Need help with dealing with teacher.

Carol - posted on 05/12/2010

Thanks everyone for all the advice. I'm meeting with the principal and teacher later this week I hope and I'm bringing my husband along too. He always seems to have a way of putting things perfectly to get the point across.
As far as the lesson in life to my son, I do try to point that out. I've told him at least a few times about my favorite teacher. The guy had the very best stories - he was a history teacher - but his personality was horrible and he told a group of us the very first day of 4 years in high school that he hated us and would grade us harder than the rest of the class (we were the first "gifted" class in our school district and he didn't like the idea of gifted classes). I've told my son that even though this teacher had it out for us, and boy did he ever, that as long as I separated how I was treated from what I learned I even enjoyed the classes. Of course I was 14-18 and he's only 6.
Thanks again. 28 days to go!

Anita - posted on 05/12/2010

your doing great keep it up. take notes and even take a third party into a meeting with the teacher and principle about the wasted year so this wont continue for your son or the new group .ask other parents how there kids get on with the teacher.some times the principle says that there is no problem but how many parents have heard this and feel alone and isolated .the teacher and schools work for the kids and us.you are not alone trust your gut dont be diss- hearthend many lessons will be learned by this once you are aware and he knows he can come to you with a problem no matter who it is with .there is only a few weeks left . go to your gp and ask advice about the way he is feeling get all the help you need.

Marentia - posted on 05/12/2010

My son is in Gr 8 tjis year, and I basically had the same problem with a teacher. He has a learning disorder and one of his teachers called him dumb. I wrote letters and asked her to please stop with her name calling, and yes as you guest she denied it. It has come to such a stage that my son has depression and he does not want to go to school any more. We are currently busy with phycologist to try and help my son. My daugter on the other hand had also in her previous school had problems with school bully and teasing from other kids. Needless to say many visits to the school and all the teacher said: kids will be kids and they can be cruel sometimes but she cant do anything about it. It came to such a stage taht she starting pulling out her hair and her school work got behind we decide to move her to a differnt school and she is very happy and have great teacher that helps her. Our problem is that you hardly get to see the principal there is always a stand that we need to see and the problems stay unresolved. I am so sick and tired of teacher always saying they cant do anything about it. And after my daugters ordeal I decided to stand up for my children an make sure that I get results. T

Joni - posted on 05/11/2010

Also, (and I know this sounds really crappy) this is a good lesson for your son. There will be other times in life where he has a bad professor in college or doesn't mesh with a boss where he has to learn to keep his head down. Just encourage him at home and this will pass.

Joni - posted on 05/11/2010

Document. And you can ask for another teacher to be present. And go to the board. Honestly, it sounds like a bad personality match between your son and his teacher. It's too late to do anything about it, but let your problems be heard anyway.

Rebecca - posted on 05/11/2010

I am a teacher and also a mom of a 1st grader. If you feel like your child is being picked on by the teacher, I would continue to speak to the principal every time you feel there is a serious problem. The administration might not make a big deal of it to your face (cause they will most certaintly support the teacher) however, if it happens enough they will start paying attention and deal with it. Also, try to do everything in writing so that you have a record of what is going on.

That being said, I would be careful about coming to the rescue too much. There is nothing harder than sitting back and letting your kid deal with their own problems. There are several good websites on what suggestions you can give your child about dealing with bullies. Telling them to "fight back" is always going to land your kid in the principals office so it's helpful if they have other strategies for dealing with mean kids.

Also, consider the possibility that your 6 year old might not be telling you the whole story. I once charged down the street to yell at a kids mom because her son pushed down my son, only to find out my kid started it.

Some teachers just don't "fit" with certain kids. I think the only thing to do is take a deep breath and hope next year goes better.

Jamie - posted on 05/11/2010

We had difficulties last year with our son's 2nd grade teacher. We requested a meeting with the principal and teacher together and used the advantage of having them both in one place to let them know not only how upset we were but how upset our son was. His principal was surprisingly supportive of us and at one point told the teacher she needed to quit interrupting me and to let me finish what I was saying. If you feel that having another adult present would help your son then go for it. It doesn't matter if it's too much to ask (though if there is a student teacher I wouldn't think it would be difficult) since it is your son's self esteem that is at stake. Be sure to continue letting your son know that certain actions are not acceptable but that it is ok to defend yourself and if he is being bullied that it is ok to defend himself but that he is expected to let you know ASAP about the issue. Our son had a bully that pestered him on the school bus and on the way home from the bus and I finally went and spoke to the kid's mother and explained to her that "boys being boys" was not an answer and if her son touched my child again I would report the assault to authorities and if he touched my car again I would report any vandalism. About a month later they moved out of the apartment complex and my son only sees him at recess at which time he steers clear.

And I agree that you need to put your complaint in writing and submit it to the proper person.

Tina - posted on 05/11/2010

Have you casually asked other mothers if their students have been receiving the same treatment? Does she do this to other students as well or is she singling your son out? Since the principal doesn't seem to be very concerned about this, I would go to the school board. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. It's hard enough guiding your child and putting them out into the world without someone you are supposed to trust telling your child all day everyday that they are bad and everything they do is wrong. Good Luck. If you are unable to resolve this, maybe you should consider switching schools. Your child deserves better than what that school is offering as an education.

Carol - posted on 05/11/2010

Thanks Anita. Today was even worse. I found out that the stories he's been reading at home haven't counted, ever. He hasn't brought a book home since before Christmas. I've been having him do his reports since April and he's done about 20 of them. He's been turning each summary in with no response or her telling him that there's a problem with it until yesterday. When I asked today about it she said that it was his responsibility to get the books from school - and she THINKS she mentioned it a couple of times in the 5 months now - to a 6 year old, never parents. UGH I hate her!!!

Anita - posted on 05/11/2010

hi anita here how are things today i felt so sorry for you last night.what the other mums said about homework i dont agree with if a child didnt do homework of a couple of days they are just going through a rebelious faze but for four months and no letters from the school or phone calls to c if there was a problem at home.she was and is not doing her job right . if he is moving on to a new class and teacher in September well thats great but i would be making it my business to speak to the new teacher and explaining how this year has gone your concerns and the worry that you are dealing with . if you approach the new teacher as they are only going to get information passed down by the last.i know they are supposed to be open and take each child on but other teachers talk and mud sticks you dont want any upset going into the new year. you may be put at ease knowing that you have done your best and you know you know your son better than anyone so go with your gut. i was bullied by a teacher when i was his age it stilll sticks in my gut but my mum stuck up for me at the time it ment every thing. this is why i feel so strong about this. i met the teacher years later when i was in my 20s .we had a great conversation about the school she had a different memory to me. i told her little people grow up and grown ups well just get old . because i had a good support in my family and home life i got over her bullying but the memory still remains . your sons life and feelings are just as important as a grown up person and teachers need to know this . good luck hope all goes well . lots of light.

Kay - posted on 05/10/2010

There's only a month left in school so pulling him out wouldn't be the best option. There's probably not another adult around in the room. I would concentrate on asking your child all the wonderful things that happened during the day and really try hard to stay away from the negative unless it is a safety issue. In the case of safety, I'd go to the teacher immediately and if not satisfied, straight to the principal. Above all, our kids should feel safe and encouraged in school. I'm a teacher and this whole scenerio sounds terrible. Hope all goes well!

Carol - posted on 05/10/2010

Thank you for the advice Anita.
Valid questions/comments Angie but I guess I didn't explain myself completely. I would have agreed with the teacher about the homework if she had ever given us the opportunity. For 4 months she never told us that he was missing any homework. He did his spelling and math every week the first day it was assigned without exception. The day I found out he was behind I had him make up the 4 months of work in about 10 days and it wasn't accepted. As far as the bullying goes, my son's eye was filled with blood two weeks in a row and after that the teacher or supervisor was in the general area so they did see it. As for the war game - it wasn't a war game - it was a cartoon fighting game. There are guns in it but also, hamburger-weapons and you can suck people up into your character's mouth - very, very tame by today's standards. The other boy knew it was a cartoon game and non-threatening . He also knew that he could get someone in trouble for talking about shooting as long as he didn't give the details. The kids are six. Had the teacher asked any question about the topic she would have found out that it was a cartoon game. I did tell my son not to talk about any shooting, even though they all had throughout the year without reprimand (harmless shooting games not threats against each other).
As far as I know about the disruption in class and the entire class telling him he's bad, he just responded to another student's question and the teacher overheard his answer. She could have quietly pulled him aside and told him that discussing diarreha so non-chalantly was inappropriate. Instead, she told him he was bad for saying it and then asked the entire class if he was bad for saying it. His question to me was, "Why is it bad to tell the truth. " He never got that the "bad" part was talking about diarreha until I told him.
And lastly, I have asked and asked to volunteer in his classroom. I filled out the paperwork, gotten the CORI check (and passed of course), personally told the teacher, told the school, written the teacher. I have been told that there is rarely a time that they need volunteers but they'll keep me in mind. I was called once and helped immediately. I have offered to volunteer each and every time I've gone into the school. I thought that pushing it would further strain the horrible relationship we have with her.

Angie - posted on 05/10/2010

I agree with the teacher when it comes to him not turning his homework in. It's good for him to learn to take responsibility early.
Bullying is a totally different issue, it's so difficult to catch bullying and unless staff at the school see it happening, there is nothing they can do. Bullies are smart and know when and how to bully and not get caught. When my child was being bullied (to the point of having a gun pulled on him), I let the school know that I had given him permission to defend himself with the understanding that he might be punished if caught. Eventually, he did take care of it himself and the bullying ended.
I think asking for another adult to be present is okay, if you are the adult. It's not fair to ask the school to provide someone to do that.
Telling your son not to talk about war games and shooting is wise. It's not uncommon for that to be misunderstood.
How did you hear about the "entire class" telling your son he's bad? Was he speaking out of turn and disrupting the class? Had the teacher asked him where his friend was or did another child ask?
I know it's difficult to deal with teachers when we feel our child is being mistreated - it's happened to us too. Instead of complaining to the teacher and principal (with the exception of the gun incident) I began volunteering in the classroom so I could monitor things myself. I also found that the teacher learned to trust me and speak with me more often. The year went much better after that.

Anita - posted on 05/10/2010

you need to make an official complaint about the way your son has been bullied by the person who is suppose to have been intrusted with the care and protection of your son.if the principle is not taking this under minding and structured bulling by the teacher who has now made impossible for him to develope and react with his friends.she is making him nervous of saying or doing everything. the teacher needs to realise what your son is going though every day coming into his class. her job is to teach not control those days are gone if she cant cope with this she shouldnt be teaching. if the principle dose not do anything go over her head and tell her you are... the board for the school also the department of education are there to help but there is a system you need to go through. if your not happy make the principle aware your taking this further. she has to lodge your complaint .i am so sorry your son is going through this .but teachers have to answer as well they are not protected like years ago and talk to your son your are his only escape once he knows your on his side he knows he is safe.never under estmate your power the school works for you...