Okay, this question has probably been posted 1000 times already, but I still haven't completely figured out Facebook yet! My question is about my 4-year-old daughter who has been ignoring me lately when I speak to her. I could be asking her if she wants juice or telling her to get her PJs on. We had to leave the park today b/c she was not listening to me and she threw a fit! I have never had this problem until recently. Anyone have/had a similar situation? What did you do?
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Karla - posted on 11/12/2008
This worked wonders for me - I would just say that he was being rude and it made me too tired to deal with him when he was rude so we had to go home (from park or whereever) or that we couldn't do whatever activity was hppening at the time. Game over! Now when he talks back or is being silly instead of answering my questions I do the same thing. I say that I had really wanted to talk to him about school, or whatever and now I don't because he hurt my feelings. I tell him we can try later and it really bbothers him that I have shut him out. Later I bring up the topic again and he is really cooperative.
Andrea - posted on 11/11/2008
When my son gets like that, I give him choices: "I need you to pick up your toy or go sit on the bench. What is your choice?" If he doesn't give me an answer, I choose for him, and it's never the easy one. I think they have to learn that no answer is still an answer, and it's not a good one!
Kristin - posted on 11/11/2008
It is easier to ignore a request if you are not making eye contact with your child. That means you need to be at their level and have them look at you when having a conversation. Then, if they choose to ignore you, amke eye contact again and explain the consequences.
Hollie - posted on 11/11/2008
Be consistent! My 6 year old does this same thing now, I give him one warning to stop his behavior and if he still gives me attitude, I give punishment right away! Good luck, I still havent really figured it out......he still does it alot, imagine when they are teenagers?
Jen - posted on 11/10/2008
My 4 year old daughter tried this for awhile too. When she ignores me, she loses a privilege, same as any other rule she breaks. When I told her it was time to clean up play-doh she just waltzed out of the room. When I repeated myself and offered to help her, she walked away. That girl lost her play-doh for 3 months. Whenever she defies me (in a snotty, illogical way) I remind her that every choice has a consequence. If she chooses to listen, she will have a happy mom that wants to play with her, if she chooses not to listen, she will have negative consequences. I know it seems a little ridiculous to use this language with a 4 year old, but she responds well to it because she doesn't feel like I'm treating her like a baby. Babies don't get choices, after all. Time outs are also wonderful. The goal is to not have to sit there and keep them in the chair (or whatever) it usually takes about a week or two, and it could take hours in the beginning, but every time she gets out of time out, say nothing and pick her up, put her back. Now when I have to do a time out (she rarely gets past 2) she knows that she is to walk to the chair and wait for the timer to go off. Good luck! I don't think any stage is easy (although for some reason I had this pipe-dream that 4 was going to be a magical age of great behavior, don't know where I picked that disillusionment up!)
Shirley - posted on 11/10/2008
I agree with all of the responses, You have let your 4 year know that you are the parent. and when you punish your 4 year old stick with the punishment. If it is leaving the park even if you don't want to leave. so she will know you mean business. what I learned with my son is if you let one bad habit slid, then they will try another bad habit
I know it hurts you heart to be tough on our babies, but you rather be tough now then when they go to school and the teachers give you bad reports on their behaviors
Carol - posted on 11/10/2008
I thought it was just me until I spent the dya yesterday with my boys, hubby, and my cousin and her family. Her 3 year old ignores her, too! My 4 year old doesn't really do this, but my 2 year old is a pro! And then he will look at you and smile.
I agree with the others; keep cool, talk to her making sure she is looking at you, and tell her if she doesn't listen then there will be a consequence.
Jo - posted on 11/10/2008
my daugther recently went through this i never agreed with the time ot spot b4 bt i found tht it does work. explain tht u r taking thm somewhere and if they dnt listen 2 u they will go in time ot.after a while they wnt like seeing all the other kids playing and nt thm and they will start 2 listen 2 wht ur saying and carry it on at home aswell.all i do nw is give my daugther a warrning and say do u wnt 2 go in time ot and she does as shes told
Christine - posted on 11/10/2008
I have been going through this myself for the 1st time. My 5 year old son told me he was "the boss" too Lorraine! It was so hard to keep from laughing because he was so serious!! I do agree also with Tricia that the children bring home alot of bad behavior from school. I praise him when he does listen, but I am still having difficulty with him. I think another factor is that I just had another baby last month. He could be adjusting to not being the only child anymore.
Tricia - posted on 11/10/2008
I am having the same problem with my 4 year old boy. It just started when he started pre-k. I think ours is from being aropund other kids all day and learning their behaviors. I just make him look at me when I am talking to him. It seems to have helped a little. He gets time out if he doesn't respond. Good luck!
Ellie - posted on 11/10/2008
ignore the bad behaviour praise the good. maybe before you goto the park again say to her, that you are going to take her to the park, and she is to listen to you when you talk to her or tell her to do or not to do something, explain that if she does not listen to you then it will be staright out of the park and stick to your guns. try this and see how it goes
Lorraine - posted on 11/10/2008
I have a beautiful child that ignores me too. I really agree that it's about independence. Recently my son has told me "I'm the boss of myself." Uh...OK. Yes to some extent sweetheart! Hang in there and try to be patient! I also try to "talk" and sometimes it helps sometimes I'm ignored ;-)
Mary Beth - posted on 11/10/2008
You get down to her level. You make her look you in the eye before you begin speaking. You explain that you have been talking to her. You ask her if she would like to be ignored. You wait til she responds. This is a defiant stage that all children go through, but you cannot allow her to just ignore you. It's poor manners that will spread to her grandparents, friends, family and future school teachers. Nip it in the bud as unacceptable behavior. Expecting respect from your child will teach them to respect others. Allowing her to ignore, will teach her to ignore others. Keep leaving that park; it's worth it!!!
Kristina - posted on 11/09/2008
I agree! I have been through it twice now and on my way to a third. Both my older 2 kids had the same behavior. I found that continuing to talk to them even though they were ignoring me and following through with what I said would be the consequences was the best way to handle our little bundles of joy! I hope this helps. Good luck and remember they grow up faster then you think.
Viquen - posted on 11/09/2008
Been there and done that!!! Ignore the behavior. People say that the "terrible twos" are awful, but a girlfriend of mine and I came up with the "trying threes" and then the "@#$%^&* fours" because they were THAT bad. Stick to your guns. They are beginning to really try out their independence, but you have to show them who is boss. If you don't, when they get older they will walk all over you. Good luck! It takes patience and persistence, but it will pay off in the end!