Need help with my 7 year old son

Kristy - posted on 04/12/2010 ( 166 moms have responded )

8

0

0

My 7 year old step son will not listen to me nor his father. I'm a stay at home mom, and my husband works 2nd shift, so I have the kids when they get out of school alone. Our son will not listen at all. When I ask him to do his chore he starts screaming saying he doesn't want to do it. Then the stomping starts or slamming his door into his wall, and etc. Ive tried putting him in the corner, time outs, taking away his toys, taking away his privileges such as t.v. and his gamecube. Those only seem to make it worse or it doesn't phase him at all. They only have chores 3 times a week, and they are small chores, such as cleaning their rooms, or folding their laundry. But he puts up a fight every time. I don't know how to get him to stop this behavior, and my husband doesn't know either. He starts with the attitude as soon as he gets home from school, and sometimes doesn't stop until bed. Any advice on what to do?

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

166 Comments

View replies by

Kelly - posted on 04/15/2010

6

20

0

First and foremost, try to remember that some kids don't know how to communicate their feelings very well. My sister has had success with the calm as possible approach. She tries hard to talk calmly to him and point out the choices he is making. Some days I think they went through things like this 5 or 6 times. As long as he knows you love him and want the best for him that will help. Feel free to tell him that he can earn or lose priviledges, but make sure he knows it will be based on his choices of behavior. Shower love and attention on him and his sister when good times come around. For every bad thing they hear they need to hear 10 good things to offset the bad. Good luck and I hope there are breakthroughs soon.

Jill - posted on 04/15/2010

1

11

0

See if you can get hold of a book by the name of "Try and Make Me" written by Ray Levy and Bill O'Hanlon. I use some of the advice/techniques on my 7 yr old son and they really work. A word of warning though you have to be very consistent and you need lots of energy - but it's worth it. Good luck! Jill Clark.

Kristy - posted on 04/15/2010

8

0

0

I know why hes throwing the tantrums, his grandparents on their dads side used to watch them while he worked, and they used to let the kids to whatever they want, they didnt have chores and they got whatever they want, their biological mom is the same way, no chores or anything... luckily she only gets them every other weekend...They have rules and chores here.... and i was told that it would take time, let them get adjusted but its been over 2 months, they have a lot of friends, a couple right down the road. I try to do the positive, and when that doesnt work then do the negative. Ive tried almost anything... Its hard trying to reverse 5 years of behavior that they are used to.

Aunda - posted on 04/15/2010

2

20

0

this sounds like my neighbor boy he goes into fits just like this have you thought about getting legal help such as counceling?

[deleted account]

Maybe there's something wrong at school? Something may be bothering him and that's the only way he knows how to deal with it?? Sit down (during a good time) and just ask him if there's anything wrong. Say you've noticed his behavior and want to make sure everything is ok. My son is 7 1/2 and acts up sometimes as well. I tell him to go to his room and when he's ready he can come out and do what needs to be done. Chores don't go away. My son doesn't really have chores he usually gets upset if he can't play with his DS or watch TV. If he wants to act up then he can do it in his room. As far as the door slamming, my friend did that once when she was a kid and her fathers reaction was to take her bedroom door away. She did not like that at all, just an example of a concequence for actions. You may be raging inside, but try not to show any of it to him, be calm and noncalant about it if possible.

[deleted account]

Sounds like negative consequences aren't working so how about trying positive ones? If he does his chores then he can earn something he likes (t.v. time, play time, allowance, whatever.)

Aprajita - posted on 04/15/2010

3

10

0

age 7 is big enough to understand. Never allow the tantrums to reach the screaming stage. He had better learn to respect. Not saying anything may make him feel guilty. Try that also. I guess we are all in the same boat of trial and error.

Kavita - posted on 04/14/2010

2

2

0

Best way out will be you and/or your husband doesn't say anything to him. Do his chores in front of him without telling him anything to do but no talking to him. You will find the difference in a weeks time.

Kristy - posted on 04/14/2010

8

0

0

Yeah, His sister is 9.. they are only 1 1/2 years apart and she instigates a lot of it. Ugghhh I hope something starts to work soon.

Kelly - posted on 04/14/2010

9

28

0

i know mine does the same thing and i have 8 and 6 year old they both do it i am fed up with it too i dont know what to do and i scream alot and i dont mean too

Aprajita - posted on 04/14/2010

3

10

0

If all this has not worked, I guess the last resort is emotional blackmail. The next time he behaves badly, act as if you are majorly troubled and make it highly visible that you are terribly upset. hopefully he will come and ask. that is when you can tell him how u feel about the way he behaves and how it affects you. make him feel loved and give a lot of attention. then maybe his behaviour will change. Bottomline is communicate.

Kristy - posted on 04/13/2010

8

0

0

They have been divorced now for 6 years, since he was 2. And we do the reward system. On the weekend, if he does his 3 chores thru the week, they will get a surprise, and if there extra good that day, they will get a special snack...

Elizabeth - posted on 04/13/2010

95

52

19

How long has your husband and his and ex-wife been seperated? I might think that he's angry at the fact that he's feeling confused and maybe he needs a professional to talk to. (even if the split up was on a more positive note it can really upset young ones)

Kate - posted on 04/13/2010

9

10

0

It might be worth trying something positive instead - like a reward system where he gets a sticker every time he does the chore and when he gets the right number (say 7 or 14) he receives a reward (which you agree in advance - it works well when it's something they really want). My 7 year old wanted to start collecting football cards and we used that with a reward system to get him to do some chores. It's worth a go if the punishments aren't working!

Kel - posted on 04/13/2010

87

12

12

With my daughter I try to apply a consequence relevant to the misbehavior. For instance, when she was little and refused to clean her room...I explained exactly what was going to happen and set a timer, giving her more than enough time to do the job, and let her choose to do the job or not. When she didn't do it I went into her room with a large garbage bag and loaded up everything that was not put away where it belonged. She did not get the toys back. Some were given to children we knew, most were given to charity. There were a couple of exceptions, special dolls I couldn't bare to get rid of...those were kept and given back as Christmas gifts a year later...For laundry, this is just a suggestion, I would probably do the job for her and any clothes that were hers would be set aside where she would not have them for the coming week. It might take a few times, but having to go to school in her rattiest clothes would definately change her mind about doing her laundry chores...Hope you can use some of this!

[deleted account]

Hi , Have you tried to play his game ? Explain what you do for him , Cook clean really emphasise the boring mum bits and explain this is what makes a family . Then ask him why he doesn't want to be a part of your family . I know this sounds a bit harsh but it might just get him thinking . Another little trick I have used is telling them I have tried my best annd want us all to be happy and don't know what to do now , maybe I should talk to your teacher about how you are at home . This usually shocks my eldest out of her stroppy moods and I get about 2 days of a very nice child .

Good luck

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms