Out of control 5 year old- sorry its really long

Jessica - posted on 01/06/2010 ( 52 moms have responded )

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Today, my son was kicked out of his back up daycare. His normal daycare provider just had surgery so that's why he's not there. My son has always been out of control, but since we've moved, its been what I thought was a 180. I thought those days were over. I then heard knews that he has been repeating his bad behavoirs and new ones. He's been kicking, screaming, head-butting and other physical things. He has also been saying he's going to 'cut your head off', 'i wanna be dead', 'i wanna kill myself'. Its horrifying! He has had so much progress and with all the changes in his little life finally coming to a halt, its extremely hard. He put his back up provider in tears today, refused to sit on the bus for his PM pre-k. He also gave his teacher a bloody lip when she tried getting him on the bus. I work during the day, so I can't be there. I have to trust 'strangers' with my child. He's extremely active and a handful. We were doing so good until the last 6 weeks or so. We've only been at our current address since July and for almost 4 months we were inbetween housing, after moving out of my sisters, who was also his daycare provider.



We have 2 kittens and a dog. He picks on the younges kitten and our 14 yr old dog. They just take the abuse. I keep telling him it hurts them and they don't like it. He laughs. I could go on and on even more.



I would appreciate any advice other than a schedule, earlier bed time, time-outs, and consistancy. I need examples. He goes to his first therapy session. I've had a parent aid, work with people from the state (thats how he got his IEP started so he could be admitted to pre-k his first of two years)



Any good books would be great!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Shonene - posted on 01/09/2010

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Jessica,

You need to take your son to a child psychologist, PRONTO! I understand you have these services in place, however it seems as though you are in need of a potential diagnosis to this behavior. In addition, you may need home-based therapy!

Good luck,

Shonene

Tammy - posted on 05/21/2011

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My first reaction is to tell you to buy a belt and introduce it to his rear-end. My second is to ask you if you have sat down and asked him what is wrong? My nephew started a similar pattern (and yes, his mother does own a belt) when his parents split up. The problem turned out that all of the change was a bit much for his young emotions to cope with. Once his parents started talking to him, explaining things and asking how he felt about it things got better. There was also a bit of professional help in there too (which is mandatory when your child runs the halls threatening self harm).

Joyce - posted on 01/14/2010

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HI THERE I HAVE A 5 YEAR OLD IT SEEMS LIKE THERE IS ALOT OF ISSUES WITH BEHAVIOR MY SON IS THE SAME WAY HE IS VERY VERY HEADSTRONG. THE BEST HELP I EVER GOT WAS THIS BOOK ITS CALLED RAISING A SPIRITED CHILD ITS LIKE 5 BUCKS ON THE CLEARANCE RACK AT BARNES AND NOBLE. I USE IT AS MY BIBLE :o) BASICALLY SOME KIDS ARE MORE SENSITVE AND PERCIEVE THINGS MORE DIFFERENT THAN OTHER CHILDREN THIER AGE AND IT TEACHES YOU TO IDENTIFY IF YOUR CHILD IS SPIRITED AND THEN HOW TO DEAL WITH IT . WHAT IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO ITS EXPLAINING THINGS IN DETIAL GIVING CHILDREN ENOUGH TRANSITION TIME FROM ONE ACTIVITY TO ANOTHER AND KEEP REINFORCING POSITIVE BEHAVIORS AND REWARDS LIKE STICKERS ETC. ITS WORTH THE 5 BUCKS IT TOOK ME 6 MTHS TO TURN MY SON AROUND BUT IT WORKED ! I FOUND THIS OUT FROM A MOM ON HERE !

Brianna - posted on 01/13/2010

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purchase the book "The Explosive Child". i forgot who the author is but it has been really helpful with my son who is exactly the same way. it is about the innability to cope with emotions and frustration in some children. instead of thinking things thrugh, these "explosive children" really just explode emotionally. no sort of schedual or punishments will help. these abilitys need to be taught differently than with "normal' children. this book will definatly help train you to help him.

Karen - posted on 01/10/2010

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It sounds like you need an in-depth analysis of your child and it's good that you're getting help now. The fact that he's picking on animals, saying some of the things that he's saying, and being violent are huge red flags for me. I don't think it has to do with the fact that he's active and a handful. I think there are other issues at work here. The one question I do have is what media is he being exposed to? The "cut you head off" comment is not normal for a child his age - is he somewhere where he is watching inappropriate TV/ video games? I would get him to a therapist and push for something concrete - touchy feely stuff is not what you need and I don't think good books are either. You need someone who is willing to go in depth and you need to be able to hear whatever the issue might be. This doesn't sound like your typical "bad kid" but rather something much more serious at work..

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Bevely - posted on 08/09/2011

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I would have him screened for autism. Contact your PCP and get a referral for either a neurologist or a psychiatrist. Keep a journal starting now, if you don't already, of his outbursts. Make sure you date and time the events. It may take a month to get an appointment with a specialist and having documented accounts of his outbursts will help. Google aspergers syndrome and PDD-NOS to see if your son has any of these symptoms. Next time your child states he wants to kill himself ask him how he wants to do it. If he has a plan then I would take him into the closest hospital immediately for treatment or directly to his pediatrician.

As far as the therapy sessions, honestly my son has them and his brain was so wired, he was being pulled in 3 directions at once the therapy practices basically went in one ear and out the other. After he was put on medication we had better results with the therapy, since he was able to focus more. Good Luck.

Ann - posted on 08/08/2011

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Hi Jessica. You say your son is on an IEP....what for? This may be something where the IEP may want to look into having a behavioral specialist come in and observe your son and make some recommendations. Does your son have sensory issues? It could be anything from scents, noises, lights, textures......It sounds - from your letter - that behavior has been a concern for awhile. Are you able to look at his behaviors and notice a pattern of when he seems to have difficulties? What sets him off, what happens after the behavior etc. Stay positive, as hard as it is, behaviors always get worse before they better. I am a special education preschool teacher with 16 years experience working with children with a variety of developmental delays and severe behavior problems. Best woshes!

Lesa - posted on 08/08/2011

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Have you try sitting him down aand talking to him to see what is going on with him and if so than you need to get him some help before he hurt himself or some one else .

[deleted account]

I hope that nothing is wrong but I would discuss it with doctors. I would never advocate rushing into any pharmaceutical treatment however. I feel that it is too easy to prescribe something that has repercussions later. This is coming from someone that had a partner on medication for depression. Just look at all the health complications listed in every commercial for any drug. I do advocate therapy however. Find someone that will work with him and only do drugs as the last option.

Lenash - posted on 08/08/2011

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Try talking to him calmly to stop doing those things that they will not help him etc

Di - posted on 08/08/2011

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It sounds to me like he needs more of your time- tricky I know. Can you take some time off to spend with him? He may just need time to settle into your new situation and a lot of this could be because of frustation.

Wanda-Lee - posted on 08/07/2011

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i completely disagree with CARA WELKER...soap in the mouth is poisoning to a child(child protective services will agree) and to hit,bite etc to a child because they have done it teaches a child that violence is ok....honestly, this is horrible advice..........................i have a 5 yr old with all the same issues as the poster...a diagnosis first is the only way to narrow down the problem, then medications, therapy, etc. there is allot of help out there, so dont give up. i havnt and wont ever give up on my child and loving your child is the best medicine♥best of luck. if you ever want to talk, vent out, send me a msg any time

Amy - posted on 08/07/2011

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James Lehman - Total Transformation....it's almost as good as giving you a "How To" book for your child. It takes some dedication and committment...but will give you self respect and help your child for the rest of his life.

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Try reading The Explosive Child...helpful. Also, of course have him evaluated for any developmental problems.

Vanessa - posted on 08/07/2011

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Has your child been tested for allergies? My son had gluten and dairy intolerance and behaved badly. Now that we have eliminated these things from his diet, it has changed his life. Maybe not, but definitely worth looking into!

Teresa - posted on 08/04/2011

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Where is he getting his violent tendacies? My son is 7 and hates ANY kind of violence. He won't even wath Harry Potter. What is your son being introduced to? I would suggest a therapist. i don't know your family history but sounds like this kid needs professional counciling.

[deleted account]

Your son sounds like he has hypoglycemia. My son is really difficult and physical when his blood sugar is too low, and a glass of juice later he's sorry and doesn't know why he did it. Try a super low glycemic index diet to keep his blood sugar steady. It might work wonders. He could just be hungry. Earlier bedtime helps regulate blood sugar too.

[deleted account]

hi sorry their is so many replys i honestly havent read them all so if im repeating what someone else has said i do appoligise, i noticed that you havent mentioned his dad? is he maybe missing him and acting out for attention, depending on the situation is he maybe blaming him self for a separation thinks hes unloved? it might just be he is needing a male rolemodal if for what ever reason his dad isnt the rite person for this is their a close family friend a uncle granfather ect that can take him to the park for a kick around have a sleep over with and play a few computer games or watch dvds ie a boys night my husband isnt much of a hands on father and my 6yr old son craves attention you shud see his face light up when his dad does take an interest or when he knows his granddad is coming around he loves nothing more then a bit of one on one boys time having 2 sisters in the house means the girls normaly get the deciding vote as its 2 against 1 hope this maybe helps

Jane - posted on 05/21/2011

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"The Strong-Willed Child" is a good book to start with, but I strongly recommend that you find a good family therapist who can get your son tested so you know what you and he are dealing with. I read the book, and what it told me was that my son was beyond strong-willed, which is what testing and professional observation confirmed.

He sounds a lot like my son, except my son has generally been decent to animals and smaller children. He has ended up in residential treatment a couple of times and bears the official diagnosis of ADHD, ODD, and Early Onset Bipolar. He also has problems with self-esteem, some sensory issues, attachment, and short-term memory. Sometimes he has hallucinations, making one doctor insist that he has Schizoaffective Disorder. However, as long as he takes his meds and goes to therapy things are going well.

Michelle - posted on 05/21/2011

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I'm sorry, this may be useless, but I too am having similar problems. So I am just going to say that you are not alone. You said he is going to therapy, but is the whole family? That might be best. Good Luck!

Chelle - posted on 02/17/2010

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I agree with Autum, get him into karate or judo it helped my son so much and he was just like yours. Honestly it works.... :)

By the way it sound like he has ODD, possibly ADHD and you could also be looking at ASPERGERS syndrome all these things you can find out about on the net... Good luck and God bless.. :)

Angela - posted on 02/15/2010

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My neice was exactly like your son. She got suspended from kindergarten for hitting teachers and extreme bad behavior. Then in 1st grade she got expelled for the rest of the year after only about 1 1/2 months of school. No one knows why she turned around but she is now a good student and getting good grades. Not sure what changed but my prayers are with you.

Andrea - posted on 01/18/2010

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Im sorry to hear what you and your little boy are going through! I can think of a great book called the Strong Willed Child! You may have read this, however if not it's one that I wouldn't pass up. Glad to see that you have him a therapy session. I know that others can be very helpful in areas that we don't quite hit on. I can only imagine how exhausted you must be. I know that from experience that you have to get yourself happy and together to help him. I wish you luck!! Don't give up and remember God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. I know it seems impossible at times, but one day you will look back and think I made it through and how on earth did I do it.



Hope for brighter days for you and your son! You mad a big step by getting him to therapy! I know as a mother it is hard, but your the only one that can help him with that.



I know from your post you have heard all the ares of routine. Yes! They all make a big difference, but this problem has to be fixed for you and your son and then you will know what to do about a routine. I hoope that you both will have the structure that you both so need.



Good Luck!! Keep me posted if you would like. I also have several resources that I can call about some more books or any information that maybe helpful just let me know!!

Candice - posted on 01/16/2010

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It sounds like you have gotten alot of good advice. I think seeing a child psychologist is a good start. He might need a set schedule also. With all the moving he may feel his life is not stable. Time outs when bad. The same mins as his age. High High High praise when he does right. The more ewws and ahhs the better. You might try sitting down with him when you can and just try to get him to talk out how he feels too. Sometime helping them get it into words is all they need. Hope to hear he is doing better! Good luck!

Sherri - posted on 01/16/2010

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You are not alone that is the most important thing to remember. Well my son started getting out of control at 4 years old. Violent tantrums and it was just horrible. We be shopping and his tantrum would break out and he would start hitting kicking and biting me screaming bloody murder the whole time. It almost happened overnight. We thought maybe it was the trauma of 911 or maybe because in his preschool two other boys were beating up on him in the bathroom. When school started my son played with kids i know that. He was only invited to 1 birthday party from K-5 from a set of twins from school and the boy twin had special needs with behavior as well. Moms can be mean and isolate you as well if they think your kid is just like that. We really need to educate the public.

I took him for therapy which did help calm him down a little. The therapist also gave us ideas to help us at home. It ended up that he had ADHD which they could not diagnoise til he was in 2nd grade. I would find him a good therapist but i will tell you it can be frustrating, i had a few when his normal therapist went on maternity leave when Brian was 7. There was one who kept telling me that he never saw the Brian I described and that it was something I was doing wrong, the first time Brian was his true self with him he ended the session 45 mins early and told me to take him home. hahaha serves him right. Also before Brian was diagnoised with ADHD and we were still trying to figure out they thought it could be Sensory Intergration Disorder which has some similar trait like ADHD or can go with it. Well the OT has a few words with Brian after he disciplined him for something and the doctor told me Brian was not invited back. Brian was only 6 at the time what could he had said that a doctor couldn't handle. Please get him into therapy I know all doctors get concern when children threaten to kill himself. You know it can be soooooooooo many thing and I really feel for you but you need help from therapists who know more. I'm not saying your kid is crazy but they have more tools to diagnoise hime. Brian ADHD had a big impact in my life.

He was so out of control that people in my only family didn't want to deal with him. My sister and my brother stopped inviting us to special occasions. My best friend couldn't have us around either. I was left almost totally alone because of Brian's behavior.

I wish you the best of luck and if you need to you can add me as a friend on facebook just put circle of moms in the subject.

My son is 12 years old now so i have seen quite a few stages and he has learn to control some of his symptons without meds. Get a support system you will need it. Find people who will listen to you about your son and try to be understanding.

Netta - posted on 01/14/2010

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@ Joyce Carr, I bought the same book for my second child. He is very extroverted and now he is 14 and on the JV team. The key here was getting him into activities where he could burn up all that excessive energy and stop draining us...lol.

Netta - posted on 01/14/2010

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Oh come on now....when you see him doing something terrible like hurting the kittens and so on, you spank his behind and tell him why you are doing it. Never strike a child in anger but disicipline is really in order here. After that, you take his favorite toys away from him until he can say he's sorry and you see an improvement in his behavior.

We had a similar problem when our children were in daycare be they misbehavior wasn't violent but it was disruptive to the center. We get then info on what happened in class and if a spanking was needed, we would take them home, take care of business and then return him to school and everything would be fine. I know you may not like this option, but since you are taking him to a counselor, I would see if they can see what is going on with him. Please keep me posted.

Wanda - posted on 01/14/2010

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I suggest seeking a behavior therapist. My children have gone to Occupational Therapy and have had great results. Talk to your doctor, the state worker, your parent aid. Find out the names of children behavior therapists and start there...

Jessica - posted on 01/14/2010

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All boys need to act out their feelings and unfortunately most don't know how to do that constructively. It sounds like all kids he has ups and downs. His language may come from what he may have seen or heard on tv or on movies--most kids don't understand death is final since even cartoons "kill" characters all the time without showing actual consequences. I'm sure your extremely busy as all moms are but when my son starts acting out in a similar fashion (he's a hitter and a thrower) it is usually because he is scared and it is up to me to figure out why. When we moved out of state leaving cousins, aunts and uncles he saw daily was hard but we used skype to help that seperation but I didn't realize that something as simple as changing satelite providers affected his schedule since we no longer had sprout and pbs varies from area to area. In order to help get him used to his new surroundings I had to reverse some things that seemed to work in the past. I no longer give him timeouts but rather timeins--I sit quietly in a "safe" corner of the room where he is throwing a fit (pillows nearby to block things thrown helps) until he is ready to come to me. Strangely enough this shows him that although his behavior is not acceptable but I do still love him and won't leave him no matter how much he says he wants to be left alone. When he tells me mean things like "I hate you, I don't love you, I'm gonna die, etc." I calmly (which is very hard when you want to scream and shout back) I always reply the same manner "but I love you and it is okay that your mad but its not okay to hurt yourself or others. I love you but don't forget that mean words hurt others. I love you." Eventually, it can take hours, he will calm down enough and crawl into my lap usually still crying and not making sense and I continue to just sit and hold him until he can manage to tell me what happened before he got upset not focusing on the tantrum but trying to find a trigger for it. In his case he would bottle up his emotions at school and something tiny like not getting what he wanted to listen to in the car would start the anger and then if something else didn't go his way once home he would totally break down. At the height of his acting out I feared for his safety and that of those around him but about a year later (sorry it is a long process) his tantrums have lessened to about 1 a week and they are not nearly as severe and don't take him as long to get over. In order to have safer tantrums and still let him have some control he is allowed to throw soft objects like pillows and stuffed animals which helps him use up some of his energy. We also have a punching bag in the garage so he has something safe to hit which enforces the fact that its not safe to hit people or animals. Remember that he really does love you and his animals but he also knows that the both you and his pets will still love him no matter how he acts. Also, canned soup, grilled cheese, and even hot cereal count as dinner in a pinch so don't be to hard on yourself either. Good luck and hugs to both you and your son.

Kerri - posted on 01/14/2010

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Have you done any reading about pediatric Bipolar Disorder? I have been ready about it because of some concerns I have had about my own son. The raging that he is displaying and the statements he is making about hurting someone else and himself are very concerning. I would do some reading if you haven't already and just see where that takes you. Try to get in with a pediatric psychiatrist.... not just a therapist or counselor. It sounds like the issue is beyond that. Don't be afraid to try a low dose of medication if that is what is recommended for him. It's a quality of life decision. As hard as this is making your life, think about how horrible it is for him. Poor thing.

[deleted account]

You HAVE to read "Honey, I Wrecked the Kids: When Yelling, Screaming, Threats, Bribes, Time-outs, Sticker Charts and Removing Privileges All Don't Work (Paperback)"
~ Alyson Schafer (Author)
It really goes into why children behave the way they do and how to manage exactly what you are describing (but not with time outs, etc). When we moved my son changed his behavior to (we move a lot). It takes about 6 months each time for him to settle in.

Sally - posted on 01/14/2010

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I have hesitated to say this because it is a bit personal... whatever religion you are or are not... I find that it really does help my small children (5 and 6) to get to know our Heavenly Father/ God in any capacity. It has really helped a lot of people big and small to be able to put into perspective the reasons why we are here upon this Earth and how we came here to be and what we are meant to do while making our daily decisions. If you are interested in suggestions or anything write me a message. :) Please understand that I mean well and don't mean to push.

Sally - posted on 01/14/2010

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He feels like he is not being heard. Take time to listen. You will learn about the things that he is most interested in-- take advantage of that and take him on special mommy-and-me outings when he behaves. It is not about spoiling him or letting him walk all over your values and your house rules (which I am not accusing you of by any means). My daughter is stubborn and acts out when she thinks things aren't fair. My friends have a child that is extremely hyper active. Both kids mentioned think that life s about testing limits. I would love to help you out during the day. I really wish I could. Not from Mesa, AZ, by chance? As far as the pets go, it may be time to think of an alternate home for them. He needs to learn to respect boundaries-- both animal and people and he can learn to verbalize his thoughts and his feelings too. This can be done so don't give up; and I am so sorry it is a rough time for the two of you.

Elizabeth - posted on 01/13/2010

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Have you had him evaluated for bi-polar or any other issues or do you just let him run all over you and dont spank his but not abuse him but let him understand that this is not tolerated,Im old fashion and if you spare the rod and spoil the kis you have a mess i have 6 children and thank God they all are good children but my 5 yr old is a little hyper and over active but he also knows enough is enough and will get sent to his room or we do school work and study and this tires him right out with school all day so sometimes you have to give him quality time also as far as the animals thats not a good sign.

Megan - posted on 01/13/2010

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He needs you and he needs stability. Find a way to stay home full time. You can't do anything to help him if you're not there.

Marie - posted on 01/13/2010

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I went thru similar difficultes with my son Julius just last year, I know this is easier said than done because i did it myself: stay at your current residence a long as possible, cut back on certain cartoons ( I started watching them myself when i realized that is where he was picking up the potty mouth), pay as much attention to him as possible (include him in making dinner, folding clothes, etc) when he acts out, correct him then leave him be! (Nagging makes it worse). If he throws a tantrum, walk away within a safe distance and ignore him. Negative attention is a bad learned behavior. Always praise him for good behavior. Reward him with small things for each day of good behavior ( I used a stamp to stamp his hand everyday,like a tattoo.) AND ALWAYS TEL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, AND HUG HIM, AND KISS HIM. HE WILL ONLY BE LITTLE ONCE, NO MATTER WHAT HIS BEHAVIOR. I did this myself, along with signing up to help at school, and cutting back a FEW hours at work. This year has been trouble free!!!!!!!

Nana - posted on 01/12/2010

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I understand what you feel and I also have a five year old who gives me a lot of challenge. Recently, I got a note in his school diary requesting for me to see his school teacher as he has been rude. Sometimes we feel we are not implementing good parenting skills but then again, we have to realise that it is a phase they usually pass through, especially the boy child. I would like to encourage you to be firm in discipline for without it, your son shall have problems adjusting in society. All this done with as much love as possible for we only want what's best for our dear children.

Let God guide you adn help you to be the best parent for him and in time he will come to understand what is right and wrong.

Be blessed!

Chasity - posted on 01/12/2010

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Sounds like u have gotten tons of advice here so i hope my post is not going to put u over the top! Patience, you both will get there. And remember that no one knows your son the way u do. Be extremely careful with the therapies u choose and dont just use verbal couseling. Trust your instincts and i agree with some of the other moms on you may need to take some vacation or personal time and he may need that. The moves have definitely affected his behavior. Some good questions may be... What is the major effect of no longer having your sister as a daycare provider i mean on his behalf and what could be some safe guards or remedies for him,to make him more comfortable? Have u ever observed him without you? At the new daycare in the new surroundings? Is the home or his areas alike in some ways to what he has been use to so that you can eliminate as many new changes at one time as possible? I know you have probably done all these things and sometimes a little more discipline may go along way especially when your feeling some guilt about all the new changes. My comments are all from personal experiences with my children. I wish u the best of luck! And a little peace for you and your son.

Maribel - posted on 01/12/2010

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Im sorry to hear you that you are strugling.. My son is 4 and he was very active and alway hitting other children at school. It got to the point that the teacher would send him home because they couldnt stand him. So started to take him to therapy. His dad and i also attended a class at kaiser called P.O.P.S. (parents of preschoolers) they gave us really good advice and ways to try and see why he was acting the way he was. It has really helped out a lot! Maybe you can get some professional help. I hope this helps.

Angie - posted on 01/12/2010

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I love the advice about taking some time off of work to be with him. No one will understand your son better than you will, no matter how many degrees they have! I have 5 children and my advice to any mom is to over communicate with a calm voice and set your child up for success and not failure. That's where I think the taking time off comes instead of putting him back into an environment where he will fail. He obviously needs some individual attention and his lashing out is for a reason...maybe it's from something going on at home? However, I think some kids just need more attention than we realize...someone to listen to them and to take part in things they are interested in. I have been guilty of tagging my child along to things I enjoy without considering their needs and likes.
The last thing I would advise is to be understanding. It might be hard because he is doing things that don't make much sense to you, but they make sense to him and as his mom you can understand him better than anyone!

Mica - posted on 01/12/2010

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Well my son hasn't ever been violent but he is very very defiant. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. They also believe that he might be OCD when he gets older. All of this was very overwhelming. He would get sent home from school for doing things that could cause him to get hurt (such as climbing on things he shouldn't be) when in reality he is just a very bold and daring child. I think he is going to be an extreme sports specialist when he grows up (god I hope not tho!!) He refuses to listen when he is told NO and absolutely hates it when you hold him back from doing something. He doesn't like to be restrained in anyway ( like holding his hand) he is very independent. He does talk about death like if he is playing super mario on the wii and he dies... but he doesn't talk about killing himself or or others....
The best thing that ever happend to me was the day the dr's finally listend that he was ADHD and I was losing my mind. I never wanted to medicate my child but after behavior management failed, they advocated medication. WHAT a change! SEEK out professional help for your child. He could be ODD (in case you don't know ODD is a defiance disorder - AKA trouble following the rules in the most basic of senses.) or some other issues maybe affecting him. The best thing you can do is demand help from a child psychologist or therapist, even your pediatrician/family doctor. It took me 2 years to get him help - - 2 very long and stressfull years. Explaine to the teachers that you are seeking help and need their total co-operation in his treatment. My teachers were more than willing to accomodate in anyway. Also - The school has to do anything they can to work with his conditions what ever they may be. They are not allowed to treat your child as if he is a problem and refuse to coooperate. It is against the law. You can msg me or add me on here. I will gladly listen and give what ever advice I have come across the past two years. No one should have to go thru something like this with out a support group of people to listen!

Amber - posted on 01/12/2010

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I had some similar problems with my 2 younger boys, they are 5 and 6 years old. At one "meeting" with the principal of the school on the day my youngest flipped out in the gym, and followed that with a 45 minute temper tantrum the principal said something kind of interesting. He said "I'm not sure he can control the behaviour." I contacted my family physician who has sent him to a specialist. It seems that while routine plays a HUGE part in it, if he gets upset, and I don't diffuse the situation pretty quickly, he gets into a "meltdown" and then he really doesn't have control. I'm still waiting for our first appointment with the specialist, so I don't have any answers, I do know that I can identify with how you must be feeling. I've gotten called from work to pick him up, as a single mom, my income is what we rely on, so this isn't good for my family. I feel like Dennis the Menice's mom when trying to find a babysitter. My six year old (who suffers from Asperger's) has threatened to stab babysitters, climb out his window (onto the roof) and jump, run away, he wishes he was dead, etc. I'm not sure he understands the severity of what he's saying, but I do know that it scares me.
I'm still waiting for a number of services to be put in place for the boys, but I know that once I started them on Melatonin, a natural chemical in the brain, to help them sleep, my 6 year old's behaviour improved (due to better sleep, previously he only slept about 5 hours a night), while my 5 year olds behaviour did not improve, but he slept better.
Definitely talk to your doctor girl, it could be as simple as him not liking change, to as complex as an undiagnosed disorder.
Please add me to your support group, I have found that just having another parent to talk to when I just don't know how much more of this I can take, has really helped me cope as a mom.

Amber

Crystal - posted on 01/11/2010

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Ok have you talked with his Dr about what has been going on with him? It could be something that is going on around him expl in school at home or day care. Or it could be something more. I am glade that you have him going to therapy. Its one tool you can use to help you fig out what is going on with him. Don't take no from anyone you are his mother you know what is best for him over anyone out there. don't let people push you around in your quest to help your son. Now your next step will be to think when it all started at what age. make a book that you keep about daily things that happen. also start it with what you can remember. I have a son that has had problems at an early age too. I been to many dr's some telling me that it was in my head and others giving up things from ADHD to Bi polor to defiance disorder and OCD. My son is now 11. Thing over the years have been good and bad as we have relaps with him. he is getting therapy. He is also on meds to help keep him on one lv. this will be a fight for you and at time you will want to stop fighting. don't as your son only has you to fight for him. The link was found for why my son is the way he is. His goes back to his birth. AS some day you will find the link for your son. then from there you can move on to finding a way to help you son. One group my want to check out is Parent to Parent. They will help you out on ur road to helping your son. They will help you understand Laws that schools have to go by in your state. They will even help you out with Dr's that you may have problems with. The more support you can find to help you and your son the better things will get and the easier it will be for you. Find a support group for parents as you need someone to talk with about thing too. Plz add me to ur support group for moms as I have so much to tell you. I been there still going on with it. I will be more than glad to talk with you. your question hit so close to my home I had to put this out to you. Your son reminds me of my son at 5yrs old.

Cara - posted on 01/11/2010

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hello hon

Here are a few things you can try. 1 try finding a day care person that has a few kids and if you ground him make sure the daycare follows the grounding so he knows that it goes with him where ever he is. 2 when he say nasty and mean things wash his mouth out with soap it is mean but he will start to think twice before doing it again and when he does it at daycare the min you get him home wash it out then. 3 when he hits bites kicks do it back to him but make sure it hurts him i know it is mean and nasty to do but some times kids have to learn the hard way let me know if any of them work

Evelyn - posted on 01/11/2010

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As a mum of four boys I can tell you this is a somewhat normal response from a young boy who is not able to express his emotions. It sounds like he's feeling threatened and insecure about all the changes. Try spending some 1 on 1 time every day even if it is only as long as it takes to read a story. Also put in place consequences for the violent behaviour. For example because you hurrt the kitten you will not be able to use the computer or some other thing he enjoys. But remember to reward the behaviour that you want with things like a trip to the park or a new toy car. Hope this helps. And yes it is good to have the back up of a child psychologist but don't jump to quickly to label children because they will be affected for the rest of their lives.

Angie - posted on 01/09/2010

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Your son needs to see a psychologist immediately. He is displaying very troubling behavior that needs to be stopped before someone gets seriously hur

t.

Julie - posted on 01/07/2010

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I would visit a doctor and insist on being referred to a psychologist. There could be an underlying condition no-one's picked up yet. Failing that take a week off work and spend every possible minute with him and see how he behaves. I have a child who goes in cycles of behaviour and when I notice him going downhill again I make a point of doing extra things with him, like baking, games etc and he comes right for another period. Hope things improve for you.

[deleted account]

Sorry I don't have any good books, but I can relate. My now seven year old, then 3-4 year old went through the exact same thing. When I spoke to a 30 year veteran child psychologist about it, he told me that my son was probably feeling like there was nothing in his life he could control except himself. He had just had a lot of changes to deal with, new stepdad, new little brother, new living situation. This psychologist felt as if my son needed to spend more 1 on 1 time with me. Okay, this was not possible since I was working full-time. What did help was changing his daycare to one where he got more one on one attention. It seems my son has attachment issues, and at his previous daycare, the teachers stayed for 3-4 months, then new ones came. So all of the changes really upset my son.

Now at seven he is better able to communicate his issues and he controls himself WAY better, but he still has a lot of frustration and he has difficulty coping with that frustration. In his IEP he receives counseling with the school psychologist once a week. He is about to start receiving outside counseling as well (paid for by the school district - but that's another story). I don't know that the counseling is helping since he only wants to smell the flowers and blow out the candle (take deep breaths) only when I tell him to, but he understands that to keep his friends, he needs to behave around them. To play his playstation he needs to do what the teacher says. To ride his scooter outside - best behavior.

I get the lots of PRAISE advice, but that only goes so far with my son.

Lots of luck to you. Feel free to inbox me.

Tiffany - posted on 01/07/2010

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Jessica,

Wow. I'm sorry to hear about all that has been going on. As a parent we all want our children to behave and be perfect. The reality is sometimes that is not the case being a parent does not come with a handbook or a how to guide. We do the best we can with what we have and know. I think I read that you all have moved a lot. I know that moving and having your routine interrupted can put a strain on anyone, especially for a child. Sometime they don't know what to do or how to communicate what they are feeling so they choose to act out as a result. you said that you will be starting therapy soon and I think that is a great first step. Try talking to him and asking him what he is feeling. It could help. Hope things work out for you.

Kelly - posted on 01/06/2010

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I really don't know what to say..I know u want somebody with answer's and I really don't have any..All I can say is show him lots of love and make sure that when he does do something good PRAISE him like huge..Make a big deal even if its just throwing away a tissue just tell him how much that helped you.. I know I am not giving u answer's but know that us mothers stick together and if u ever need to vent.. Find me on here and vent away..

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