My Daughter is due to start nursery this month bt she is clingy Help

Danielle - posted on 04/10/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My daughter turned 3 in dec and is starting nusery on the 26th of april, my son is 8 and also goes to the same school. We went to the induction day ( me & my daughter ) for her to start nusery and wen we got inside it took me 15-20 mins to calm her down and explain tht was staying wit her as it only a induction day. She started pre-school wen she ws 2 1/2 and after a few weeks the nursey said it was best if she didnt come bk as she was always screaming n asking for her mummy and daddy and tht it took ages for them to settle her down, and they needed theose ppl to help look after the other kids. also they said she was making her self sick frm the crying and then had a tummy ache so we had no choice a the doctor agreed wit the pre-school.

Wen we went in and after i calmed her down she was happy to go off and play bt kept checking if i was still there which i know is normal and the nursey said tht i was welcome to stay wit her for a bit wen she starts on thw 26th till she gets used to it. Bt my son never needed this he also started pre-school at 2 1/2 and he had a few weeks of crying bt settled in well so why isnt my daughter ?
Iam also scared tht she will scream and make herself sick and get tummy aches at the nursey like she did t pre-school, every1 says well she is older now which i know bt it still took me forever to calm her down and now wen we take her bro to school she screams tht she doesnt wanna go to school or nusery.
Plz help as i really dont know wt to do !!!!

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User - posted on 04/21/2010

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It might also be worth building up the time she spends there gradually if they will allow you to do this. You don't say how many days or hours she will be there, but with my son we took him in for a couple of half days, then full days for the first few weeks and then built it up over the next month or so, then it wasn't a big shock when he was expected to stay there every day. Hope that helps!

Shannon - posted on 04/21/2010

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I used to be a preschool teacher as well and I agree with the "quick dash out'. Keep it very routine and she will settle in. I would also consider another school. A good preschool teacher will be compassionate to her feelings and give her a little extra TLC if thats what she needs. I'm not saying they won't be disrupted by it but that comes with the job. It helps if there are two teachers, and there should be no reason that one of them can't comfort your kid at drop off. Once she feels a bond with one of her caretakers it will be much better. I have also seen mommy's leave lipstick kisses on arms and hands as a way to have part of mommy with them all day. You might also think about taking her to someplace that she can go without you by her side, like gym classes or a playdate where you leave. Let her get used to doing some fun things on her own, before preschool starts if you can. Remind her constantly you will always come back for her no matter what. Good Luck!

Toni - posted on 04/20/2010

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all these replies are fantastic, i am a pre school teacher and some of my children take 2 months to settle in without tears, this is so normal each child is different, she will soon understand that you are coming back for her, she is just suffering from separation anxiety, which i'm afraid will upset you more than her, keep at it, be strong, work with the teachers, no school shopuld tell you to take her away because of her crying thats disgusting practice and they should be reported that is bad practice, all children are individuals and will settle in their own time, good luck x

Rhonda - posted on 04/13/2010

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the best thing is no long goodbyes!! make it quick tell her you will be back soon and she will get used to seeing that you are okay and that you always do come back ..its very very very hard to walk away while your child is upset but the best thing is to get her into the routine of okay here you go have fun i love you and ill be back soon.long goodbyes make it harder for her you and the staff...after she gets used to it and you so too it will be fine..its always hard for all of us at 1st but it works out

Kellean - posted on 04/11/2010

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Joni is right. It may sound harsh but drop and dash is the best way. I remember when I was initially told to do that it really pulled on my heart strings. However, what I later learned is our daughters being girls are very in tune with us and they read our expressions and watch us more carefully on how we act. If we are upset, trust me they will pick up on it. It is better for everyone to say your goodbye's before you drop her off and like Joni said do it as a matter of fact like it is no big deal. Most importantly don't look back or continue to wave. As soon as she doesn't see you anymore she will be okay. . If the caregivers do what they are supposed to do they will distract her immediately. Let us know how she does?

Joni - posted on 04/11/2010

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I agree with Kellean. Also, it sounds harsh, but most child care workers find it easier if you drop your child off and dash out the door. If your daughter sees you upset at all, she will feed off that. It's just a part of life. Kids go to school, adults go to work. Make it as matter of fact as possible. Tell her you love her, to have a good day, and that you'll be back at a tangible time (like after nap or before lunch), give her a hug and kiss, and then hand her off to someone. Turn around and leave and don't look back. I worked in day care for a long time and parents doting and hesitating when leaving always made it so much worse for the child.

This being said... my kid was a clinger also and I had to MAKE myself dump and run when she started pre school. It took her a few weeks for drop off to be smooth, but she was always fine within 30 minutes of me leaving.

Good luck! Remember children smell weakness!! LOL

Kellean - posted on 04/11/2010

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This is normal. Especially if you and your daughter have always been close. It sounds like you need to find a better Nursery. A good nursery knows how to distract the children. Every child initially goes through this. You need to do some research and talk to the caregivers prior to dropping your daughter off. You need to interview them and make sure they can handle these things. I think the first time this happened my daughter cried and I cried. It can be hard on you too! However, I was told by my Pediatrician that as time goes on each time you drop her off it will get easier and easier. You need to talk to your daughter about this every day, even if you don't think she is understanding, she is. Talk to her about being a big girl and how much fun she will have at this nursery. You can also invite another child over from the nursery as a play date. Your child will have a friend to play with and that will help too! You can also try to buy her a special toy or gift that she can only play with when she goes to nursery. She will look forward to playing with it and forget that it is at Nursery or you can also give her favorite small treat each time you pick her up. She will look forward to seeing you and it will get her through the nursery part. However, as I said before you need to interview the nursery and make sure they won't discipline your child for crying after you leave and that they will be experienced at distracting her. Every other parent goes through this, it sounds like this Nursery doesn't have a lot of experience in this area. Time to find a better one.

The one thing my Pediatrician really emphasized the importance of time away. He had us get Grandma or a sitter to watch our daughter while we went out on Friday nights for date nights. It was hard at first but she got used to our leaving. This helped with dropping her off at Nursery. After a couple of months it was no big deal anymore.

I hope these tips help you!

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