Playing in the neighborhood unsupervised...

Shawnn - posted on 04/19/2013

Diane, that was very nicely stated :-)

Diana - posted on 04/18/2013

Shawnn - You made some good points. I was actually being a little facetious when I originally posted the age and yes, the harsh comments. Reason being: I work with families who do not watch their children and are always getting them taken away. It is so disrupting and traumatizing to the child and family unit when this happens. I just got through dealing with a situation involving a client's unsupervised child that resulted in abuse.
You did make some very good points that I hope those who are seeking answers, finds your post. Often times, even children who demonstrate repsonsibility get tempted to do things or go without permission where they are not supposed to. There are a lot of factors that determine allowing a child to be unsupervised. I like what you said....and am sure it will be helpful.

Shawnn - posted on 04/18/2013

Wow, Diana, no faith in humanity or what?

How about this: YOU keep YOUR kids locked away until they're adults, and then let them loose. See how well that works out for you.

The answer is "when you feel that you have instilled the qualities in your child that you wish them to have". When they can follow directions, and respect boundaries. When they know that you mean business when you set those restrictions and boundaries.

It also depends on the area where you live, and how well you know the neighbors! Each situation is different.

But, bubble wrapping your kids is NOT the way to raise a responsible adult.

Shawnn - posted on 04/18/2013

Wow, Diana, no faith in humanity or what?

How about this: YOU keep YOUR kids locked away until they're adults, and then let them loose. See how well that works out for you.

The answer is "when you feel that you have instilled the qualities in your child that you wish them to have". When they can follow directions, and respect boundaries. When they know that you mean business when you set those restrictions and boundaries.

It also depends on the area where you live, and how well you know the neighbors! Each situation is different.

But, bubble wrapping your kids is NOT the way to raise a responsible adult.

Diana - posted on 04/16/2013

Age 25...........when their frontal cortex is fully developed. The better question you should ask, "How old should my child be before I let him go outside to be badly influenced, bullied, mistreated, sexually assaulted, or murdered?"

Robin - posted on 08/29/2011

I would not let my child go play outside with out me untill he was 10,for the simple reason that there are to many sick people out there.

KRYSTA - posted on 08/28/2011

my son is 12 .. this year i let him leave to go byhimself around to places .. my daughter is 11 .. i let her go to certain places alone but if she wants to go anywhere else .. she needs to have her brother with her or some friends !! i still need to know where they r going , who they are with and if they are a minute late for checking in .... they get a major lecture !! i tell them it is better t be early them to have a stressed out mom wondering what happend to their kid to make them late !! haha but thats just me .. i always tell them that it isnt them i dont trust its other people i dont trust and i dont want anything to happen when im not there to protect them !!

Tara - posted on 08/23/2011

I wouldn't until they are 10-12, unless there is another adult supervising, but then again no one watches your child like you do.

Krissandra - posted on 08/20/2011

Hello My daughter is 7 years old and I dont even let her in our backyard by herself. I try to make alot of time so she can go outside and play with my supervision. there is too much missing children going on these days. its nothing like when I was growing up and you were able to go to your street corner or to the local park. I am sorry to say but I trust nobody. I hope this helps you...

Sylvia - posted on 08/19/2011

I kind of agree with both Sherri and Maggie here. (Although at 6 I certainly *was* allowed to go places in the neighbourhood on my own -- with rules such as "be home by X time" and "tell me where you're going before you leave, and if you go somewhere else from there, call me" and "no crossing X street [the busy street we lived on -- crossing smaller streets was fine]" and so on. Absolutely I was -- my BFF lived right next door, other friends lived down the street or around the corner, and we had each other's phone numbers memorized by the time we were four and were in and out of each other's yards and houses all the freakin' time. My mom was considered a bit paranoid because she insisted on knowing whose house I was going to before I left. (I'm 37, so this was in the late 1970s/early 1980s.) We didn't run wild in the streets or anything, but we were certainly pulling our own toboggans down to playground at the end of the street, sans adults, by the time we were seven or eight. The bigger kids were expected to watch out for the littler ones, which some of us enjoyed and some of us didn't ;).

Context is VERY important in these situations. If the OP lived somewhere like where Sherri lives, I would not have said "sure let him go!" But the fact is ... she doesn't. And she said that in her post. She lives in a condo complex with its own playground, which IME likely means the playground is not right on a busy street, is not super-accessible from outside the complex, is within sight or call of most of the units, etc. Allowing a 6-year-old (unless he's a real wanderer) to play in such a context with "a lot of other kids" does not seem unsafe to me. At all. And I'm kind of flummoxed by the number of people on here to whom it apparently seems terribly dangerous...

Maggie - posted on 08/16/2011

Sherri - I completely agree with you! However, a lot of parents in your situation wouldn't even let their kids ride their bikes unless they were right there with them.
You've set reasonable limits for your children. Given them some freedoms without putting them in unnecessary danger. I'm in complete agreement that not every parenting situation is the same. A lot depends on the environment, the maturity of the child and what they've been taught by the parent.

Sherri - posted on 08/16/2011

Well I am just saying not all areas are conducive to such things. We don't have any other children around us, they are all a car ride away. My kids can not ever leave my st. without an adult till they can drive. It is a busy thoroughfare that I wouldn't even walk as an adult.

So no my kids can't walk to play with other kids, my kids can't walk to the store, my kids can't walk to school etc. My kids can go outside to play by themselves and I never worry. My older two can ride their bikes on our dead end St. but may never leave it. They can climb trees, go sledding etc. However, there will be things they will just never be allowed to do.

It is great that you are comfortable doing this with your own children. However, remember not ever parent is in a situation such as yours.

Maggie - posted on 08/16/2011

Think about it:
Somehow, a whole lot of parents are just convinced that nothing outside the home is safe. At the same time, they’re also convinced that their children are helpless to fend for themselves. While most of these parents walked to school as kids, or hiked the woods — or even took public transportation — they can’t imagine their own offspring doing the same thing.
They have lost confidence in everything: Their neighborhood. Their kids. And their own ability to teach their children how to get by in the world. As a result, they batten down the hatches" (From freerangekids.com)

I say, teach your kids about real dangers, teach them how to react in situations that may occur WITHOUT making them scared of everything. Informed kids are safe kids.
My kids know how to cross the street safely - even without me. My kids know what to do if they can't find me in a store. My kids regularly talk to strangers but would never leave with one. They know what to do if someone tries to take them. They know where they are and are not allowed to go in our neighborhood.

The point is that there is a point when your kids will have to know how to function on their own. The earlier you start the more experience they can get. I'm not saying send your kids out for hours and hours. Try 15 or 20 minutes the first time to see how it goes. Let them learn how to interact with other kids without adults around. Let them learn diplomacy and compromise without adult intervention.

LEAH - posted on 08/16/2011

I say absolutely not. My chidlren are twins 10 months, 4,6 and 15. I would not let my 4&6 month old play outside unsupervised. We live in a fairly large complex and there are always children playing outside unsupervised. They knock ont he door all the time and ask if my kids can come out to play and I nicely tell them not today. If I am not outside to watch them, they do not go.

Your neighborhood being nice and friendly has nothing to do with it IMHO. People always say how they can't believe something like that happened in their nice little cozy neighborhood when a child gets abducted. It can happen in the blink of an eye. I'd rather not take the chance.

Sherri - posted on 08/16/2011

No at 6 I certainly was NOT allowed to be by myself unless in our own yard. I wasn't allowed to leave my yard to play with other kids unsupervised till I was around 11 or 12yrs old. Even then I could never leave the street.

Maggie - posted on 08/16/2011

If there are other children his age out there then let him go! He's old enough to be by himself for a while (weren't you at that age??). You can teach him basic safety rules like "don't leave the playground except to come home" or "don't leave with a stranger" but with other kids around there will likely be no problem. Check out www.freerangekids.com

Side note: my kids, ages 3 and 5, play in the yard for hours at a time. I *wish* we had a playground close by.

Kim - posted on 08/13/2011

Depends on how far away the playground is and how much you trust your child's instincts and ability to follow the rules. Since you live in a complex, it might be more secure than a "typical" neighborhood w/ a public park down the street. I might let my 6 year old go play w/ friends if it was close (i.e. I could see or hear them or very easily pop out the door and go check on him/her). You don't mention if you have a situation where you are unable to go outside and supervise, even if from a distance with a book or something. My older kids still living at home are 8 and 9 and I've just started letting them walk to their friends houses on their own which are about 1.5 blocks away. But our neighborhood has no sidewalks and the road is winding so I worried. The closest park is at least a 15 minute walk so I wouldn't let them go alone. Maybe you could try a trial run with your 6 year old. Explain the rules and let him go, then check on him w/o him seeing you. If things are going well, extend the amount of time each time he goes. He might surprise you. But if it's your neighborhood/neighbors you are worried about, if it's not THAT secure, I'd probably be a little more cautious too.

Janet - posted on 08/12/2011

For me I would'nt why don't you take yourself and go for a walk and watch.... I feel he is too young just yet but that's my opinion.

Jennifer - posted on 08/10/2011

I let my 12 and 14 year olds go hang out with friends in our neighborhood (together). I will hop in my car and ride by now and then to check on them and I make them call me every thirty minutes to check in. My 8 year old, I only let play with friends in my yard for now so I can get to know the kids and their parents. I have alot of children wandering around in our neighborhood from ages 6-16. I like to take walks with my children around the neighborhood so I can get to know alot of the parents and children they are hanging around.

Sylvia - posted on 08/09/2011

Well, if he's with "a lot of kids", he's not alone, right? :)

I would let him go. At six I'd probably sneakily watch from a window, though.

Eva - posted on 08/08/2011

Nope!

LindaJo - posted on 08/07/2011

Nope no way,I am sorry but life is not like it us to be.And if you start going out with your child then you will become the nieghborhood babysitter. You already know you feel its wrong so stick to your feeling.

Raechil - posted on 08/06/2011

I wouldn't allow him to. But you may see about getting together with some of the other parents and see about going out together with the kids. Or find someone to go out with you where you can hang out with them while still being able to see your son.


My parents let me run around because we lived in an appartment and at 6 yrs old we were having rock fights and really hurting each other (I hung out with the boys lol). A boy I played with also broke his leg because another kid got his dads pocket knife and was playin around chasing him.... He tried to jump a bush to get away and landed really wrong.

Just my opinion and personal experience. You do what you feel is best for your son.

Teresa - posted on 08/04/2011

My son is seven and he can't even play in the yard without me being able to see him. I live in the country and people have been known to drive up in my back yard before telling us they are there. I don't trust this world and as long as I can see him, i feel OK. Otherwise, no!

Katrina - posted on 08/04/2011

I will add that I live in the Netherlands and that the new neighborhgood seems very village-like an dattentive.

Katrina - posted on 08/04/2011

I'm going through the same thing. We just moved to a new neighborhood whichh seems populated by kids between 5 and 9 who charge about in groups having fun. My son will be 7 next month. Kids come by constantly asking to take him out to play. So far I ahve always said yes about the playground I can see by opening the front door, but now they want to take him around to whare the street has been dug up so they can all play in sand. The kid who mainly asks seems very responsible and respectful. I think I will let him do it-- but not without trepidation.

Rachel - posted on 08/06/2010

I started neighborhood watch ion my block. My oldest is 12 and I still only let him stay in the yard unless he has a friend over I let him ride bikes on our block. I keep up on the registry at all times. Theres no way in heck I am going to let my kids have free roam at any point in time. Thats not how I haveraised my kids.. the world is a dangerous place!

Christi - posted on 08/04/2010

A lot of things can happen. Do you want to be one of those parents that says I thought he was safe he was with a bunch of friends. Who is to say the friends get tired of playing and go in and your son stays out by himself. I am not comfortable with any age being unsupervised.....too many children get kidnapped at any age or get into big trouble with out supervision. You can be very creative with the supervision so it does not seem like you are watching them. take a book or computer with you and say you need fresh air as well!

Bobbi - posted on 08/04/2010

Yeah my kids play at the playground without me there all the time but like I said I can see them from my living room. They know they are only allowed to go to the playground and back (they usually ride their bikes or scooters along the sidewalk) and if a friends that we both know wants them to play inside they have to ask me first. But he has a cell too so I call them if they get out of my line of sight immediately.

Belinda - posted on 08/04/2010

I think 6 is too young unless your have an older child with him that is keeping an eye on him.

Jennifer - posted on 08/03/2010

My daughter is 8 and I still wont let her go out to the park or neighborhood by herself. I always have her atleast in my line of sight so she doesnt get embarassed about having me out there watching her.
I also have a code with my kids. If someone comes up to them and says your mom or dad said to come with me my kids have to ask them for the code. If that person cant give them the code they are to get away quick. Make it something that only your family would know and only give the code to the people you trust the most and change it often.

Bobbi - posted on 07/20/2010

I agree. They have to stay where I can see them but they are nevero ut alone they always have a friend from one of our neighbors/good friends out there with them.

Christina - posted on 07/20/2010

however, if its a near by friends house or a nice neighbor you have known for a long time then its ok, and the playground in front of or behind your house is ok too, as long as you can see them, if its a friends house that you cant see from your house, then walk or drive your child to that house

Christina - posted on 07/20/2010

my boys are 11 and 10 and i dont let them run around the neighborhood..........mabey i will when they are old enough to drive and they show a sence of responsability

Bobbi - posted on 07/19/2010

My daughter is turning 7 this week and my son will be 10 next month. We live on an Army base and I let my kids play on the playground behind our house without me being out there but I can see them from my living room window. Also our son has a cell phone since its part of our family plan so he can call if there is an trouble but I also call them periodically to check on them.

Holly - posted on 07/17/2010

We live on a cul-de-sac and the kids a couple doors down are constantly asking our almost 8 year-old to come out front to play with them. These are the ground rules we set:

1. She cannot, for ANY reason, leave the confines of the cul-de-sac.
2. She cannot, for ANY reason, play in the street.
3. She cannot, for ANY reason, go into one of the other kids' houses unless she asks us first (and our answer would be no because we don't know any of these kids' parents).
4. She MUST carry, in her pocket, her emergency card with our names, address, and phone number (even though she knows all that info as well, it's always good to have it on her just in case).
5. She wears her "Code Adam" shoes. Code Adam is a new program to help identify kidnapped kids. Apparently, kidnappers can/will change hair color, clothes, accessories, but RARELY change the child's shoes. So, all our kids have their shoes with distinguishing things on them (some people tie a red bead on a shoelace for example).
6. She MUST come home at least every 1/2 hour to check in with us (she wears her watch and is really good at keeping track of the time).
7. She cannot play on neighbor's yards, unless she has permission from the home owner (for example, the people who live in the house between ours and the kids' are fine with the kids running across their lawn, but if they weren't then I would expect my daughter to respect that and walk around on the sidewalk).
8. She MUST come home the first time we call her in. If we have to call her a second time (and we give her about 10 minutes before calling teh second time) then she is not allowed to go play for a week (and longer if it's a repeat offense, but she's only done it once).
9. She cannot, for ANY reason, accept ANY drinks/refreshments/snacks from anyone other than us. I guess we're a lottle paranoid, but better safe than sorry I say!

Those are our basic ground rules on top of all the "stranger danger" stuff and we haven't had any real issues as of yet. Of course, I do periodically walk out there and make sure at least one parent is watching all the kids and if there isn't I just sit in front of my house and keep an eye on all of them myself. But, the parents of the kids who ask my daughter to play are usually sitting in their garage (which they have converted into a really cool lounge/sitting room thing) and watching the kids.

Mary "Jeana" - posted on 07/16/2010

I didn't let my boys play alone outside until they were 10 and they have to be together. We live in a good neighborhood too. I have a 7 year old and he can not go out in the front yard alone. He must be with his older brothers.

Melanie - posted on 07/15/2010

I think 6 is way too young. I've just started allowing my 12 year old (13 in a few days) to go to the park across the street with his friends alone. I don't fear that someone would do something to him, but I'm afraid that he won't use the best judgment when I'm not around. I can picture him running in front of a car, jumping off playground equipment, or breaking something by mistake.

Sherri - posted on 07/15/2010

I am very over protective I let my kids out in our fenced back yard at around 6. But in public or down the street I don't even let my 13 & 11 yr old do that now.

Carol - posted on 07/15/2010

i live in a small estate full of 4 5 and 6 year old boys. im half way up the hill, and there is just like a round of houses at the top with nowhere to go. i let my 5 year old son out happily, knowing that i will see him if he goes past my house, and if i cant see him, he is with his friends in 1 of the 3 houses he is always in. he knows he is grounded if t=he goes down past the house which in a year he done 1 time

Carla - posted on 07/15/2010

All the ladies have answered well. It all depends on your community and your comfort level. Usually your 'gut' will tell you whether you should let your child play unsupervised.

Things have changed since I was raising kids. They played out until dinner, came in scarfed it down, and played again until the street lights came on. It was a different time and a small town.

I do not let my grandchildren play outside unsupervised, period. Nothing that I am doing is more important than keeping them safe. If you need to fix dinner, have him bring the other kids into your back yard where you can keep an eye on them. I would rather be safe than tragically sorry.

Maybe get to know the other mothers of the kids. Organize days when they play at/near your house, next day next to Susie's, day after at Jane's. That way there is some sort of accountability. 6 is awfully young to expect him not to do something stupid. Shoot, I was doing stupid things at 12!

God bless, honey

Julie - posted on 07/14/2010

I tell you that is a good question. I don't know, I am very protective of my boys and I don't know when I will let them go somewhere without being supervised. I probably would wait when they are teenagers and then know where they will be and give a time to come back home. I would just tell her/him they can ask the other child to come to your house and then you know that your child will be watched and you will watch the other kid if his or her mom doesn't come with. I see so many kids in our neighborhood unsupervised and it scares me, we have a very nice neighborhood, but you never know what can happen, they can get hurt or hit by a car, you just never know. I would go with your gutt feeling and stick with that. I hope that helped some.

Barbara - posted on 07/14/2010

I agree with Shannon and Michelle. Let them have a little freedom but of course put limits on it. Make sure they check in often and always know where they are headed. Our children are 7 & 9 and I have let them ride bikes and walk around the neighborhood since we lived here.

Michelle - posted on 07/13/2010

Thank you ladies! All of you make great points. I take him to the playground about every other day, but the other kids never seem to come out! Then later in the day (when I’m busy of course) they all keep comin around. Its weird Lol After asking the question I found out that all the kid that were coming by were all eight and nine, I guess my son just looks way older than he is! I decided that he is to young to roam the block alone but I will allow him to play on the lawn closest to our unit where I can see him clearly out the window. It will be good for him to have some independence and to get him out of my hair for a while ;) Thanks for the advise

Georgetta - posted on 07/13/2010

I never let my son go out even in the backyard unless either myself of my hubby were there. Now that he is 11 he can go to his BFF's home, but has his cell phone and has to call when he gets there, if we don't drop him off, and when he is headed home. Usually we drop him off and pick him up (LOL). I guess it depends on your child and how responsible they are and how safe the area is. My hubby and I set guidelines on where he is to be and with whom and times when he should be back. If any of these things are nor met, then he gets restricted to our house/yard. But we do like my parents did, pop up unexpected or follow you. LOL.

Delta - posted on 07/13/2010

My daughter has played outside without supervision since she was 6 years old. She will be 10 this Aug and our new neighborhood that we have lived at for 2 years now, she runs around all the time with her friends that live on the same block, sometimes she even runs down a block over to her cousins house all the time without us and back home.

Lika - posted on 07/12/2010

invite the kids to come in and play with him if the other parents are ok with that or escort him to the playground because if your not comfortable with even the idea its probably not a good idea

Michelle - posted on 07/12/2010

I am the same way as Shannon and I have lived in many different areas but when we bought each of our homes the safety of the neighborhood was a big priority to me my son was walking by himself to his grandmas which was 6 houses away when he was 4 we did however call her and she would wait out on the sidewalk in front of her house for him. 6 is a little young but as long as you know your neighbors and feel comfortable with him being out kids thrive on independance let's them know they are becoming big. My son is now 9 and rides city transit all by himself to get to school and has done it for the past year. He has his cell phone if he needs it and for the most part the teens that go to his school (which is k-12) that are on the bus make sure he gets off when he is supposed look at the maturity of your child and gauge it from there if they are impulsive and may run off for some reason then no but if they are dependable I don't see why not. Because when you get right down to it your choices are simple 1. let him go 2. go with him or 3. don't let him go and have him mad.

Shannon - posted on 07/12/2010

i have 4 children under 10 and a 16 year old. we live in a trailer park with a ton of other kids and parents. my 4 and 7 year olds are constantly outside, at a neighbors, or in the sand dunes behind our homes. The kids are thier own buddy system.. and we always know where they are. i feel safe with them running the neighborhood because I know the other parents and residents in my area and we all watch out for the kids... btw... there are 22 kids from the age of 16 to 16 months that live here

Gena - posted on 07/11/2010

In my opinion that is much to young to be out alone. And if you chose to let him he needs to use the buddy system and always have a friend, that way they are accountable for each other and some will notice if he has gone missing. And unless you can see him from your window or the condo is gated please don't let him. This makes my stomach sink when I think about it. And I'm sorry but how many times have you seen a child go missing and its the friggin neighbor that has taken them. Some one you've seen a million times so your son doesn't feel have his guard up.