my daughter's absent father just passed away, what do i tell her?

Sherry - posted on 09/25/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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long story short - was with a boyfriend, got pregnant, broke up, and became a single mom 9 months later. my daughter has never met her dad, never even asked about him. she is 8 years old now. her father passed away a week ago. she has two older (18 and 20 yrs old) half siblings that would like to meet her and i would also like for her to meet them.



the memorial service for her father was just yesterday. i went, but my daughter did not. i didn't feel it was appropriate for her to 'meet' her dad for the first time in an urn on a table, nor her half siblings at such a time or place. i told her that this was a funeral for somebody i knew a long time ago. not a lie, but i don't know if she is emotionally ready to know about her father, and the fact that he is now passed away, even though he wasn't in her life to begin with.



do i take the initiative and tell her about her father, or do i wait for her to ask me about him? her grandfather (my dad) is very much a part of our lives and he does take on the father role quite well, even though he does the usual 'spoil the grandchild' routine a lot too.



my daughter is, i believe, not level with her physical age as far as her emotions go. she is quick to upset and quick to cry, even at small things. would telling her about her dad now hurt her or would it help her?



HELP PLEASE!

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Sophia - posted on 09/29/2012

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wow .. everything dont have to be now... they waited 18 / 19 years they can wait until you feel she is ready.

Beatrice - posted on 09/29/2012

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She needs to know and yes she is old enough. Secrets are never good. Everybody needs to know where they come from. And you may be surprised at how well she reacts. Even if she's never asked about her father, she'll be so happy to meet her siblings.

Diana - posted on 09/26/2012

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Just because she is quick with her emotions doesn't mean she isn't old enough to hear the truth. I have a daughter who cries easily too. Have a box of tissues handy and tell her the whole story. She is about to have a wonderful new world open to her with new siblings. I doubt she will feel any emotion to her fathers passing at all, but may love to hear there is more family waiting to meet her.

Chaya - posted on 09/25/2012

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She's old enough to know the truth. (IMHO) If you are okay with her meeting her half siblings, explain ahead of time.

If you don't tell her the truth now, she'll expect that you never will.

Sherry - posted on 09/25/2012

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anybody? i know i only posted this question 5 hours ago, but have seen quite a bit of activity in this section of the site since, so was really hoping i'd see replies by now.

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