Need advice for son's behavior issues in Kindergarten

Anita - posted on 09/24/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Kindergarten has not started well for our 5 year old only son. He has always struggled with behaviour at school. He has a hard time keeping his emotions intact, gets frustrated, can push and can be loud, not listen and ignore instructions. He is a bright, loving, creative child who can read a little, had a wonderful vocab, loves math, science and art but that all goes out the window inside the walls and now clearly on the playground of school.



We have worked with Child Development Services and his Pediatrician looking into ADHD, ADD etc. The professionals don't see a 'medical' condition. At home he is great 95% of the time. Does what he is told, sleeps and eats well, is focused, self directed and respectful. On play dates and parties he is fine and easily re-directed if he gets overly excited. Today he pushed, PUSHED, a child off the play equipment and that child had to go home. The family of this other child is afraid my son is targeting their child. We are a peaceful family and are not raising a bully. I am at a loss for his behavior at school. He has been taught over and over that aggression is not acceptable.



He is at a great school who are working with us on solutions but this all takes time. I am so afraid he will get labeled a bully by not only the kids but parents as well. His social well being is a equally important to me as his educational performance but his actions are going to cause him to be ostracized.



I am at a loss of what to do. Anyone have any similar stories or know of any techniques that I can discuss with the school and counselors?

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Anita - posted on 09/27/2012

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Thanks - I have talked to him several time and I will try asking him more. What is most confusing is that I am NOT always on his play dates or at parties. However, I always ask after his behavior and have been contacting Mom friends who watch my son with their kids since this has started as well as his Granny and extended family. I have wondered about the only child thing as well. I did observe him today in class, he could not see me. He definitely seemed to be trying to get attention and was acting like the class clown. At the end of the day we got a good report from the teacher so some progress today!

Pamela - posted on 09/27/2012

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I am not certain why your child has the problem other than the fact that it seems you are present at play dates, etc. and of course at home, but not at school. Perhaps because he is an only child and gets all of your attention at home he has a difficult time of it in school where he receives far less individual attention.



My oldest was an only child until age 8.5. That was one of my concerns....him being an only child. I had a relationship with a child who was an only child when I was young. She was very spoiled because she always got things her way. perhaps this is what plagues your child.....the fact that at school he can't always have things his way. It is a particular battle for only children.



Have you asked him why these actions happen only at school? Perhaps having a gently probing conversation with him will help reveal the source of it all.



Example: Son (child's name) I'm having a real hard time understanding why you don't have these kinds of problems on our play dates? What is different at school for you? Is it because there are so m,any more children? Is it because the teacher doesn't pay attention to you when you need her?



These kinds of questions might help you to sort out the situation a little better.



The highest and best to you has you find solutions that work!

Anita - posted on 09/24/2012

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Thanks Nicole. I am glad to have some support :)

I like your idea of taking the toys away and having to earn them back. I know we can work well with the school and I have asked a local counsellor for some advice. I think my biggest fear when he was a baby was that he wouldn't have any friends - maybe that is a fear brought over from my childhood. It seems I am letting my fears get the best of me.

Nicole - posted on 09/24/2012

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As a mom of a very overly active kindergarten boy, I can feel your pain. My son has been having some behavior issues as well (partially expected by myself due to the same problems in Pre-K). Luckily, we're not having to deal so much with the physical actions though just distracting others often in class and not following directions when asked multiple times to do something.

In your case, it seems to me although the school is doing great working with you, they don't yet know your son as well as you do to anticipate his actions to stop him from the impulsive behavior before it happens. Kindergarten is a big change (whether he went to Pre-K or not) and I'm sure he's still testing limits with his newest caregivers there as well. The most I think you can do at this point is exactly what you are doing - working with the school (mostly with those around him during the day) and supporting their efforts at home by having some real sit-down time discussing what's going on at school with your son. (I found my son knows & understands a lot more than he tends to let on once we start really talking about it with him.)

One thing we ended up doing right now b/c of my son's behavior issues at school is take a few of his favorite toys (# was based on how many days he had "other" color checks) and he is having to earn them back - one toy for each good day (green check). Since he is one to search the house for things he wants, my hubby has the items stored in his car trunk until he gets home each day,

I really hope I've helped you - at least in knowing other moms support you in your efforts to raise a good kid!

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