My five year old does not listen. I have tried various tactis, none are working. Any fresh Ideas would be welcomed!

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Alishia - posted on 01/09/2013

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My daughter just turned 5 and is in her secondary pre-k now. She has always been such a grateful kid and like any she had her days where she didnt want to listen, but over all she was still a really good kid. Lately she has began not listening. I am at the point where I just want to cry. We reward her for good behavior. We give her a sticker for being good all day and a sticker for cleaning up her toys. If she helps us do things like put the laundry away or vacuum the floor, she gets a special sticker and a quarter for her help. But lately she has been not listening and doing things she knows shes not supposed to do. I know that she can tell when shes not supposed to be doing it b/c when she hears me coming she tries to hide (even though I dont know shes doing it yet) we have tried taking her tv time away, and her toys, we havent done anything really fun b/c she hasnt been good and I cant stand to be in public and a parent just ignore their child throwing a fit or wondering away. The most recent incidents were that I caught her putting make up all over stuff (she knows she wasnt supposed to have it) so we took her tv away for 1 day. Then she snuck into the master bath and sprayed throat medicine all over her bedroom walls. Then she found cleaner and poured it all over her bathroom so we took her tv away for 1 week. I found her watching tv 3 days when she was supposed to be napping. Then I took the tv out of her room so she couldnt be tempted to watch it. She snuck into my bedroom and found candy somewhere and was eating it in my bed and watching tv. She just refuses to listen and doesnt seem to care if she gets punished or not. She doesnt even care if we take away all the things she likes to do. I know she knows what we are saying and how to listen, its like she just refuses to care all of a sudden. Last year if we just told her that she did something bad she would start crying and try to fix it, now she just ignores us.
I just dont know how to make her listen again.

Erin - posted on 09/22/2012

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I honestly think that if there is a mutual respect, the kiddos will "listen" much better. We listen to them, then they listen to us. If there's communication and follow through, then they understand the consequences. How much do kids talk, right? And of course there are times when we're just like "uh-huh" and "mmhmm." LOL. Listening and engaging with them goes a long way. You have a relationship with them then that is positive and fruitful, so when you need them to do things, they will oblige much more willingly, be happy to please you. It's not an overnight fix, it takes time. But I spend a lot of time just listening to my kids' chatter, they are soooo excited to tell me things every day! And we have happiness between us then, not just me barking out orders. When we're all happy and I say, "Hey, I need you to go prep the table for dinner," they're just like "Oh ok mom, no problem!" I used to bark out orders and yell.....it really got me nowhere. Of course I still have frustrating moments, it's not always easy! But changing my attitude and deciding to live more positively has helped my relationship with my kids grow by leaps and bounds.

Emma - posted on 02/18/2009

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Hi, I'm Emma



I have 2 boys 7 and 5 who both go through this phase time and time again. The best thing I have found that has really worked has been after asking them to do something get them to say 'yes mum' back to you that shows you that they have heard what you have said and have committed to do it. I was amazed when i first tried it because a they wont say yes to something they don't intend on doing. There were a few instances when they said 'yes mum' but there was no action to go with it you just need to make sure they know the consequences of that. I also found that when they seem like they are not fully listening and it seems 'yes mum' is robotic that getting them to repeat back to you what you have asked them to do also helps.



Hope this helps you as much as it has helped me

Jennifer - posted on 07/02/2009

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What wonderful responses!
I have 4 children, 2 six yr olds and 2 nine yr olds. This is all a daily occurrence around here for us. When the ear plugs (so to speak) go in we tend to firmly say, "Hey sit down and listen up." Getting everyone calm is the first best step. We remind them what is expected of them and remind them that there are consequences for not listening and following through. When they do listen and follow through then we reward them with a sticker to place on their posters or a sucker for after lunch. When they chose not to listen then we go with discipline, being a time out period in their room or not going to the park for that day. If there is a fit to deal with then they are sent directly to their room where we allow them to cool off before we go in there and talk with them at their level and explain to the them what the problem is, why it isn't acceptable and figure out way together how to solve the current problem.
This all works for us but keep in mind that each child is different and can respond differently. Also remember that you must maintain consistency. Longs they know you won't waver on your response then eventually they will realize mom/dad is not gonna let them off the hook.
Good luck and God Bless

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Vajida - posted on 07/25/2013

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Hi Everyone , i have gone through all your ideas but nothing is working with my 5 year boy !!!! making me crazy all the day , now i am expecting second child and iam scared to think 2 kids at home OMG!! please how u people managed first child when your expecting second????? pls lol help me:-)

Jessica - posted on 11/30/2012

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so thankful i am not alone, been going crazy with my four (almost five) year old! she was always the sweetheart but now it seems shes just gone nuts! shes super mean to everyone, especially her little sister who's 20 months. last night was my breaking point she literally charged at me after we told her to calm down, she broke my nose, and i mean really broke it, i blacked out and bleed every where. Today she hasn't even told me she is sorry, and has continued to be mean to myself and her sister. she is home schooled and during "school" hours she does pretty well but the rest of the night is just horrible! we do a list of consequences such as time outs, losing toys, no tv etc. also we do a listening exercise thats kind of like simon says, that worked for a little while but not any more. i hope she out grows this!

Mona - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting Lucretia:

Hi,there i'm Lucretia.
I have a six year old girl.When she does not listen to me I take away her toys,she cannot go to friends,I start yelling at her to listen but sometimes it's like speaking to a brick wall.She hates me yelling at her and starts crying,then I have to apoligise to her.Her teacher at school says that she speaks to them once and that we must implement the same at home,but we all know that they are different at home.If she does not listen I start ignoring her and that seems to help



Hi Lucretia I'm Mona - the same thing happened to me I have a 9 y.o and two 6 y.o.  They make me go crazy at times and it's very hard to keep calm. I asked the school teacher (3rd grade) how they make them obey and she said most of them learnt to react to yelling only from before school and that's something we have to avoid.

Melanie - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting Shauna:

OMG I have 3 kids my oldest is the ring leader at nearly five. He is training his 2 1/2 year old brother to be just like him, it is so fusterating. Every single day without fail they completly tear up thier bed (i mean everything blanket, sheets and mattress on the floor). I have even taken thier bed off the frame for fear that they would fall on the metal and hurt themselfs. I have taken movies, tv, toys, you name it and nothing works. Just like most mom's responding I get so mad and yell which makes them yell and then nobody wins. So I am going to try some of the hints on here I like the whispering I think that may work (somethime).But as for you just take comfort in the fact that you are far from being alone



My daughter used to do that I flipped one day and told her she would be sleeping in the bed regardless of whether there were sheets and pillows on it.  She stopped pulling off the bed things and thankfully I never had to go through with my threat.



 

Janet - posted on 06/30/2009

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Hi Heather! The only way I get my 5 yearold son to listen to me is by telling him I won't let him do or get what he wants ( like play a game with me, go outside to play, watch tv, new toy if we are in a store, etc....) unless he does what I want him to do first. That usually works for me. Goodluck!

Shauna - posted on 06/27/2009

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OMG I have 3 kids my oldest is the ring leader at nearly five. He is training his 2 1/2 year old brother to be just like him, it is so fusterating. Every single day without fail they completly tear up thier bed (i mean everything blanket, sheets and mattress on the floor). I have even taken thier bed off the frame for fear that they would fall on the metal and hurt themselfs. I have taken movies, tv, toys, you name it and nothing works. Just like most mom's responding I get so mad and yell which makes them yell and then nobody wins. So I am going to try some of the hints on here I like the whispering I think that may work (somethime).But as for you just take comfort in the fact that you are far from being alone

Sarah - posted on 06/27/2009

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I loved reading all these replies. This is exactly what this site is for- so we all know we are not alone! My daughter will be 5 in October, and everyone jokes that she is 4 going on 16! She argues, rolls her eyes at us, ignores us, whines, etc. It gets out of control sometimes. I try to stay calm, but usually end up getting angry and yelling. I have heard so many people say its just a phase, but I'm left wondering when it will end! It started when she was less than 2! Of course, even in all my frustration, I can see how it comes and goes, and I can acknowledge that overall, she's a good kid. I haven't found anything that works all the time, but somethings help some times. And really, all we can ask for is a little bit of cooperation at this age! Things like speaking quietly do tend to help. Mostly (and this is so hard) staying calm helps. Taking things away rarely does any good with my daughter. She recently through a fit in Target and I told her she won't get anything new (no clothes, books, toys, etc) till her birthday. I can't figure out how she can act so spoiled when we have so little. Its been hard to get everyone to go along with the no gift rule, but it seems to be helping to get her to appreciate things a little more. I even threatened to not let her have birthday gifts if she continues with the attitude.

Best of luck, I hope you manage to keep your sanity!

Darla - posted on 06/25/2009

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Quoting Debbie:



I thought my 5 year old wasn't listening but he's just failed a hearing test at school and it turns out he has glue ear. oops!






One of my boys had chronic ear aches when he was young. The Dr. kept telling me he'd grow out of it. I thought he did cause he stopped complaining about them. Turned out his pain tollerance grew & he began to consider it normal. Normally a very sweet boy, his attitude just got worse & we were repeating ourselves so much I took him to the Dr. again & sure enough- ear infection. I insisted we not 'wait till next time' & they put in tubes. The problem was solved.  oops too!

Tracy - posted on 06/25/2009

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I had the same problem with my 5 year old. I tried everything. Its almost like I am being ignored, he is pretending not to hear me. What a turd LOL! I found this 1 day behavior chart online. The 1 day works because he understand it as opposed to the several day charts, he did not understand what day he was on. Not to mention they are all reward based, and I dont agree with that system. When he doesnt listen, I pull out a card, again, if he doesnt listen, another one gets pulled and then his video games get taken away for the rest of the day. His listening skills have greatly improved since being able to 'see" what he is doing that is unacceptable. I think the website that has this system is disciplinemommy.com. Good luck

Lucretia - posted on 06/25/2009

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Hi Betty,my daughter is 6 & well all that I do if she does not listen I take away the thing she really likes doing.I think they are really testing us in seeing how far they can take us,don't give up hope gfriend.

Betty - posted on 06/24/2009

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omg I have the same trouble with my 8 year old and I am worried. I sometimes think maybe he does not listen the first time because I give him to many times??? so, I started with the "first time ask rule"

Debbie - posted on 02/21/2009

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I thought my 5 year old wasn't listening but he's just failed a hearing test at school and it turns out he has glue ear. oops!

[deleted account]

I have a son who will be six a the end of February. He's impossible at listening. He has ADHD. My husband and I try the best we can to get through to him. Unfortunately, it sometimes means taking away things that really mean a lot to him, like television or a story at bedtime. This usually works.

Lucretia - posted on 02/20/2009

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Hi,there i'm Lucretia.

I have a six year old girl.When she does not listen to me I take away her toys,she cannot go to friends,I start yelling at her to listen but sometimes it's like speaking to a brick wall.She hates me yelling at her and starts crying,then I have to apoligise to her.Her teacher at school says that she speaks to them once and that we must implement the same at home,but we all know that they are different at home.If she does not listen I start ignoring her and that seems to help

Alyssa - posted on 02/19/2009

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I have an almost 5 yr old son (next week) and a 3 yr old daughter.  Both are awful about listening!  I thougt it was me and constantly feel like an awful mother - I get to the point where I start yelling at them and really don't like it.  I have found though that if I get close to them (especially the 5 yr old) and mouth the words but don't actually speak , it gets his attention.  I've also pretended like I'm on the phone and the reception is breaking up and he can't have a normal conversation unless he does what he was told to do.  One other thing has been placing a call to Grandma - I get her on the phone and explain the situation.  The are so excited to talk to her!  She starts out normally but then asks if they are behaving because a little bird just arrived and told her (fill in the blank of what is going on.....) then gives a little lecture.  Usually that on works pretty good.  If grandma is not available anyone the kids are close to should work to.  Good luck, I know I need it!!

Melissa Strotman - posted on 02/19/2009

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Golly, I sure am glad that I found this message board! I am NOT ALONE!!!!!!!! My five year old daughter just doesn't seem to understand the consequences... she speaks meanly before she thinks about it. .does stupid stuff.. like locked the baby and I in the garage... so she could go watch tv in the basement instead of cleaning up her room.. .arg.... so far this week.. she missed a play date with a friend, her church group, went to bed at 6:30 for slamming her door twice... lost tv.. 4 days and counting and lost her play date with her daddy... (they plan dates on the calendar .. ).. I am hoping it is a phase.. I want my old girl back!

Courtney - posted on 02/19/2009

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Hi, I have a 5 yr old daughter......and I am going through the same thing. I thought it was just us. It is horrible and gets worse everyday. She yells, talks back and doesn't do anything I tell her to do. It is like she is already a teenager. I would have never talk to or done these things to my parents when I was little. I have tried everything. She has been punished for a month now because it doesn't get better. She has no tv, no toys and can't play with her friends. So, I wish I knew what to tell you but I need help myself! I hope that everyone is right and she will out grow it. She used to be such a sweet little girl! Everyone loved her and now she has become a child I used to talk bad about.

Nicole - posted on 02/18/2009

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omg im going thru the same thing,i get soo fustrated im yelling all the time.

Christina - posted on 02/18/2009

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i have a 6 year old girl.. and she does not listen at all she screams and yells and throws a fit... i tried talking to her time out tsking her toys away.. nothing works.. its very frustrating...

Lisa - posted on 02/18/2009

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Hi, I'm Lisa



I went through a similar stage with both of mine (they're now 7 and 10). I  found that getting down "on their level" and looking them in the eye when speaking to them often worked. If I was having trouble getting their attention whispering works much better than yelling. Always wanted to know what I was saying... which I just thought was fantastic! I agree with Victoria that this is an age thing, he WILL grow out of it, just a matter of time.

Victoria - posted on 02/18/2009

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Hi, Im Victoria

My 6 year old boy is the same. Is your five year old a girl?

I try to turn everything into a game from getting him to put his coat on and zip it up to brushing his teeth and tidying up after himself, eating his food also and time him. When he's done well I give him a little card I made with points on and he sticks it into a tin and when he has enough he can exchange the points for a footie magazine or a trip out somewhere. I also find that asking him what would help him to listen did help, and then I understood a little better. I do personally think its an age thing and I try not to take it to heart and cut him some slack. Hope this helps.

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