy enough to think that she always takes it or doesn't lie to me sometimes.......but.....I know that she does respect what I have to say and understands that I am not just being mean or strict. I guess the most important thing you need to decided is, how important is that makeup in the grand scheme of things?

Katherine - posted on 03/14/2010

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Kimberly, i had the same problem with my daughter when she was twelve, and i sat her down and told her that when she would sneak around and do things behind my back, i felt like i couldn't trust her, and i didn't want that kind of relationship for us. i let her wear lip gloss, and told her that if i was told again that she was wearing make up without my permission then she would receive punishment when she got home, and i have even popped into the school and had them call her to the office to check on her, after a few times she would learn that i was in control and her actions had consequences and basically what i said goes, she is 15 now only been wearing make up for a year, and now its just eyeliner, mascara, and lip gloss (her choice on the gloss) i still have to guide her sometimes with her makeup but when YOU feel she is old enough, if you have a merle norman near by they usually do make up for free and show them how to apply, or a mary kay rep can show her, that way she sees it as its coming from a professional, and its fun for the girls to have something like that just for them.

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Michelle - posted on 03/22/2010

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If you make a big deal about it she is just going to continue sneaking around behind your back....it is just makeup teach her how to put it on so she doesn't look like a street walker or a clown and let her feel pretty. It is part of growing up and the majority of 11-12 year old girls are starting to experiment with it and she wants to be like her friends. Relax it is just makeup

Kimberly - posted on 03/18/2010

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thanks for the help ladies i agree with the light makeup and as of today she went to school wearing it......with her dad not happy about it........she did it very nicely i did let her know for now its only light blush and lipgloss

Karen - posted on 03/17/2010

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my oldest daughter is 13 she only ware eyeliner but i remember when i wanted to start waring makeup my mom told me the way i put it on was like a clown she sold me how to put it on lightly i am 30 and i am not ready for the teenage years either and i have all girls

Shannon - posted on 03/17/2010

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When I went through that phase, my mom got a me a couple of things like light shadow and gloss, and of course the pre-teen staple..glitter! Try giving her a few age appropriate products and show her how to apply them. She will enjoy the bonding time with you and see that you take her seriously. Telling her she is just too young will most likely make her feel like you do not hear her or consider her thoughts important. At that age feeling like a baby will lead to rebellion.

Amy - posted on 03/17/2010

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My daughter turned 11 and was doing the same thing. But she'd go to school put it on with her friends and then come home without trying to hide it. Finally I took her to the store and bought things in nuetral colors. SHe has her own lip gloss, blush, powder and eyeshadow. Everything is sparkly nuetral to pink colors and she loves it. I put my foot down on anything darker or eyeliner or Mascara.

I didn't think it was a problem as long as she understood my rules. Yes I feel like shes trying to grow up too fast but then didn't we all.

Carly - posted on 03/16/2010

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Since she is reaching adolescence I would try a compromise, maybe take her out to buy some not so dramatic products, like a lip gloss and maybe some neutral shadow. I remember being that age and a flat out no is just going to make her defiant.

Debbie - posted on 03/16/2010

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I agree with what Katherine said. If it's something you don't approve of, then I wouldn't let her think that she could sneak it around you. If it's something that you just aren't sure about, then maybe you could start her out small with what you do approve of. Make her put it on during a weekend once with you with her and you can tell her what you will allow and won't allow. My oldest is 12 but alas, he's a boy so I don't have to worry about makeup with him. My 8 year old doesn't seem interested in makeup right now, but who knows when she turns 12. I wasn't allowed to play with makeup until I turned 14 and even then it was minimal makeup which I rarely even used.

Brooke - posted on 03/16/2010

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Or maybe try to teach her that is for special occasions, for example, if you are going out as a family you could both do your makeup together, that way she can learn that certain 'looks' are appropriate for different times and events.

Brooke - posted on 03/16/2010

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Perhaps you could tell her she can use it within certain limits, ie. when she is 12 she can wear it around home, when she is 14 she can wear it out with friends, and when she is 16 she can wear whatever she likes. Also start with a bit at a time, lip gloss first, then every 6 months teach her how to use a new thing. (mascara, eye liner etc.) Above all, make sure you show her how to do it right! I was never shown that, and now, at 27, I have to practise putting on eyeshadow on the days I am not going out, cause I still don't know what colours to use for my skin! You don't want that for her. Maybe you could even have a once-a-month beauty night with your friends AND hers... that has the added benefit of showing her that you are not just a bunch of "old" women!

Lakeisha - posted on 03/15/2010

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my daughter is 11 also. And she asked me the same thing. "mommy, can I wear make-up next year?" I still haven't given her an answer. I'm only only 29, i'm not ready for a teenager yet. So for now I'm still thinking about it. I make a lot more surprise trips to the school now.

Cynthia - posted on 03/14/2010

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I have a 20 year old daughter and have already gone through this. When she was young I used to buy makeup (mostly eyeshadow, lip gloss, and nail polish) for her and let her play with it. I also taught her the correct way to put it on. She was not allowed to wear it out of the house though. I told her 13 was appropriate for wearing makeup at school. she still was only allowed to wear eyeshadow, lip gloss, no lipstick, and nail polish. When she turned 16 I told her it was her body and she got to wear any makeup she wanted. Give them an age restriction, it helps. My daughter was less likely to have a fit knowing that at least at a certain age she was allowed to do it.

Bel - posted on 03/14/2010

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Just make it clear its against the school rules and do what it takes. Get the school to help make it clear with you if she doesn't listen!

Rebecca - posted on 03/11/2010

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p.s. since it's her birthday next week, you could surprise her by organising a make up party for her birthday!

Rebecca - posted on 03/11/2010

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must admit, i don't understand the problem --- well in my country it would be against the school rules, and she would be made to wash it off at school. however, my 6 year old and 3 year old play with make up --- they make a big mess, but they love it (obviously i get them their own); haha and when the girls get going, the 3 year old boy of a friend of mine doesn't like to be left out so he also plays with it! i don't wear make up very often, not even on a daily basis, but kids love to play with doing stuff on their bodies, and young girls are of course going to want to experiment with it, because that is what they believe girls do -- look at all the women's magazines.



instead of repressing it why don't you show her how to apply it correctly so that it is not plastered on, which looks ridiculous and ugly. and also reassure her that she doesn't need make up because she has lovely skin and is beautiful without it, but that you understand that she wants to experiment.



your repression is making her want to do it even more, and forcing her to sneak around. she probably views it as you trying to keep her as a little girl, while she feels that she is growing up.



i save my saying NO for things that i feel are dangerous and or strongly age inappropriate (e.g. swearing). otherwise i prefer my girls to live in an affirmative environment, and let them make their own choices and decisions -- this way as they get older they are equipped with decision-making skills. also my NO is then more meaningful because they know that i don't say NO without a good reason.



you could even organise a make-up party -- a friend of mine's mother used to sell beauty products when i was an almost-teen (something like Avon, but we don't have that in my country) and she took all us girls and showed us how to cleanse, tone and mosturise and then apply makeup with a light touch.

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