Need help with dealing with teacher.

Sarah - posted on 05/20/2010

This seems really unfair. I have had similar problems with my son being singled out as "always the bad kid" anytime he was even remotely involved with trouble. But not as extreme as this.

This teacher sounds petty and inexperienced. Does your school do teacher requests for next year? I would ask around to other parents and find out who is a really good 2nd grade teacher. Then request your son have him/her next year. Also, when corresponding with teachers, always do it by email and save them. That way you have a record and proof of what was said. This is pretty ridiculous. Also, I would contact the district and file a complaint with them. Maybe you need to go above the principal if she's not helping.

My son has been sent to the principal for really petty things because (in my opinion) his teacher is really young (23) and this was her first year of teaching. I have requested a teacher next year that we know personally and she has a lot of experience. Just be thankful this year is almost over. Your son sounds like a normal 7 year old to me. Hang in there. It's almost over!

Julie - posted on 05/20/2010

wow, I would be so angry. You are very patient. I would outright ask her why she picks on my child. & if need be do it in the principals office - in an open conversation. I would also print out this question you asked to show them what's REALLY going on that you had to go looking for help in what to do in a lose - lose situation for your son. Because if this was not true you wouldn't go as far as posting it on a website in search of help.Plus the principal can see each instance you have named here. She sounds like a nasty person who should not be teaching. She has apparently singled your son out. No matter how she feels about him she needs to handle the situation for exactly what it is - not for how she may feel about your son.
I would them let her know if it does not stop you will be contacting to the board of education & go right over the principals head. She cannot afford to have them involoved on her record. I am so sorry you are going thru this. I have 2 little girls & girls can be so nasty as well. It shocks me the things that come out of kids mouths even in kindergarten. best of luck -- keep us posted

Patricia - posted on 05/20/2010

I actually feel you need to make it known that you will not tolerate this kind of behavior from any teacher now or in the future. You have made several inquiries to the teacher and principal which produced nothing positive. There is no way that the principal can not know that their is a problem with this teacher. Make an official complaint to the principal, the superintendent, and the school board. Your son needs to know you believe him and that you are not going to let this slide. It doesn't matter whether it is the end of the school year or the beginning. You want to make sure that when he enters the next grade that there are no further incidences or problems.
If this teacher is behaving as you say she has, she needs to be fired or removed from teaching in a classroom. No teacher has a right to bully, abuse, or even lie about a child. Not only are children responsible for their work and behavior so are the educators. I really hope your son has a better experience in the second grade. You are you son's most important advocate.

Chrissy - posted on 05/20/2010

lodge a complaint
CONTACT THE SCHOOL BOARD...............i have worked with children of all ages for 20 years at least, its most important you leave a paper trail, i am sure it is at least one student every year in her class that has gone thru what your child is having to deal with it needs to come to a stop, 5 years from now they will be telling you your child has a mental condition and put on meds, i promise you

Amy - posted on 05/20/2010

i had a similar problem several years ago when my daughter was in the 4th grade. when talked with the principal she lied to me telling no other parent had ever complained about this teacher and what a wonderful teacher she was...so i told her to tell this teacher that i would be popping in the class room unannounced occassionally. and i did go to the school several times that year and stand outside her door or in the classroom next to her's and listen or watch, when she started to raise her voice to a scream, i would just walk in and she turned into a sweet teacher...and other mothers did the same thing. just tell them you want to observe the class adn there may be a way you can observe without the teacher knowing...i had to talk with some other teachers to get permission to use their rooms. and if you have a younger child who may have her as teacher, pray that she will go to another school before you child gets there, thankfully that 4th grade teacher has moved to another school. i will pray for you!

Marie - posted on 05/20/2010

Call the police--I did that with my 10yr son who has been bullied since 2nd or 3rd grade. It holds the child (who is doing the bullying) and the school accountable for the safe of your children and allows you to document the "occurrences"

Crystyl - posted on 05/20/2010

I think that if she should be having that many problems with him why is he not been sent to the principals office i too had probs with my sons teacher earlier this yr i hav moved and my son is now gettin straight a's and is sooo much happier i would say having someone else there to supervise would be wise teachers anymore just dont care its so very sad i would also contact ur sons school district office so that it is documented on her behavior in case something comes up with another child in the future so that this teacher doesnt get away with it. I definately feel for u it really sucks i also have another friend on fb that has had similar probs if u want look me up id b glad to chat with u as i had to deal with it for much of the school yr I hope things get better and he gets an awesome teacher next yr

Di-Anne - posted on 05/20/2010

LOL Emily, i also went back to uni after we saw things were too bad and did my post grads in education. i taught at my kids last school for about 3.5 years before home school. everyone thought we were the joke of the playground! i would pull into the parking lot and the kids would all kiss me goodbye, then get out the car put their bags down and run up to me to hug me and tell me about what they did the night before/the weekend/ AND THIS WAS REALLY FUNNY - what their mom (they would actually say "my mom" did and said. i was two completely different people to the point of psychosis! after school they'd all hug teacher goodbye run and wait at the car and then greet mom and tell mom all about their school day. what a hoot! they told me things most kids dont tell their moms/teachers - that was very insightful!

dont be too scared about home school! i was paranoind the first 5 years probably but as they got older i saw how much they grew and learnt and most of all loved to learn because they did not feel threatened. i have used several curriculum over the years. we now use British Internation Distance College (Cambridge) and it is great! we have a lot of support, access to admin and tutors online or by phone. my youngest is not in the senior years yet so for the last two years i have been winging it with her. as long as you follow your areas laws and relax, you will be fine.

feel free to add me as a FB friend if you want to chat or need guidance i have mentored loads of families! i know the fears and what victory tastes like!

Alicia - posted on 05/20/2010

What a horrible situation! I think his teacher should be reprimanded, not just talked to. I too have a son, in the 5th grade, who has had problems in school all year. He has been and is still being bullied by atleast half of the students in school. He's been physically and emotionally and the staff refuse to do anything about it. Twice now he's had kids tell him they were going to "shoot him in the head". I've even been to the superintendent who basically told me it wasn't his problem because he wasn't the principal! My son has also been hurassed by teachers. The Guidance counselor tried to get my son to believe that he was making things up and blowing things out of proportion! His teacher, whom is an intervention specialist, yelled at him in front of the whole class and said that he was lying and that he has never been bullied. I have been to the school several times this year. I had to keep my son home from two field trips because of all of this (he was afraid to go). Unfortunately, it has gone far enough that I had to contact an attorney. I'm still debating if I'm going to hire him. In the mean time, I am looking to put my son in another school district next year. I mean, I even had to go to the police for help at one point!
I'm not sure what I can tell you. I do not think it would be too much to ask to have another adult present if the teacher pulls your son aside. Your son needs someone advocating for him which you seem to be doing a fine job at. I know school is almost out, but I also understand the stress and anxiety situations like this can cause. I know the situation with my son has taken it's toll on me, so I can understand how you maybe feeling. I hope that everything works out for you and your son. Children are supposed to feel safe in school. How is that possible an actual teacher bullies a child? Keep your head up and give your little boy a hug for me. Let him know that people are thinking of him. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you!

Emily - posted on 05/20/2010

Thanks Di-Anne!!!! It felt good to read that!!! Of course I'm nervous about my decision but my little one is already doing "extra work" for "Mrs. Kiser" (it's to cute but in "our school time, she refuses to call me mommy because I'm her teacher LOL) every evening and this summer to prove to me that she will let me teach her. I am just the type that refuses to do this if her education will suffer. She like your son, has totally embraced the idea of never having to go back to that school, and although is in tears every single day I drop her off for real school is already getting more upbeat at the hopes of learning at home and not going back. She has been bullied by both teacher and school bullies to the point of becoming a complete nervous wreck and hating herself because she feels she is always to blame. This is a child that every adult (and child) outside of school love, adults around us brags on how mature and well behaved she is so it's been so hard and confusing on me why this teacher dislikes her so much. I've spent the last couple of months getting fully informed with laws and curriculum so that I can get it going the right way for her. As I said though, I'm still VERY nervous and thank you so much for your response because it's a very positive feeling having someone else that has done it say they haven't regretted it for a minute. :D

Natalie - posted on 05/20/2010

oh, my goodness...I am going to respond when I get a few free minutes. Sounds so similar to my son's situation. :(

Di-Anne - posted on 05/20/2010

Emily, home schooling has been a great option for my family. we tried public and private school but my son was constantly bullied. i cant tell you the change in his personality the day i told him he did not ever have to go back to a school, that i was committing myself to be there to teach him until grade 12/13 if he wished. he is such a strong person now! he was always bullied because of meds + a kind personality. girls loved him because he was kind and gentle towards them, i suspect the girls liking him contributed towards the boys attitudes towards him.

reading everyone's posts today has only reinforced my appreciation for our current situation with home school. my son is now a confident 16 year old who gets along with everyone! i also have a 14 year old and a 10 year old daughter. all are home schooled.

the one thing that has mde me the proudest of myself is not who i was, who i became or where i am going, it is that i taught all 3 my kids to read! from here on out all doors are open!

it does affect lifestyle. finances are always tight. but such close, kind decent people make it all worthwhile.

Yaima - posted on 05/20/2010

I agree. The problem is that now a days teachers don't have the patience and time required to oversea beyond teaching. My son has been sitting by himself at a separate table since mid-year in this ending school year. Not because i'm his mother. But he does not have agressive behavior, disruptive. He just likes to talk and ask. Ask a lot.

well, to make it short. without exagerating. like 3 times a week she gives my son yellow warnings. and when i ask him. he goes "because i got up from my chair". I go, "why did you get up from the chair" and he answers " i don't know: He's in Kinder now. And he tells me his friend did it but they didn't get in trouble.



But my point is the poor thing is just doing normal things. That if you are a teacher you know what their development brings.

But there is no patience so it's easier to embarrase them and give them warnings.



Now,,, we as wrorried parents want to show how involved we are . and sometimes think things like this can't happen to us.

So we go out of our way to do as we can to show the teachers that we are handling the situation. When in reality if you think about it, they might be having the same deal with other parents or kids as well. On your back, they are all mocking you. Believe me.

What do i do?

simple. I have already gone through my own experiences with my daughter who is 9.

i simply talk to him, teach him values. If he gets bullied i tell him what i would like him to do. Because let's be honest. Talking to the teacher about your son being bullied wont make it stop. The bully bullies because he is allowed to, and because he gets the results he wants. So, the teacher or the principal "yes" they might talk to that kid's parents. But the feeling will not stop. In that case, you have to teach your son to defend himself. My rule is. Never start a fight but finish it. I actually worked for the school system once and the one who gets in trouble in a fight is always the one who hits first. Remember that....



Back to my point.

Just whenever you ran into the teacher, just say "hi" if she mentions something just say, yes thank you, we are working on it. and leave with your son.



about the homework issue. Did she give it to your son in writing? If not you shoul've brought it to her attention.

I have stopped taking it so hard with the teachers. theres is too much going on in the world to be part of their own frustrations.



And pleaseeeee. don't waste your time for this issue in taking it to the principal or to the region. You wont get the results you want.

In the end, when they get trouble parents. "according to what they understand and tag as trouble parents" they will make your life impossible.

In a way that they will can make you look like either you are too sensitive or overeacting. Sounds to one, ofcourse, like they are the real bullies...

I know my argument might strike as my being a little synical but i actually went through through the same and learned from other parents that are doing wonderfull with their kids' teachers

Adesta - posted on 05/20/2010

If I were you, I'd take it directly to the school board. I'm sure there have been other complaints over the years about this teacher, if not by other parents this year. If it is possible, I'd change schools for next year as your son will always have that stigma attached to him no matter what becomes of the teacher. A new school will give him a new start.

If the school district won't do anything about this teacher, then I'd seek advice from a lawyer.

Lisa - posted on 05/20/2010

it is never to late to remove you son from a situation that is harm ful to him and this is what it is doesn't matter what he does she is going to have a problem with it and it sounds as if the problem is she has a personal dis like for your child . and a report about her behavior to your superintendent would not be a bad idea see when some one who can affect the pay check and is imparshal gets involved things have a way of changing and this way you can prevent this from happening next year and may make the last few weeks easier for you child because thiis is not a good learning environment for him

Emily - posted on 05/20/2010

I feel so bad for you because I know exactly where you are. Only my little one isn't as tough and has been a wreck through getting the same treatment your son has (she's also in 1st grade). If you figure out a good way to make all this stop I'd love to hear it...as it is I have decided to pull my child out of public school at the end of this year and to start homeschooling her. :(

Kelli - posted on 05/20/2010

I AM A MOM OF A LIL BOY WITH DOWN SYNDROME.I DONT TAKE ANYONE'S SHIT FOR STARTERS.I HAVE FOUR CHILDREN N I DONT LIKE TO BE MAMA BEAR BUT DONT FUK WITH MY KIDS.I HAVE PROMBLEMS WITH A TEACHER WERE SHE YELLED IN MY DAUGHTERS FACE N SAID DONT U CRY WEN U TALK TO UR MOM. WEN SHE CAME HOME N TOLD ME DAT N SHE CRIED FOR ME BOY JUST SAY MAMA BEAR WOKE UP FROM A LONG NAP I WENT TO THE PRINCPLE N TOLD HIM WAT WAS GOIN ON N HE TOOK THE TEACHERS SIDE ON DIS N ASK IF WOULD LIKE TO GO TALK TO THE TEACHER MYSELF I FLATOUT TOLD HIM IF I GO TALK TO DAT BITCH U WILL BE CALLIN 911 CUZ I WILL KNOCK DAT BITCHES DENTURES DOWN HER THROUT.DAT SAME YR SHE RETIRED.I RESPOND IN A WHOLE DIFFERENT WAY DOESNT MEAN U HAVE TO BUT I GET MY SHIT DONE/HEARD I'M DA MAMA.NOW MY SON WITH DA DISABILITY IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT BALL PARK.EX#2 I EXPLAINED MIKE CAN BE VERY STUBBURN AT TIMES CUZ HE LIKE THINGS ROUTINE.SHE RESPONDED WITH OHHHH WE CAN BE STUBBURN TO I INSTANLY WENT INTO MAMA BEAR MODE NO DA FUK U CANT NOT WITH MY SON GOT HOME CALLED SPECIAL ED DEPT HEAD N SAID WERE ELSE CAN I SEND MY SON.MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT I SOLVED MY PROBLEM QUICK N SHE KNEW WHERE I WAS COMIN FROM.MY POINT IS DONT LET NOONE TAKE U FOR GRANTED GET A CONFRENCE GOIN IF U HAVE TO WITH UR SON THERE N PAY ATTENTION TO UR SURROUNDINGS. GO SIT IN WITH DA CLASS,MAKE DAT TEACHER KNOW U R AWARE OF DA WAY SHE IS TREATIN UR SON N MAKE URSELF KNOWN DONT BE AFRAID TO DO UR JOB UR MOMMY.IN ORDER TO GET THINGS DONE HUN U JUST MIGHT HAVE TO CLIMB DAT LADDER.N YES BY ALL MEANS I EVEN TOLD THE SUPERINTENTED TO DO HIS FUKIN JOB.
PLZ JUST TALK TO UR SON DO WAT EVER U CAN TO GET HIM TO TALK ABOUT IT HE NEEDS TO KNOW HIS FEELINGS N DA ONLY WAY TO DO DA IS IF HE SHOWS THEM.I WISH U DA BEST OF LUCK .IF U EVER NEED TO TALK OR JUST VENT I AM AN EMAIL AWAY N I WILL TRY TO HELP U DEAL WILL WATEVER DA BEST WAY I CAN.

Soya - posted on 05/20/2010

better continue in the same class,because school is going to close next month know?if u are not going to change the school next year,keep a good terms with present teacher,make sure that she is not passing wrong information to next teacher.

Kimberly - posted on 05/20/2010

So sorry to hear your son is dealing with such a bad 1st grade experience. From your story, it does sound to me that the teacher seems to have a bias towards your son (and not in a positive way - the homework issue was unacceptable in my eyes and if the teacher wanted him to succeed, she would have made the problem known MUCH earlier!). I do believe there are three sides to every story (his, hers, and the true story), however, with her being the adult here, it sounds as if she has mishandled things from the beginning. It also sounds as if you have tried to be a supportive parent to your child AND the teacher, despite your concerns regarding her intentions. Therefore, I believe asking the principle how they view bullying and what they have in place to deter it would be justified. Expressing to her your vulnerability and true intent in trying to resolve the matter between the bully AND the teacher is your main objective, but that you are your sons only advocate and MUST do anything you can to help him get through this in as positive a manner as is now possible. Let her know you are not sure how to proceed as this is the first time you have dealt with such an issue and ask what suggestions she has (as she should be more familiar). I agree that talking to his next years teacher would be a good idea. I would suggest starting the conversation with a positive, "we are so excited about this upcoming year...and a fresh start. I would love to share some background with you regarding my son and his outlook in order to help you get to know and, possibly even, understand him better..." My ultimate suggestion is to continue trying to make your conversations with the teacher, principle, and upper levels as positive as possible. That doesn't mean agreeing with them, it means getting your point across without putting them on the defensive, as once that happens most people tend to shut down....which is NOT going to get you or your son anywhere. Ultimately, I believe the bullying thing should be taken above the principles head if she does not come through with some concrete suggestions AND carry them out. That bully child will still be there next year so it won't go away even if it is no longer with your son. There are too many horror stories and too much awareness today about the negative impact of bullying (from anybody) for a principle and teachers not to have things in place to try and fight it. Good Luck next year!

Jami - posted on 05/20/2010

If you are not getting satisfaction from your principal regarding the matter than I would go higher to the district level. This teacher is clearly disregarding your son's and your rights. You need to persue it further because I am assuming this will be your son's school next year also. Things will not get better. He will have a stigma attached to him in the next grade too. It sounds like this school has problems and they may start with a principal who closes his eyes to what is going on in his school. You definitely need to persue this further with the district and maybe achnage of schools would be a good idea for net year. Give your son a new start somewhere else. The treatment he is receiving is not only wrong but could ruin his whole academic career. School should be a place where children feel safe, accepted and valued above all else. Best of luck! Dont back down!

Donetta - posted on 05/20/2010

I understand what you are going through. My oldest daughter is 6 and in 1st grade. Her teacher and I have gone the rounds this year over everything my daughter does, but when my husband tries to talk to her all he hears is how well she is doing and that I'm blowing everything out of the water so to speak. With the help from the school, we were finally able to get my daughter tested for ADHD, which she is, and was able to get her on medication, thinking this would help the teacher back off my child. Nope it only made it worse, she started calling me accusing me of not giving my daughter her meds, and babying her too much. My daughter is on the A-B honor roll and has been all year with perfect attendance. I could see her calling me over every little thing if my daughter was flunking or causing a major disruption, but she isn't. From what I have seen her teacher is the only teacher in the entire school that my daughter acts this way with. Lucky for us she is out for the rest of the year on maternity leave, so I will not have to deal with her. What we discovered is my daughter's kindergarten teacher was "talking" to her 1st grade teacher and my daughter's name was brought up several times. Her kindergarten teacher labeled her as a problem child and wanted to let her new teacher know about it so my daughter has had a bulls-eye on her back so to speak. At her school, the principal retired mid school year so the vice principal took over,and she has been wonderful with my daughter. She encourages her every time she sees her, and continues to keep the waves of communication open with my husband and myself. After speaking to the principal about the problem she had a talk with my daughter's teacher, that same day she called me to talk to me, she admitted that she doesn't have a lot of experience with children like my daughter, this is only her second year teaching 1st grade, so that helped me understand her perspective a little better. And I was able to explain I am doing the best I can as I have little experience with all of this as well. All I can say is continue to stand your ground, don't let anyone tell you you baby or spoil your child too much. You are his mother and you know what he is capable of better then anyone he may come in contact with. Good luck and remember it's almost summer and then hopefully you won't have to deal with her anymore.

Sonia - posted on 05/20/2010

Wow! I think I would be furious. The best thing to do would be a to request a new teacher earlier in the school year, but since it's so close to the end of the school year, I agree that another teacher should be present when your child is disciplined. Since you've discussed this issue with the school principal already, I think it's a reasonable request. Most school systems have a teacher's aid and a teacher in a kindergarten class room. Either the teacher's aid or 2 students should be able to confirm the misbehavior the teacher is accusing your son of doing. This is such a tough situation, but try to hang in there until the end of the school year.

AnnMarie - posted on 05/20/2010

True, but kids are sensitive and it's human nature to remember bad experiences before good, so she has to make this end positively for the sake of her child's self esteem.

AnnMarie - posted on 05/20/2010

I would not ask for that. I would look up policies on due process and chain of command and take the next step in writing. Use dates (or approximate) serve the teacher, the principal and then give them a chance to make a plan for "fairness" and make sure you demand specific remedies such as an alternate assignment for all that work they expect him to make up, (I don't get how he fell behind, though) also maybe request a meeting with the principal and the parents any time your child is accused of upsetting another child. this will accomplish two things, it might shed some light on what is really going on there, and it will make them think twice before making accusations. Also you could request to sit in on class. yes the teacher will be on her best behavior, but kids are pretty much genuine so you will still be able to guage their interactions, and the teach will show her iritation inadvertently through gestures and facial expressions. It actually sounds like a personality clash that was not addressed properly at the beginning by the teach and admin.

Stephne - posted on 05/20/2010

As a teacher, I can't understand why she is doing this. Since you've already talked with the priniciple and nothing has been done you need to file a complaint at the Admin. office. The best way to get anything done is to have as many parents to complain as well. If it's only you they may think you just don't believe the teacher or your son is lying, so if more parents complain it is obvoius it's the teacher. I would stick to the bullying issue and let some of the other issues go. If you have too many issues they may think you are overreacting. Good luck! I hope your son has a better year next. Remember not every teacher is this way. There are a lot of us out here who love and nurture our students.

Tracey - posted on 05/20/2010

i agree with so many things said here...only about 1 month left so switching classes not really an option...keep complaining to the higher ups!!and i know it sounds like a pain but if he is doing reports and not getting credit try making photocopies of the reports(to keep for yourself and so they dont have to be done over when the get "lost") and write the date it was turned in...if you have to go a step further turn the work in to the teacher yourself...and if she is going to be that much of a pain make her sign for the work!

Annie - posted on 05/20/2010

I had the same problem last year with my daughter in pre k. The teacher would always have something new to tell me about what my daughter did wrong, or who she *almost* hit and so on. I would get nervous to pick up my daughter because in the back of my mind I would always think that the teacher has something new to complain about. I would ask my daughter what happen when we got home and she's would tell me that it was her and someone else messing around or they started it first or it was the both of them. The teacher never mentioned to me that it was also another student, she just said my daughter did this and that and started this and that...I was really fed up with it, So I requested to switch my child to another teacher. She got switched and I never heard of my child hiting or disrupting the class etc. Her new teacher was so sweet and was at the kids level, she really got down with them unlike her previous teacher. Til this day we still keep in contact with her pre k teacher..she will be going ot 1st grade this next school session. So I highly sugguest that you simply switch him to another teacher~

Latonya - posted on 05/20/2010

I don't think you should be having all these issues in regards to a 1st grader. This is rediculous. First of all, we have to remind ourselves and the teachers, that #1, they are kids, and boys especially,kids will be kids, they do silly things, they goof off, THEY ARE KIDS!!!! I am all for behaving in school, and doing homework, but all the extra stuff is just a way to make these kids feel bad for being a child. I think, that in regards to your situation, If the Principal has not helped, take it to the next level (the school board), or better yet, see if your child's school will let you make 2 surprise visits to the classroom---one where you are checking on the child, while the teacher may be aware, and another surprise visit, where you're checking on the teacher when she is unaware. We have to as adults, and teachers while teaching our kids, remember that they are children, they will only be kids for a few years, before they are faced with a lifetime of responsibility, Think back, do you remember just being a kid and doing sillly things just because? I do. so let us allow our kids the same opportunity to just be a child sometimes.

Di-Anne - posted on 05/20/2010

one thing i have to say... having read all these comments and different peoples experiences.... is it just me or is there something VERY wrong with this picture...

Kathrine - posted on 05/20/2010

go to the school board! It is the next step. I have been dealing with a similar situation in the high school here. The teacher denys it all, the principal believes etc. the next step is to write letter to the school board. Make sure you email it to every member of the school board. Teachers can't be allowed to get away with this kind of behavior ever!

Di-Anne - posted on 05/20/2010

hi Carole, i agree with some but not all of the comments above. my son was very premature and had to be on strong medication for the first 10 years of his life to control one of the most serious forms of epilepsy. the meds made him move slowly and be unable to do sport due to lack of coordination.

we tried one school after another even sending him to a special needs school here in SA. it was at this school that the very worst abuse took place. he would come home starving and very depressed every day. i found out that two learners were taking his lunch and tuck money every day. i raised the issue with the school and they said they would deal with it. a week later nothing had changed and a series of meetings and polite letters followed.

my son came home trying his best to look happy and well nourished but when i called his bluff he said the teacher had singled him out in class for tattle-taleing on others and told him to stop telling his mom lies.

we were at our wits end because this was the very best school in the region!

several months of this passed and one day we arrived at school. my son was grade R, i did a lift club with a family down the road whose son was 14. when we arrived at the school my son started crying and begging me to let him wait in the car a few more minutes. he was beside himself, i asked his friend to wait outside the car to talk to me. once he was out of the car i eventually managed to get my son to tell me that the two 12 year old boys leaning against the wall had threatened to kill him. i got out the car and asked the friend what was going on. he told me of the threats and the daily bullying and stories that make your skin crawl.

you cant pretend this is not happening. you cant focus on the positive things that happened at school. by doing this you are telling your child that it is ok to hide conflict and not address his/her emotional well being.

when i went into the school to get my sons stuff the teacher let fly at this poor 5 year old telling him he needs to 'man up' and 'defend himself' and 'stop running to mommy' and then she told him 'he was stupid and his parents were wasting their money on his education'

i cant begin to describe the damage. kids are cruel and they never forget those they perceive as weak from day one. sadly it is too often the teacher who is singling out the child to be picked on. get to a new school ASAP! your child deserves better protection than that school is offering him.

we have been home schooling for 10 years now. my son is 16, witty, charming, friendly, super intelligent (scoring 80% - 100% on Cambridge), and most of all he is the kindest person i know!

trust your gut! it is normally the voice of reason!

Diane - posted on 05/20/2010

It is so tricky getting the balance right. Some teachers are very down to earth and others, like your's, seem to get a real bee in their bonnets.

If you know from other parents that your boy isn't causing any offence and the principal is also receptive, then with only a month or so to go to til the end of the year, I'd just ask the principal to make sure that his assessment for next years teacher is accurate and that the class bully is sorted out. Simply flagging up the inconsistencies in your teachers behaviour will already have been noted, so leave that to the head to sort out.

Our school has zero tolerance of bullying and that has worked so well. There is no shame in telling a teacher and as a consequence, no bullying. Good luck. xx

Monica - posted on 05/20/2010

I usually would not reply to letters but I switched my daughter mid year last year and i am glad i did it. she improved within two weeks of being in someone elses class. You have to love the school and the principal, if you don't believe in the system change schools. I am well looked after and have not had one problem since this switch.

Leanne - posted on 05/20/2010

as a teacher myself, i am appalled at the lack of interest this teacher has shown in your son's wellbeing. i feel it would be a good idea to request a meeting with both the class and head teacher together. write a list of comments and questions you have for them so you don't forget anything at the meeting. ensure they know that you feel the teacher has behaved unfairly and your son is unhappy at school as a result. you could request a home/ school diary in which the teacher comments each day on the positive/negative elements of his day and sends them home. you then respond with your own comments and return the book to school the next day. this will mean you are aware of everything that goes on in class with a record of all the teachers comments about your son. you can discuss any negative comments with your son but will also have positives to congratulate him about. as this is a written account, the teacher is less likely to be bullying in her attitude so your son may feel more valued: if not, you have evidence of her attitude towards him. Don't forget, the teacher and headteacher are there to ensure your son is happy, safe and learning at an acceptable level. If they are not achieving this then you need to take your complaint to the governing body of the school, it doesn't hurt to let them know you are thinking along these lines when you meet with them. a comment such as "I really hope we can resolve this as it would be unfortunate if i had to take these issues to the governors" can give people a much needed kick in the right direction! Unfortunately, personality clashes between pupils and teachers are common, however, if this is the case, his teacher should be professional enough to hide her opinions from the class. Good luck! Leanne.

Jessie - posted on 05/19/2010

My son, who is in kinder right now, has a fabulous teacher. not to gloat, but he does. HOWEVER....



there's another kinder teacher in his school that I know he would not have done well in her class. She is very strict, and I have heard her yell at kids a few times in what seemed like a mean way. Other parents love her, so I think I may have just seem some bad moments.



the point is, that without being able to observe how the class interacts, both student to student, and teacher to student, you will never know the full story.



I agree that the lack of communication is disturbing. 4 months of work is insane for a 1st grader to have to make up.



I agree that you should document everything. and keep supporting/fighting for your child. the bloody eyes not being addressed is also inexcuseable.



If you can't homeschool, I would suggest looking for a new school, or asking other parents about different 2nd grade teachers at your current school. try and get a feel for the personalities of the teachers, and perhaps you'll find one that works better for your child.



Not sure where you are, but at my school, I can walk in unannounced at any time, and our teacher ALWAYS has something I can help with. whether it's science projects or looking over homework, or putting together the next week's packets, there's always SOMEthing. it concerns me that at this point it seems they're trying to keep you away from the school.



anyway, just my comments. I know you have a ton to read, but I do hope it helps.



Just saw your update. seems like things are getting better! I pray that the principal does follow through with the teacher.

Caren - posted on 05/19/2010

Tell them you want another adult present period. Any more complaints and take it before the school board. Teachers like THAT make learning horrible for children. My son is JUST now doing good...and he is in 5th grade.

Kim - posted on 05/19/2010

I would be infuriated as I am sure you are. A teacher SHOULD NEVER tell a child / student he is bad and certainly not have the class particpate. Seems like the teacher is a bit of a bully and in the wrong profession. I hope you told the principal about her having the class do that to your son. Maybe you should even report that to the superintendent. Also, if I am not mistaken, it is by law that the teacher has to report to the principal AND the parent when a child is hit by another student. You should have been notified that somone hit your son. And I can't believe the answe she gave you that boys will be boys. That is terrible. Kids can play but not to cause physical harm to another child. I feel badly that your son has had such a bad first grade experience. My daughter is going to be in kindergarten next year and teachers shape the way children feel about school. You also should have been called when homework wasn't being turned in so you could check on it. I know school is almost out and I would want the last couple of weeks to be pleasant for him so I would make it clear to the principal you expect him to be treated fairly and in a respectful manner. And I agree that maybe another teacher or adult be present if she pulls him aside. Just keep in mind that there are some wonderful teachers out there. And since the year is almost over just enjoy your summer with your son and hopefully he will have a much better teacher and experience next year. Please let us know how things turn out after you talk to the principal again. Take care and good luck.

Carol - posted on 05/19/2010

Wow, I really hit a nerve with this. THANK YOU every one for responding. I got too busy this week to look on this site. Last I read, I had about 20 responses.

An update - my husband and I had a meeting with the teacher and the principal. My husband and the teacher did most of the talking - both have a habit of not letting anyone else speak. Thankfully my husband brought everything up. Every time I tried to speak the teacher would cut me off. I did manage to get everything out, just in very short bursts.

The bottom line is that the teacher sees that she's done nothing wrong. The principal now knows that the teacher is a dinosaur (it's the principal's first year). She's apologized for everything that's happened and promised to personally place our son with a great teacher next year. We're sticking it out for the last 20+ days. Anything that happens between now and then will be submitted in writing.

To answer a few questions that I caught in all the answers. We live in Massachusetts. I homeschooled for 2 1/2 years because our actual school district (the one where we live) said, and I quote directly, "There's nothing we can do to challenge your son through graduation, but that's okay. If you want him challenged join 4-H or something like it." That was said about our oldest son only months into kindergarten. We school choiced into this school district based on MCAS scores (state testing), art/gym/music programs, and parent recommendations. My husband is a super-geek stats man (in a good way) and this school was one of the top schools in about a 30 mile radius from our house. Homeschooling is not an option due to my older son's unique needs that homeschooling can not meet.
Thanks again.

Sunshine - posted on 05/19/2010

That is not an inappropriate suggestion at all. There should be someone to witness any meetings between the teacher and the child... preferably the principle. If the situation can not be handled by the principle, then your next step is the school board... attend the meeting and express your concern. Don't take no for an answer. No need to be rude, but address them as you are "a concerned parent." If that doesn't work i'd reconsider homeschool. I homeschool my three kids because the public school system is suffering, and the staff for the most part can't be trusted. I hope this helps and good luck with your son.

Amanda - posted on 05/19/2010

I would go over the principal head and straight to the district office. I have had issues with our school as well. There is a teacher in my childrens school whom I told the principal if she ever so much as verbally spoke to my children about anything they had done wrong I would have them both at the district office. She assurred me that she would have that teacher get my childrens teacher or another teacher if she had any issues. I threatened to go to her boss and that took care of it. My kids say that the teacher hasn't talked to them. Teachers aren't there to be bullies unfortunately some of them are. My son had a D in reading last year and I wasn't told and was never called and I got his report card and was shocked. I went to the principal and questioned why I wasn't hearing about this before report card and her response to me was that I just had high expectations. Is she freakin kidding me?? So because this grade never improved and the lack of communication I held my son back. I needed to be sure that he could read. She was not happy and even had a past teacher call me and tell me that I was making a huge mistake. It was the best thing I ever did. I do not allow them to control the situation. They know that if they act a certain way I will go to the district and have even threatened to pull them out and homeschool them. I would not do it through the district it would be done through and online program where the teacher travel to the homes. Since everything revolves around money they don't want to lose the income that my children bring in.

Jennifer - posted on 05/19/2010

If you have gone to the teacher and no avail and to the principal and still no avail then I would go to the Superintendent and even the school board. I would even take witnesses or ask the other parents who have had children involved with yours like the Smash Bros to write in black and white what happened that they can remember and maybe that would help you to fight back. It really sounds like the teacher has a "beef" with your son and as a future teacher that should not be the case. Teachers are supposed to be making the classroom a safe environment for physical and emotional safety and she is not doing the emotional safety if she is doing that to him. i wish you all the best with your son! You are doing the right thing! Good luck!!

Jen H

Paula - posted on 05/19/2010

I say have him change teachers. So what if it's almost the end of the school year. At least his last few weeks at school will be more enjoyable.

Kelly - posted on 05/19/2010

You definitely should make a complaint to the principal again abit go into the details abit more and ask him/her what they suggest! Your son's teacher sounds horrible. She is actually damaging your sons self esteem and confusing him about how he should be feeling, if she is let carry on like this, how long term will this affect your son. Deep down you know this doesnt sound right and that is mothers intuition. Yes boys will be boys (I have a 5yr twin boy), but what you are describing is not acceptable, I wouldnt accept it. I hope you have documented these incidences and ask questions why, what, how. This teacher or principal needs to explain things to abit more indepth so you can clearly understand whats happening and the teacher obviously needs to explain it better to your son. Then maybe a middle ground can be found. You are not a whiny parent, you just want the best for your child! Tell the principal that your son is getting upset about going to school, that you hear one story and then hear from the teacher that he is doing great, if youre confused, imagine how your son feels. A child that is getting repressed doesnt lead to anything good. If you dont get anywhere with the principal, you have no choice but move your son away from this teacher. Teachers impact so much on a childs life and this teacher has a negative impact on your son. Ask your son how he would feel about moving to another class or school, if he seems fine with it, roll with it. Our children are so precious, I know we cant guard & protect them 24/7 but we have to do something when we know something isnt quite right - trust that intuition - do it for your son! All the best and I hope things do get better for your son!

Katy - posted on 05/19/2010

With all the problems these days around bullying, from classmates and teachers alike, I think you should go back to the principal and make it CLEAR that you want this problem handled IMMEDIATELY or you will go to the school board and demand they look into both the teacher and the principal!

Sandy - posted on 05/19/2010

Very disappointing to hear what you son is having to go through at school because I believe children need positive experiences at school to learn well. I did see a lady mention earlier at trying to focus on the positives for your son and I completely agree. I also think you should document the problems you have and send it to the principal and to the education board too - because there are other children and parents who will have to deal with this teacher. But try to keep this away from you son and focus on positives at school with him so as to not completely turn him off school. Find your own way to encourage him if the teacher is not and I sincerely hope your son gets a wonderful teacher next time. Good luck with it as it must be hard for you and your son.

Maria - posted on 05/19/2010

I'm so sorry your dealing with this. Kudos to you for sticking up for him all year. Make a formal complaint, that all of this be documented in her personel file so that if other parents have issues it's there in writing and no one can deny it. You can go so far as making the document for the school. Even the things she denies. Even if she denies it, tell the school you have given them ample proof and if she wants to she can write her own version of what's been going on BUT if she does this to other children she won't be able to deny enough to save herself and honestly it sounds like she does not belong in the classroom. That's an awful way to treat children.

Kristin - posted on 05/19/2010

Hi Carol: Interesting story, to say the least. I've worked for the past 3 years in school classroom settings. I had the same problem with my daughter's 4th grade teacher the beginning of this year. I put up with it for awhile, but then when the teacher sent home a note saying that my daughter was a liar, I put a quick stop to that-transferring her to a 4th/5th combo where she is flourishing. Since the school year is close to an end, I would suggest doing the following next academic year in order to prevent this from happening again. First of all, talk to the principal about the teacher he'll have next year. Then talk with that teacher-preferably within the first week of school. If you're able, volunteer to go in as a classroom helper mom 1 or 2 days a week, or even volunteer as a yard duty mom. That way, you can keep an eye on things as well. Sounds as if you've been contacting the other parents which is a good thing. Keep in touch with those as well.
If all else fails, make an appointment with the HR representative at the school district. Hope things get better for him!!!

Carmen - posted on 05/19/2010

what gives this silly woman the right to single out your son repeatedly and as for involving the class i would have been furious,i would personally tell the head teacher that if this happens just once more you will see the board of governers or whoever employers the head teacher,and let them know exactly whats going on and as for taking responsability the teacher is an out right bully, she should take responsability for her own behavior, the fact that both kids werent punnished just your kid shows she has favourites, i would ask that if she has a problem she approaches you not your son then at least ur son wont feel as if hes alone and he has you on his side, if all fails tell them you will seek legal advice into the harrassment of your child and will approach the local papers, this is only a threat i know it sounds extreme but the threat of bad publicity and others looking into it should be enough to get them to back off hope u get this sorted

Liz - posted on 05/19/2010

I live in the UK so the rules perhaps are different here than the US but if this happened to my daughter I would see the principal again and inform her that if they didn't take me seriously I would be going to see the local education authority and Ofsted (Ofsted are the official people who set the rules which schools in the UK have to abide by), hopefully you have a similar authority where you are who can help. Good luck and I hope everything gets sorted for you coz this teacher is nothing but a bully.

Michelle - posted on 05/19/2010

I would say at the very least another adult would need to be present and I think a sit down with you, the teacher and the principal is in order. Administration needs to know the severity with which this teacher treated your son so that hopefully a closer watch will be kept on her classroom. Additionally, I would talk privately with the principal about who your son's teacher will be next year. You should have a very active role in hand selecting that teacher to make sure your son has a positive second grade experience. I am a teacher and am so appalled by what you have described. Shame on her!