Need help with dealing with teacher.

Carol - posted on 05/10/2010 ( 285 moms have responded )

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Hi everyone. I'd love to hear suggestions on how to deal with my son's 1st grade teacher. I KNOW it's a little late but things have really started to escalate lately.

At the beginning of the year we had an issue when my son came home with a note. He'd squished his best friend's cheeks together and water squirted all over the floor. The teacher wanted him to write an apology to the other boy and both parents had to sign it. We not only had him write that letter, but we had him write a letter of apology to the teacher for disrupting the class. My husband added a note of his own to the teacher thanking her for letting us know what was going on but asking her to also let us know when things happened to him - such as the 2 bloody eyes he'd gone home with the previous 2 weeks. The class bully had punched him and we never got a thing from the teacher. She never responded. As the year went on I had to go in a few times about the class bully. Each and every time she dismissed it as "boys will be boys" and then she'd be mean to my son the rest of the day or week for having me come in. She'd outright tell him not to make such a big deal of it. My son is not whiny or the cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat kind of kid. My older son saw the bully jump on my son and punch the living daylights out of him. I finally told my son to fight back a little. Sure enough, he flicked the kid and the kid wailed. Guess who got in trouble? But - the kid hasn't bothered him much since.

Since then, the teacher's new kick is teaching the kids responsibility. I am all for that. They take full responsiblity for all their actions at home since they were capable of thinking for themselves (around 2, maybe 3?). She's convinced my son needs an extra dose. ie She sent books home for about 2 months and the kids were supposed to read the books and write a one sentence summary. She stopped sending books home in December. I think that the project is over. 4 months later, in April, she tells my son (not me) that he will be getting a bad grade on his report card for not turning in his homework. I find out that she's referring to the books and have him catch up to the other kids (he reads at a 7th grade level). No good, he gets a bad mark for the work being late. I'm never talked to. I have 4-5 other similar stories that aren't related to school work. Each and every time I dare talk to her (a total of maybe 6 times over the year) my son gets in trouble for it.

I finally had enough a couple of weeks ago when she had the entire class tell my son that he was bad for telling another student or teacher (who had asked!!!) that his best friend went home for the day because his diarreha had gotten bad - no sound effects added. That did make my tough guy cry. A week had gone by and he was supposed to be the person of the day (he's been person of the day about 1/2 the amount of the other kids). He was worried that no one would agree to go with him to deliver messages to the front office because they all thought he was bad.

I finally complained to the principal. She spoke with the teacher who denied everything of course. She said that his work and behavior has been "getting better" throughout the year despite being homeschooled for kindergarten. He was on target with writing and at least one full year ahead with every other subject. She's never let me know that anything was wrong with his behavior.

The week goes by and last Friday I got a note home that he had talked about a "shooting" (the quotes are hers, not mine) he'd seen in a movie and another student was very upset. When she told him how inappropriate it was he got upset. She finished the note with "I thought you'd want to know." I spoke with the other parent and was told that her son was not upset at all. I spoke with my son and he was still upset. He said that the teacher wouldn't let him explain what he was talking about. They were discussing Super Smash Bros. Brawl (by today's standards, this is one of the very tamest fighting games on the market - no blood, cartoons, silly weapons). My son was talking about one of the characters shooting bows and arrows. They've talked about these games before with no problems. I've told him that he is no longer allowed to talk about any kind of shooting in the class, not even shooting hoops for basketball. I said that it's extreme but if he doesn't say the word, I hope that he couldn't get in trouble for it.

My question is, given this lengthy history, what should the next step be???
I've gone to the principal again this morning and explained what had happened. The teacher had already told her how my son had misbehaved and cried over being talked to. The principal seemed receptive to me, but asked what I'd like done. What would be appropriate??? It's too late in the year to move him to a different class. Would asking another adult to be present if she has to pull him aside for anything "inappropriate" again be too much to ask? What would you do???

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Cathy - posted on 03/18/2013

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I am a former third grade teacher and mother of 2 children. I witnessed teachers single-out and bully students and had to deal with teachers who treated my own children poorly. If you are a parent dealing with negative, psychologically damaging situations, involving teachers I am willing to provide consultation to help improve your child's educational experience. It is always comforting to know that you are not alone in the fight to demand a fair, appropriate educational experience for your child. My new website will be launched on April 1 st where you will find necessary contact and consultation information. In addition, I have written a book regarding my own experiences, which many parents find helpful, Snitch: True Stories of Destructive Classrooms and Bad Teachers

Charlotte - posted on 11/19/2013

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My daughter has some behavior problems at school...think mild ADD. She seems to ALWAYS be the one who gets in trouble with the teacher. In situations where she interacts with another child, and responds negatively, the other child runs to the teacher to tattle, and my daughter has to 'pull a slip'... which is a barbaric way to punish children and is a form of public humiliation. One afternoon she was in trouble because she loves to read. When the teacher announced it was time for another activity, my daughter did not hear her, being engrossed in the book. Her teacher announced to all the class of my daughters 'bad behavior' and she again had to 'pull a slip'. Normal things third graders do...talk, space out, be silly, are now all "bad behavior" and the children are punished. I remember having detention in 7th grade becaused I talked in class, but it was punishment for ME, not public humiliation. I don't know how we let this happen, but it seems the cat is out of the bag. One evening we forgot...and I mean, REALLY forgot her math homewotrk. I was sent a note home from the teacher regarding the missed work. My daughter cried and said if she missed an assignment, she would be in BIG trouble. How much trouble can an 8-year-old be in? When I wrote a note to the teacher explaining it was MY error, my daughter was still made to 'pull a slip'. I have talked to the teacher and the principal. I don't know where else to go.

Desonna - posted on 10/01/2013

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I have a 14 year old and a 4 year old. Been through all of this and one thing you have to learn, results. I'm going to attach a letter I just wrote. It's being forwarded to 1 teacher whom felt the need to broadcast to all my 14 yr old teachers. Wrong answer. Nonetheless, I do not play when it's comes to my boys. With that said, they are mine so I make them accountable for there own actions and always make certain teachers, Principals, ect all know I support them authority and I am not that parent to defend my kids no matter how wrong they are. With that said, I tell the principal once, tell them twice, there is never a 3rd time. I go to the district. I call the district, find out who is heading up elementary schools, ask for an email as they have to give it you. I write a nice little message and certainly enough, the principal will receive a call or email. The principal will then speak with the teacher. Now they know someone is watching and problems should stop. Please understand I have had teachers removed from an entire school. Assistants removed from after school programs. And no, the goal is never to remove or hender anyone's career but I find these individuals believe they are above the law for some reason. My letter is below:

My Letter

Blank,,
Thank you for your concern. As the school year progresses you will become cognizant to the fact that I’m a keen School loop participant. With School loop’s assistance I am committed and unwavering when it comes to communication & accountability, which embraces my son the student, Teachers, Counselors, and as well as myself. While at the same time remaining respectful and making certain that my child abides by and consents with self-assurance what is expected of him. With this, I also anticipate the equivalent in return. Without hesitancy I anticipate that the instructors be duty-bound by an equivalent code of the ethics.
Blank,, so we can start this parent/teacher affiliation off as amicable as imaginable, permit me to be direct. Any issue you have with my boy will need to first be conversed, deliberated and or even disagreed to, with no one other than myself and or his father. I presume moving forward, this flagrant display of unprincipled means of communicating by means of an open forum will not be taking place in the future. Without a doubt Blank,, I am my sons advocate, caregiver and disciplinarian. Not in any aptitude will I accept nor sustain any form of improper disdain or impudence. Perhaps not purposely but in addition, I cannot settle for a distorted representation of my son to be portrayed before he has been given sufficient time to substantiate who he is. Unquestionably, you have not had the capability to make this conclusion in a matter of four days, when this message was written. Yet, in your message to all of his teachers you portrayed my boy as dubious, dispassionate & careless. At the time this message was written you had only interacted with my son on two different occasions. Make no mistakes Blank, and allow me to re-iterate, I support you and your agenda to teach my child. I only request that we all be very vigilant of impulsively categorizing students as it could be perceived though not intended, as singling an adolescent out.
In direct response to your email allow me clear a few inconsistencies. Child Name-'s first day of school was 9/16/2013. Child Name- was absent for an entire day on Friday, has attended your class two of the four days possible and all 5 have been excused. Please understand Blank,, I support and abide by the late policy and we are working on it. If you have taken notice Child Name- has become more consistent with being on time. This isn’t necessarily because of your message, but more so due to Child Name- learning to catch the bus. There are many rules I am also learning as well. Vastly different from Middle School but failure is not an option.

[deleted account]

I would sit in class with him for the rest of the year. But that's me. And I would sit back there, not saying a word, but giving her a dose of intimidation that she seems to enjoy heaping on your son. And if she won't let you in the class, then you have grounds to have him removed, get him tested out of 1st grade, then keep him home for the rest of the year. Testing him out will show that he has mastered the concepts, and any grade she wants to give him is irrelevant. Next time, don't let it go this long. As soon as you see problems, write a formal complaint to the teacher and cc: it to the principal, asking for a meeting to discuss it immediately. Explain that if you have any more incidents, you will be requiring a new class for your son. If you come in strong, they will know you're not to be screwed with. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Good luck!

Anita - posted on 05/10/2010

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you need to make an official complaint about the way your son has been bullied by the person who is suppose to have been intrusted with the care and protection of your son.if the principle is not taking this under minding and structured bulling by the teacher who has now made impossible for him to develope and react with his friends.she is making him nervous of saying or doing everything. the teacher needs to realise what your son is going though every day coming into his class. her job is to teach not control those days are gone if she cant cope with this she shouldnt be teaching. if the principle dose not do anything go over her head and tell her you are... the board for the school also the department of education are there to help but there is a system you need to go through. if your not happy make the principle aware your taking this further. she has to lodge your complaint .i am so sorry your son is going through this .but teachers have to answer as well they are not protected like years ago and talk to your son your are his only escape once he knows your on his side he knows he is safe.never under estmate your power the school works for you...

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Shane - posted on 07/20/2014

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all I can say about your situation regarding the poor useless excuse for a teacher is that your better then I am after the first warning i'd be showing up at her door step because obviously the school board won't help you.and the teacher sounds like she's burnt out,but its no excuse to treat a child like that she would be getting hers I do believe there does come a time when you have to take matters into your own hands to achieve justice over whatever it is that's wrong,and what better reason is protecting your child being nice gets nowhere all people understand anymore is when your pushed to have to use intimidation to fix the problem so I say go fix it

Melody - posted on 05/16/2014

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Go to school with him everyday for the rest of the year. Here,they need a 24 hour notice and then you can spend the day up there. I am a teacher and we had a dad that took a family leave from work for 3 months to follow his son around school. He came to school every day and went to every class with his little backpack and sat right next to his son. His son was making bad choices and that is why he did it. It sounds like that is not the situation here, but my point is that you should be able to go and sit in the class. Sit in the back of the classroom and watch the teacher do her job.

Anny - posted on 05/15/2014

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Case and point is... Your child belongs to you. If you would not pay this teacher to babysit your child don't send them and or put them in the hands of these unqualified teachers. There are k-12 independent study home school options where you check in 1 time a week with a teacher and you can be the teacher at home. This is what i now do with my daughter. Any professionals job is to act with respect ,kindness, honor and human integrity. If a teacher cannot be an appropriate example and a person of encouragement to help your child succeed then protect your child and be the teacher yourself. Call your school district of student services, read all your parents rights which you can find online and pursue benefiting your child. Children our precious and they are ours. Take charge, it's all about obtaining the knowledge of your resources and parent rights . Best wishes.

Karen - posted on 03/19/2014

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I would be raising holy heck with the administration and absolutely documenting each run-in your kid has had with the teacher and his classmates. I have had to be an advocate for my kid over the years. Go over the principal's head to the district.

Trish - posted on 03/18/2014

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Hello:) My advice is become a volunteer at your childs school and get in that class! The administration is not in there and the class is behaved when they are. Next Take it to the district the district is harder on the administration than most parents think. Be pro active! Make sure you have documented every instance with dates even when you spoke to the administration. By getting involved with the school by volunteering it will give you availability to be there at any given time :)

Reese - posted on 03/07/2014

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Why would you let your child endure that type of abuse and demoralization. Scream until someone hears you. i have two boys and have had my share of horrible teachers. I am there to protect and defend my kids. when no one listened, I went straight to the district and if that did not work, i told them i would hire a lawyer and call the news. No one should ever get away with treating kids that way. Your child spends most of their life in school. it should be a pleasant nurturing environment, not hell. can you imagine what he is feeling every time he has to walk into that classroom.

Arti - posted on 01/27/2014

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Wen my 7yr son joind a new school,his class teacher was a big old bully type n loud mouth too. My son had problems wid her loud voice n how she insults kids wen she finds mistakes in Thea writing. So I went n had a talk wid his teacher but she was not ready to accept my complains n blamed my son for not concentrating in class. She even restricted her class frm visiting washrooms during class hrs which I complaind too. She didnot take my words too seriously n contined wid her aggressive teaching. Just in 2wks she was given a letter frm the principle..dat she had to retire frm teaching. That was amazing to hear n after she left a new teacher took over n my son had gud grades n well settled in his class wid other kids. Thank god for helping my child.

Amina - posted on 12/17/2013

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i know what you are going through. i have the same problems with my children. bullying is never ok but it is worse when it comes from the teacher. never give up. fight for your children because are the best advocate and ally to them.

Catherine - posted on 12/13/2013

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I would recommend reviewing the contents on a website, snitchbook.net. There are great resources that you can use when dealing with a "bad" teacher. I encountered many of these teachers during my years as a teacher and teachers my children had to deal with daily. I believe that this is a serious problem that doesn't seem to be an important topic of discussion within the school system.

Liz - posted on 10/29/2013

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Ask that another adult is always present, if no luck go see head teacher and explain that your next step is to bring in the school governing body further to that the local authority as this is bullying from a teacher and if someone doesn't do something now it'll get worse either for your child or another. ....
Hope this helps as I'd do the same for my own and as a special needs assistant know how important feeling safe and secure in school is x

Amanda - posted on 10/26/2013

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It is never too late in the school year to move a kid to a different class if he is being bullied by the teacher. It is my opinion being a mom of a second and first grader and having gone through this with both of my children that are in school that you need to intercede for your son. He would get along alright in a different class because he will not be getting bullied by the teacher and as you have said he seems more advanced than some students in his grade.

Jody - posted on 10/22/2013

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Wow! Very well written!
I too am having some issues ( maybe being too protective) with my son in first grade. He is our first in elem school. I say wht r we going to do when the other 2 boys r there ( all 1 yr apart about).
His teacher told my son that he was " too slow" to sit with everyone. He had to sit at another table during seat wrk. Now mind u , every mom thinks their kid is the smartest , but my son is very smart - BUT VERY distracted. Thinking ADD OR ADHD like his dad. I don't care wht he is " classified" as - just let's all wrk together and give him and the parents the tools he needs to succeed. NO issues with behavior ( thk goodness) he must leave it at school - because he is a freshy , bossy, boy at home. No issues doing homewrk and most time is fine complement it etc. and today he got a " yellow" card which I thk is a warning - because someone ( so he says and insisted) it was time to clean up so he started to and teacher got mad. He was crying. He already had distraction , anxiety issues AND I told the teacher after she made him sign the " I forgot my homework " sheet IN FRONT OF WHOLE CLASS!! well tht was partly our fault because we didn't see it ( on the floor all colored frm 3 yr old brother). Anyway - do t know how to handle or maybe this is normal ?!? Any advice!!

Aracelis - posted on 09/18/2013

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My son has a bad teacher this year but l do not know how to Neil him he is in 5 grade she scream a him for anything and he does no want to go to school he is scare . Please tell me what l can do?

Lisa - posted on 09/18/2013

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I think at this point since the school doesn't seem very helpful, I would document what I could and go to the media. There's nothing they hate more and it seems to get stuff taken care of.

Private - posted on 09/17/2013

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I am not a mother, but have been asked to write for one. My mother has a broken wrist. She says that yes the teachers need to be fired for pulling this kind of thing, but one problem lurks in the way of that. Teacher tenure. Its ridiculous. The teachers union combined with tenure, makes it nearly impossible to terminate a teachers employment without a fight. The first thing to do is eliminate teacher tenure. This occupation should be treated just like any other. If the teacher is not doing their job correctly and has been warned multiple times, its time for them to get in the unemployment line. No students should ever have to tolerate that kind of abuse. Its one thing to spank a child once or twice, (some states still say that is legal in schools), but threatening and beating or having bullies hurt them is another. By not doing anything, the teacher is being a bully as well. I actually had a teacher like that in elementary school. to this day, i couldn't hate that bitch anymore than I already do. Some teachers in this world should just find another occupation that does not involve children, much like the teachers mentioned in above comments.

David Wayne - posted on 09/16/2013

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Well I did not read the entire post thread but I can tell you with my experience in Fernandina school district that even contacting the "so- called" super intendant will not get you anywhere either, If anything the school will look for a way to scrutinize you the parent and/or you're child, I'm happily pulling my kids out of the school, shame more people with issues don't do the same, that's what it would take to get something done unfortunately...losers with a little power, probably bullied as children themselves..

TRUTH - posted on 08/06/2013

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Here is my truth experiences. My daughter was attended preschool in May, 2012. My daughter told me that her preschool teacher hit her. She couldn’t stop crying. Next morning, I called the school. The director of the school trng to avoiding me to talk to me on the phone. So, I called the social services, the social services asked questions to my daughter. The social services told me to believe in my dasughter. The social services also suggeted me to call the police. I did. But since we had police report done. Things gettng really strange. 1) Someone pu toy guns at my front door. We called the police. So, we installed home security cameras for safety purpose. 2) Someone came to our front door after midnight and putting her hands in my mailbox. It looks like whe was trying to steal our mails. –Of course, these strange actions are caught on tap. 3) Someone start spreading rumos amount my daughyter’s piano class about how bad my daugher is. 4) Someone starting spreading rumors about how crazy I am and told my friend do not believe in what I said. 5) Someone we know in my neightbor told me that the preschool that my daugher attended is hosted by someone has SPECIAL BACKGROUND. He did not wants to make it really clear what kind of SPECIAL BACKGROUND is. He told me not to mention anything about the teacher hit my daugher , otherwise I might be getting killed or something might happen to my family. Is that preschool trying to threatning me ? One thing that I know is I never regreat to made a police report for that bad preschool teacher. I hope no other kids will get hurt from this school or teacher again.

Shirley - posted on 01/29/2013

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From the sounds of it this teacher does not like your child.
When a child does something to another child or teacher it should be reported IMMEDIATLEY to the parent,,,,You have every right to speak to your childs teacher without worrying that your son is going to get into trouble...2 bloody eyes and she don't say anything???
I'd be on the phone with the School district to speak with the person whos at the head of it, maybe you can get him in special education, that would get him out and away of the bullys and in smaller classes.....
My son when he was in K got moved to a new school (we had to move out of state because of my husband job), he was licking windows, knocking over desks, but not going after any of the kids, and we were not hearing anything about it,(he did not do these kind of things at home so you can see what a surprize this was going to be for us...... untill one day the teacher decides to tell us about it. we went to the school and she said, ya know, after I teach all day, I go take college courses at blah, blah ,blah, I don't have time to call everytime he does something nor do I have time to email,,,I have gone OVER AND ABOVE THE CALL OF DUTY AS A TEACHER.....I looked a t my husband and said, I'm done...( I had to walk out because I was going to beat the living hell out of her). I got ahold of the director of the school district for special ed, and we got an emergency meeting together, they were in shock with what I told them....he did better, still did some name calling to the teachers, they earned their paychecks that yr, but, my child did better, and was happier going to school..and he still goes to special ed school...but, those teachers care about the kids!

Kim - posted on 01/04/2013

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I would consider calling the school board to find out about other complaints of this teacher and get something done.

Julia - posted on 01/01/2013

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Yikes! Sorry to hear all that, I hope it has worked out. I could have sworn my sons K teacher didn't like him. They had a bear that each kid got to take. It had gone twice and my son never got it. I wrote a note, still no bear. An aid in the classroom had pointed out that my son had inadvertently been left off the list of kids to get the bear. You would think the bear would have came home with my son post haste, nope! I had to write another note before it came home. I also got constant snarky comments about how expensive my sons things were. It is private school, most of the kids have plenty and I was the only single mom in the K class. Other kids came from very prominent families in town and I was working 3 jobs to keep him there. Not only that but they wear uniforms so his things were just like the coat and show an tell stuff. I never restricted my son from what he wanted to take because he is very careful with his things, other parents wouldn't let their kids take their nicer things because they might get lost. My son developed a tick he was so stressed about school. I felt like the harder I pushed for my son the worse things got. I just backed off a lot, but continued to talk to my son about how he felt. I also asked the babysitter who picked him up from school to pay close attention to the drop off time and the interaction with the teacher. When I did have to talk to the teach I did so by a note or e-mail and I was always extra polite. I killed her with kindness. My son is in first grade now and when I see that teacher she has warmed up considerably. Sometimes you catch more flies with sugar than by going to their boss etc. I started college as an Education major and most of my girlfriends from college are teachers. They seem to hate parents in their face so while I can have a tendency to be highly involved I try to remember to back off and let the teacher do her job. If there is an issue I write a note it serves the double purpose of documentation and they can read and respond on their own time.

Alexis - posted on 12/28/2012

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id ask for in class supervission for a month or so, and when your son doesnt get in trouble that whole time or does, you'll have 2 people to go to the priciple to show what's been going on.
this time is tuff for kids even without a teacher picking on them. make sure you show him love, how amazing he is, and over due how proud of him you are. and maybe inviting some of the kids from his class over for play dates might help too.

Janaki - posted on 12/25/2012

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Have you first spoken to your son whether he likes going to school or no? do you see any behavioral change in him in the house or when he goes out to play with his friends? Does he complain that he doesnt want to go to school.
Please given your son the assurance that no matter what others say, you will always love him and you KNOW that he will never do wrong things and he will always tell the truth.

Wendy - posted on 12/23/2012

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Get a calendar book and document everything that concerns you and who, when what you You speak to. Get an advocate. Go to.the superintendent. Get an attorney's advice. Hold a a meeting at school and bring your spouse or advocate. Don't loose your temper for one minute because schools will try to incite you.

Freda - posted on 10/22/2012

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move him to another class, this teacher simply tackling him to revenge for you. This is not the right kind of teacher for your son.

Jennifer - posted on 10/07/2012

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I'm not a mom (16) but my brother had problems with his teacher,but Mom didn't catch it early enough so he had to repeat the year. Mom had him go to a different teacher the next year and he was fine. And when I had trouble with the counselors at the after school program (the kids and the counselors bullied me) we moved schools. It was the best thing that could have happened for my family. My brother and I were so much happier, and my mom was saved a lot of stress. Sometimes a school just doesn't fit with a family.

Latosha - posted on 09/30/2012

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I had a similar problem teacher thought my daughter was throwing crayons. But she wasn't it was the boy he lied to keep him from getting in trouble so I told the teacher my child has home trainging they only pay attention. To what they want some people don' t deserve tne be in there position that's. All I have to say!

Sophia - posted on 09/21/2012

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MY SON WAS HIT IN SCHOOL ... CAME HOME TELLING ME HE WAS HURT. WE I CALL MY BOSS AT HOME EXPLAINING I WOULD BE LATE FOR WORK THE NEXT DAY. WHEN I GOT TO THE SCHOOL I ASK DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL THE COPS ... BECAUSE YOU KNEW CHILD WAS HURT AND DID NOT STOP IT OR CALL ME. DO YOU WANT ME TO FULL THIS PLACE WITH COPS.... WHAT KIND OF SCHOOL IS THIS. WELL THIS WAS WHEN I FOUND OUT THIS WAS THE SCHOOL BULLY . I WILL FULL THIS SCHOOL WITH THE COPS FOR CHILD ABUSE. DONT YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH HAVING ANYONE HURT MY CHILD AND STAND BY... THEY CALL HER MOTHER SHE WANTED TO MEET I TOLD THEM I AM NOT HERE FOR A TEA PARTY I WILL LOCK HER UP IF SHE TOUCH MY SON AGAIN. I DID NOT WANT TO TELL HIM TO BEAT HER DOWN.

Aunt Cece - posted on 03/12/2012

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I'm a former teacher and it seems to me you have been more than patient with your son's teacher. I would suggest that you document what your child tells you about his troubles, and if the principal will help you, I'd ask him or her to transfer your child to another classroom. If he or she say they cannot do that, I think I'd remove him and either home school him for the remainder of the year (unless you have a job all day) or put him in another school. Otherwise he will have to contend with this teacher for 3 to 4 more months.where he will continue to be tormented by this woman. Good teachers aren't bullies, but this teacher may call herself a teacher, but she's truly a royal pain. Is she picking on other children in the class that you know of? No child should ever be treated like this. It also may be that because he's advanced in his abilities, that she isn't challenging him enough. He should be able to work at his own pace. Is there a chance that he is bored in her class?

If I got nowhere with the principal, and I wanted to leave my child in that school, I'd for sure get in touch with the superintendent in your area.I taught for 25 years and had my share of challenging kids, but to be honest, I never saw the connection between what the child did one day, even after I had conferences with the parents., and how I treated the child the next day. In other words, you don't treat the parents one way, and then pick on their child the next.. My heart goes out to you and your son. Good luck with all of this. PS..I was the subject of abuse myself many years ago in 6th grade where I was not only berated by my teacher, but also made to stand in front of my class while she told them that I wanted them to all to bow and scrape to me because surely I must have thought I was so great..I made up my mind, that if I ever taught school, I would not humiliate any child in front of his peers..I spent some time stepping outside the classroom to talk with the child I felt was misbehaving, out of earshot of the other children. At the end of the conversations, most time, they got a hug from me.

Assumpta - posted on 03/11/2012

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Wow your son's teacher needs sorting out big time there are bullies right across the board but when it becomes apparent that your son's teacher is behaving this way especially toward a child as young as six years, this is the most treasured time within the education system when children start to build their memories of school (like/dislike)

You need to go over the head of the principle if this teacher is not being dealt with properly take the issue to the Board of Education to see does it resolve the issue if continues then to Department of Education If any teacher can behave is this manner to a child as young as a 6 year old she is not fit to teach a full class...

Natasha - posted on 11/07/2011

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I know it's late in the year but I think you should try to get a different teacher. I don't think it would be to much to ask to have another adult there or even have someone sit in on the class...you could even consider talking to other parents see if they have had any issues with this teacher. Good luck theres nothing more irritating than a teacher mistreating a child.

Paula - posted on 11/07/2011

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Your sons teacher is a bully.
Every school in the UK has to work towards certain standards and I am sure that is true of your schools - Safeguarding Children, EveryChild Matter, Childrens Act - also your school should be accountable to whoever is funding it either the state or privately; therefore; you need to write a letter to the principle making a formal complaint.
The barriers to education your son suffers now can have a negative effect on him in future years.
You want the principle to take action now, if they dont then you will have no option but to report the teacher, principle and school to the relevant authority under the relevant legislation - the principle will act - no school wants any parent to do this and when it comes to education you need to fight them with their own legislation - once they know your not stupid your child will have less issues.
good luck

Cynthia - posted on 10/16/2011

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My son was not his teachers favorite in kindergarten, for different things much like what you are talking about. i believe it was because when my son came home upset i would meet with the teaher to try to get to the core of the issue. i think she took the frustration she had with me out on my son. finally i talked to the principal and when he asked me what i wanted done i told him that if she was going to give my son a talk or a bad mark or any kind of punishment that i wanted a call from her b4 she did or said anything to him. i thought that the time it took to get to the phone and make the call would give her time to chill out b4 she marked my kid for nothing if that were the case. she called 2 times for the rest of the year my son and his teacher got alone much better. she learned that it is important to talk to my son and to listen to him or she would have to listen to me.... it was not a perfect system and i did not want it to get that ugly but as parents we have to do what we think is best for or kids. this is my opinion.

Katrina - posted on 10/12/2011

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go to the superintendent....keep a log of everything that is going on......and then if nothing is done then do to the school board......usually once you go to the school board then the super and the principle will start to do there jobs and get there teachers under control......Thank god this year I am not having to be at the school unless it is to pick my kids up for a doctors appt........the teachers that they have gotten this year were teachers that I had 20+yrs ago and they know what I expect and nothing less......

Carlie - posted on 10/12/2011

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Ok...you had me at "hello." Just kidding. I stopped reading your post when you said the teacher called your child "bad." I don't know you. I don't know your son. I don't know the teacher. I am only partial to what you post. Let me just say though: NO CHILD is EVER "BAD"....OR "GOOD." Parents and teachers should NEVER use these words when referring to a child or a child's behavior. There is no good or bad. However, there is a "RIGHT" or "WRONG" way of doing things, of behaving, of making choices-and that's what we should be teaching our children. Otherwise, children will grow up thinking people are "good" or "bad." They will strive to always be good. Not such a bad thing right? WRONG. Because people can make RIGHT choices, and that's ok. People can also make WRONG choices, and that's ok too-but only if they learn something from it. If you are "BAD"...then that's not okay. Not used in that context to a child. 'Nuff said.



Also, I agree that the bullying needs to stop IMMEDIATELY. RIGHT NOW. It is endangering your child mentally and emotionally. I recognize that you recognize this. You need to speak to the SUPERINTENDENT OF SCHOOLS OR THE SCHOOL BOARD PRESIDENT.



It sounds like the principal at your child's school has made some effort to correct things. However, I'm sure he hears complaints on a daily basis. Either YOU are not getting your frustration(s) across to him, or HE isn't to you. Regardless, there is a communication issue there. If you feel like you can't trust him, well then take those words to the SOS. DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO FOR THE SAFETY OF YOUR CHILD. If it means waiting all day in the lobby of the SOS's office, then I would do it. In a heartbeat.



Your child deserves better than what his teacher is giving him. His teacher is teaching him that her kind of teaching, is what he deserves. She is wrong.



Also, I applaud the fact that you, as a mother, are reaching out for help. Pat yourself on the back. You are almost there. IT IS IMPERATIVE that your child is reassured that the KIND of teaching he has been receiving at school is wrong. DO NOT ABSOLUTELY DO NOT TRASH THAT TEACHER. You can say, "Son, I'm sure your teacher is a good person. However, I do not agree with the way she has been teaching you. I know you are not happy at school right now, and because of this, Momma is going to do all that I can-to HELP you feel happier."



And/or: "I know you are going through an unhappy and difficult time right now at school. Son, your happiness means EVERYTHING to me, and I will do all that I can to HELP you feel happier." I emphasize the word "HELP" because we can't MAKE anyone do anything. And you don't want to teach your son that your can. Your son has to find his OWN happiness, but you can HELP him find the right tools to do so.

In this case, you will certainly need to do that.



I feel for both of you. We leave our children at school everyday, hoping all goes well. To have a teacher abuse her profession and a child's emotional state, is uncalled for-and should NEVER be allowed. May God bless you. Go see the SOS (Superintendent of Schools), and if he doesn't listen, keep the faith, and find someone who will. :)

Holly - posted on 03/26/2011

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We had a teacher like this. The only thing you can do is document, document document. Create a paper trail. Write down everything, where when what said etc. What happened to your son, what she complains about, how she treats your son after you have been in. Mail letters to her and to the school office. Usually letters mailed in must be filed. Talk to the principal. However the school hands may be tied. The Teachers Unions defend bad teachers. Unless you make the case, the Teachers Union will sue the school if they do much.
Creating the paper trail will allow you to take legal steps. When you have documentation, show it to the principal and tell him you will be taking legal steps unless the teacher is dealt with. Give him copies of the file. The documentation and the threat may be enough to get it stopped. However, the teacher may never be good for your son. It is not too late to move him as all the classes are likely doing the same curriculum, and are at the same place. Ask the principal if another class is near the same place.

Lynn - posted on 06/03/2010

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I know exactly what you have been dealing with too. My son is in 5th grade and has 2 teacher's and both of them are very cruel and have picked on him along with other bullies in the class. I have kept documentation of emails I have sent them about things that have went on in the class room and the bullying of not only my son but other kid's in the class and have also sent copies to the assistant principle. Unfortuanatly, they did not do anything to address the problems about the bullying and would always say I wasn't getting the full story. I believe I wasn't getting the full story from them. The principle at the school is a total joke and doesn't do anything about anything. He doesn't care. The bullying has gone on at this school ever since kindergarten . If the schools would put a stop to it, then the kid's would know they couldn't do it. It has been a year of hell for my son and today was his last day and I took him out of school at noon. I have told them I would go over their head and go as far as I needed to go. I can't believe how much of this goes on and these people shouldn't be teachers. I hope that their kid's get treated just like how they have treated some kids. These two teachers have basically bullied my son all year long and when I would address a problem they would treat him really bad because they were mad. I wish I would have requested him to be moved to another class at the beginning of the year. I think I will take the advice that you were givin and file a formal complaint against both teachers and the principles. Our kid's shouldn't have to go through this kind of behavior. I am sorry your son has had to go through this at such a young age. I hope he will have better years ahead. My son will now be moving to a different school and I am so glad we will not have to ever deal with those people again. I found out yesterday from another mother who has a daughter in the same class that both teacher's and some students were making fun of her daughter because she had scars on her legs. Her daughter was so depressed because she overheard this and the mother was very angry. My son finally delt with one of the bullies after school across the street from our house and my son was the one that the school punished. They took him out of his homeroom and put him in the switch teachers homeroom so he wouldn't be in the same class as this boy or with his friends. This same boy also bullied other kid's in the class but they moved my son so he wouldn't be with his friends. There has been so much that has went on that I could go on and on. I wish you and your son luck and do document everything. Take it as far as you have to even if it's the tv stations!

Margaret - posted on 05/29/2010

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How frustrating for you as the parent and your son. I would speak with the Principal again. Maybe it would be helpful, as I have found in my own personal experience that it is usually more than one child that is being used in this manner. I know that it is important for a child's early experiences to be good ones so that they are able to stay in school.
Hope that this helps..

Leigh - posted on 05/28/2010

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I can not give you anymore advice than you have already recieved and kudos to Angela for being the responsible teacher every kid needs! My sone was diagnosed ADHD when he was very young, and my biggest thing was that he be thought of as a child with problems and not a "problem child". I have seen teachers of every sort, but for the most part have been extremely lucky. I agree, go to the Board, above the teacher and Principal. This is not something you want on your sons permenant record. No matter what the teachers proble, and it is HER problem, your son should not have to pay for it for the rest of his academic life. And yes, make sure your son knows you are behind him. As a mom with a special needs child I have gotten the mama bear complex more often than I should am sure, but my kids have always known no matter what, they could come to me with any school related problem.

Gwynne - posted on 05/27/2010

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If u have some free time I would volunteer to help out in the classroom, thats what I did.
You'd be surprised how fast a teacher will change there tune when you can watch them all the time.

Ruth - posted on 05/27/2010

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So, I'm way late to respond, but I would suggest going over the principal's head. Go straight to the district and request that the teacher be put on probation and evaluated on an on-going basis for the said behaviors. Be VERY specific and precise in your complaints and make sure you speak with the person at the district who is the head of elementary education (by grade if applicable). It seriously sounds like the teacher does not want to be one and does not actually care about your child (which means any of the kids) and should not be entrusted with the mind of anyone, especially persons so impressionable as kids.
Good luck with whatever you did/do and if you ever have those kinds of issues again, get your child out of the class. You can usually tell if there are going to be issues by end of first term or first semester and swapping teachers after winter break shouldn't be an issue in most schools.
You have a right to get your child the best education possible. Don't let anyone take that away from you or make you feel like you can't do it. It's law. You can.
Also, you can look for advocacy programs in your area. (I found one called LINKS in Utah where I used to live) and they can help you to know your rights and with legal stuff if you need it.

Wendy - posted on 05/26/2010

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the best thing you could do is
get the father involed and go to the school and have a meeting with the teacher and the principle and the gidence counsler and anyone else like the director

i bin haveing prob with m sons school and he is 1st grade my husban and myself have had several meetings with the school and got the pricaple involed along with the gidence and the school sicoligest they whant to old him back for not sitting and not behaving i think there will be a fight soon becuse we will not let him back there is no need the grads are not to bade for a 1st grader

ANGELA - posted on 05/26/2010

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You've probably already received TONS of replies from teachers, like myself...but just to add a couple of cents, I thought I'd reply too! :o) Sorry that you and your son have had such a negative experience so early in his school life. One thing I would be sure of is that next year starts out with a very caring and kind teacher. It sounds like he needs a dose of kindness to begin with. Talk with other parents and if you know any of the the teachers on staff, ask them for a recommendation for your son.

One other thing I would advise you to try is to do a little investigative work of your own too. I would NOT ask if you can sit in, but show up and sit through a day of school in your son's class. Kids will be themselves in the course of a day. My guess is that you will see what truly goes on during the day. But please stay all day if you can, that way you can give everyone (including the teacher) to let their guard down and then you can get a clear picture. Know that this is your RIGHT as a parent. Don't be put off or told that it's not a good day.

You could also borrow a friend's car and park alongside the playground and just watch a recess or two. Make some notes about what you see in general. If more parents would do this, I truly think they'd be shocked by what they see. :o( Our public schools need a much better adult to student ratio! Unfortunately, the well-intentioned people on playground duty cannot see everything.

Good luck next year! I hope you and your son have a MUCH more enjoyable 2nd grade! :o)

Sheila - posted on 05/25/2010

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There is some great advice here already, so the only thing I will add is this: Make sure your son knows you're in his corner. If he sees you consistently going to bat for him, it will be huge for his confidence. Yes, there will be next year for a better teacher, to make new friends, etc. Will he be able to reach out? Yes. Kids bounce back. Show him with your actions that, here and now, you're with him. I am speaking from experience. This has been my dad's approach since Day 1 for my brothers, sisters, and me. People regularly comment on how outgoing we all are, and we all agree that his standing by us in situations like this played a big part. Know also: the fact that you're searching for answers means you're an awesome mom. Your son obviously is top priority, and with this in mind, you will do the right thing for him.

Tracy - posted on 05/24/2010

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Hi,
I've experienced a lot of the problems you've experienced (I have a 12 year old daughter). First grade is a tough time of adjustment for kids, & I promise you that the other children are also getting into plenty of trouble too - it's just that you aren't necessarily hearing about it. I know that doesn't make you feel any better though...

I can offer some advise! This year I've been working as a substitute teacher, & it's been an eye opening experience for me. You can suggest to the teacher that a chart be stapled to the inside of his folder or notebook each week. This is standard procedure around here. Usually it's a behavior chart with smiley faces or stop lights, & the different faces or colors of the light let you know how you're child's behavior was on each day. You will be required to sign each night, so that the teacher knows that you're monitoring things. There is usually space for the teacher to write comments as well. Just keep in mind that the size of the class will sometimes undermine the teacher's ability to give you details in every situation. They're limited in time. You can also send a note to school with your phone # (cell is best, so she can reach you at any time), & ask her to call you if anything serious happens. Tell her that you want to work with her to solve problems. This is also common here. In fact, every single elem school I've subbed at has duplicate emergency contact cards in the classroom. The teacher won't be able to call you for every single thing, but I can tell you that the good teachers often use this tactic to get out of control kids to behave - ie "I'm going to call your Mom & let her know that you're doing x,y,z". I've seen it done by teacher's aids in classes I've subbed in.

Let her know that you want to keep in contact with her. If she has 20 kids in a class it can be difficult to do this, but perhaps she could supply you with her phone # as well? My daughter is in 5th grade, & all of her teachers have phones in their rooms, & I have all of their phone #'s. I also have cell phone #'s for 2 of her teachers.

Many times teachers get frustrated because they feel that parents don't work with them, but against them. I've overheard LOTS of conversations about that in the teacher's lounge, so word your request carefully for best results.

I know you love your son very much, & believe him. That's as it should be, but try to keep an open mind. Often children behave very diferently at school than they do at home. Teachers see a totally different side of children than parents do. There's always the possibility that the story your son is giving you might be slightly shaded....You're doing the right thing by getting in touch with the other children & parents involved to find out the truth.

I don't think I'd advise your son to fight back because he will be disciplined. It doesn't matter who starts it - whoever hits, kicks, etc will be disciplined. However, the teacher must SEE the misbehavior with her own two eyes in order to do anything about it. That's why oftentimes only one child is written up. The teacher might not see the first child hit, but will hear the commotion, look, & then see the 2nd child hit back. Guess who is going to get written up? It's not fair, but it's policy. I used to think that if other children witnessed it, then the teacher should be able to go off that, but that's not so. Now that I've been in the classroom I know why. Sometimes kids in a class will pick sides depending on who they like best, & will intentionally try to get the otheer child in trouble. I always tell the kids that if there's a problem they need to tell me about it, & let me deal with it, & not deal with it on their own.

It's too late this year, but next year make your presence known, stay in contact, tell the teacher you want to hear if there are any concerns, & that you will be sending notes to school often if you aren't able to speak to them on the phone. Give her your # & ask if there's a way that you can call her if you need to speak to her. Ask if they plan on stapling a behavior chart to your child's folder, & if they say no, ask if they'll please do it for your child each day.

Good luck! I know it's stressful, but it will get easier. I promise. :o) Kindergardten & first grade were the WORST grades for my daughter. She was always in trouble.

((((HUGS))))

Aleshia - posted on 05/24/2010

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I think I would do some surprise visits to the school and watch the class before entering and see how everthing changes while you are there.

Crystal - posted on 05/24/2010

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Get in touch with the school board. Show them all notes from the teacher. Let them know how and what she is doing to your son and what she has not done about the other child bullying yours. That teacher needs to be fired.. I wouldnt let this go..

Anneke - posted on 05/24/2010

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Hi there,
I am so sorry to hear yet another dreadful story of how children get bullied by a classmate and a teacher. We had a similar problem with our 8 year old who was subjected to ear pulling and pinching by a teacher. After many meetings and no improvement I filed a complaint with the Dept of education. I think you should consider doing the same. The scars that these cruel teachers leave on our children is very difficult to reverse. They should be stopped!!

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