My usually easy 11 year old daughter being difficult.

Patricia - posted on 04/06/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My daugher is a good student, polite, and usually we get along well. She talks to me when she has issues at school, and I'm pretty sure nothing is wrong on that level.

She has started what I think are probably to be expected growing up issues- but I've never had to deal with them before, ie, being indignant, argumentative, lying that she has done something when she hasn't... It's not ALL the time, but I honestly just don't feel like I'm handling it well. I'm normally very patient but her attitude has me get annoyed and angry. I need a strategy how to handle this!

I went onto Amazon to look for a book that might help, but haven't found any that jump out at me.

Any suggestions?


Thanks and regards,
Patricia Reed

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Laura - posted on 04/06/2010

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Hi Patricia,

I have a 14 year old daughter so I know what you are talking about. As Cristin has said, I believe that hormones have a lot to do with it plus the fact that girls mature a lot faster. My daughter had a lot of attitute and was arguing a lot. Things are better than a few years ago, but there are still times that she totally gets on my nerves.

Here are a few suggestions that I hope you will find helpful.

1) Rules and penalties or punishment have to be clearly defined. For example: We take off a $1 of my daughter's allowance for each actitivity that doesn't get done on time. Another example is that we don't let her use the computer past 10pm .

2) You need to find out what is important to her. Sometimes girls won't tell you about things that are making them feel uncool at school. It can be something as simple as having the right shoes or wearing lip gloss or something like that. Find out what those things are and see how you can help. You can always use it as a carrot for better behavior.

3) Sometimes the talking back and being argumentative comes from their peers. Invite more of her friends over to your house so you can observe. I noticed that my daughter had a friend that was a little rude and argumentative and I think some of that started to rub off on my daughter. You can't tell your daughter who her friends should be, but you may be able to steer her towards other friends.

I hope this helps. It's not easy raising a tween daughter or a teen daughter. It will get better. I've just started to see glimpses of the woman my daughter will become. You'll get there too.

Laura Ah Tye

Cristin - posted on 04/06/2010

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My daughter and I are in the same boat. She is a good kid. Good grades, good friends and loving home. She recently has become somewhat of a demon. Don't get me wrong, I love this child, but what a handful! She started being more argumentative and also lies about really little things, like whether or not she left out a bag of chips.



Her pediatrician said to pack her school bag with maxi pads and get ready because my daughter is on the verge of the great monthly adventure!! I couln't believe it because she seems so young to be at that stage but it all makes sense.



The lying was the easiest part to deal with. I stopped letting her go with friends to movies and activities for a while. I explained that lying means that I can not trust her to do what she says she will do and that the only way to earn more privelleges when the time comes is to be honest with me.



The argumentative stuff is better now. I've always been able to walk away and come back later to deal with it but it didn't really help resovle the core issue. I explained to her that when I make a decision it is non-negotiable. I told her that I can't trust her to be respectful of the people in our home and that means I can not trust her to spend time outside of the house.



I have to say, after having to stay home while the rest of us enjoyed an ice cream, she changed her tune. She catches herself before she goes to far and we made a deal to always apologize to each other if we speak out of line or hurt each others feelings.



Really, I'm just waiting for her period so that I can give her some midol.(just kidding):)

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